Forgotten Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) (18 page)

What kind of
a selfish man was he really? How could he not see how miserable his wife had been and never saw that he could at least try to help her reconnect with the dreams she desired most. He began to remember again the countless times Natasha would drop a statement to him when she was watching American Idol or when he caught her singing. How blind could he be? And now he saw everything with clarity.

He had decided that h
is life was on Derrien in the house on Manderley. From the day that he had first met Natasha he took her there trying to fit her into his dream, trying to make sure that he honoured the memory of his parents by deciding to live there. It was like the most precious thing he had ever received from them, something they paid for with their lives. He had never thought that he deserved this gift and he had attached himself to the land and the house as though if he left his life would end. How many times had he told Natasha that he never wanted to live in the USA again. How many times did he push away her request to even think about it? Then it was also a constant need to prove to her parents that their marriage was not a mistake and that he could take good care of her.

“Christ Marcus! What happened you look terrible? How did things go with Natasha?
I noticed that you did not come in last night. I thought that meant good news,” said Sheldon as he entered the room.

“Sheldon, I failed. I failed her.”

“No way, tell me what happened,” demanded Sheldon.

“
I thought that we could make it work, but I see now that I still want this whole relationship on my own terms. I’m just going to let her have the divorce.”

“What?
You’re giving up?” asked Sheldon incredulously.

“A man needs to know w
hen he needs to leave, Sheldon. Look I want to be on the first flight back to Derrien Island, let’s get packed,” he said hurriedly trying to keep his emotions from creeping into his voice.

Without another word Marcus walked over to the closet where his clothes hung and began to
take the clothes off the hangers and threw them into his suitcase.

“Marcus
seriously, one conversation with Natasha and you are giving up? I can’t believe this. What could she have said that was so bad?”

“Sheldon, the problem isn’t Natasha, it’s me! I am the problem
and I don’t think that I am the man that she needs. Besides she made it very clear that she does not want me anymore,” he replied sadly.

“
I can’t believe that I am hearing these words coming out of your mouth. You love Natasha and up until yesterday you had me convinced that things would never be over between you and now you are standing here running back to Derrien without her?” said Sheldon angrily.

“Sheldon, she signed a million dollar contract with
Pacific Sun records. She is going to be an international singing star and she has no room in her life for her soon to be selfish ex-husband, Okay!” Marcus roared throwing some pants across the bed.

“
Wow, really? So Lucas really did deliver then didn’t he? replied Sheldon thoughtfully. “But, Marcus I still don’t see why you are leaving and I know you don’t want to be her ex,” replied Sheldon.

“Yeah
, well it is a word that I am beginning to see will soon apply to me. I knew how she felt all these years about the opportunity that she missed out on and I never encouraged her to go forward and try again. I wanted her all to myself, I wanted to keep working at the restaurant and I wanted to live in Manderley and I wanted to impress her parents that I could give her a better life than they ever could.”

“But you
do have a wonderful life on Derrien, Marcus and there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your wife,” argued Sheldon.

“That’s just it! It’s
the way I want my life, those are my choices, those are the things I wanted, not hers! Natasha gave up her dreams to be with me and I never showed her that I recognized her sacrifice. I think that it is time that I get out of her way and let her live the life she wants to live. I need to let her go!”

Sheldon was about to respond but Marcus stopped him.

“Please, don’t say anything more. I know that you came out here to support me and you have really been a good friend but I am leaving today,” said Marcus with a tone of finality and with that he continued packing his bags. His mission here was over and it was an abysmal failure.

Four months later

“Move closer to him
Natasha, he won’t bite you!” shouted the director on the set of Natasha’s music video. The record label was filming her first single “
Fire Heart
” today and it was not going very well at all.

Natasha steeled herself inside against the frustration that was beginning to surface
once again. It had been four months since she signed the contract and she was on her way to building her image and her brand. She knew that she had little to no artistic control over her music videos but this was ridiculous. Here she was clad in nothing but a tiny fire red bikini with her arms and legs wrapped around a tall muscular Adonis who seemed to be of Greek descent. Any woman would probably have relished the idea of being this close to such an attractive and sexy model but she shuddered inside every time she touched him.

The other stars made this look so easy but it was anything but
that. She would have to take on an entirely new personality just to make this believable especially with the close up shots. Lately, she was really thinking over her rash decision to sign her contract knowing that they wanted to portray her as this overtly sexy character.

“Come on love, he’s right, I won’t bite you at least not on this set!
We can arrange something for later though,” whispered the model stroking her leg suggestively.

“That’s it, I need a break  Graham, I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now, said Natasha disentangling herself quickly and grabbing her robe and tying it tightly
around her waist before going to her seat and gulping large mouthfuls of water. Being harassed, being touched by that man as though she was some kind of low class slut was more than she could take right now!

There was silence on the set as everyone stared at her with their mouths open. No one walked off a Graham Chaucer set without being instructed to
do so. Not if they wanted to have a career at least! She knew she was walking a thin line right now and the label was already threatening to cancel the contract if she didn’t finalize her divorce and step into the image they were creating to market her as an artist. It was moments like that and like now when she felt even more powerless than she did back on Derrien. She had no say, in fact by signing that contract she was now owned by Pacific Sun and they meant to collect on their investment. She was to become the newest sexy young single artist who would make men salivate and women wish they were her.  She had a complete makeover from her new hair extensions, to the smoky tones her makeup artist like her to wear in public to the daring and revealing outfits she was expected to wear. She wanted to sing, not to sell her soul. She was a pastor’s kid for goodness sakes, her parents and not to mention all her friends and family back on Derrien would be shocked at what she was being asked to do.

She could feel the heat of Graham’s eyes boring into the side of her face and she flinched when he shouted,

“Clear this set now!”

Hoping he meant everyone including her,
Natasha started to stand up to leave as well but was abruptly stopped by Graham’ s harsh tone as he addressed her roughly.

“Not you miss superstar
wannabe; you sit your pretty little behind down in that chair!”

Natasha looked up at Graham then as he barrelled toward her with his expression as black as a thunderhead.
The other workers on the set scurried out of his way because according to the stories she’d heard before, when he lost his temper the fits were no less than legendary. It looked like today she was about to find out all about it first-hand.

“Who the hell do you think you are princess?”
he seethed.

“I..,” began Natasha trying to find an appropriate response but Graham cut her off.

“In case, you did not know it yet, you are on a Graham Chaucer music project. Some of the biggest artists in the music industry wish they could contract me for one of their projects and simply can’t. Your boss, my good friend, called in a favour to get me to direct your first video because he believed you were the next big thing, but since I‘ve met you all I’ve seen is a spoilt, unimaginative, uncooperative liability to Pacific Sun. Yes, you can sing but in this industry singing is second to your ability to perform and to sell who you are. You my dear are a voice with nothing else to offer and if you think I am going to take your lack of ability to follow my directions lightly you can think again. You have one last chance to impress me because I don’t come cheap and right now being here directing the likes of you, is insulting to my skill and a waste of my time. Get back on that set right now or I will bury your career so far underground that not even the most determined miner will be able to find it. I will finish you before you are even started, do you hear me?” he roared as the veins bulged in his neck and forehead and drops of saliva spewed from his mouth as he ranted.

Natasha shrank back in her chair as she received this verbal assault
. Nothing that she’d ever experienced in her life compared to this abuse.  She couldn’t leave because she signed a contract and also leaving would be an admission of defeat. It wouldn’t just be for her but for everyone who knew her and the lengths she took just to be here.  As Graham continued to order her back onto the set, the embarrassment and shame at being berated like this in public spilled over as tears flowed from her eyes now smudging her makeup. Great, now she would have to be made over and the makeup artist was already high strung and very sensitive about his work. She just wanted to go back to her apartment and crawl under the sheets and hide. It did not make things any better now that she was missing Marcus and her home and family every day with every fibre of her being. She felt so alone and so helpless right now!

“Jannes, come and fix this makeup! I swear she is going to cause me to have a stroke today!” shouted Graham into the wings of the set where the other employees were obviously waiting shrouded in the shadows!

“Get up and go to makeup, you have ten minutes to look presentable and when you return to set, I want to see a woman deeply in love with her man, who can’t get enough of him. I want to see passion and life and a major attitude adjustment!” he said before stalking off muttering to himself.

Natasha stood up woodenly and
went over to sit in the makeup chair struggling to get her emotions under control. Jannes appeared by her side and unlike earlier, his expression was now one of sympathy. He took out his tools and dried her face with a tissue.

“Can I offer you some advice?” he asked.

“Right now, I could use some helpful advice!” replied Natasha tearfully.

“I’ve been
doing makeup for record label video shoots for about seven years now and I have seen and heard a lot in that time. I can see that you are struggling to get into your role and it is hard for many artists as well but unfortunately it is what makes you or breaks you in this industry. If people don’t believe the chemistry in the video, you won’t sell music,”

“I’m trying my best!” said Natasha defensively.

“Well, it’s not good enough, not for Graham and believe it or not he has the power to blackball you with one negative reference. He also has the power to launch your career into the stratosphere if you play your cards right. This is about acting, performing and pretending. None of it is real, but the people that watch you want to believe that it is. You are selling a story not your voice. You need to find a memory of someone you loved or were attracted to and focus on that. Pretend the model is that person and put on the show of your life!” said Jannes now retouching the colour around her eyes.

There was only one person who fit that bill right now and she was expected to divorce him. Despite all that happened between them she had no difficulty conjuring up his face in her mind or
the memories of them making love or spending time together. Their last encounter in her apartment was surely engraved into her mind; the many times she replayed it longingly wishing things could have been different. But Jannes had a point; she could either give up now and make it all worthless or find someone to focus on.

“Okay, everyone back on set, we will be starting again from the scene where Natasha is clinging to Justin,” shouted Graham from his director’s chair across the set.

“Its show time, so let us see what you’ve got!” said Jannes.

She had to do
this; she had to make this convincing! This would not be over before she had the opportunity to start. So as she walked back over she began to recall a time early in her marriage when she decided to surprise Marcus one afternoon when he got home from work for his birthday! They had been married for just three years by then and she’d bought a brand new red lingerie set which looked a lot like the red bikini she was wearing in this scene.