Friday Barnes 3 (3 page)

Half an hour later, Dr Barnes was driving the two girls back to school. The Headmaster had been delighted to offer Dr Barnes a short-term teaching position. The Parents Association would be impressed to have a man with two doctorates on staff, the teachers would be terrified that the new substitute teacher was wildly more qualified than any of them, and the students would be given an insight into just how much they didn't know about physics.

It was always good for teenagers to be reminded of the depths of their ignorance. The Highcrest Academy student body had, in the Headmaster's opinion, an unhealthily high level of self-esteem. Teenagers were meant to be awkward and self-conscious. It wasn't good for them to be allowed to think they knew everything. Convincing his students that they didn't know everything was usually an impossible task. You needed a jackhammer and wrecking bar to try to make the tiniest crack in their egos. The Headmaster hoped that Dr Barnes would be that jackhammer.

‘I've never been away from your mother for so long,' worried Dr Barnes.

‘It's only six weeks,' said Friday.

‘But what if she meets somebody?' asked Dr Barnes.

‘You're worried she'll fall in love with someone else?' asked Friday.

‘Love?!' exclaimed Dr Barnes. ‘Goodness, no. I hadn't thought of that. But I doubt she would. Doesn't sound like her.'

‘Then what are you worried about?' asked Melanie.

‘What if she meets another physicist?' worried Dr Barnes. ‘Someone with different insights, fresh
theories. What if she starts collaborating on research papers with them, behind my back?'

‘There are lots of fish in the sea,' said Melanie. ‘Or, in this case, physicists in the sea. You could collaborate with someone else too.'

Dr Barnes shook his head. ‘I couldn't do it. There's only one scientist I want checking my algorithms – and that's Dr Barnes.'

Melanie looked to Friday. ‘Your father refers to his wife by her job title?'

‘They think it's important to maintain formality,' said Friday.

‘I take everything back,' said Melanie. ‘It's amazing you're as normal as you are.'

‘I know,' agreed Friday. She patted her father on the hand. ‘Everything is going to be all right. You'll come and stay at the school for a few weeks while Mum finishes her lecture tour. The school will give you three square meals a day. It'll do you good.' Friday turned to Melanie to explain. ‘Mum and Dad got scurvy last year from only eating two-minute noodles.'

As they turned into the school's driveway Friday's heart warmed. It felt good to be coming home. Her actual childhood home, which they'd just come from, had always felt cold and empty to her. Here at Highcrest Academy she had a place, a function, plus she had access to hot meals. She felt safer just being inside the gates again.

‘Why are there so many people standing on the front steps?' asked Melanie.

Friday's eyesight was not as good as Melanie's, but as they drew closer she could see the entire student body was assembled on and around the front steps of the school.

‘Could it be some sort of evacuation drill?' asked Friday.

‘We had a real fire yesterday,' Melanie reminded her, ‘so we won't be needing a fire drill again for ages.'

‘There's a sign hanging from the roof,' said Friday. ‘Can you read it?'

‘It says …' Melanie strained to see, the lettering getting larger as they grew nearer. ‘
Welcome
.'

‘Do you think they've got the whole school out to welcome us back?' asked Friday. ‘We've only been gone for one afternoon.'

‘Also, we irritate people,' added Melanie. ‘If they were going to put their feelings towards us in banner form it would be more likely to read,
Oh, it's you.'

‘Wait, there's some smaller writing underneath,' said Friday. ‘It says,
Welcome … Princess Ingrid.'

Dr Barnes pulled up in front of the main building.

‘Dad, you can't stop here,' said Friday. ‘You need to park in the staff car park.'

‘I do?' said Dr Barnes. ‘But there are so many people here. It would be rude not to say hello.'

‘Since when have you ever worried about being rude?' asked Friday.

There was a rap at the window. The Vice Principal was glaring in. ‘Kindly move your vehicle. We are waiting for a VIP!'

‘A VIP?' asked Dr Barnes. ‘Is that some sort of astronomical event, like an asteroid shower?'

‘He means a Very Important Person,' explained Friday. ‘Come on, Dad, if you turn around the side of the building, the staff car park will be just ahead.'

‘Don't they have valet parking?' asked Dr Barnes.

‘Our school is posh, but it's not that posh,' said Melanie.

‘Oh, very well.' Dr Barnes stamped on the accelerator and turned the key but nothing happened. He kept stamping on the accelerator. ‘It won't go!'

‘That's because you've flooded the engine,' said Friday. ‘Have you even had this car serviced since I left home?'

‘You have to service a car?' asked Dr Barnes.

‘I'll take that as a
no
,' said Friday. ‘Stop stamping on the accelerator. Give it a moment and try again.'

The Vice Principal was tapping on the window again. ‘You must move this car, now!' he ordered.

‘We're trying,' said Friday, ‘but the engine is flooded. If you want us to move, you'll have to push us.'

Dr Barnes was stamping on the accelerator again.

‘Dad, stop doing that, you're making it worse,' said Friday.

In the distance they could hear police sirens.

‘They've called the police?' said Melanie. ‘The Vice Principal is getting very strict these days.'

The car suddenly lunged forward. Friday looked around to see the entire rugby team locked in a scrum pushing the car. Although they probably should have told Dr Barnes what they were doing first because,
being a deeply silly man, he panicked. He lifted his hands off the steering wheel and the car slowly veered in an arc crashing into the marble statue of Socrates, which stood alongside the driveway. The sound of the elderly car making contact with the hard marble made a loud crunch.

The police sirens were growing louder the whole time, which was a good thing because it drowned out the Vice Principal yelling at Dr Barnes as they all got out of the wrecked car. Suddenly two police motorcycles swooped over the crest in the driveway and sped round the circular route to the front of the building. A long black limousine followed close behind.

The limousine parked right in front of the steps. The door opened and a large muscular man in a grey suit stepped out. He touched his ear as though listening on an earpiece, and looked all around before stepping back to hold the rear door open.

For a moment nothing happened. Then a beautiful blonde girl emerged from the car. She wore jeans, a short-sleeved blouse, a pink crystal necklace and pink sneakers – much the same as any other student at the school (except for Friday, who preferred ugly
brown cardigans and a green pork-pie hat). But even such ordinary clothes could not diminish the fact that this girl was stunningly gorgeous.

The Headmaster stepped forward and bowed to the blonde girl. Friday had never seen a grown man who wasn't Japanese bow before.

‘Welcome to Highcrest Academy, Your Highness,' said the Headmaster.

‘Your Highness?' Friday whispered to Melanie.

‘She must be the princess,' said Melanie.

‘But this isn't a Disney movie,' whispered Friday. ‘Princesses don't just pop up out of nowhere.'

‘No,' agreed Melanie. ‘It would be alarming if they did.'

Friday peered closer. ‘She must be … Princess Ingrid of Norway.'

‘What makes you say that?' asked Melanie.

‘The necklace she's wearing. I've read that the Norwegian heir to the throne wears the Haakon Stone around their neck at all times,' said Friday. ‘It's a tradition that dates back to the fourteenth century. The pink crystal would be a diamond.'

‘I didn't know diamonds were crystals,' said Melanie.

‘They're a type of crystal,' said Friday. ‘Carbon so tightly compressed it forms a crystalline structure.'

‘On behalf of everyone here at Highcrest Academy, welcome to our school,' the Headmaster formally announced.

The princess nodded her acknowledgement.

The Headmaster turned. ‘If you come with me, Your Highness, I will show you to your room.'

The princess started to follow the Headmaster into the building. She ignored the three hundred students openly staring at her. But her eye caught the steaming car wreck pressed against the undamaged statue.

‘What is this, I wonder?' asked the princess. She had a thick Norwegian accent. ‘Is it some sort of artwork? A public sculpture of found objects, perhaps?'

The Headmaster looked at the car wreck. ‘Yes, it is a metaphor for how I feel at the end of a long term.'

Suddenly there was a loud
bang
from the engine. The bonnet buckled up and smoke began to pour out from the sides. There was a flash of movement as the bodyguard rushed across the driveway and slammed into Ian, knocking over a dowdy girl behind him.

‘Hey, I didn't do anything!' protested Ian.

‘It's all right,' called Friday, stepping forward to intervene. ‘It's just a poorly maintained car with leaking flammable fluids. Nothing sinister.'

‘Sorry, my mistake,' said the bodyguard, straightening himself up. ‘I thought I saw the boy acting suspiciously.'

‘It wouldn't be the first time,' said Melanie.

‘I was just standing here,' argued Ian. ‘She's the one who brought the dangerous automobile with the lunatic driver.' He pointed at Friday.

The Headmaster glared at her. ‘Barnes, Pelly, wait for me outside my office.'

‘We didn't do anything,' protested Friday.

But the Headmaster had already turned and was leading Princess Ingrid into the main building. As soon as they disappeared inside, the assembled students started chattering excitedly amongst themselves.

‘Right, all of you,' yelled the Vice Principal, ‘get back to class!'

The student body started to disperse, except for Ian, who sidled over to Friday.

‘Quite an entrance,' he said.

‘I wasn't the one driving,' said Friday.

‘No, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?' said Ian.

Dr Barnes was staring at the caved-in front of his car, as if he couldn't work out how it had happened. Friday noticed he was wearing a brown cardigan that was almost identical to her own. She sighed. ‘I don't think Dad is used to seeing the practical application of physics at such close hand.' She raised her voice to call out to him, ‘Force equals mass times acceleration, hey, Dad?'

‘What?' said Dr Barnes looking up. ‘Yes, I suppose so, but I don't understand why anyone would put a statue right here.'

‘I think they expect you to drive around it, sir,' said Ian. ‘By staying on the driveway.'

Dr Barnes looked down at his feet. The tyres of his car had cut big gashes into the lawn. ‘Yes, my car breached protocol.' He nodded as if that explained it. ‘I suppose I'd better find my quarters.' Dr Barnes wandered off. Having come to terms with how the accident had occurred, it did not cross his mind that he should take responsibility for the removal of the car.

‘I can see why you wanted to come to boarding school,' said Melanie sympathetically. ‘Looking after your father is like looking after a pet. Except you can't lock him in the backyard.'

Friday and Melanie sat outside the Headmaster's office for a long time. Melanie used the opportunity to catch up on sleep. She'd already had a ninety-minute nap during the car ride, but Melanie never let a little thing like being well-rested stop her from slipping off to sleep again. Friday privately suspected that her roommate had not entirely recovered from being bitten by a tsetse fly the previous summer.

Friday used the opportunity to reflect on her busy morning. It wasn't every day that her mother became a Nobel laureate, a princess enrolled in her school, and she was involved in a car accident. She noted that she was starting to feel one of the classic symptoms that followed any adrenalin rush – sleepiness. But unlike Melanie, Friday was unable to reconcile herself to the discomfort of the bench. She was just considering lying down on the linoleum floor when the Headmaster bustled into view at the end of the corridor. Friday elbowed Melanie in the ribs.

‘What?' asked Melanie, drowsily.

‘The Headmaster's here,' said Friday.

‘He'll be more interested in talking to you,' said Melanie. ‘Wake me if he wants me.' She closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep again.

Friday stood to meet the Headmaster. ‘Inside,' he snapped.

Friday followed him into his office, shutting the door behind her.

‘You had to stuff everything up, didn't you?' said the Headmaster.

‘What?' asked Friday.

‘The princess's bodyguard is all worked up,' said the Headmaster. ‘He thinks your father crashing into the statue was a terrorist attack.'

‘He's just a bad driver,' said Friday.

‘Yes, I finally convinced Mr Rasmus of that,' said the Headmaster. ‘I introduced him to your father and it was immediately self-evident that he wasn't capable or coherent enough to have a political ideology. But still, couldn't you have let me have one quiet afternoon? I get a princess from the Norwegian royal family to enrol here for six weeks, which is a huge coup for the school. It's the best publicity we've ever had. And the first day is blighted by a traffic accident.'

‘No-one will know,' said Friday. ‘There wasn't any press around.'

‘Word will get out,' said the Headmaster. ‘I might have banned all electronic devices from the school, but I can't stop students from writing letters. This isn't a prisoner-of-war camp.'

‘I think some of the parents would be happier if it were,' said Friday. ‘Why did a Norwegian princess want to come to our school anyway? Has she done something wrong in her homeland? Has she been banished?'

‘Banished?!' exclaimed the Headmaster. ‘I forbid you to get that rumour started. No, she
wanted
to come here. Our school's polo program is the second-best in the world.'

‘Why didn't she want to go to the school with the best polo program?' asked Friday.

‘It's in Argentina,' explained the Headmaster. ‘The king wouldn't have allowed that. You've seen how pretty the princess is. If she was surrounded by Argentinian polo players, she'd be sure to run off with one of them. It's what princesses always do in romance novels.'

‘I'll have to take your word for it,' said Friday.

‘She's here to compete in the Trumpley Cup, our annual match against Pontworth Manor Preparatory School,' said the Headmaster. ‘It's the highest standard of high school polo played in the country.'

‘I wouldn't have thought there was much high school polo played in the country,' said Friday. ‘It must be right up there with the competitive flushing enormous amounts of money down the toilet.'

‘Look, I'm very pleased to have your father here,' said the Headmaster. ‘Having a scientist of his calibre on staff will look very good in the prospectus, but I expect you to keep an eye on him and keep him out
of trouble. It's probably a good thing he has smashed his car. He won't be able to accidentally run over any students now.'

‘But he's my father,' said Friday. ‘He's not my responsibility. I'm supposed to be
his
responsibility.'

‘Do you really wish your roles were reversed?' asked the Headmaster.

‘No, I suppose not,' said Friday. ‘All right, I'll keep an eye on him.'

‘Good,' said the Headmaster, standing up. ‘I've got a meeting. There's another girl starting today. Poor thing, no-one is going to notice she's arrived. She just got knocked over by Mr Rasmus when he was crash-tackling Ian. Still, I have to give her the standard welcome talk.' The Headmaster glanced at his watch, or, rather, he glanced at his wrist because his watch wasn't there.

‘Where's my watch?' asked the Headmaster.

‘Did you put it on this morning?' asked Friday.

‘Of course,' said the Headmaster. ‘I always wear a watch. You know how much I enjoy chiding people for being tardy.'

‘Was the strap old?' asked Friday. ‘Could it have fallen off?'

‘No, it was a new strap and a new watch,' said the Headmaster. ‘It can't have broken. It's one of those fancy new computer watches that can take photos and record conversations.'

‘Then there's only one alternative,' said Friday.

‘What?' asked the Headmaster.

‘Someone stole it,' said Friday.

‘That's just what I need!' said the Headmaster. ‘On the same day that a royal princess arrives one of the students decides to become a thief.'

‘Or one of the teachers,' said Friday.

‘And the princess is wearing the Haakon Stone,' said the Headmaster. ‘It's almost more valuable than she is. I wish I could just put her and her necklace in a vault so I'd know they were safe.'

‘Perhaps your watch was stolen because of something you recorded on it,' said Friday. ‘An incriminating photograph or conversation.'

‘Well, I know I had it on when I was waiting for the princess to arrive because I kept checking it,' said the Headmaster.

‘It isn't easy to steal a watch right off someone's wrist,' said Friday. ‘You need to get very close and you need to distract your target.'

‘But I would have noticed,' said the Headmaster.

‘Who have you shaken hands with?' asked Friday.

‘Um …' said the Headmaster, ‘the princess … her bodyguard … the other new girl … your father …'

‘Well, he wouldn't have done it,' said Friday.

‘I don't see how he is a less likely suspect than a royal princess,' said the Headmaster.

‘What about Ian Wainscott?' asked Friday.

‘Your boyfriend?' asked the Headmaster.

‘He's not my boyfriend,' protested Friday.

‘It's all right,' said the Headmaster. ‘It's not against school rules. You're allowed to have a boyfriend.'

‘But I don't,' said Friday.

‘Well, you're always together,' said the Headmaster. ‘If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck –'

‘It's a duck, not a boyfriend,' interrupted Friday.

‘All right, all right,' said the Headmaster. ‘No need to get snappy with me.'

‘Sorry,' said Friday. ‘I just mentioned Ian because he can do sleight of hand magic. He knows how to lead the eye.'

‘Well, I didn't shake hands with him,' said the Headmaster. ‘Although, now that you mention it, he
did grab my sleeve to catch my attention when he spotted you coming up the driveway.'

‘Typical,' said Friday.

‘But a lot of students were standing close by,' said the Headmaster. ‘I was distracted. Any one of them might have taken it.'

‘Let me see your wrist,' said Friday.

‘Why?' asked the Headmaster.

‘Because it's the scene of the crime,' said Friday, taking her magnifying glass out of her pocket.

The Headmaster felt uncomfortable having a student take him by the hand and inspect him so closely.

‘Tsk, tsk, tsk,' said Friday.

‘What?' asked the Headmaster.

‘According to this school's anaphylaxis policy, no-one is meant to have nut products on school grounds,' said Friday. ‘But from the brown stain on your cuff, I can see you ate peanut butter for breakfast.' She sniffed his cuff. ‘Yes, definitely peanut butter.'

The Headmaster snatched his hand away. ‘Must you sniff everything?!'

‘Let me have another look,' said Friday. ‘Come on, you know it's in your best interest if I see if there are any clues.'

The Headmaster reluctantly held out his hand, again.

Friday looked at the back of his wrist then turned it over and looked at the inside. She carefully inspected every centimetre. The red compression marks where the band had been were still clearly visible, so the watch had not been gone for long. ‘You're very lucky, Headmaster,' said Friday.

‘Why?' said the Headmaster. ‘How can I be lucky when I've just lost an expensive watch?'

‘Because you could have easily had a very nasty accident,' said Friday. ‘Whoever stole your watch was able to do it so swiftly and unnoticed because they cut it off with something extremely sharp.'

‘How do you know that?' asked the Headmaster.

‘Look,' said Friday, handing her magnifying glass to him. ‘The hair on one side of your wrist has been shaved off right here.' She pointed to a small, smooth spot on the side of the Headmaster's wrist.

‘What?' said the Headmaster.

‘Your watch was cut off with a razor-sharp blade,' said Friday. ‘If the thief had misjudged even slightly, he or she might have severed your artery, causing you to rapidly lose a massive amount of blood.'

The Headmaster turned pale. ‘Who would do such a thing?'

‘Someone careless, carefree or desperate,' said Friday. ‘Would you like me to get to the bottom of it?'

‘I'd like my watch back,' said the Headmaster.

‘I'll investigate,' said Friday.

‘Before you go, Barnes,' said the Headmaster, ‘there's something you should know.'

‘That sounds ominous,' said Friday.

‘You've got a new next-door neighbour,' said the Headmaster.