From Fake to Forever (11 page)

“That’s right,” the woman barked, making Sandra jump. “He’s worth millions. He won’t settle for less.”

Sandra’s interest suddenly was caught. Was the agent talking about Ben? Was Ben really worth millions? Of course he was. She’d forgotten about the kind of life he had back in California. Forgotten he wasn’t a normal good-looking man she and her daughter enjoyed spending time with. She walked over and sat at her desk and tried not to look as if she was eavesdropping.

“Good,” his agent said into the phone. “Look, I gotta go. Sure. Maybe lunch.” She ended the phone call and rolled her eyes at Sandra. “Yeah, right. Like I’d be caught dead having lunch with a hack like that.”

Sandra just smiled politely, hoping the woman wasn’t looking for a comment.

Without the resemblance of a smile or anything at all heartwarming, the woman stuck out her hand. “I’m Ben Capshaw’s agent, Denise Marsters. You can call me Denise. I was the one who set everything up with you to have him come here.”

“Oh, that was my sister, Melissa, who set everything up.”

“So you’re…
Sandra
Moyer, then?”

“Yes.”

Ben’s agent sat back and looked at her as if she was trying to soak that piece of information in. “It’s very nice to meet you. Ben’s told me a little bit about you.”

Her heart shifted rhythm. “He did?”

“Sure. Ben mentions all his…
friends
to me. But then again, he makes friends fast. He’s a great guy and one of my favorite clients. He’s practically a so—uh, younger brother to me. But that’s not the reason I’m here. The real reason I came here is to apologize if there were any inconveniences to your business and to thank you for your hospitality.”

“Oh, there wasn’t any—”

“Great. I hoped there weren’t problems. I suppose he’ll be missed all the more after today, then.”

“After today?”

Denise snapped her fingers. “Oh, right. That’s the other reason I’m here, to tell you he’s done ahead of schedule. His publicist has some things lined up for him, and since he can’t be in two places at once…”

Sandra’s heart sank, and she felt Ben missing from her life already. She still wanted a few more days with him. “He’s leaving? Today? But Ben never said a word to me—I mean, us. Any of us.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because he didn’t know. I haven’t had a chance to tell him. But he understands business is business. As I’m sure you understand, being a business owner yourself. Besides, he’s more than ready to move on, in my opinion, anyway. He’s going to make a great dad.”

She swallowed hard. “A great dad?”

“Sure. You know, the movie role. He’s up for the part of a father of a four-year-old in need of a heart transplant. Mostly due to my hard work, thank you very much. It’s got high-level drama written all over it. And now, because of you and your school, Ben’s gotten some great experience with children. Oh, and thanks for the extra time you gave him with your daughter. I know he really appreciates that.”

Extra time I gave him?
Every part of Sandra turned to ice. “He wanted experience?” she managed to ask.

His agent finally cracked a smile. “Honey, why did you think he was here in the first place, because he was going to be doing a remake of the movie
Big
? Not that he couldn’t do that movie blindfolded, by the way.”

“I…I just assumed…” What had she assumed? She’d known full well he would be playing the part of a father who had a child with cancer. But never in a million years had she thought he would use her and her daughter for added help in preparing for the role.

“Well, now you know. When you see him accepting his Oscar, you can say you had a small part in it.” Denise pulled out an envelope from her briefcase. “Here’s an extra little thank-you for everything. Don’t worry, you’ll be getting paid for the time he would have normally been here. And if Ben does the movie, we can even give you and your staff tickets to the premiere if you’d like. How does all that sound?”

It sounded horrendous, but she wisely kept her mouth shut. Her mind was still trying to sort out what was going on. Had Ben been spending extra time with them, helping out, just to get more training? Was his career the only thing he’d been thinking about? She had trusted him. She’d come to care for him. Only to have their entire relationship rendered meaningless in an instant. Was all that talk of friendship for real, or was it all an act to him? The answer she came up with made her feel ill.

Her mind hadn’t registered to take the envelope from Denise’s hand, so Denise laid it on her desk. “You can let me know whatever you decide,” she said. “My card is in there.” She snapped her briefcase together in one swift movement and stood, business obviously concluded. “Thanks again, Sandra. You’ve been a real sweetheart. I have an appointment to get to in the city or I’d stay and chat with Ben, so remind him to turn his cell phone back on after class and I’ll be in touch.”

Sandra was thankful she could stand up on legs that felt like cooked spaghetti and shake the woman’s hand. Her chest hurt. And after Denise left the office, she stood there, not knowing whether to scream or hide or march up to him and have it out.

How could he? How could he use her, use her
daughter
? Her hand shook as she pressed it against her forehead, but she was determined to stay in control. Unflappable, her butt. Anger simmered instead, ready to erupt. But it was a welcome emotion—less chance of tears that way. That was a good thing, because after all this, she wasn’t about to shed one drop over another phony like him.

A light knock only slightly pulled her from her whirlwind of emotions. She had no idea how much time had gone by while she’d wrestled with what to do next. “What?” she called out.

Ben casually walked in, waving a paper. “You have to see this picture Hannah drew,” he said, smiling. “I don’t know what’s supposed to be considered good for her age, but this to me is first-grade level.”

He held up the picture to her like a proud parent, which only sickened her further. She didn’t bother to look at it. She couldn’t remove her gaze from his face. As much as she had seen his face in magazines and on the movie screen, as much as she had touched and even kissed it, it was as though she were seeing him for the first time.

And he was a stranger.

“Hey,” he said, laying a hand on her shoulder. “You look like you could kick a cat. Something wrong?”

She pulled away from his reach, but his hand didn’t automatically drop down. “How could you?” she asked. She kept her voice calm and in deadly control. “Weren’t you getting enough character preparation here during regular school hours?”

He met her question with a blank stare.

Feeling malicious, she laughed in his face. “What’s the matter, Ben? Forget to memorize your lines today?”

Ben tossed Hannah’s picture on her desk with an irritable frown. “Okay, I give up. I don’t know what you’re talking about, so you’re going to have to fill me in.”

“I’ll be happy to fill you in,” she said calmly. “You lied to me. You lied to my daughter. And I’ll never forgive you for something like that.”

…

Ben stared at Sandra, a cold rush of dread leaving him temporarily speechless. If she had slapped him in the face, it wouldn’t have surprised him more. He would have preferred that to the icy retort she threw at him instead.

Choosing his words carefully, he tried to make some sense out of what was going on. “Sandals, I—”

“
Don’t
call me that.” When she spoke, she met his gaze squarely, but he couldn’t help but notice how pale her face looked despite all her controlled poise. “Was the nickname part of your research, too? Will you be using that in your movie? It’s much more inventive than Sandy, I have to say.”

He moved closer but resisted the urge to touch her again—he didn’t fool himself into thinking it would in any way comfort her, or be welcomed. “Look, slow down. What are you talking about? Who told you I lied to you?”

“Your agent. She graced me with her presence a few minutes ago.”

“Denise was here?”

She snorted. “It’s interesting how your initial reaction is to ask about your agent instead of denying you lied. I guess that shows where your real concern rests.”

“My real concern?” He heaved a frustrated sigh. “Wait. I’m confused. What exactly did Denise say?”

“Don’t worry. She didn’t utter one bad thing about you. I was able to deduce all nefarious details on my own when she told me the kind of things you would do to practice for that father role you’re after.”

She sounded so accusing he had to rein in his own temper. “So?” he responded, hiking his shoulders. “You knew why I was here from day one.”

She gasped. “You admit it.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Sandra, tell me what you think is so important that I should have admitted to you.”

Her eyes flashed with anger. “You using me and my daughter for research so you can get your precious Oscar. I was such a fool thinking you suddenly wanted to spend all this time with us. But all you cared about was that movie part. If you don’t think you should have been up front about that, then you’ve got a strange sense of what is and isn’t important. You’ve obviously had too much California sun.” She took a step toward the door, but he shifted in front of her and blocked her with his body.

“Wait, just a second. You’re blowing this way out of proportion. I never used you or Hannah. I would never do that. You have to believe me. You—both of you—mean the world to me.”

“I bet. You’re indebted to us for helping your career, that’s all. And after last night…after all that talk about friendship…” A bitter laugh escaped her lips. “I guess I should be even more grateful to you for ending that kiss. What happened, Ben, get a bad case of morality? Well, pardon me if I don’t say thank you.”

Blown away she would think so little of him, he grabbed her by her shoulders and lightly shook her. “It wasn’t like that. You know it wasn’t like that. What we had—have—is special. You have to believe I wasn’t pretending.” Not this time. What he felt for her and Hannah was the real thing.

Ben didn’t say another word. He looked at her in earnest, hoping he could at least show what he didn’t know how else to voice. He’d learned from enough directors in his career a person could always reveal more with actions than with words. Right now, he was counting on that.

As he gazed into her wounded blue eyes, he wanted more than ever to wrap her in his arms and tell her it wasn’t an act—it couldn’t be an act, because he had never felt anything like this for anyone in his entire selfish life. He could be a father to Hannah. A great father, he realized, despite what he had lacked in his own life, because it hurt like hell to even think about going back to California and saying good-bye to her, to both of them. But if he told her that now, the timing would seem like more of a coincidence. She wouldn’t believe him. Surely, it would sound like another lie to save face.

Sandra looked up into his eyes for several long seconds, and when her expression softened, it sparked some hope in his heart. “Look, Ben, I understand your career is important to you—that was one of the first things you shared with me. I’m not faulting you for that. I just wish…I—she’s become attached to you. It’s not fair to her.”

“You’re right,” he rushed out. He was too anxious to make things right between them, anxious to have her smile at him again, anxious to be able to breathe again. He hated the way she was looking at him—much like the way she’d looked when he’d first met her at the park, the day she’d thought he was a criminal. “You have a right to feel this way. Just don’t think that…”

Their gazes locked.

Then her eyes narrowed. “Don’t think what? That you’re exactly like Steve?”

Ben felt kicked in the stomach. But that was exactly what he was afraid of—her thinking he was as bad as her ex-husband. The worst typecasting he could experience.

His cell phone began to ring. He almost cringed, afraid she would automatically think it was a woman calling. After all, his reputation wasn’t any great secret, and thanks to her ex, she didn’t have a lot banked in the trust department. Out of habit he dug it out and glanced at the screen. With some relief, he looked up. “It’s only my agent.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation. It’s none of my business who calls you.”

He silenced his phone and shoved it back into his pocket. “I just didn’t want you to jump to any conclusions about me.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t think you’re like Steve at all,” she told him, her voice growing more unsteady by the second. “You’re much worse.”

She brushed him aside, but he grabbed hold of her arm to keep her from walking out again. “Don’t be like this. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Don’t throw away what we have here. Not now. Not over this.”

“You keep talking about what we have here. That you don’t want to ruin what we have. You said the same thing last night. What exactly do we have?”

He let a moment pass as he thought about that.
What do we have?
Much more than friendship—at least on his part. Dammit, he’d thought about marrying her. But that thought also scared him to death. Would she even believe him?
Trust
him? Would they really have a chance at something more? Or would he make a bigger mess out of their relationship and create worse publicity for himself in the process? He didn’t know. He couldn’t be sure. His hands and tongue felt tied, and as a result, he remained silent.

She nodded sadly. “That’s what I thought.” Then she walked out the door.

Chapter Ten

It was well after five when her doorbell rang.

Sandra sniffed and swiped the tears from her eyes as she made her way down the hall to answer it. She had told herself many times she wasn’t going to cry over Ben, but once she’d let a few tears escape on the drive home from work, it was as though a dam had been broken with no repairman in sight. Her emotions had bounced all over the place, from anger to relief to hurt to depression, ever since the awful confrontation with him earlier. Then, just when she thought she’d reached a state of equilibrium, Hannah had inadvertently set her off again by asking all sorts of questions, like where Ben was going and if he was coming back soon or just in time to see her dressed up for Halloween, like he’d promised.

What could she possibly say to all that?

It was too much for her to deal with all in one day, so Sandra had simply let it go by telling her she didn’t know. Hannah would find out soon enough that Ben hadn’t really meant what he’d promised her. There wasn’t a chance he would come back to New Jersey for a small preschool Halloween party. Why couldn’t men mean what they said? Didn’t they realize that broken promises hurt much more than the truth?

There was no use brooding over it again. She’d have to make it up to her daughter somehow, do something special for her. As if that could so easily erase the hurt of another man abandoning her. But it was all that was in her power to do at this point.

She knew she looked a mess, but with her hand on the knob, she drew in a deep, controlling breath and swung open the door.

Missy stood opposite her with Chinese takeout and a deep frown. “What did you do to poor Ben?” she accused.

“Poor Ben? Don’t make me laugh.” Sandra grabbed the bag of food out of her sister’s hands and turned away.

Poor Ben.
That was almost as funny as allowing herself to be sucked in by his overt concern to help her school, or being charmed by his ridiculous pirate eye patch, or, far more hilarious, allowing herself to care so deeply about him.

Missy followed her in, not missing a beat. “I’m serious. Ben looked heartbroken, Sandra. His leaving seems so sudden, too. You guys didn’t have a fight, did you? We didn’t even get to throw him a farewell party.”

Sandra dropped the bag on her counter and glared at her. “Farewell party? Give me a break. That man doesn’t even deserve a farewell kick in the—” She glanced at Hannah watching TV in the next room and lowered her voice. “I didn’t have anything to do with his leaving, if that’s what you’re hinting at. But I’m glad he’s gone.”

Missy’s depressed expression turned into shock. “What? You’re glad? But I thought—”

“Yeah, well, so did I.” She drew in a shaky breath. “But Ben didn’t really care about me. He just cared about what I could do for his career.”

Sandra looked away, afraid the tears would start again if she met her sister’s sympathetic gaze any longer. She was such a fool. She had really thought Ben was a different kind of man, that she and Hannah could actually come first to someone like him. Her heart gave a painful squeeze at how naive she’d been. Why on earth had she thought he could be different?

Her sister walked up and put her hand on her shoulder. “Honey, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she said brusquely, picking up and fumbling with one of the cartons of food. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. No harm done. Life goes on. As it did with Steve, it will with Ben.”

Missy looked unconvinced. “If you say so.”

“I do. Let’s not talk about him anymore, okay? He’s out of our lives. Let’s just eat.” The last thing she wanted to do was eat. But pasting on a bright smile, she bit into an egg roll and swallowed, despite it tasting like papier-mâché.

Hannah walked into the kitchen and gave her aunt a hug. “Something smells funny,” she said, wrinkling her nose.

Sandra finally felt like smiling. “Aunt Missy brought over Chinese food. Do you want to try some?”

Hannah shook her head and held up a small bucket. “Can you open my Play-Doh for me?”

Sandra took the container from her daughter’s little hands. Automatically, her thoughts flew to Ben and how sexy he’d looked with Play-Doh clinging to his hair when he had babysat for her. Heat rushed to her face. Damn him and his phony babysitter act! Thanks to him, she’d never be able to look at that neon-colored mush again.

“What are we going to do at school now, Mommy?” she asked.

Sandra’s eyebrows went up. “Same thing we always do, why?”

“But Big Bens isn’t going to be there anymore. So what are we going to do now?”

Sandra shot a worried glance at Missy before answering. “I—I don’t know, sweetie. Maybe I’ll schedule a police officer to come by with his patrol car and loud siren. He can talk to you about how you’re not supposed to talk to strangers. How does that sound?”

Hannah’s mouth puckered. “But I don’t want to talk to strangers.”

“Well, good. You’ll be ahead of the class, then. Here.” She handed the clay over to her daughter. “Now scoot, and keep that stuff off the rug.”

Sandra shook her head at her daughter’s retreating back. “Did you hear that?” she asked Missy once her daughter was out of earshot. “Hannah can’t stop thinking about Ben.”

“And what about you?” Missy asked, not hiding her concern. “Will
you
be able to stop thinking about Ben?”

Sandra didn’t know, but she was saved from answering when another knock sounded at the door. All too willing to push aside her thoughts of Ben, she rushed out of the kitchen to answer it. This time it was Carol, carrying a large pizza box and looking every bit as pained as Missy.

“I can’t believe Ben’s gone,” Carol wailed in way of greeting.

Sandra let out a sigh. “Come on in and join your fellow mourners,” she muttered. She shut the door behind them and led Carol into the kitchen, where Missy had already set out plates and napkins on the counter.

Carol stopped and marveled at the takeout spread. “Hmm, I guess we both had the same idea.”

“Misery loves food,” Missy said with a sheepish smile.

“Misery? Oh, no, I’m not miserable. I’m ticked. I didn’t get a chance to give Ben my note.” Carol set down the pizza box and dug into her purse. “Here,” she said, whipping out the envelope.

Sandra stared at it a moment, afraid of seeing any more personal reminders of Ben. But when Carol jangled the letter in the air with impatience, she reluctantly took and opened it. “Carol, this is just a list of names,” she said with mild surprise.

Carol jabbed a hand on her hip. “Not
just
a list of names. It’s a carefully compiled list of single male celebrities I would like to be introduced to by Ben, whenever and as soon as possible.” She reached for a fortune cookie. “Since you’re seeing Ben now, the least you could do is help your movie star–less friend out.”

Missy waved spread hands at Carol, but only Sandra was aware of the gesture. “Uh, Carol, now isn’t the time—”

“What do you mean?” Carol asked, concentrating on unraveling her tiny fortune. “Now’s the perfect time, especially with Ben being so utterly smitten with your sister. I bet she’s even going to New York to visit him this weekend.”

Sandra couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t pretend she was in control any longer. She was a wreck. Never again would she see or talk to Ben, and an overwhelming feeling of loss and unhappiness over the situation struck at her heart. So she did something she hadn’t done in front of anyone in a very long time. Hanging her head, she began to cry.

Missy rushed over and threw her arms around her. “Oh, honey, don’t let it get to you,” she said soothingly.

“What did I say?” Carol asked in alarm. “Was it something I said?”

Sandra looked up through a blur of tears and shook her head, giving in to one last attempt to restrain her feelings. “No, it’s—”

“She’s in love with Ben,” Missy interjected.

Carol still looked confused. “I know that already.”

“You do?” Sandra sniffled.

“It’s hardly front-page news,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

It was Sandra’s turn to be confused. How did everybody know she was in love with Ben? She’d just discovered that fact for herself this very minute.
Oh my goodness, I am in love with Ben!
It was true. It was such an unfamiliar sensation—this combination of complete joy and utter agony. But she felt lighthearted even giving it a name. She was in love with Ben, and she missed him. But he didn’t love her back. She and Hannah were just a means to an end to him. She held her head as grief settled back over her.

“It was hard not to know how you feel about Ben,” Carol added. “Your eye twitch kind of gave it away days ago.”

Sandra’s mouth dropped open. “You know about that, too?”

Carol’s eyes flew to Missy. “Oops, was I not supposed to tell her about that?”

Sandra exploded into tears again.

“I’m sorry!” Carol cried. “I didn’t mean to notice your eye twitch. I promise I won’t notice next time.”

Missy gave an exasperated sigh. “She’s not crying over her eye twitch. She’s crying over Ben.”

“Oh, boy, she must have it bad,” Carol said in a hushed tone. “I’ve never seen her lose control like this. I mean,
ever
. But I still don’t understand what the problem is.”

Missy cleared her throat. “The problem is—”

“The problem,” Sandra interrupted, tired of being talked about as though she weren’t in the room, “is Ben doesn’t want me. He doesn’t care I’m an emotional mess right now. He doesn’t care that I miss him terribly already, and he doesn’t care about my daughter. All he cares about is getting that stupid movie part. At this rate, I doubt I’ll even get a mention in his Academy Award speech.”

Carol snorted. “Impossible. Ben is a sweetheart, and he cares. He cares a lot. I saw the way he looked at you. Oh, don’t forget the stories Missy told us about the way he adored Hannah and would make her laugh in class.”

Sandra took some satisfaction in the fact she wasn’t the only one who had been duped by Ben’s actions. “He’s a very good actor.”

“I just can’t believe it.” Carol grabbed back her list of names and crumpled it up. “I don’t want to meet any of his friends after all. I’m so sorry, Sandra. I really hoped he was the one for you.”

Sandra used a napkin as a tissue and sighed. Unfortunately, so had she.

…

Ben was getting dizzy watching his agent pace around her office as though she were devising a nuclear arms treaty. Denise obviously wasn’t taking the news very well. He wasn’t sorry he’d told her the truth, but he had to tell her he had fallen in love with Sandra, despite all her opposition to it. Now that he’d gotten it off his chest, he felt like a free man.

A free, miserable, and totally depressed man. A man whose life had been turned upside down by a wonderful woman—who, by his own doing, now hated his guts.

Denise finally stopped moving and glared at him. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“You said it wasn’t good for my career to get involved with a preschool teacher.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know you were in love!” she cried. “I just thought this was kidding-around flavor-of-the-month kind of stuff. This changes things. This changes everything.”

“Oh, hell,” he muttered. He sank into one of her black leather chairs and rubbed his head. “No, it doesn’t change a darn thing.”

“I don’t understand.”

“She doesn’t want me, Denise.”

“What?”

“Don’t make me repeat it.”

“Well, what is wrong with her?”

He almost laughed, if he hadn’t felt like crying. He’d wondered the exact same thing about Sandra when she hadn’t been impressed with his superstar persona. Now he knew there was nothing wrong with her. He was the one with the screwed-up priorities. The reject of the equation. The one who was never good enough for her or her daughter.

“Well, gee, I don’t know,” he said with a heavy helping of sarcasm, “I guess she’s not into rich, eccentric playboy actors with big egos and no parenting skills.”

“Oh, come on… Who told you you were eccentric?”

He shot her a withering glare. He wasn’t in the mood to have his joking attitude thrown back in his face.

She cracked a smile. “I’m sorry, Ben. But your reasoning is ridiculous. You’re one of the sweetest, most generous people I know.”

“She told me that once, too.” But that was also before she’d accused him of being a liar and said she never wanted to see him again.

“There you go. How could she not want you? I’ll wring that perfect swan neck of hers.”

“Wait. I thought you were against this relationship?”

“I was, but that was when I thought you were up to your typical womanizing ways and she was a money-grubbing celebrity chaser.”

He blew out a long breath. “Great. This is just great. This is all your fault,” he accused, jabbing his finger in the air at her. “Maybe if I had told Sandra how I felt sooner, when I wanted to, she wouldn’t hate me as much.”

“How was I supposed to know you weren’t trying to play that poor girl?” she retorted.

“Now, she’s back to being a poor girl?” He jumped up and started pacing the floor himself. “You’re like the wind. Why did I even listen to you in the first place?”

“You did it because your career is important to you. Look, even your publicist agreed with me. We all knew you weren’t looking to settle down.”

Crap. Denise was right. He wasn’t looking to settle down. Acting was always more important. Marriage and family never seemed to fit with his career agenda. But now that he was away from Sandra and Hannah, he couldn’t imagine one without the other. “You’re right. At first, I did just want to…dabble with Sandra.”

Denise made a face. “Dabble? Is that what you’re calling it these days? You mean you wanted to have a meaningless two-week affair with the mother of a young child and then drop her like a box of scorpions.”

He cringed. “I like my way of putting it better. But yes, I suppose your definition would be accurate. It’s kind of weird, but I don’t think I would have gotten to know Sandra as well as I did if it weren’t for you. I stopped trying to seduce her and became her friend instead. Maybe I wouldn’t have fallen in love with her otherwise.”