From the Inside Out: The Compilation (Scorned, Jealousy, Dylan, Austin) (16 page)

“That looks good. Let me know if you need help with it,” Austin says lightheartedly, eyeing my food.

I giggle, momentarily forgetting about Dylan and the redhead.

“How long have the two of you been dating, Jules?” Jacqueline asks as if we’re going to be friends.

I’m not the one she cares to impress at the table. I’m just someone she’ll use to get what she wants, which is Austin’s attention, so I reply tensely, “I’m not sure actually.”

I look to Austin who quickly covers for me. “Five months. It’s been really great.” He grabs my hand, bringing it to the tabletop between us, not showy, but in a casual way. Our fingers are intertwined and as he continues, I look across the table at Dylan. His eyes are on our hands and scanning up slowly until they meet mine, then I face Austin. “… I’ve learned so much about art since we’ve been together. Jules and I went to Paris over the summer—”

“Oh I love Paris,” Jacqueline says, her hand settling on Dylan’s forearm. “Have you been to Paris, Dylan?”

“No.” He looks to me again and I’m hoping it’s not obvious, that
we’re
not obvious. We once dreamed of going to Paris together. “I’m waiting,” he says, “to go when I find the right tour guide.”

“You can hire one,” Austin adds innocently.

“I can show you the sights,” Jacqueline offers. Something in her tone pisses me off. It’s more than just a friendly offer and her damn hand is still on his forearm.

Dylan laughs, loud and deep, then says, “I meant I want to go with someone I’m in a committed relationship with.”

Jacqueline laughs, a bit embarrassed as she should be for being so available. She says, “Seeing me at work a couple of times a week isn’t committed?” She squeezes his arm again. The minute caress starting to bother me. “I’m teasing you, Dylan. Yes, going to the most romantic city in the world does make you want to bring someone you love.”

Dylan is placating her, being polite and smiling, but I’m not amused at all.

BY THE TIME
dessert is served, the mood is light like the conversation again. “Please don’t make me eat this alone.” I say, pushing the dessert forward to the center of the table.

“I thought you’d devour your birthday treat.” Austin says, “Jules doesn’t consider it dessert unless it has chocolate in it.”

After taking a bite, I savor the rich cake in my mouth, then amend his statement. “It’s true. Though I do love a great crème brulee these days and I wouldn’t say no to cheesecake.”

“I couldn’t agree more on the chocolate. Do you mind if I try your dessert?” Dylan asks, picking up one of the four spoons delivered with the dish.

“No, not at all.” And for some reason, I don’t. I blame the olive-sullied vodka I’ve been drinking.

Everyone at the table watches as Dylan reaches across and scoops the cake and fudge with his spoon. Normally, one would eat from the side closest, but he doesn’t. He takes his bite from the exact place where I took mine. My heart speeds up and my eyes widen watching him open his mouth slowly, insinuatingly dragging the spoon from between his lips. I assume this reaction is from the rich chocolate I just inhaled, but I have a feeling it’s not.

Jacqueline and Austin return to their conversation about team dynamics, but we don’t join them. We’re not talking at all, just watching each other. My chest seems to be heaving a bit more than it should and my body heats. I can feel Dylan’s gaze heavy on me, so I close my eyes and try to regain my composure.

“I’ll take care of the check. It’s my girl’s birthday dinner, after all.” Austin’s voice brings me back and I open my eyes to find Dylan’s narrowed at him, irritated.

“Was it good?” I ask Dylan, trying to redirect his glare from Austin.

He looks over, directly into my eyes, a small arrogant smile appearing. “The best I ever had.”

Austin speaks, not aware of the current conversation I’m having. “I wanted to give you your present over dessert. Hope you don’t mind an audience.”

Eye contact is held a beat or two longer before I turn to see Austin’s sweet smile. “Okay,” I reply. He sets a Tiffany’s box in front of me. It’s too small and it feels like the thermostat has been turned up a few degrees. The box is way too small to be a necklace or bracelet.
Racing heart.
My breathing shallows.

Oh my God!
No, he’s not doing this.

Not here.

Not now.

Not in a restaurant.

Not in front of Dylan, my boyfriend… ex-boyfriend. Ex. Ex. Ex.

“Open it,” Austin encourages.

With shaking hands, I pull the Tiffany blue lid off. A velvet box resides inside, a box the perfect size for a ring.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

As soon as I take the box in hand, Austin stands suddenly and I feel dizzy.
He wouldn’t do this now, not after only five months.
Would he?

When he leans down, Dylan jumps up and shouts, “Wait!” There’s panic in his eyes. The same panic I feel, but for the same reasons?

Austin stands back up pulling his phone from his pocket while dropping the napkin that he just retrieved from the floor onto his chair. “I’m sorry, I have to take this,” he says, tapping his phone. “You can open it if you want, honey.” He walks away from the table.

My heart beats to a dull thud now, calming.

“Open it. I’m dying to see what he got you,” Jacqueline says, leaning closer.

Dylan remains standing. Nervous, panicked.

“What, Dylan?” She questions.

I lift the hinged lid.
Earrings
. Oh thank God!

Mimicking my inner dialogue, Dylan says, “Thank God!”

Again Jacqueline stares at him confused. “You’re acting so strange tonight. Are you all right?”

I understand his behavior. All too well.

“Sorry,” Austin says, returning to the table. “That was Japan. They work opposite hours and I wanted to get that call out of the way so we could enjoy the rest of our night. Do you like the earrings? They’re classic and beautiful just like you.” Austin picks my hand up from the table and kisses it. “Happy birthday, Jules.”

I exhale. The pressure finally off my lungs.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you, Austin. The sapphires are breathtaking and vibrant.”

“I thought you’d like something with color.”

“I do, very much. That was very thoughtful. Thank you,” I say, leaning in and kissing him.

I feel his hands on me, gently urging for more, but I don’t ever forget we have an audience. I blush when we part and my gaze slowly makes its way over the earrings and across the table to briefly meet Dylan’s. The earrings actually remind me of his eyes—
breathtaking and vibrant.

After dinner, we stop on the sidewalk, everything feeling awkward since I opened my present.

“You and Jules should take the first cab,” Jacqueline offers. “Since we invaded your private party and all.”

“No, it’s fine,” Austin says. “We have a car, you and Dylan should take it.”

Dylan steps forward, and says, “Jacqueline, you can have the first cab. We live in opposite directions.”

“You’re not together?” I ask before thinking. “I just assumed. I know it was a business meeting but—”

“No, we’re not together,” Dylan quickly clarifies. “We’re just business associates.”

Austin takes my hand. “I should have told you. I apologize. Jacqueline is Dylan’s boss.”

Jacqueline looks uncomfortable by the conversation.

Looking at her, I say, “I apologize.” When I look to Dylan, he’s smiling, knowing exactly what I was doing.

He reassures her to end the night on a good note, “Jacqueline is a great catch though.”

She turns to him, smiling, not blushing. I bet she hasn’t blushed in years. She’s more experienced that way.

Our car pulls to the curb and I can see something in Dylan’s expression change, but I don’t have enough time to pinpoint it. Austin ushers me forward, then we stop and turn around. He shakes Dylan’s hand, tells him he’s glad he’s on the team, and that he’s been impressed with his work ethic.

Dylan was always a hard worker, at least when I knew him before. There’s something comforting in the fact that he still is, that maybe he didn’t change completely.

Jacqueline shakes my hand. I thank her for the gift and promise to get that facial she was raving about. She turns to my boyfriend, shaking hands and holding it, laughing about some inside joke, her other hand on his bicep. Not professional, too comfortable, not just flirtatiousness, but blatant passes in my opinion. Austin takes it in stride. He’s used to women finding him attractive. He’s gorgeous. Her passes don’t pass, but are stopped as he pulls me closer, his own blatant show that he’s taken.

I look to Dylan, awkwardness straddling the air between us. The wall of tension that has divided us for so long begins rebuilding again.

With a sigh, Dylan looks down the street then back to me. “It was nice to spend your birthday with you. Thank you for including us.” He takes my hand just as Austin releases it to wait at the open door, Jacqueline still talking his ear off, distracting him.

I shake it, though that wasn’t the original intention when he took it. “Yes, thank you for joining us.” The words aren’t right between us. They’re for show, not what we feel inside, not truly.

His blue eyes search mine needing more from me, needing what I need from him right now—more. More time, more talking, more of everything.

“I hope to see you again,” he adds, his voice quieter, more private as his thumb rubs over my knuckles, reminding me of the gentle bond we once shared.

“Me too.” I say, but before I turn away from him for what feels like the last time, I add, “Goodbye, Dylan.”

“Goodbye Jules.”

WHAT A FUCKING
night! It’s like the first time I ever saw her, reliving that moment all over again. She was gorgeous, engaging, and the center of attention. There’s no turning back for me. I know what I want, even at the expense of Austin and the damage he can do to my career. It’s ironic. I gave up Juliette for my career three years ago and now I’m willing to sacrifice my career to get her back.

The cab drops me off three blocks down at the park near my building. I’m so excited that I run to the center near the pond, not caring if I mess up my shoes, and let it out. I yell in triumph. The smile hasn’t left my face since I left the restaurant. I fist pump in the air.
Jules.
It’s all because of Jules. Laughing out loud to an empty park seems much more sane when you’re high off life.

I haven’t felt this good since… well, since we were dating. I run back to my apartment, adrenaline driving me forward as my mind tries to erase all the years that didn’t include her. Everything else that happened is just a blur now except for Jules. She remains crystal clear in my mind, tonight refreshing that fading memory of her lips on mine.

Finally, I can breathe. I didn’t realize the pressure that remained from our fight last April. The last five months were utter hell. I’ve tried hard to forget her, but it didn’t work. I worked eighty hour weeks. I got a promotion, but all those hours were just a distraction. I took up racquetball. Fun, but not fulfilling. It was a filler of time, not my mind. My thoughts always came back to her.