From Winter's Ashes: Girl Next Door Crime Romance Series - Book Two (36 page)

“I forgive you.” The utterance seemed to loose a boulder from her chest, and she drew in an easy breath.

He swiveled to face her. She couldn’t read him. The twenty feet between them yawned like a chasm of a million miles.

“You don’t deserve it. But true forgiveness can’t be earned. And though I wish desperately that things could be mended between us, I don’t need you anymore.” She spoke tenderly, without a hint of the malice that used to consume her. “I’ve found a love that doesn’t quit when times get hard. Comforts me when I’m frightened, dusts me off when I fall, listens and cares about the hurts in my heart. Unconditional, like a father’s love should be.”

He didn’t move or speak. His face a placid mask of mystery.

“You may not need me, or anyone else in this world. But you need that love too. You’re bankrupt without it.”

It felt like good-bye. This thing they’d danced around for years had finally come to a head. The thought was both freeing and heartbreaking. If only he could understand all he was missing.

Turning to make his exit, he resumed his long stride without a word.

“I won’t be here when you return.” That stopped him one last time, though he didn’t turn.  “I don’t know when I’ll see you again. And while I don’t need you anymore, I will
never
give up on you, Dad. That’s a promise.”

Chapter 47

Finn Carson

Today was D-day.

Finn’s nerves wrapped around his heart so tight he’d have sworn they would strangle the life out of the bleeding thing. But it was still beating. His emotions on a high of love and hope he could hardly contain.

Waiting at the altar between Archer and Sal, Finn curled his fingers into his slick palms. His right hand issued a complaint from the repercussions of his hot-tempered actions from yesterday.

Without closing his eyes, Finn could recall every trace of guilt on Cody’s face before he’d rammed his fist into his nose. The fact that Cody had toppled head over heels over his desk from the force of the blow was so satisfying that even now a smirk played across Finn’s lips. And when his old friend couldn’t manage to get to a standing position, croaking out to his secretary for assistance, it felt like Christmas all over again. In farewell, Finn had flicked his lucky chip at the heap on the floor. Finn didn’t need luck anymore. He had grace. Grace he extended to Cody out of consideration for Joselyn’s privacy, but with a warning that if he ever hurt someone trying to get lucky again, no amount of money would save him from just how unlucky his punishment would be.

Was it Finn’s classiest moment?

No. But it was better than being incarcerated for doing what he felt the prick deserved.

On his way out he hadn’t neglected to tell an unusually chipper Clarisse—the secretary who either hadn’t heard or had purposefully ignored the pleas for help—to make sure Cody lived after receiving his beating. Mercy. Another step in the right direction.

Finn’s conscience was clear.

Unfortunately, his hand was a key player in his plans for today. And his swollen knuckles and stiff joints weren’t granting any hint of appeasement to his overwrought nerves.

The ushers were about finished seating the forty-some guests, and any moment the bridesmaids would start down the aisle. The anticipation was agonizing, but everything else about the ambiance was perfect and serene.

The understated elegance of the little stone chapel on a hillside was pure magic. A fresh blanket of snow hugged the endless horizon of hills and glinted a Polaroid-perfect amber glow of the setting sun through the wall of windows at his back. Ivory candles and rose petals littered the altar, and a slow, melodious serenade of the piano all tinted the air with warmth that could be seen and heard as much as felt.

The music changed, the pianist effortlessly tickling the keys of the baby grand. The old, jazzy tune, one of Sadie’s favorites, filled the room to the tops of the stoned arches and hung in the air, thick with meaning.

Finn glanced at his soon to be brother-in-law. The look on Archer’s face could soften the hardest, most cynical heart to its core. The man was in love, and it shone from every facet of his being.

Was that what Finn looked like? Could love really show on your face like a sign that read,
I’m hopeless. Done for. Stick a fork in me, baby!

And would Joselyn be able to see it. See that he wasn’t pretending and that the past didn’t matter. That he loved her, and he’d do whatever it takes to prove that to her every day for the rest of their lives.

The first bridesmaid started down the aisle, and Sal started to choke on something. Probably his own saliva based on the appreciation that shone from his gaze. Hacking and wheezing, Sal leaned forward on his crutches and made a spectacle of himself until Finn had to give his back a solid thump.

Leave it to Sal to liven things up.

Candice, the medical examiner who worked with Archer, had become quite close with Finn’s little sister. Sadie was like that. Always reaching out to new people.

Having been a strange mix between a tomboy and a princess, Sadie didn’t quite fit the stereotype people cast her. Her life, while it had its detours, was closing in on happily ever after. And Finn couldn’t be happier, or prouder, of the brave choices she’d made to find her way through the struggles to the beautiful future that lay ahead of her.

But the thought only made him restless. Was there such a future for Finn?

Could Joselyn truly forgive him? Or had his window for a future with her passed too many times?

Rounding the corner of the back pew, an usher pushed Joselyn down the aisle in her temporary wheel chair. Draped in a dreamy, blush-colored dress that looked soft and sweet, and yet caressed her subtle curves in a way that was temptation on heels—and wheels—she was the picture of elegance and composure. Her minky locks, affixed on one side with an antique diamond clip, fell in thick, tumbling waves over her shoulder. And though the whole package was stunning to say the least, her eyes were what captivated him.

They were luminous, the flash of the photographer’s camera reflecting their rare and glittering beauty. He couldn’t look away.

And when those unfathomable, violet-blue eyes landed on him, he prayed he would be able to see her love shining back to him. That maybe they would give her away, the way Archer’s eyes communicated his love for Sadie. But before he could dive into them, and the mystery they held, she looked away, hiding away whatever was in her heart.

Once in her place at the altar, the guests rose from their seats and Sadie came into view. Archer’s breath staggered in with a sharp sound. His eyes filled with tears, and his smile ignited brighter and more intense than any fire Finn had ever witnessed. The song swelled, the sound vibrant and pulling on every brewing emotion until the beauty of it was a palpable thing. It was a moment dreams were made of.

Finn couldn’t help but realize that his own dreams hinged on this night. On one very important question.

He slipped his eyes from the tearful and radiant bride on his father’s arm and stole another glance at the woman of his dreams. Longing welled up so strong it took every bit of his willpower to keep his feet planted in place instead of crossing the altar, taking her in his arms, and whispering the words of love caged in his throat against her lips.

But it wouldn’t look very good if the best man interrupted the ceremony to profess his love for the maid of honor. This was Sadie’s day. And she was already gracious enough to share it with him.

For the sake of appearances, he tore his gaze away from Joselyn and watched his sister join her life with the man who’d mended her broken heart.

The anticipation strung him along tediously, but then again, hope was better than defeat.

Finn knew he was going all in tonight and that the cards might not turn in his favor. He’d always been a keen poker player. Observing, calculating the odds, the risks. Reading his opponents with ease. But nothing that mattered was ever on the line. It had always been a distraction. A game. But right now, knowing he was about to show his hand made him realize something.

Never before had he gambled with his heart. 

Chapter 48

Joselyn Whyte

Finn had disappeared.

Okay, so maybe she’d been keeping tabs on him a little bit throughout the night. It was only natural. She was the maid of honor, and he the best man. They were supposed to have the wedding party dance soon, and he was nowhere to be found.

Looking down at her seat on wheels she was tuned to a conclusion she hadn’t thought about until this moment—she wouldn’t be doing any dancing tonight.

Would he dance with someone else?

The thought stung more than she wanted to admit. There hadn’t been an appropriate time to talk during the ceremony or during the pictures that followed. And most of the photo ops were staged with bridesmaids on one side and groomsmen on the other separated by, of course, the bride and groom.

But there had been a moment. More than a moment—though time didn’t seem to exist for the shots she and Finn had taken side-by-side—when that fresh woodsy scent, enticing and masculine, like leather and cedar with a hint of sugar and spice, so unmistakably Finn, had invaded her senses, alerting her to his presence a mere moment before his husky voice warmed her ear.

“
Hi, Joss.
”

Heat shimmied down her spine even now, over an hour—a dinner roll, a garden salad, a half of a stuffed chicken breast, a few nibbles of green bean almondine, and two pieces of raspberry-filled French vanilla cake slathered in butter cream icing—later.

Her stomach protested. Maybe she shouldn’t have had that second piece of cake. But so far—other than the delirious happiness of her best friend—the day was not doing her any favors.

For one, she felt ridiculous being carted around like some Egyptian princess lounging on a litter. At least she’d shed the sling and bandages and was only contending with a small brace on her right wrist and decreasingly tender feet.

Two, her dress was uncomfortably clingy and somewhat skin toned. Permanently parked in the chair, she struggled to make adjustments to the stupid, but pretty, thing that made her feel like that naked thinking statue. She’d noticed a few guys in the band staring and felt exposed. Helpless and transparent.

And three, last but certainly not least, was Finn. He’d avoided her all night.

She hadn’t known what to expect, but after hearing about his
Say Anything
inspired protest on her father’s front lawn, she figured he’d have something to say to her. Maybe an apology?

But no. Other than the moment down the aisle when they’d locked gazes, and then of course their pairing for the pictures, she’d seen neither hide nor hair of the little coward.

The music continued, sauntering and sweet, while Archer held his bride on the dance floor. The joy on Sadie’s face was as pure and ethereal as the soft flutter of organza and lace that billowed out from her tiny frame while Archer spun her out and dipped her as if she weighed no more than a feather.

When he brought her back up, his strong arms surrounded her, melding her as close as two people could be in public and remain decent. And then he partook of her lips so tenderly Joselyn had to look away. Because if she continued to watch her best friend be overcome with love, losing herself in the tender moment despite the prying eyes of the small crowd, Joselyn would only be consumed with longing for a love of her own.

There was only one person that came to mind. And he wasn’t here. Nor did he seem to care that he’d shattered her heart into a million pieces. Again.

Leaning back into her chair, she closed her eyes, remembering—hearing nothing but the soft clicking of the shutter—but feeling … everything.

The faint stirring of his breath in her hair when he’d said her name. The tingling awareness of his arm slipping around her waist as they posed for pictures. Pressing her so gently to his side one would think she was made of the most delicate china. The smooth caress of his shaved, satiny cheek when he touched their faces together for the close-up. And the deliberate turn of his head, brushing his skin against hers for one heart-stopping moment when the world seemed to right itself.

But without a word, he was gone. And then the reception kicked off in the area below the chapel.

It was perfect. Joselyn took it all in with pride. The venue itself was breathtaking. A long wall of windows traversed the length of the elegant room and opened to a terrace overlooking the snow-snuggled Missouri River.

Despite the subzero temperature, the water tarried without a care down the spotless white riverbanks. And though the view was almost too pretty to be real, the reception hall proved as unique and dazzling. Creamy candlelight flickered from the hearts of countless glass hurricanes, and festive twinkling light and red berry-wrapped garlands enchanted the cozy space warmed by a rustic stone fireplace. And right now, a deep, mahogany-stained dance floor held the happiest girl in the world. 

She’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry. She would do nothing to distract from Sadie’s perfect day. But as she sat imprisoned in her lonely wheelchair, all the love and happiness in the room became too much to take. Her nose tingled, and the first warm tear escaped the corner of her eye.

Joselyn unlatched the brake on her chair and started to wheel toward the restroom, needing a moment to drown her sorrows in private. Too bad there was no chocolate in sight. A tragic oversight. Though another piece of cake might do the trick.

The crowd began issuing applause for the end of the first dance. Grateful for the distraction, Joselyn set all her attention to the task of wheeling her chair in short, awkward strokes.

She was almost there, tears brimming over the edge of her eyelids when a familiar riff from an acoustic guitar struck out through the sudden silence, stopping her in her tracks.

A voice followed. Full and rich … and a bit shaky, but perfectly stunning as it wove though the crowd and reached into her heart.

“Baby why you wanna cry?

You really oughta know that I

Just have to walk away sometimes
We’re gonna do what lovers do
We’re gonna have a fight or two
But I ain’t ever changing my mind …”

It couldn’t be. But it was.

Joselyn’s breath caught. Her heart rent from her chest, coming alive with hope she’d not dared to even dream of. It was her favorite song, the one she’d sang in the car with Finn. Before she’d even turned to look she knew who was singing.

With trembling hands she eased the chair around and froze. Tears threatened anew. Even from a distance, those eyes grabbed on and wouldn’t let go. Because there, on the stage, in front of a room full of people, was the admittedly stage-frightened Finn Carson … singing a country song. For her.

“
Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you?
I wouldn’t dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
”

And though she was frozen in the wonder of the moment—enrapt by the man who, it would seem, was publically professing his love for her and paying up on their safe room bet—she was somehow moving toward the stage. Someone was pushing her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away to confirm it.

The lazy melody floated with newfound ease and silky smoothness off the lips of the man she loved.
Loved
. She could feel the weight of it crashing through her doubts. And the healing power of it piecing her together again. Different, but no less whole.

“
I wouldn’t last a single day
I’d probably just fade away
Without you I’d lose my mind
Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine …
”

Still singing, Finn had unhooked his shoulder strap, shed his guitar, and stepped away from the microphone. With each step in her direction the sound of his voice became a beacon of hope, drawing them together.

At the edge of the dance floor he stopped in front of Joselyn’s chair. The words of the chorus declared his crazy love from an arm’s-length away. And like the view and the euphoric atmosphere of love, it felt too perfect to be real.

But then Finn knelt in front of her, his strong hand clasping hers in her lap, bringing her back down to earth. She forced a hard blink to be sure he was really there, shaking loose a few more tears in the process.

His other hand, rugged and yet so tender, whisked the moisture from her eyes with the softest touch, his fingers lingering to skim over her cheek. The last note rang out, perfect and buttery, and she leaned into his hand, relishing the simple touch that was melting all her defenses.

He lowered his voice, deep and achingly vulnerable, for her ears only—though she suspected everyone in the room could hear. “Joselyn, there is so much I need to say. The most important of which is how I’m completely, hopelessly, out-of-my-mind in love with you. I always have been, ever since that first moment in the hallway in high school. I would say it was love at first sight, but it was more than that. More than simply being drawn to your beauty. When I looked into your eyes, I caught my first glimpse of your heart. And it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. So guarded and hurt, but so kind and hopeful. Full of this spark for life I’d never seen in anyone. I knew I loved you right then.”

His eyes held hers, almost unblinking and so earnest she could see his heart too. And what she saw was all she wanted. Blemished but beautiful. Despite the past and the wounds she knew he tried to hide, his heart was a perfect match.

“Next, I need to explain about the money from your father. Joss, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you—”

“Finn, stop,” she whispered.

His hand dropped away from her face, and his countenance fell as if she’d slapped him.

Lifting her hand, she brushed the hair away from his cheek and then let her fingers curl around his neck, threading through the soft strands of his sexy, surfer hair. “I’ve learned something very important. Something that affects you.”

She could see his heart pounding in his throat, the questions and the hope in his eyes. “And what’s that?”

“That love always hopes, trusts, believes. And it endures whatever comes.”

A spark ignited in his eyes, spreading down to upturned and gorgeous come-kiss-me lips. “So … you’re saying you love me?”

Unleashing her smile to match his, she leaned in to share her secret and nodded her answer before adding, “No matter what.”

He released a short, comical sigh of relief. “That’s very good news because I have something else I need to ask you.”

She leaned in a little more, drawing reverent circles on the marred skin of his neck, tempting him to give in to her wanting lips. “Can it wait until after you kiss me?”

“Actually, it can’t.” Easing away a few inches, Finn brought his hand up between them, his eyes sparkling like the sunlight over an emerald ocean. She was sunk. “Joselyn Whyte, will you marry me?”

It was the moment she’d been waiting for her whole life. For someone to claim her. To chase away the loneliness. This man, the man she’d always loved, wanted to be her family.

She nodded her head and let herself cry without a hint of shame. “Yes. Yes, Finn Carson, I would love nothing more than to marry you.”

She’d forgotten about their audience, but they burst to their feet in applause a mere moment before Finn slipped the ring on her finger, lifted her up out of her chair, cradling her to his chest, and sealed the whole thing with one heck of a crowd-pleasing, toe-tingling kiss.