Full Count (The Catcher Series Book 1) (22 page)

             “
You can
’
t
apologize to me. Ever,” he demands. His blood shot eyes are still dark and
beautiful as they explore my features, but mine are about to overflow with
tears. I try looking up at the ceiling to stop them. Some of the water seems to
seep back into my eyes, but when I lower my chin to look at him a tear trickles
down my cheek.

             “But what if I
’
m sorry?” I question.
I would hate to spend the time recovering with him if he doesn
’
t
know how I
’
m feeling while going through it.

             “I know you are, and I don
’
t
need to hear it every five seconds,” he tells me with a passionate fire in his
eyes. His thumb gently brushes my cheek and erases my tear. “It
’
s
out of your control. I only want you to apologize for things that you can
change. Deal?”

             “Okay… deal,”
I weep.
“If it
ever gets to be too much for you, just tell me you gotta leave. I
’
ll understand.
”

            Gently reaching for my chin to guide my eyes back
onto him, he firmly states, “I
’
m not going anywhere, B.”
Good.

             “What
’
s my brother
’
s stance on us, whatever we were?”
I wonder. It
’
s gotta be awkward that his best friend and sister like each
other, right?

             “All that matters is his stance right now. And he
’
s on his way here, so you can ask him yourself.” Skyler has the
confidence of a celebrity on the red carpet, but I can see in his eyes he
’
s worried for my brother
’s arrival.

            I have no concept of the actual time that
’
s passed because I had to rest, and I
’
m in
a room with closed curtains. A while later my brother walks into the hospital
room. He looks so much older than the last time I remember seeing him. His eyes
drop and smile sags when he sees me. After seeing him arrive, Skyler stands up
and gives him a short greeting before backing into the doorway to let Rex
approach me. But Skyler doesn
’
t step out of my line of
vision, and I like that. He
’
s watching out for me.

             “Hey, B. How you feeling?” Rex asks me gently, taking
a seat in Skyler
’
s chair next to me.

             “Really sore,” I tell him, not trying to think about
the pain. Skyler has done a pretty good job of distracting me from it until
now. Also I
’
m pretty sure I
’
m on some
kind of pain reliever - a strong one. More than half of my body is numb.

             “Do you remember what happened?” he questions me
with worry tracing his eyes as they scan my body. I wonder how bad I really
look.

             “My memory is gone,” I enlighten him, shaking my
head the little bit that I can before feeling like it might explode. “Like
completely.”

             “What
’
s the last thing you
remember?” he wonders, his concern deepening. I try to think back by closing my
eyes, but I just can
’
t put my finger on any one particular
moment.

             “
I don’
t know, but I didn
’
t know my nickname was Buzz if that gives you any idea,” I
confess, glancing over at Skyler whose eyes still haven
’
t left me.

             “Holy shit,” Rex mutters. He sighs deeply as anguish
covers every part of him. He likes to be in control, so I know it
’
s
hard for him to be in this situation because there
’
s
nothing he can do for me.

             “Where
’
s Mom and Dad?” I ask,
extremely confused how he is here but our parents aren
’
t.

             “Mom had a thing, but they
’
ll
be here later,” he vaguely tells me. I should ask Skyler; he will probably tell
me the truth. It doesn
’
t seem right that my parents didn
’
t come with Rex.

            The hardest part about this recovery will be having
the people around me avoiding telling me the whole story about things. I look
over at the door where Tiffany, Benny, and Baylee are comforting Skyler. It
feels good that once I heard Skyler and Benny
’
s names that
everyone else
’
s fell into my memory, too. I watch as
Tiffany reaches towards Skyler for a hug, and he surprisingly accepts it
gracefully. But I can tell from all of their facial features that this is the
first time that
’
s ever happened. He clearly needs it
because he squeezes her just as tight. A moment later, Tiffany is walking
towards me, and she takes Rex
’
s place while he stands
beside her.

             “Hey, Tiff,”
I greet her.

             “Oh thank God you remember me,” she sighs and lets
out a worried smile. She
’
s afraid to touch me, so I reach
out my hand for her to hold. At least I can manage that slight movement. “How
are you feeling?”

             “Awful,” I admit. “Everything feels heavy.”

             “I
’
m sorry, B,” she tells me,
every ounce of sympathy pouring out of her eyes.

             “It
’
s fine. No need to be
sorry,” I struggle to get out beneath choking back emotions as I watch Skyler
from across the room. This athletic and rigid guy is trying to hold himself
together, but I can see the tears fall before he has the chance to wipe them
away. “Tell me what was going on between me and Sky.”

            Rex and Tiffany exchange a questionable glance. “What
did he tell you?” Tiffany dodges answering my question.

             “Nothing, but I can tell by the way he
’
s
been looking at me that there
’
s something,” I quietly
observe.

22 Skyler Swanson

Cara and Laurie didn
’
t stay in the hospital
long enough to talk to Buzz. They have shit to get back to in Hinsdale by this
evening, and her surgery took almost all afternoon. When the rest of the crew
arrives at the hospital, Tiffany immediately hugs me. Any other circumstance I
would have fucking shoved her away, but I actually need it more than she does.
Even if Buzz can
’
t remember the second half of her life,
at least she
’
s still alive. At least she
’
s
not brain dead. I easily could
’
ve killed her by guiding
her into the wooden dock head first. That
’
s all I can
fucking think about:
this is my fault.

            Alex looks furious at me, like I could really do this
to Buzz on purpose. Onlooking from the doorway, I just want to know the
contents of Alex and Buzz
’
s conversation. She looks so
confused yet so curious. I see her eyes light up when she heard Benny call my
name to alert me that our crew was almost there. She had no idea who I was or
my name before he said it. I can
’
t really blame her; the
reason I call her Buzz is because I couldn
’
t remember her
real name as a kid. At least she has a legitimate reason.

             “How
’
s she doing?” her petite,
adorable, grandma nurse, Gerty, asks me as she approaches the room. Gerty
suggests just talking to Buzz and seeing how much she remembers. Apparently the
CT scan proves my prediction to be correct: the accident caused a traumatic
brain injury. Luckily it appears to be a mild case, but it
’
s
still extremely risky. Just because she
’
s alive today
doesn
’
t mean she can
’
t die from it in
a few weeks or months.

             “Better than I imagined,” I tell her. Honestly I
’
m just surprised she woke up so quickly after surgery. The
doctor said that
’
s incredible. “Once he said my name, I
saw a few things click in her head.” I point to Benny and continue, “At least
she recognizes us.”

             “Yes, that
’
s a
good sign,
” Gerty cheerfully agrees. After giving me an encouraging
smile, she scoots past us in the doorway and announces to Buzz, “Hi, sweetie. I
’
ve come to change your dressing.”

            Alex and Tiffany succumb to us as we witness Gerty
slowly remove the gauze on Buzz
’
s forehead. From ten feet
away it looks like she has been shot in the head three times. The blood isn
’
t nearly as bad as when I was carrying her in my arms since
they stitched her up, but it
’
s going to leave a massive
scar. She has at least fifteen stitches, causing the blood on the bandage to
look like Halloween costume makeup. The changing of the dressings will be less
frequent after the first one since the stitches are doing their job though.

            I have completely zoned out on watching Gerty change
Buzz
’
s bandage, so much that I haven
’
t
noticed Alex glaring at me until he
’
s almost burned a hole
into me. Our abnormally silent greeting when we switched places so he could
talk to Buzz at her bedside was not pleasant, so I
’
m sure
he wants to finish it. We didn’t exactly end on good terms last time we talked
either. His elbow snaps me out of my gaze, causing me to break eye contact with
Buzz from across the room.

             “What?” I mutter, giving him a stop-fucking-with-me
look. My eyes dart back to Buzz for a moment out of concern, and Alex doesn
’
t like it. She looks really upset, like it has finally
registered with her that I had been unintentionally looking at her banged up
forehead when she woke up.

             “I need to talk to you,” Alex declares, walking out
of Buzz
’
s view and down the hallway near the nurse
’s station. I don’
t want to leave Buzz
’
s
sight, but I know she
’
s in good hands with Gerty and it
’
ll only be for a few minutes.

            The rest of our friends give me worried looks like I
’
m about to walk right into my own death, but Benny grabs my
shoulder first and says, “It
’
s not your fault. Don
’
t let him make you think otherwise.”

            Nodding, I let his words sink into my head. I don
’
t mean to blame myself for her getting hurt, but I
was
driving the boat. I should
’
ve been paying more attention;
I should
’
ve protected her. When I meet Alex down the hallway,
I surrender before he even gives me the chance to defend myself. Fire is
burning in his eyes but he can
’
t look directly at me, and
I
’
m prepared for the worst. I already know he blames me.

             “She couldn
’
t stop asking about
you,” he starts quietly. I expect a full-on “what the fuck did you do to my
little sister” lecture, so I remain silent, allowing for him to say anything. “Don
’
t you want to know what she was asking?”

            For a moment I do. I want to know what this new Buzz
is thinking, but I
’
m not sure if it is fair for him to
tell me. If she wants me to know she will ask me herself. “
I don’
t
know,” I answer. My breathing has been irregular since the moment I saw her
dive into the wooden block in the water, and with my mind twirling like a
tornado, the air catches in my throat.

             “She wants to know what was going on between the two
of you before the accident,” he states, ignoring my unusual actions of
fidgeting and bowing my head at him. He isn
’
t a very
emotional guy, so I wouldn
’
t expect much from him even if
I didn
’
t think he wanted to chop off my fucking head. But
he
’
s using my insecurities to his advantage, and we both
know it. His words don
’
t register very deeply in my mind,
mostly because it isn
’
t anything new to me. But then he
adds, “You should tell her.”

            My head springs up out of instinct for his
suggestion. “Tell her what?”
I wonder.
Tell her that I
’
ve been in love with her since I was nine? It might seem
a bit sudden to her.

             “Tell her how the accident happened,” he blurts out.
Hey, B. I was so hypnotized by you wake-boarding that I forgot I was driving
the boat and led you directly into your fucking wooden block of death. P.S. I
love you; bye.

             “I know,” I concede. “She just looked so confused,
and I didn
’
t want to make it worse.”

             “You didn
’
t want to tell her
because you know how it would end,” he snickers.
Yeah, that, too.
“She
deserves to know before you break her heart again.” With that, he shoves his
shoulder into mine and storms past me back to her room. As he walks away he
mutters, “So much for always protecting her.”

            I slide my back down the wall so I end up sitting in
the fetal position on the floor outside some stranger
’
s
room. Or maybe it
’
s empty; I don
’
t
know. All I know is that Alex is right. All I feel is the serrated knife carving
into my chest. This time
I
really hurt her. I
’
m
supposed to be her protector, her hero, and I failed her miserably. The idea
kills me that she may never trust me again, but I can
’
t
blame her if she doesn
’
t. After a few minutes of drowning
in my own messy thoughts, I look next to me and see Benny observing my
behavior. Caring what other people think about me is never a concern of mine,
no matter what. But this is Buzz
’
s life on the line, and I
know I fucked up.

             “Alex is an ass,” Benny states firmly. I don
’
t want to talk, to him or to anyone. I just want to rewind to
this morning when Buzz forgave me with a kiss on my cheek when she looked at me
like she was proud to be not-so-secretly crushing on me for half of her life.

             “He
’
s right,” I confess. “She
deserves to know.”

             “Fine, she deserves to know,” he sternly agrees with
me. “But she also deserves to know that you fucking saved her life. You reacted
before it even happened.”

             “And it wasn
’t quick enough,
”
I affirm.

             “It was a fucking accident,” he argues quietly. He
’
s on my team, but what he doesn
’
t realize
is that I
’
m not even on my own team. I blame myself, too. “You
would never purposely do anything to hurt her. We all know that. Alex does,
too, but right now he
’
s just torn because his little
sister is looking at him like it
’
s the first time she
’
s ever seen him.” My eyes burn. I want to wake up from this
hell of a dream happening around me. It
’
s not possible
that this morning I watched my best friend soar into a wooden block and fly
back like she just lost a game of Red Rover to the high dive. “Sky,” he nudges
me, alerting me that he thinks he lost my attention. Maybe he fucking did. My
mind is everywhere, but mostly back out on the lake replaying the horrible
scene. “I watched you do everything that you could to help her. I had no idea
you knew CPR, and you wrapped her head with the shirt off your back. Hell, you
had her in your car and down the road before I could even tie up the boat,” he
explains how it looked from an outsider
’
s perspective. “She
’
s not going to care that you were the one driving. It could
’
ve been anybody. It was a good thing you were there when this
happened; no one cares for that girl like you do, and everyone knows that.”

            For once Benny actually makes fucking sense.

            I
’
m determined to prove it to
everyone when Buzz is released from the hospital a few days later.

            The first night home I just text her and am content
with her answer of
I
’
m fine and going to
bed
so I don
’
t bother her the rest of the night. No
way in hell do
I
sleep at all that night, but I leave her alone. The
second night is a different story. I
’
m lying awake in my
bed wondering whether or not I should call or text her. All I imagine is Buzz
’
s face as she approached the wooden dock. I have no idea how
long it
’
s going to haunt me, but I know I
’
m
not going to get any sleep again tonight.

            All of a sudden my phone vibrates, jolting me back
into reality.
Buzz Ferrari.

             “B, what
’
s going on? Is
everything okay?” I panic as I answer the phone. I throw my blanket onto the
floor as I stand up, ready to take action if needed.

             “Sky,” she answers with a deep breath like she just
finished a race. Something isn
’
t right. I could never hear
her breathing like that over the phone before.

             “Can you talk to me?” I lightly demand. I start
one-handedly slipping sweatpants on over my boxers in anticipation for leaving
the house to help her as soon as possible.

             “Someone is playing music and it
’
s
making my head throb,” she quietly tells me as if her own voice is piercing her
ears. It
’
s a side effect of having severe head trauma, I
’
ve learned.

             “Could you call or text them to turn it down? Did
you take your medicine?” I wonder. Walking to the room where they are is
another option, but I figure she might be fatigued in doing so.

             “No. I
’
m nauseous enough; that
pain medicine only makes it worse. And my mom said that it wasn
’
t
that loud when I went into the living room a half hour ago,” Buzz informs me.

             “She didn
’
t just get released
from the hospital with head trauma, did she?”
I snap, feeling her
mom dig
ging
her grave even deeper.

             “No,” she hesitantly says. “
But I
just-
”

             “I
’
ll come get you,” I
interrupt her, slamming my hand against my closet door in frustration. How her
mom can be such a fucking arrogant bitch to her daughter still pisses me off. “You
can stay here tonight.”

             “Can I? I hate to ask,” she whimpers.

             “You didn
’
t ask. I offered.
Will you be okay until I get there?”
I hope, grabbing my keys and
heading out my bedroom door.

             “Yes,” she sighs, and then I hang up abruptly after
literally running into my mom in the hallway. She must
’
ve
heard me almost break my fucking hand on the door.

             “Where do you think you
’
re
going?” my mom questions me with not a hint of tiredness.

             “I
’
m going to get Buzz to stay
here tonight,” I state without hesitation or nervousness. I am not about to let
her talk me out of it. Buzz needs me, and I won
’
t let
anything get in my way of helping her, not her mom or my own.