Full Figured 10 (9 page)

It was becoming painfully obvious that Vernon was not the one I wanted to experience my first time with, so I had to figure out a way to end things with him.

I was not accustomed to ending things with anyone, and he had done nothing wrong. I had spent my nights thinking of Onyx while he gave me head, something he just couldn't get enough of. I had hoped and prayed that I would eventually like it. Vernon was wonderful in many aspects, and the most important thing was that he truly wanted to be with me. That was something that I couldn't say about the man who consumed my mind on a regular basis.

Things were out of control. We were being invited to couples' dinners by people who usually spoke to me only in passing. People wanted to know how we met, and praised the idea of us being together. I hadn't realized how many people were concerned about my love life until then.

I was stuck in limbo. On the one hand, I did enjoy the companionship that Vernon was offering. He was very sweet and did things I had only imagined or seen on TV. I had had flowers delivered to my house. I would wake up to cute notes or small trinkets from him. He cooked for me almost as much as I cooked for him, and he did things that I hated doing, like fixing stuff in my house or taking the trash out. But on the other hand, there were things I could not stand. The oral was awful, and he wanted to do it all the time. He was messy, and I found myself picking up after him every time he spent the night at my house. I didn't want to sleep at his house, as his old mattress was unbearable, and the manly stench just didn't seem to go away.

I had talked to Tangie about it, and she had reassured me that I was overreacting. She'd said that most men needed to be trained, and it was up to me to do it. The problem was that I was still in a state of learning myself. How could I train someone if I didn't know what I really wanted or needed myself?

My birthday was approaching, and I wasn't happy in the situation that I was in. I had a man who adored me, but it wasn't the man I wanted. I found myself staring at Onyx's number in my phone. Calling would only hurt me in the end. If he didn't answer or call me back, I would be devastated.

That was something I didn't want to risk.

* * *

Vernon insisted we have lunch together, so I finally gave in and met him. We sat across from each other at Applebee's, a place he loved, but I wasn't particularly fond of it. He had ordered his usual ribs, while I had settled on Cajun pasta.

I had a lot on my mind.

The deal for the new downtown space I wanted went through, but I realized quickly the building was going to cost more than I wanted to spend to renovate, and there was no way around it. I sat there crunching numbers in my head, completely ignoring Vernon.

“Earth to Coral,” Vernon finally said, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

“I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind,” I replied with a small smile. “What's going on?”

“I asked you if you wanted to eat with the Pattersons after church next Sunday. They invited us.”

I frowned. The last thing I wanted to do was eat with more couples. We hadn't made anything official, but I felt like I was one step away from walking down the aisle. By the look on Vernon's face, I could tell he wasn't happy with my response.

“I actually wanted to prepare something special for us. We haven't had much time together lately.” I stared into his eyes and watched as his frown turned into a smile.

“That sounds like an excellent idea.” Vernon took a bite of a rib.

We finished dinner and headed back to my house. I grabbed my mail, and we headed inside. Vernon was already making himself comfortable on my couch as I thumbed through the various letters. I sat down on the couch next to him when a blue envelope caught my eye. I opened it and pulled out a postcard.

My heart dropped as I read the postcard, which was a flyer for a special Fourth of July night at my club. There was going to be a concert by Onyx's band. On the front of the postcard, in the middle of four other men, stood Onyx with a serious expression, holding his drumstick out toward the camera. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He looked even better than I remembered.

“What is that?” Vernon asked, taking the postcard out of my hand. “Oh, this is at your spot. Looks like fun. We should go.”

“No!” I took the postcard back. Vernon's face twisted with concern due to my protest. “That's the same night as the family day, and I know we are going to be super tired after that.”

“Oh, we shouldn't be too tired. And it's your birthday week. You are supposed to turn up every night.”

I stood up. “I'm not really the ‘turn up' type of gal,” I replied as I noticed a lustful gaze on Vernon's face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I want to run something by you. Feel free to say no, but I think that it's time we move a litter further in this relationship.”

“What do you mean?” I folded my arms. I didn't know why his referring to whatever this was as a relationship got under my skin.

“You know how much I love tasting you. Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to try doing something yourself.” He grinned as he grabbed his dick through his pants.

“Are you asking me to suck your dick?” I gasped.

“I just think that you might like it. I'm not asking for sex, but I love pleasing you, and I just hoped that maybe you would want to do something to please me in return.”

I knew he was right. Vernon spent almost every night we were together trying to give me what he thought was amazing head. Up until this point he had never asked for anything in return. I didn't want to do it, but I knew it was incredibly selfish of me not to.

So I gave in. I played it off, making it seem as if I had never done it before. He talked me through what he wanted me to do. I got on my knees in front of him. I thought about Onyx and how much I loved pleasuring him. Maybe I just enjoyed giving head and would enjoy it with Vernon as well.

Vernon pulled his hard manhood out. He wasn't nearly as big as I had expected. He was such a tall man, and I had expected something similar in his pants. Instead, it was rather thin and much shorter than I'd expected. I closed my eyes as I wrapped my mouth around him. I sucked as he moaned, grabbed my shoulders, and ran his fingers through my hair. This wasn't the same as with Onyx. I wanted Onyx and craved him. With Vernon, it felt more like a job.

It didn't take long for him to tell me he was about to cum. I pulled back as he jerked himself off until he erupted. He was breathing heavily as I stood up. I walked to the linen closet and grabbed a hand towel to give to him.

“Baby, you are really trying to make me fall in love with you?” he muttered in between deep breaths when I gave him the towel.

I sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. I wanted to know why I was so void of emotion. Vernon sat there, singing my praises while begging to take me into the bedroom so he could taste me. I just wasn't in the mood. After a few more moments of begging, he finally retreated to my bedroom. I just sat back on my couch, staring at my television. Moments later I heard the stomping of feet headed toward me.

“You know what, Coral? Fuck this shit!” Vernon shouted as he stood in the doorway, fuming.

“What?” I sat up, startled by his tone.

“I fucking bend over backward for you, because I really care about you. I am trying to make this work on your terms, and you still just don't seem like you care at all. I don't get it. You need to give me some answers.”

I sat there, speechless, as he continued to stare at me. I knew he was giving me the perfect moment to tell him that I didn't want to be with him. I just couldn't. There were things I liked about him, but I just didn't have the feeling that I had had when I was with Onyx.

“Hello?” he yelled, arms spread wide as he waited for an explanation.

“I don't know, Vernon,” I said, standing up. “I don't have an answer for you. I like you. I really do. But there is something that is just pulling me back, and I don't have an answer about what it is.”

“It's gotta be something.” Vernon walked closer to me. “Just tell me what to do, Coral.”

“I don't know,” I sighed. “I wish I had a better answer, but I don't.”

We stood in silence for a few minutes. Vernon exhaled and walked toward me until he was close enough to place his hand on my shoulder. Our eyes met. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. He really did care about me, and I was treating him like crap. I wanted to kick myself.

“Well, how about I give you some time to figure that out? When you are ready, you know my number.” Vernon removed his hand from my shoulder and walked back to my bedroom. He emerged a few moments later with his duffel bag, then headed to the front door.

I didn't stop him. I knew that it wouldn't be right for me to. I needed to get myself together, and having him there wasn't going to help my situation. I had to figure out what I wanted, and the only person who could help me with that was me.

I tossed and turned until I finally woke up. I was restless. I stared into the darkness in my room until my eyes finally adjusted. It had been four days since Vernon left, and I had that feeling of loneliness all over again. I didn't know if it was sleeping alone or if I really missed him. The only thing I did know was that my bed didn't feel the same when I was in it alone.

My feet touched the cold hardwood, sending shivers through my body, as I got out of the bed. I slowly walked through my house, headed to the kitchen. I hoped that maybe some wine would calm my nerves. I could see the blue light coming in through my back door. My pool guy must have turned the auto timer on while cleaning the pool. I walked over to the door. I stared out at the water; it looked amazing. I didn't know what came over me, but I opened the door and headed outside.

I bent down next to the pool and felt the water with my hand. Even with the hot weather, the water was cold. I hadn't been back in my pool since the experience with Onyx. I glanced over at the pool entrance to the grotto. I could vividly remember the things he had done to me in that small cave-like area. Flashbacks filled my head—I couldn't shake them. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and jumped into the water with my sleep shirt still on.

The cold water awakened all my senses. Submerged, I opened my eyes. All I could see was blue. Holding my breath, I swam to the underwater entrance to the grotto, then came up for air when I got inside. It was dark. I swam over to the same place I had sat when I was with Onyx, on the small edge, in the water. Leaning back, I closed my eyes. I could see him.

I felt his hands on my skin as I touched my thighs. I ran the tips of my fingers up and down my legs, allowing the magnetic energy to consume me. Sliding my right hand between my legs, I inched my ass up just enough to take my panties off, then threw them on the dry ground.

My fingers felt like lightning bolts, jolting energy into me. I could feel the magnetism coursing through my veins as my right hand found sanctuary between my thighs. I wanted to feel the way he had made me feel that night. I had to wonder, could my fingers be enough?

I entered myself. Even in the cold water, I was warm inside. I touched my clit; it was sensitive to the slightest touch. With two fingers, I massage myself as I thought about my body against Onyx's. I could feel his hands gripping my ass as I bit my bottom lip. Eyes closed shut, I let my fingers slowly move farther south, finding their way to my softest place.

He was there with me. I could picture his face, his right dimple visible as he bit his bottom lip. I could feel his locks between my fingers, taste the saltiness of his sweat as I kissed his neck and face. My body tensed as my fingers worked my innermost depths while my thumb tickled my clit with figure eights. My stomach tightened as a familiar feeling took over, a feeling I had almost forgotten. A falsetto moan escaped my mouth as I climaxed. Tears began to fall, as I could no longer control my emotions. I couldn't stop crying as all my pent-up emotions came flooding out.

I suddenly began to laugh. I was hysterical. Crying and laughing, I didn't know what had come over me. But for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel numb.

I felt relieved, and I liked it.

It was insanely hot. We were all in the park across from our church on the Fourth of July. Our members and the community had all come out for our celebration. I sat under one of the large tents set up for people to keep cool. This year we had added misting fans for a cooling effect, but it only seemed to make me feel sweaty.

I watched as Tangie and Heather finished a round of double Dutch with some of the girls. They headed over toward me. I glanced over at Vernon, who was assisting some of the men with the industrial grills and arguing over who had the best barbecue sauce.

“I swear, every day I'm reminded of how old I am,” Heather said as she plopped down on the bench next to me.

“I know. We used to be the queens of double Dutch. Now I can't hang at all,” Tangie uttered while trying to catch her breath. I handed her a water.

I caught myself looking at Vernon again. He did look nice in his basketball shorts and cotton jersey. I could see the definition in his arms more, for some reason. He seemed a lot more buff today than usual.

“So how is that going for you?” Tangie asked, alerting me that I'd been caught. She and Heather had goofy grins on their faces.

“Truthfully, it's not. We haven't talked in almost a week and a half.”

“Why?” they asked in unison.

Tangie and Heather listened to my story, hanging on to each and every detail. When I was finally finished, I noticed the straight faces they had. I didn't know what that meant.

“So let me get this straight.” Tangie held her index finger up. “You had a man who just really wanted to please you however he could, who was giving up the head at the drop of a dime, and you let him go?”

“The head wasn't good.” I winced.

“Girl!” Heather hit the table with her hand. “It never is. You have to teach them what you like. If you didn't like something, you should have said it.”

“I didn't want to hurt his feelings,” I explained, but the explanation sounded hollow even to me.

“Well, looks like you did that, anyway, so might as well have done it in the bedroom, where things could be fixed.” Heather rolled her eyes.

“I have a question.” Tangie's index finger flew in the air again. “I want you to be really honest with me. Was this because you just weren't attracted to him? Are you still thinking about the musician?”

Onyx entered my mind. I didn't want to answer the question, but from the look on my face, they already knew the truth.

“Coral, Vernon is a good man, and I personally think you two would make a great couple. But I will say that you need to deal with whatever lingering feelings you have for the musician before anything. It's not fair to you or Vernon.” Tangie patted me on my shoulder.

But it didn't make me feel any better.

* * *

We all headed into our gym for the annual old-school vs new-school basketball game. We cheered as the older men played the high school boys. I watched Vernon in his element. He was still an amazing basketball player, although not as fast as he was back in high school. I found myself getting excited each time he got the ball.

Our eyes met. I was caught staring by Vernon. He cracked a smile in my direction right before taking a shot. I blushed. On the next play, he stole the ball from one of the younger guys. The crowd yelled as he ran down the court. He went up for a layup, but when he came back down, he slipped on some sweat on the floor. There was a unanimous gasp from the crowd as he held his knee. I grabbed Tangie's hand as we watched the other men surround him. A member of our congregation who was also a doctor rushed to assist.

“I need to get down there,” I blurted out.

“Let's go.” Tangie held my trembling hand as we made our way to the court.

I was truly worried.

* * *

Hours later I stood outside of Vernon's hospital room. I didn't know what I was going to say to him, so I continued to pace the floor. Our pastor came out of the room and smiled at me.

“Coral, he's going to be just fine. But he tore his ACL again. They are going to perform surgery on him in the morning, but he will be fine.” My pastor gave me a reassuring smile. I let out a sigh of relief as I hugged him. “I'm sure he would want to see you. Go on in.”

I nodded, and then he walked down the hallway to let everyone else know. I went into the room and found Vernon staring at the ceiling.

“I didn't think you were going to come,” he mumbled while still staring at the ceiling.

“Of course I was going to be here, Vernon,” I said as I walked up to his bed. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“Guess my attempt at impressing you didn't go over the way I had expected.” Vernon turned his head to look at me, cracking a smile. I grabbed his hand and held it.

“You didn't need to impress me. I'm already impressed by you.”

The words surprised me just as much as they did Vernon. I hadn't realize how much I liked him until he was no longer there. Vernon rubbed the palm of my hand with his thumb.

“I've really missed you, woman,” Vernon declared.

I smiled. Even when he was in pain, he was catering to me. I had missed him. I'd missed him a lot more than I had ever imagined I would.

“You are having surgery tomorrow on your knee. Do you need me to go pick up anything for you?”

I wrote down a list of things that Vernon wanted from his house. I jotted down a few things I felt he would need that he had forgotten about. If there was one thing I was good at, it was organizing and planning.

“Coral, your birthday is this week. I don't want you dealing with me on your day.”

In all the craziness, I had completely forgotten about that. I shrugged my shoulders. My birthday no longer mattered to me. The one thing I really wanted was completely out of the question now.

“Don't worry about my birthday. It's just a day. Now, let me go get your stuff, and I will be back first thing in the morning.”