Gateway to Heaven (6 page)

“
I can’t wait to do that when I’m buried deep inside you,” he murmured as his fingertips glided across the sensitized crest.

The impact of his words hit her like blow.

“
What
? Did I hurt you?” he asked sharply when he noticed the shift in her expression.

Megan shook her head wordlessly and pulled her sweater down. Christian blinked and closed his eyes briefly. He exhaled and moved off her, sitting at the edge of the couch.

“
I’m moving too quickly, huh?” he said.

Megan glanced away uneasily. She touched her cheeks and pressed lightly, as if she were testing out the alien sensations of her own body. He turned his head when she didn’t respond.

“
Christ, you’re shaking.” His expression was rigid with concern as his eyes roved her face, searching for answers. He held one trembling hand in his own. He kissed her softly on the cheek. “I’m sorry. Not for kissing you or touching you. I’ll never apologize for that. But I’m sorry for pushing you if the timing isn’t right.”

He didn’t attempt to stop her when she slowly rose and stood. He hunched back into the couch and watched as she righted her clothing.

“
You shouldn’t have to apologize,” Megan said in a low voice when she finally turned to face him fully. “I’m sorry. I know you must think I’m sending you mixed messages.”

Megan couldn’t read his expression as he studied her. It only fueled her rising uncertainty. After a moment, he quirked his right eyebrow up and placed his hands behind his neck where it rested on the back of the couch. His posture left him completely exposed. Megan was left in little doubt that his arousal hadn’t yet dissipated.

Not even close.

Christian didn’t seem to mind either his physical state or the fact that she’d taken note of it.

“
Mixed
messages? Does that mean that at least
part
of you isn’t completely repelled by me?” he asked, a small grin pulling at his mouth.

Megan knew that he was trying to lighten the suddenly oppressive mood. Still, his words and his composure only reminded her of all the parts of her body that were far from being repelled by Christian.

She suddenly became acutely conscious of her breasts, of the slightly damp spot over her right nipple. She had to stop herself from reaching up to quiet the pinch of desire she felt there. It didn’t help that Christian’s gaze lowered knowingly. Sexual interest reignited like a flash fire, lighting his magnificent eyes. How was it that he seemed more aware of the sensations and reactions of her body than she herself was?

“
Megan,” he murmured softly. “If that’s an example of a mixed message, it’s going to be well worth the wait to get your signal at a hundred percent.”

“
Christian
.”

Laughter rumbled out of his chest. He stood and reached for her.

“
I’m sorry,” he murmured. His embrace was warm, comforting…non-threatening. Tension slowly seeped out of Megan’s body. She placed her palms and cheek against his chest and began to enjoy the feeling of being held in his arms. She could see what hung on Christian’s gold chain from her new vantage point: a gold cross, similar to her own, but larger. It seemed strange to think that Christian had received his first communion at the same church where she had received hers. They’d murmured their confessions and received penances from the same man.

She wondered if Christian could read her thoughts when he leaned back slightly and asked, “Megan, are you really religious?”

She stared at him in surprise. “Why do you ask that?”

“
Is that what this is about? You don’t want to sleep with me because of your religious beliefs?”

Megan inhaled her incredulity and tried to speak at the same time, causing her to choke. “I never said…
no
, Christian. I mean, my religion does mean a lot to me. But that’s not why… I mean… I’m not a prude.”

She stopped and tried to compose herself, taking a deep breath. “We hardly know each other.”

His grin was devilish. “And I guess you don’t believe in getting to know each other at the same time that we’re having sex, huh?”

Megan shook her head calmly enough, but inside, she felt like she was sinking. How could she make him understand without making a complete fool of herself? “Christian, you and I…we’re very different.”

His facial features tensed. “Wait…is that a blow-off line?”

She met his gaze earnestly. “No. It’s not. I just don’t think that—“

“
What?” His grin disappeared, leaving his usual expression—hot eyes in an otherwise cold mask.

“
We’re not alike.”

He moved back fractionally in their embrace. It wasn’t a large movement, but Megan felt that small withdrawal deeply.

“
What do you mean by that? How would you know whether or not we’re alike? Do you think you know something about me that you haven’t mentioned?”

Megan stared in disbelief at his tone of stark suspicion. Irritation entered her awareness. “Of course not. Give me a little credit for being able to judge character. Just the fact that you even
considered
that we would sleep together when I just met you yesterday says a lot. It never even entered my mind to—”

“
Don’t lie, Megan. It’ll be just one more sin you have to confess,” Christian said softly. He turned and picked up his jacket from where he’d draped it across the back of a chair. “I may not be as morally upright as you, but I know when a woman is turned on and when she’s not. And
you
were about sixty seconds and a few well-placed strokes away from exploding.”

Her world seemed to swell and shimmer. He glanced at her and muttered an expletive. He started toward her, his hand outstretched as if to touch her, but seemed to think better of it. He raked his fingers through his hair instead.

“
Christ. I’m sorry. Look, I’m an ass. I didn’t expect you to sleep with me. I mean, I
did
, in all honesty, but not
here,
not now…” He took in her expression and seemed to realize he was digging himself a deeper hole. He rolled his eyes upward and his mouth drew into a hard line.

Megan stood as if rooted to the spot when he walked past her and headed for the door. He hesitated for a second, his back to her.

“
It was that thing you said about us being different that set me off,” he muttered.

The silence seemingly lasted forever, but it paradoxically didn’t last the length of her indrawn breath.

The door clicked softly shut behind him.

Chapter 3

Megan smoothed out the final touches of a clay sculpture with a metal kidney tool. Her absorption was so complete that she only became aware that someone was calling her name by degrees. Reluctantly, she transferred her awareness to the source of the voice. She regretted having to break her deep concentration. Not only was her trance-like focus good for her work, it served as an escape from her troublesome thoughts as of late.

“
Hi, Randy. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come up.”

Megan didn’t feel too guilty about being so distracted because Randy Rosenfeld was equally as preoccupied as he studied her latest piece. As usual she tensed with uneasiness as she watched him make a close inspection of her work. She was always self-conscious about having others view her art, but having someone look at this piece made her feel even more prickly with anxiety than usual.

Randy was one of two owners of the Rosenfeld & Epner gallery and the studio where she taught sculpting three times per week. Earth was the shorthand name for the classroom studio, named
Earth, Fire, Air, Water, Spirit
.
Megan thought the alchemical name was especially appropriate for the art of sculpting, since the medium utilized all of those things. But sculpting wasn’t the only class that was taught at Earth. Two other artists, including her good friend Tina, offered classes in drawing and metal sculpture. The artist instructors also had the added advantage of private studio space in which they could concentrate on their own work.

The big bonus for Megan was that Randy and Nancy Epner let her use their kiln and furnace, both for her personal work and for the classes. Earth had been successful, mostly due to the large population influx to the near-west side, a mixture of empty nesters who wanted to live in the vibrant downtown area during their retirement and young professionals who desired the convenience of living close to their Loop workplaces.

Randy finally met her eyes with a warm, appreciative gaze. He’d asked her out a few months ago and Megan had agreed to dinner. Initially, she’d found it appealing that Randy was from New York and that he didn’t know anything about Megan or her past. He was nice, attractive enough and very successful for his age.

But by the end of the evening she knew that Randy was left in little doubt about the unlikelihood of the relationship. Megan was only relieved that he hadn’t asked her out again. She recalled how she’d dreaded his kiss goodnight. It hadn’t remotely resembled the experience with Christian. It wasn’t really fair—either to Randy or to herself—to compare the two kisses…

…
or the two men.

Besides, where was Christian now? At least Randy was standing right in front of her. She hadn’t heard from Christian or seen him for days, and according to Jeff—the doorman at their building—she shouldn’t plan on seeing Christian for a longer than that, if ever again.

“
It’s beautiful, the way you caught the emotions on her face right at the knife’s edge of longing and uncertainty. I hope you plan to cast it in bronze.”

Megan nodded, glad to have something else to focus on besides the emotional tumult that had gone into her art. “This one is ready for wax now.”

“
Good. It’s the best I’ve seen you do so far. You seem inspired. And I have the perfect use for it. I’d like to offer you a showing at the gallery.”

Megan stared at him round-eyed. Only the best, top-rated artists from around the nation showed at Rosenfeld. Several Chicago artists who had started at Rosenfeld and went on to gain renown in the world art community continued to premiere their new work at Rosenfeld & Epner. Being offered a show with them at some time in the far future had only been a vague, unformed dream at the periphery of her awareness. But being offered a show
now
wasn’t even something that had entered her universe of expectations.

“
I don’t know what to say. Do you really think I’m ready?”

Randy crossed his arms and studied her for a moment before answering. “To be honest with you, I wasn’t sure about the answer to that until I saw this piece. Nancy has been much more gung-ho about the idea. She went a long way to convince me.” He nodded toward her sculpture. “But this really sealed the deal. Yes, I can say it with complete confidence. You’re ready.”

She shook her head, still stunned. A curl broke away from the loose knot on her head and fell into her eyes. “Thank you for your confidence in me. I hope I don’t let you down.”

Randy smiled and took a step closer to her. He gently brushed the tendril behind her ear. “You won’t let us down, Megan. You won’t let
me
down.”

Megan blinked, surprised to realize how close he was.

“
I hope we’re not interrupting anything,” a familiar voice called with amusement from the entryway to Megan’s small studio. Megan glanced over her shoulder, glad to hear Tina’s familiar voice. The moment with Randy had quickly segued from euphoria to discomfort.

Tina must have been doing some metal soldering because she was still had a protective visor tilted back on her head. The visor looked strangely right, like an accessory to her shorts, cut-off tank top and army boots. Her revealing black clothing, colorful arm tattoo, and pierced belly button only emphasized the delicate beauty and perfection of her face and body. Megan’s greeting froze on her tongue when she saw who stood behind Tina.

“
Someone’s got a visitor,” Tina announced with a grin, obviously relishing seeing Megan’s reaction to the man she’d led into the room.

“
Oh… Christian.”

Megan’s senses tried to realign themselves to the reality of him standing at the entryway of her studio. He looked impossibly tall, perhaps due to the contrast of Tina’s miniature proportions in comparison. He was dressed in the clothing that suited him the most, faded jeans that seemed specially made to show off his lean hips, flat belly, and long legs along with scuffed boots, and a dark blue, untucked T-shirt that highlighted the taper running from his broad shoulders to trim waist. A tiny portion of Megan’s brain took in that the white writing of the logo was in Chinese. His arms were crossed loosely over his chest, giving Megan a glimpse of well-developed biceps and strong-looking, veined forearms dusted with brown hair.

“
How did you find me here?” she asked, still vibrating with shock at his sudden presence.

Christian’s hard stare shifted from Randy to Megan. “Jeff,” he answered tersely, referring to their doorman.

Even with the single syllable, Megan was stunned anew by the resonant, rich quality of his voice. “Oh, right. He’s the one who told me you were out of town,” Megan replied hoarsely.