Gavin (A Redemption Romance #3) (23 page)

He finally looked at me again, finished his beer and told me that it had taken him another couple of months before he could get back to California and find my dad. He’d talked to him on the phone and had told him everything he knew. Trap told me how excited my dad was to hear that his Sarah was pregnant. He’d told Trap that he was going to push the MC and get his nose clean, so nothing would leak over onto his family. He didn’t go into detail, but I appreciated what he was telling me. My dad had been doing something for the MC that wasn’t very law abiding, and he was working to change that.

My eyes welled up, thinking about how my dad had been excited to hear about me, how he’d wanted me, I felt a tear spill over, remembering being that four-year-old girl, needing her daddy so much, but he’d already been gone. He’d wanted me though, and that was a lot more than I’d ever had before.

Trap told me that as soon as my dad could, he’d gotten a group of guys he trusted to ride with him, because back then, it hadn’t been safe for a DD member to ride alone through New Mexico and west Texas, but he was going to get his family. He’d been in a rush, and hadn’t wanted to stop. He’d even made arrangements to get a truck out there and haul his bike back, which was something the brothers almost never did.

Dad had been worried, because he’d tried to get in touch with my mom and couldn’t make contact, so he’d finally sent another letter, telling her that he was coming, telling her it would be soon, but he left before he heard back from her. He died on the way, Trap told me that he hadn’t been able to go on the trip, though he’d wanted to, because his own mother had been in the hospital and he’d gone to be with her.

After my father’s death, Trap lost himself for a long time, drinking and just burying his pain, the loss of his best friend and the loss of his mother in the same week had been too much. When he’d pulled himself back up, out of the shit, he’d come to check on mom and me. He’d never made contact, knowing then that he was being watched by the feds for some stupid shit he’d done during his low years, he hadn’t wanted any of that stink to rub off on Trace’s girls.

Trap admitted that he’d spoken to Mrs. Hill, that she’d caught him totally unaware one night as he’d been watching our house, she’d snuck up behind him and knocked him over the head with her cast iron skillet. I had to laugh, knowing that the crazy old-woman would have done just that, if she thought someone in the neighborhood was up to no good.

After swearing loudly, he’d spun around, ready to kill someone, when he saw the tiny old woman, wielding the giant pan and he began to laugh, because in that woman, he saw who his own mother would have become if she’d gotten the chance to grow that old. Trap had explained what he was doing and why he’d been spying on our house for the past few days. They’d formed a special relationship that night, and she kept him updated about us. Over the years, he would drive out once or twice a year to check for himself, but Mrs. Hill would phone, or he would call her for somewhat regular updates. He didn’t confirm it, but I got the impression that he sent her money too. I knew she didn’t have much, and the expense of watching me, the amount of food and art supplies she would have bought, would have eaten up her meager monthly income. She always had new toys and special things for me at her house, and most of the time she let me take them home.

I loved hearing these things, it was healing somehow, I didn’t know why, but it was like my own father had sent his best friend to watch over me, to protect me from any evil that could have happened. It had been more difficult when Mrs. Hill had died, of course, but he’d found a way to go into the bank where my mom had worked at the time and strike up a conversation, he’d been able to get her to tell him where I was at school and even what city I lived in when I’d moved to California. That had apparently taken longer to find me, but he’d done it and was happy when he saw me living with Tyler, knowing he’d help to keep me safe.

Tears running freely down my cheeks, I choked out, “thank you so much, I can’t imagine the years of dedication to your friend, my dad, that you’d watch out for us like that.”

Shaking his head, he admitted, “it was a way for me to keep a piece of him too. I never had a brother, and neither did her, we were all each other had in that way, for a long time. Watching out for you and your mama, it was the least I could do for him.”

I hugged Trap when he left, it seemed to take the burly man by surprise, but I didn’t care. He was like an uncle, I’d never know, but who’d always been there. I felt a special kinship with him all of a sudden It was funny when Trap gave Gavin a stern look, and warned; “you’d better take good care of Trace’s girl. I’ve been watching, I know who you are, now and back then, you be good and watch out for her, and I can retire, I’m too old for this shit.”

Gavin grunted in response, but didn’t say any more than that.

Falling asleep in the arms of the man I loved, later that night, I thought back on the love my mom obviously shared with my father, and how a strange visit from a man I didn’t know, changed my entire perception. Trap didn't make any promises about seeing me again, about being back, but when he left, I hugged him and thanked him for all he'd done for us over the years. I wondered why he'd never approached us, why he hadn't made sure we were told. He didn't explain to me, why he'd kept his distance that way, but I hoped that somehow, somewhere, in the future that he'd be back.

When I walked into Mom’s house on Friday evening, I watched as she scanned my left hand, before giving me a hug. Well, that explained her exuberance when I made plans with her.

“It’s a bit too soon, don’t you think?” I asked, a smile plastered on my face.

She shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile. After retrieving drinks for us, she led me to the sofa and we settled in. I jumped right in, I was so nervous, I couldn’t possibly keep my cool with casual conversation.

After I told her the basics, her face paled and her hand flew to her mouth. I could see the moisture in her eyes, but she fought it back, not allowing even one tear to fall.

“That’s why he didn’t come back,” she whispered, understanding and sadness lacing her voice. “When was it?” She asked.

“Nineteen-ninety.”

Standing abruptly, she called, “can you find out exactly when?”

“Of course,” I said, puzzled, but pulling my phone out to send a text to Gavin. He’d called me when I left the store. He’d wanted to check in with me, to make sure I was okay and that I still didn’t need him to be with me. I’d done my best to assure him, I wasn’t sure if it had, but he promised he’d come home as soon as he could. He was scheduled to get off at seven, but that rarely happened.

Within minutes, my mother was walking back into the room, holding an envelope. From the look of it, it was old and worn.

Gavin’s reply came within minutes and I had my answer.

“March twentieth, nineteen-ninety,” I told her as she took her seat next to me on the couch.

She nodded that she got it and opened the folded paper tucked inside. It was a hand written letter, to my mom. The postmark was dated February twenty-eighth, nineteen-ninety. I noticed that there was no return address, but it had been sent to her at her parent’s house and forwarded.

Sarah,

Things have been bad here, I can’t call, but I wanted you to know that I’ll be there next month sometime, April at the latest. I hope you’re well and that you’ll forgive me, it’s taken a lot longer than I thought it would to get things in order.

I want you to be ready, my place isn’t big, but I’ll bring you back with me, baby, and we can make a good life here. Can’t wait to see you, and to hold you in my arms again. Love you, girl.

T

Reading the words that my father had written, made my heart hurt and explained a lot to me about her. She’d been a girl with a baby only a few months old, alone, and waiting for the man she loved. He had loved her too.

I didn’t understand why no one had thought to tell her back then, but I now got it, why she’d waited for him for all those years. She had hoped, that he would keep his promise. I told her about Trap’s visit the night before. She’d been surprised to hear his name, to hear all he’d done for us over the years, and she teared up and nodded several times, when I shared his story.

I hugged and held my mom for long minutes, while she cried silent tears and I lamented the loss of a man I’d never known. The positive was, she didn’t slide back into herself. She seemed resigned to it, and maybe even relieved to finally know the truth.

Those years had marked us both, and as sad as it was, as hard as it was to understand, we were who we were now, because of the challenges we’d faced.

A couple of hours passed, we shared a simple dinner, then I headed home, to Gavin. I thought about my mom and the way she’d been when I left. She was sad, but not horribly so, but she’d been clutching that letter to her chest.

Her time with Trace or Jameson, or whomever he was, had been so short. My gut tightened just at the thought of losing Gavin. His job was dangerous, I knew it, and the possibility of him being hurt, or worse, killed was too much for me to even consider.

I wondered how Aurora dealt with it, how she lived with Luke every day, they were planning a wedding, how did she live day to day without allowing the fear to cripple her? I decided that I would make time to talk to her, alone. Maybe, it’s knowing that the person you’re with is the one and appreciating that every day you’re given with them is a gift to be cherished. I’d think about that, focus on every day I had with him and this beautiful life we were making together.

Gavin was waiting for me when I pulled up. I’d texted him, letting him know I was on my way before leaving. He was standing on the front porch, ready for me. When I parked, he came right to me and pulled me tight to him as soon as I was out of the car. He held me to his side as we walked to the front door and inside.

He didn’t ask, but I shared about my mom and her reactions, the letter, everything as we sat together on the couch. Gavin was my absolute supporter. He never tried to take over my life, but was there for me at every step. He didn’t maneuver me around the dips and pitfalls in my path, he was there, walking next to me, holding my hand, and when needed, guiding me through them.

I would make it my mission in life to do the same for him.

***

Tuesday, Aurora and I had the morning alone in the store. I’d grabbed coffees for us and was at the store early. We had thirty minutes before opening.

With my usual style, I jumped right in, “Aurora,” I called, as she stood behind the counter, and waited until she looked up at me.

“Can I ask you something serious?”

“Of course, anytime.” Her forehead crinkled with obvious concern.

“How do you do it? Deal with Luke’s job, I mean.”

She took a few minutes to consider my question, then replied, “Well, if you mean the always on call part, the crazy hours and time alone, I do my best to adjust my hours so we have time together, and when plans get ruined, or need to change, I just roll with it. If you mean the grumpy attitude that comes after a particularly hard day, I give him space and try to remind myself that he isn’t upset with me, though I struggle with that one.” She took a breath and looked at me more closely, “but that isn’t what you mean, is it?”

I shook my head, “no, I mean the dangerous job, though those things are helpful too.”

She nodded and frowned. “You have to understand that I’ve known Luke since I was a kid, when he and Nolan went into the Marine Corps, I worried about both of them a lot. Luke and I weren’t together, then, of course, but there was always something special about him.” She paused a moment, with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“I guess what I’m saying is, deployment was worse. Not hearing from my brother for days or weeks, not knowing what was happening, that was hard. This is hard too, especially in light of the recent attitude toward police officers, it can be frightening, but I do my best to love every minute we have together.” Her smile was small but genuine, and I could see her mind working.

“I won’t say that there aren’t nights when he has a call out that I don’t stay up and watch the news, I do. But, if, God forbid, something happened and I lost him, I’d rather have him for the time I was given, than to never have had him at all.”

“Thank you,” I croaked out, too choked up to say more.

“Are you worried about something in particular or the job overall?”

“Overall, and I hear what you’re saying. I guess, I just needed someone else to reiterate it for me. Does that make sense?”

“Absolutely, I don’t know if you know this, but my dad passed away when I was a teenager. He was the only man my mom ever loved, and as far as I know, she never dated after that. It was hard for her, but she told me, before she died, that she cherished every second they had together, and even if she’d known, that he’d be taken from her so soon, she would have spent those years with him anyway. She told me that even if they were in their nineties, it wouldn’t have been enough time for her.”

I wiped a tear from my cheek just as Aurora turned her back to me to find the box of tissues she had hidden under the counter.

I held her words close, the wisdom her mother handed down to her was invaluable, I would remember those words for the rest of my life.

Amber came in a few hours later, jabbering on about going out the following weekend. She had decreed another girls’ night. I had a feeling that mixed up with this group, my social calendar would be filled in a way it never had been before.