Geist (7 page)

Aren't we all? 

Nothing was ever going to still my heart when it was around him. I still had feelings for him. I still cared deeply for him. And we had never been able to consummate the relationship. 

It was odd to me that the fantasies I'd had while we dated—the ones of sexual bliss with Daniel—had been the same ones that had helped me become the Wraith. And yet...

"I can hear you," Alice said softly. 

Oh shit. "You can hear me thinking?" 

"I can see your memories." 

"Can Dags?"

"Not yet, but if you keep that up he will. Turn it down a notch. And stop thinking about Daniel's pants. Remember, there's a woman inside of there now." 

I laughed. "Alice, there are
two
women inside the man I love." 

She didn't say anything after that. 

I moved away from Joe and stood in front of Daniel. He and I were evenly matched, eye to eye. Dark lashes framed his blue eyes. His hair hung long and shaggy around his face and pulled away into a short pony-tail in back. He wore a long duster, a white tee-shirt beneath it.  

"Zoë—" 

I smiled at him. "It's good to see you well, Daniel. And tell Inanna it's good to see her. I never got a chance to—" 

He took a step closer to me and I thought for an instant he was going to give me a hug. Or even a smile. But his expression remained impassive. Blank. "I'm fine," was all he said. 

And then his voice changed and took on that two-toned effect that happened when a First Born spoke through their host. "Is this true? Are you out of body?" 

I nodded and felt Dags behind me. He put his hand on my back and I melted into it. I once felt love and compassion from Daniel. I knew he loved me. I knew he cared for me.  

But now...there was something different. 

"Ah...yes. I'm out of body right now." 

Jason returned to his perch of leaning against the TV stand. Rhonda sat on the bed opposite from the one Dags had been in. Joe joined her there. A good two feet separated them. 

Had something happened between them? Last I knew the two of them had become an item. 

TC stayed where he was—and ate grapes. 

Dags moved beside me as Alice re-appeared to his right. Like this, she and I flanked him, much like Maureen and Alice had. Dags held up his palms for everyone to see. 

Joe pointed to his left hand. "What the hell's going on with that one? It's black like a negative image. Is Maureen okay? Where is she?" 

Dags took in a deep breath. "From what we can figure out—Zoë's body is in the abysmal plane—inside of a Throne just as Nona guessed it was. Somehow—and even Zoë's a bit sketchy on the how—she and Maureen have exchanged places. Maureen is in her body and she's taken up where Maureen was." 

"Does this have anything to do with the book?" Daniel said. He was still standing, his gaze focused Dags' hand. 

"Yes it does," I said and pulled out the page again. I held it up. "We're guessing this is the last page—which is how I was able to link back to Dags. According to Alice, this page is what gives Dags, Alice and Maureen access to the
Grimoire
. Somehow, because it's physically with me, I was able to use it." 

Joe looked thoughtful. "Now, I always thought you had, like, a time limit when you went OOB. 'Cause that's technically what you're doing, right?" 

"Right, and no." I shrugged. "I haven't felt any fatigue. And I think," and here was where I was going to need to give out information without sounding all Buddha on them. And what sucked was I was pretty sure no one was going to believe I came up with this on my own. "And I could be wrong, but, I think as long as she's inhabiting my body, I can stay here. With Dags." 

He pulled me close to him and kissed my cheek. I cried a little inside. Should I tell him I couldn't feel him? That I couldn't seem to feel anyone or anything. That being a Familiar was like being something...dead? 

"I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop," TC said. 

I looked past them and fixed my eyes on him. "I thought you'd at least be happy to see me?"

"But that's just it," he came from the kitchenette and stood next to Daniel. Daniel was much taller, but what TC lacked in height he made up for in size. "We're
not
seeing you. We're seeing a projection of you. In case it hasn't sunk in yet, lover," and he reached up and removed his shades. I stared into his pearl white eyes. "That page is with
you
—inside of a Throne. No one—except a Seraphim or a Phantasm—can even touch a Throne." 

I started to answer him when I felt Dags move beside me. I turned and caught his arm as his knees buckled beneath him. "Dags?"

"S-sorry," he said as he stumbled back into the bed. He leaned back on the headboard and had his right hand to his face. I had a death-grip on his left hand. "I just felt really dizzy." 

"There's the shoe," TC said as he turned and went back to his grapes. "The link to the book's gonna vanish faster now cause spook girl's tap'n it. We got to get those borders open and get that page." 

Rhonda was up and pushing me out of the way. "Move—you're draining him." 

"I am not—" 

"I think Azrael's right, Zoë," Alice spoke up. 

I stepped back and looked at Alice as Rhonda muscled me out of the way and placed a hand to the side of Dags' face. "How? Do you and Maureen drain him?" 

"Yes and no," she put a hand on my arm. There were so many people in the room. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. "She and I did at first, before the
Grimoire
was placed inside. And we'd all have to rest. I used to draw directly from him to make myself physical—so that I could interact with this world." 

I narrowed my eyes at Alice. "It was a bad thing to do?" 

"It was necessary. But it made him weak and sick. And I stopped. With the
Grimoire
in place—and accessible—we found we could use power from it." 

"But that's closed off now," Joe said as he came around the other side of the bed. "Rhonda?" 

"He's asleep. And he's warm." She turned and gave me an ubër-hateful look. "I suggest you stop this. You're exhausting him." 

I hesitated and looked around at the faces looking at me. They didn't look happy. 

"Get out!" 

-10-

Together But Apart

I opened my mouth to give her a piece of my mind—but Alice's hand on my arm stopped me. 

"Come with me, Zoë." 

"But I want to be with—" 

She winked. 

I stepped back—

And we were once again on the shore by the fire. The book loomed in the shadows to my right. The dress I'd created moved in the breeze. "Alice—" 

"She's not here." 

Dags stood by the fire. He was dressed the same as in the physical world, but here his hair was longer. Almost as it'd been when we met. He stepped toward me and put a hand on my cheek. "She's minding the store." 

I wanted to feel his hand there. God I just wanted to
feel
again...

He stepped closer as his hand slid from my cheek, just brushing his thumb over my jaw, and then cradled the back of my head as he pressed his lips against mine. I sobbed as I slipped my arms around his chest. How many nights, days, hours, and minutes had I floated in that limbo of nothing and dreamed of holding him again? 

Of feeling him against me? How could I express my agony at seeing him become little more than a doll, left alone in that room for hours at a time. 

I heard music from somewhere on the wind across the water. It was Plumb's "Cut" and I held him tighter as he ran his tongue along my lower lip. I knew it was there...but I just couldn't...

"Dags..." 

He stopped and looked at me. There was nothing in those eyes but love. "What is it?" 

"I can't—" oh God how could I ruin this moment? How could I do this to the both of us? "I want to but I can't—"

"You can't—" 

I put raised my arms and put my hands to the sides of his face. I was touching something solid. But I couldn't
feel
his skin, or his warmth. "Dags I can't
feel
you." 

I was surprised when he smiled and gave a soft, deep laugh. "I can't actually feel you either, Zoë. But this is the realm of the inner mind. We're just shades of ourselves." 

It made sense. And I should have known that he'd know what I was feeling. Or what I wasn't. "But I can't even feel you when I go corporeal. It's not like it was before when I was OOB from my own body—" 

"I know." 

"—and it's just—you know?"

"Yes. Maureen used to talk to me about it. I don't know why it's that way. Maybe it's because as Familiars you're no longer creatures of flesh and blood?" He moved his hand to my cheek again. "But it doesn't matter, Zoë. You and I can
remember
what it was like to feel one another. I have my memories of making love to you—they're alive and with me all the time. We might not be able to feel one another now—but we're together again. I can see you, touch you in a manner, and I can talk to you. Zoë," and his eyes were red rimmed. "You have no idea how alone I've been—" 

"Oh the hell I don't," I said and pulled him to me. I was afraid I was going to crush him I held him so tight. "I've been in that damned egg for so long. No touch. No contact. Not even my father came to see me, Dags. He locked me away—" and that's when I realized my own eyes were wet. 

He pulled back and moved his thumb to my eyes and gently wiped away my sadness. "I'm here. They tried to keep us apart." 

"They can't ever do that." 

"No," he said and leaned his left cheek against my right one. In my ear he whispered, "I will be with you till the end of time. Not even the stars can burn as bright as my love for you." 

I exploded inside at that moment—filled with a happy I thought I'd forgotten. And then it didn't matter if I could feel his touch, or if he could feel mine. We were
together
. One to one. 

There was a fire, the sound of the water, a distant music and time for us as his body slept. 

But even as he led me to a bed of pillows and blankets by the fire, I worried that if we made love it would tire him out. Unfortunately, I'd said that with my outside voice.

"Oh...I don't think so," he said and pulled me down beside him. He directed me to lay back on the blanket and I watched him under the moonlight as he smoothed my hair to the side. Dags removed his shirt and I reached out to run my hands over the contours of his shoulders. His muscles cut deep grooves and soft shadows. I knew I was touching him, could remember what his skin felt like. 

I wanted to cry. I just wanted to be normal again. 

A normal girl in love with a normal boy. 

In a normal relationship. 

With a normal future. 

He unbuttoned the front of my dress and it melted away. That's when I realized he was no longer wearing pants. We were two nude bodies beneath the moon on a beach in a world that existed on the edge of imagination; beyond reality. 

I wanted him beside me, but Dags moved my hand away as he leaned down and pressed his lips between my breasts. With his right hand he fondled my left nipple with his thumb as he traced the path to my right nipple and teased it softly with his tongue. 

I lost myself in the memory—though faded as it was—of his lips on my body. That afternoon in the bathroom at Rhonda's. I arched my back and thrust my breasts to him. Dags moved his right hand around my back and pulled me closer, supporting me as he moved his tongue from my right breast to my left. I put my right hand on his back as he shifted above me and straddled my hips. 

I wanted to feel his arousal against me—I wanted to feel it
inside
of me. 

With a moan I pulled him down to me, wrapping my legs around his waist and reached down to touch his hard cock. I knew it was velvet smooth, and warm. When he didn't react, I felt my heart plummet and my eyes burned again. 

"Zoë?" 

I let him go and tried to turn away. But he held onto me and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry...I just can't." 

"It's...difficult." 

"Dags—some much about making love is about
feeling.
Not just emotionally—but
physically
. I need to
know
your skin is against mine. I need the sensation. Memories are fine—but they fade. I want to make new ones." 

He looked so sad as he remained mounted over me. He had his arms around me, beneath me. He buried his face into the side of my neck. I held onto him.

His shoulders shook against me and I held him as tight as I could for as long as he would have me. 

Eventually he moved to my side and I shifted to face him. He on his left, me on my right. We lay like that for a long time, staring at one another. We talked, we laughed, we cried. He told me what'd happened to him—what he could remember—which wasn't much between when Maureen opened the book and Frejya (Umayma) and Rhonda put it back together—again. The two of them had originally re-assembled it that night—but they didn't realize it'd been put back together wrong—with pages missing. 

Then I told him what I could remember. Daniel and TC.

"So...he was there. Azrael." 

"Yeah. He warned me not to try and help Sophia. But I sort of—" I remembered very clearly shoving him backward with the power I'd had. "I kinda pissed him off. The two of them left."  

He laughed softly at me. "He doesn't know you very well." 

I frowned at him and moved a strand of his silky hair from his face. "What's that supposed to mean." 

"That telling you or warning you not to do something—just means you're going to do it." 

Well yeah that was true—and TC did know that. Hell, he'd been the one to teach me what I could do as a fully physical Wraith. 

In fact—TC knew me a lot better than most people. 

"What's that face for?" 

I refocused on Dags. "It's just that—you don't think he
wanted
me to do it do you? TC knew what I was heading toward. That maybe he wanted me to be the Phantasm just like my dad?"