Generational Sins (12 page)

"There is no need to threaten me. I understand." I was really biting my tongue. No one talked to me this way. If I didn't need his help so badly I would never have stood for this.

"Good. Did you use your bare hands?"

"Yes. Should I have used something different?"

"No, that's as good a place to start as any. You can work your way up to other things. How many did you give her?"

"I don't know."

"Whadaya’ mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know. I hit her until her ass was red, and I was ready to fuck her. How the hell should I know?"

"You shoulda’ counted. You always count. Better yet, make her count, out loud. It’ll keep her focused. Get a set number in your head before you start and stop when you get there. Your job is to maintain your control. If you don't count, then twenty can turn into thirty and next thing ya know, she's seriously hurt. You need to count, David."

"Right, I'll count or make her count. How many is reasonable?"

"For Katlyn specifically or in general?"

"For her." I wanted to know if I was going overboard or being too soft.

"It depends on how hard they are, but anywhere between five and twenty-five could be okay with your bare hands. Never above the tailbone and don't strike the same place twice in a row. Use the tops of her thighs too and you can even land a few right on her pussy when you are more comfortable with the amount of pressure it takes. Rub her down with lotion when you’re done to help with the ache. You should check her the following day. Using your open hand shouldn't leave bruises. If you bruised her, you hit her too hard. Got it?"

"Got it." I was such a dork. I was actually scribbling down notes.

"Did you talk about it after?"

"Yeah, a little. She said that it was good stress relief."

He laughed again. "I'll bet she did. She checks in with me now and then, and if I’m right, she hasn't had a Dom since me, which means she was long over due. She was probably ruttin’ like a mare in heat."

"Yeah, about that…" I said. I wasn't quite sure how to phrase this, and I was a little afraid that his cowboy terminology was going to go over my head. "How does that work exactly? I mean I know that I enjoyed it, but she was in tears. I have a hard time believing that it was enjoyable for her."

He paused for a minute, and I hoped that I didn't say something really wrong.

"I'm gonna recommend some websites that’ll help you with this, but I'll give ya the basic idea now. Have you heard the saying 'If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about'?"

"Sure," I said. "It's a common thing that bad parents say to their kids."

"Well it's a crappy thing for parenting maybe, but that's what women like Katlyn need."

I didn't get it. "I'm sorry. You’ve lost me."

"Katlyn is strong. Very strong. She is fiercely independent and very intelligent. She doesn’t allow herself to behave irrationally. She won't throw a temper tantrum. Her self-discipline is incredible, but she can only maintain that kind of life for so long. Everyone needs an outlet. She is too strong to cry over nothin’. As her Dom, you need to give her somethin’ to cry about."

I thought about that for a moment. "You're saying that she bottles everything up and doesn't ever cry. So I am supposed to physically make her cry because it has emotional benefits?"

"That's the general idea."

"Wow."

"Gives you something to think about, don't it?"

"Yeah. That helps a lot."

"That's only one reason, though. Women liked to be spanked in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons. Eventually you'll experience them all. Katlyn is an excellent partner, and she’ll be a good teacher. For now though, I am going to give you some instructions, and I want you to follow them and then call me again to tell me how it went. Okay?"

"I appreciate that," I said, and I meant it. It was good to have an ally in this, even if he had an obnoxious cowboy twang.

"I want you to go over the safewords first. Do it outsida’ the bedroom in a normal conversation where she is not intimidated. Then, I want you to give her a task. Make it something non-sexual like making her memorize the answers for a quiz or somethin’. Tell her ahead of time what the reward will be if she succeeds. Also tell her what the punishment will be if she fails. Be specific about both. She needs to know what your expectations are and what the consequences will be. She can't play the game if you don't tell her the rules. Understand?"

"Yes. I understand."

"And Dave? Be prepared for the possibility that she might fail on purpose."

"Oh," I thought about that for a minute. "Oh!"

He laughed again. "Now you're getting it."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Sure. What's your email? I'm going to send you some links."

I gave him my email and thanked him again. That was a very helpful conversation. I couldn't wait to get started.

Later that night as I lay in bed I thought about Kat and everything that Cody had said. He was right. She was incredibly strong and that was why I had so much trouble accepting this.

I had grown up thinking that women were the weaker gender, but when I met Kat, I saw a woman for the first time as my equal. Fucking those club girls was a whole different ball game because I didn't see them the same way I saw Kat. They were airheads. Kat was brilliant, witty, sweet, and beautiful. She was worthy. It was her strength that attracted me, and it scared me because I didn't want to squash her. I was afraid that I would beat it out of her as my father had done to my mother.

I always knew that my parent's relationship was not normal. When other kids talked about their moms and dads I knew that my home life was atypical. I just thought that my father was stronger than most, and I thought that my mother was better behaved than most. I thought we were elite, like some kind of royalty that played by a different set of rules.

When I got older and knew more about abusive relationships, I simply thought my father was strict. If my mother didn't screw up, he wouldn't hit her. I thought it was her fault. He always told me it was.

When I was old enough to understand sex, I thought they were just rougher than most couples. My father took me to an upscale whorehouse for my sixteenth birthday. I had been messing around with girls for about a year, but I was still technically a virgin. We fucked two girls doggie style side-by-side on the floor together. He told me what to do, and I did it. I had no idea that was not normal father/son behavior. I just thought my dad was cooler than most other guy's. I wasn't one to kiss and tell and truthfully, I didn't have many close friends anyway. I had never let people get close to me.

He taught me that sex was about getting off. He taught me that it was okay to lose my temper with a woman. He showed me that women wanted to be used like play things, and until Kat, no one had really shown me otherwise.

But, I wouldn't squash Kat in the way that my father had done to my mother. I wasn't going to abuse her. I was going to meet her needs. She needed structure and discipline. She fed from my strength and trusted me to know what was best for her.

I needed the affirmation that came from properly caring for those who were my responsibility. I needed that kind of control. I knew now that I could give her stress relief, I could give and deny pleasure, I could define consequences and rewards for her behaviors.

What Cody had told me about her need to cry actually made a lot of sense. We all dealt with stress differently. Typically, I took mine out on the closest leggy blond. Kat just wanted someone to help her with it. She wanted someone to take the responsibility and decision making for a while. She spent most of her life being a responsible, self-disciplined adult, and she wanted some time where she didn't have to be in charge. I could do that for her. Hell, I would love to do that for her. Especially if it meant I got to use her body for my own release.

I would see Kat in class tomorrow. I would ask her to walk back with me so that I could talk to her. I had a task all picked out, just like Cody had suggested, and I was eager to begin.

I followed my father out to the porch. I was ready to strangle him for the way that he touched my wife, but all things considered, it could have been worse. I needed to stay in control of my temper.

"David," my father said sitting down in one of the patio chairs. "I am concerned about Kat's commitment to you."

"Why would you say that?" I asked. I had no idea where he was going with this. I knew quite well that my wife was as committed to me as I was to her.

"Was she a virgin when you took her?"

Oh. Now that was a touchy subject. I knew that my father would prefer if she had been, but he knew as well as I did that a twenty-four year old virgin was rare. He also knew that I was sleeping with her, and he probably would have expected me to wait if I was taking her virginity. In this case, honesty was probably the best policy.

"No," I said, "although she did not have a lot of partners before me."

He gave me a disproving glare. "And you still think she's worthy?"

"Yes. I do." I was not about to argue the finer points of my wife's worth with my father. I needed to change the subject.

"In fact, I was going to tell mother of my plans to marry Kat this afternoon. I would like to propose over Thanksgiving break. Possibly have an engagement party over Christmas, and then a wedding in the spring. What do you think?"

"If you're sure that she will be properly dedicated to you, then I think your timeline is acceptable. I would use the time between now and Thanksgiving wisely. Make it clear to her that Paulson men are protective of their property."

"I'm sure," I replied. "She fears me far too much to consider leaving me, but I will certainly remember your recommendation and take it to heart."

My father smiled. "Then all is as it should be. I'm glad she's learning her place."

He paused for another moment. "I wanted to discuss something else with you as well."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Kat's occupation."

"She's a teacher."

"I know she's a teacher. I am questioning the fact that you are allowing her to work. I can understand how you've allowed it until now, but surely when she becomes your wife you will put an end to that."

I didn't respond. Kat was not about to give up her career and there was no way I could ask that of her. Of course we planned to move after the "wedding" anyway so it was a moot point. She would continue to teach, but not at the same school, and he would no longer have a say in the matter.

"After the wedding I'm sure that Kat will give up her teaching..."

"Surely you didn't mean that," my father interrupted harshly. "Becoming your wife is not a sacrifice. She is not giving up anything."

"Of course, Father," I backpedaled. Shit. "I simply meant that she would cease working after the wedding. It will be the end of the school year anyway, and we will want to take an extended honeymoon. When we come back she'll settle into her position as my wife."

He was clearly displeased with the way I was handling this situation. I should never have allowed myself to be drawn into this conversation unprepared.

"Perhaps it would be better if she were to give notice now, so that she would have adequate time to prepare for the wedding. There is no need for her to work. Surely you can provide for her with the more than generous trust fund that I have given you access to. I will arrange for off campus housing for the two of you."

"I assure you that's not necessary..."

"Nonsense. She needs to understand her dependence upon you. I assure you this is in your best interest."

This was not good. There was no way that I could ask Kat to quit teaching simply because my father told me to. And while my father was correct in saying that I could provide for her from my trust fund, his name was still the primary name on that account. I could access that money, but he ultimately had control over it. If he decided to cut me off, without Kat's income, we would have nothing. It didn't just make Kat dependent on me. It made both of us dependent on my father. I couldn't allow for that.

Not to mention that we were already living together and this would require us both to move, and a whole host of other complications. It was essential that I talk him out of this.

"In the best interest of my studies, I think we should leave things as they are. Kat can be a bit of a distraction, if you know what I mean." I gestured through the kitchen window where Kat was silhouetted at the kitchen sink with my mother. She tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder at just the right moment, proving my point with her beauty. "I am not willing to sacrifice my years of excellent grades because of a woman. I'll have her at my disposal for the rest of my life. There is no need to rush."

He looked at me, considering. "I want you to be focused on your studies, but as you're almost finished, I think you will be able to manage both your studies and your home."

"It isn't worth the risk," I countered. "It's only a few more months, and I assure you, Kat is quite clear on her role as my wife." I thought for a moment longer. "Although, it is nice to have privacy, not afforded to me by Kat's current apartment. I think we will make use of this house on certain weekends if it's acceptable to you?"