Getting Lei'd (16 page)

“Now he’s in there banging that prissy prude, Victoria.” She spits out the name with venom.

I try to hide my shock at this revelation. Perhaps we really brought out the wild side in old Vicky. I wouldn’t have thought she had it in her.

“What does he see in her? She’s a Goody Two-shoes who probably just lies there the entire time waiting for it to be over,” Ruthie sneers unkindly. I know that her words are just coming from a place of hurt and anger, although I’m uncertain why she would be lashing out toward Victoria, rather than Curtis. He’s the one, not Victoria, who had a relationship with Ruthie. Victoria probably has no idea that Ruthie and Curtis had been seeing each other.

Instead of playing the rational older sister and pointing out the flaw in her logic, I nod and listen while she rants about what an ice queen Victoria is. All the while, I am secretly thinking that Vicky probably has an adventurous and dangerous side that bubbles just under the surface of her prim facade. If she has let her fiery red hair down, she might be completely rocking Curtis’s world right now. I wisely keep that thought to myself.

My phone buzzes with a new text. Normally, I wouldn’t take time away from such an important conversation to check my phone, but I really need to talk to Kai, and it might be him. Besides, Ruthie is so much in her own world that she probably won’t even notice.

To my surprise, the text is from Lizzie, my lifelong best friend. The text reads, “
I’m sooooo sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
”

I smile at the words because I realize that I should be thanking her for stopping me from making the biggest mistake of my life. Although I didn’t know at the time that marrying Gary would have been disastrous, I know it now. Without their betrayal, I would have met Kai as a newly married woman. Would I have still felt the instant attraction I had for him yet been unable to acknowledge it in any way? Would I have already figured out that marrying Gary was a huge blunder?

I decide not to completely let Lizzie off the hook. I mean, she did betray our friendship by having an affair with Gary. I type a quick response.
“Perhaps. I’ll call you in a few days.”
I’m sure I’ll eventually forgive her—I might have already done that, but I won’t be able to forget what happened. She has been a friend my entire life, and I don’t want to cut her completely out of my life. I don’t think things will ever be exactly the same between us, though. Some breaches of trust can never be entirely absolved.

When I tell Ruthie about the text exchange with Lizzie, she quickly turns the discussion back around to her current situation. “That traitor ruined your wedding day by cheating with
your
man, just like that awful redheaded puffed pastry is in there doing with Curtis right now.” I nod, letting her vent.

Ruthie eventually tires of alternating between brokenhearted sobbing and belittling blustering about Victoria. I retrieve a couple of napkins from the bar. She loudly blows her nose on one, and I use the other to help wipe the tears from her cheeks. Once we have her relatively cleaned up, I put my arm around her and say that we need to get her ready for the wedding.

At first I think she might try to weasel out of going, but then she rallies. I can see the determination rising in her before she says, “I don’t want either of them to see me looking like this. The next time Curtis sees me, I’m going to look so gorgeous it will knock his socks off, and he’s going to beg me for forgiveness.”

She pauses, and concern grows in me as I wonder if she would actually take him back after he slept with someone else. Even though they weren’t officially exclusive, it still doesn’t seem right. I don’t have to worry too long. “Then I can tell him to bite me before I saunter off with the most handsome man around.”

There’s the Ruthie I know and love
, I think to myself as I help her up. I smile at her spunk before adding,
It will have to be the second most handsome man around because Kai will be with me.

“You!” the tiny Hawaiian woman growls at me, while jabbing a short, brown finger into my belly. The top of her head barely reaches my chest, yet somehow I feel intimidated. “You hurt my sweet Kai.”

Her words leave no doubt that she is Kai’s Nana Lana. Seeing her glaring eyes peer up at me, I wonder if there might be some truth to Baggy’s assessment that the woman is crazy. Her next venomous words leave little doubt. “You hurt my sweet boy. I put a hex on you.”

“No, you don’t understand,” I stammer, suddenly concerned. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.” Her dark eyes look almost black as they squint at me in disbelief. “I came back here to be with Kai.”

“You left him,” she snarls at me.

“I did,” I confess, “but I quickly realized what a mistake that was, and I came back for him.” The woman seems to be all long, dark hair (except for the stark white streak in the front) and mean, beady eyes as she continues to glare at me. I wonder if she’s putting a hex on me right now or if it requires a chant or a full moon to conjure. I’ve never been a big believer in magic, but there is no denying that there is something mystical about her. She is one of the few women I have ever met who would give Baggy a serious run for her money in the “nontraditional grandmother” category.

She keeps staring at me, and it is making me wildly uncomfortable. I am not sure what she is waiting for me to say or do. My nervousness makes me start rambling. “I was miserable at home. I should have never left Kai. It doesn’t make any logical sense that in such a short time he has become so important to me, but it’s true. I don’t want to live my life without him.” I pause, but then decide I might as well go all in—especially if she’s getting ready to curse me anyway. “I love him, Nana Lana.” It is the first time I have admitted it to anyone else.

“You do?” I don’t know when Kai walked up behind me, but he must have heard my last statement. I turn to face him. He’s even more impossibly gorgeous than my recollections. I nod my head, but it doesn’t satisfy him. “You love me?” he asks again.

“Yes,” I confirm, and I am rewarded with the most gorgeous, slightly gap-toothed smile I have ever seen.

“All right, then,” Nana Lana says, giving me for the first time since our less-than-friendly introduction a hint of what might be a slightly friendly look. I can’t help but notice that she has gorgeous, youthful skin, especially for a grandmother. I make a mental note that I need to start slathering on the magic jelly. “It’s time for the ceremony,” she announces to the group at large, effectively cutting off my discussion with Kai. I suddenly go from being almost fearful of her, to wanting to flip the end of her nose. She had somehow managed to butt into and stall the single most important conversation of my life.

I have never wanted to hear what someone has to say more, but I don’t have a choice. It’s time to line up for the wedding. Kai and I will have to finish this potentially life-altering discussion later.

Before I know it, I am whisked away and find myself standing near the altar beside Ruthie, watching my father attempt to wrangle Baggy down the aisle. Seeming to sense that Baggy is going to be easily distracted, he locks his elbow more firmly with hers and steers her toward us.

Deciding that my father has the matter well in hand, I chance a look at Howie. He is beaming from ear to ear, as if he has just won the lottery. He has the right idea, I decide. Getting to spend the rest of his life with Baggy is like winning a huge jackpot. I just hope he is up to the challenge.

Honi and Leilani have been standing off to the side of the altar in traditional Hawaiian attire. Not having been involved in much of the wedding planning, I am uncertain what their roles are in the ceremony. I am pleasantly surprised when Honi starts playing the ukulele and singing a haunting but beautiful love song. Leilani begins slowly swaying her hips to the music. Her graceful movements are mesmerizingly smooth and all eyes are on her—all except for Kai’s.

I can feel his gaze on me. When I lock eyes with him, delicious warmth spreads over me. I like the way he is looking at me, and I don’t want him to stop. At the same time, I am desperate to hear what he has to say about my proclamation of love for him and what ideas he has for our future—assuming he wants a future with me. From the unabashed desirous look of adoration that he is currently beaming at me, I’m guessing that’s a safe bet.

When the lovely ballad ends, Nana Lana gives an extended blow into a conch shell. She then efficiently and authoritatively explains in her melodic voice that blowing into a shell or
pu
is a signal to the land, air, fire, and sea that something very special is about to happen. Howie tenderly kisses Baggy’s cheek. I don’t remember ever before seeing her look this lovely or happy.

The ceremony is a harmonious blend of native Hawaiian traditions and familiar nondenominational wedding customs. The bride and groom exchange platinum wedding bands and floral leis that they have woven for each other. When Nana Lana explains that these circles unite the bride, groom, and their loved ones in an eternal loop of aloha or love, I hear Ruthie sigh dreamily behind me.

My eyes travel from Kai to the nuptials, then, almost involuntarily, they travel back to Kai. He doesn’t seem to be having the same issue. Every time I look at him, he is steadily and lovingly gazing back at me. My heart melts a little more each time.

Baggy and Howie call each other “Boris” and “Natasha” when they exchange their vows. I hear some tittering from my mother, but my father manages to calm her enough that she doesn’t stop the ceremony. I’m sure her traditionalist views of how solemn and serious a wedding ceremony should be have been incredibly offended, though. Boris and Natasha don’t seem to notice that anything is amiss as they blissfully promise to love each other until death parts them.

When it’s time for the groom to kiss the bride, their lips and tongues linger beyond the nervous laughter of the crowd, beyond the uncomfortable shifting in the seats, and beyond the inevitable clearing of the throats. They kiss and kiss and kiss. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I would expect nothing less from Baggy and the man lucky enough to snag her.

I chance a look at my mother while the public display of affection drags on. No surprises there: she is pinched and pursed like someone has broken wind and she has just gotten a big whiff of it. A bubble of laughter starts to burst out of me, but I am able to tone it down to a minor giggle. Ruthie hears me, and she starts chuckling, too. Soon, several others are laughing as well. The uncomfortable factor of watching these two have a full-on make-out session is too much to take—the nervous energy has to escape somehow.

Finally, they stop kissing. Our small group of wedding attendees immediately launches into applause. We all smile at one another, probably wondering the same thing:
Are we clapping because they just got married or because that extremely tongue-filled kiss finally ended?
Either way, it feels worthy of celebration.

We are all so busy clapping and grinning at one another that no one notices the bride and groom have turned their backs to us until Nana Lana blows the
pu
once more. The conch shell horn immediately silences us. Having gained our full attention, Nana Lana presents the happy couple to the group. They turn to greet us for the first time as husband and wife, and we all freeze in place when we see their faces.

They are beaming grotesque smiles at us, having evidently exchanged false teeth with each other when their backs were turned. Baggy is sporting Howie’s teeth, which are much too large for her tiny mouth. They make her smile look like a toothy, creepy caricature. Howie’s smile isn’t much better; with Baggy’s too small teeth in his mouth, his scary grin is almost all gums and lips.

Mother flinches and makes an odd, gurgly sound. I silently pray that Baggy’s antics don’t shock her into fainting or give her a heart attack. Looking at all of our surprised, appalled faces makes Baggy and Howie guffaw with laughter. They are obviously proud of themselves and their odd prank.

Once their laughter subsides enough for her to speak, Baggy clears her throat, obviously intending to make an announcement. “Well, I guess this is as good a time as any to fess up,” she starts, making us all dread what might be coming. “Howie and I had to get married ’cause he knocked me up!”

Her announcement brings on a second round of loud laughter from the two of them. This time the rest of the group joins in with them—everyone except Ruthie, who says to me, “Baggy isn’t really pregnant, is she?”

Her question is so ridiculous that I can’t even answer her with a straight face. I shake my head even as I’m doubled over with laughter at the thought. When it dawns on Ruthie how silly the idea is, she begins laughing, too.

As I scan around for Kai, I see the resort photographer unobtrusively snapping photos of all the joyous, laughing faces.
These are going to make some wonderful pictures and memories
, I think to myself. Well, everyone except Mother, but she never looks overly thrilled. At least she looks only mildly annoyed right now. After all of Baggy’s shenanigans during the ceremony, I would have thought she’d be fit to be tied.

As the photographer snaps some pictures of the bride and groom a passerby photo-bombs them. We are so stunned that no one says a word as he kisses Baggy’s cheek and congratulates the happy couple before moseying on down the beach.

“Was that . . . ?” I finally say, but it seems so farfetched that I don’t even bother to finish the question.

“It sure looked like him.” Ruthie answers my unfinished question, confirming what I thought.

“That Jason Mammy fellow really does look like Kai,” Baggy says to us, rubbing her cheek where he had just pressed his lips.

“Momoa,” Ruthie and I say in unison.

“I do think he lives at least some of the time in Hawaii, but that couldn’t have been him, could it?” Ruthie looks hopeful since Baggy even noticed the stranger’s resemblance to the actor.

“Nah,” I say, shaking my head and thinking that the chances of a super-famous person photo-bombing and kissing my grandmother on her wedding day are pretty slim. Although, if anyone’s known for having surprising, almost unbelievable events happen to her, it’s Baggy.