Getting Old Can Kill You
Read Getting Old Can Kill You Online
Authors: Rita Lakin
Praise for
THE GLADDY GOLD MYSTERIES
“This is one sassy and smart series with a colorful gang of senior sleuths.”
—
Mystery Scene
“Beyond the skillful blend of Yiddish humor, affectionate characters and serious undercurrents … picks up speed and flavor with some
twists worthy of Agatha Christie’s archetypal dame detective, Miss Marple.”
—
Publishers Weekly
“What gives the book its warmth is the way Lakin has turned this group of friends into a family who are there not only for the fun and laughter but also for the heartbreak and tears.”
—
Romantic Times
“Young and old, Jewish, Protestant, atheist, all will love this tale
told with clarity, wit and interesting characters. This is a must-read mystery.”
—I Love A Mystery
“An entertaining cozy mystery series with a set of
lovable and oddball characters. The mystery has a puzzling plot with twists and turns that will surprise readers
.… Retirement takes on a new meaning after spending time with Gladdy and her gladiators!”
—Fresh Fiction
“Rita Lakin shows a real flair for comic mysteries.…
The plotting is expert, but the background color of life among older retired people is wonderful
(and sometimes very poignant).”
—
Connecticut Post
Forum
“This is a
funny, warm, absolutely delightful
tale … a must read.”
—
Mysterious Women
“An unforgettable romp … Lakin’s characters are zany, her writing is
witty and crisp
, and anyone who’s ever visited one can attest that her peek at life in a Jewish Florida retirement center is portrayed both accurately and tastefully.”
—
Cleveland Jewish News
“Wonderful dialogue and a touch of romance
enlivens this delightful breeze of a tale.”
—
Kaw Valley Senior Monthly
“Sassy, funny and smart
… Lakin sprinkles humor on every page, but never loses respect for her characters.”
—
New Hampshire Senior Beacon
“It is a tribute to Lakin’s talent that she is able to mingle comedy and murder successfully.”
—
Dade County Jewish Journal
“If getting old is this much fun, maybe I won’t mind!
Miss Marple, move over
.… Rita Lakin’s witty romp through a Florida retirement community is just the thing for what ails you!”
—P
ARNELL
H
ALL
, author of the Puzzle Lady mysteries
“So who knew a retirement community could be so dangerous—and so much fun.… Lakin handles her characters with
dignity, compassion, and love
, while allowing them the full extent of their eccentric personalities.”
—V
ICKI
L
ANE
, author of
Old Wounds
“A truly original voice.
Great fun from start to finish
. Plan to stay up late.”
—S
HELDON
S
IEGEL
,
New York Times
bestselling author of
The Confession
BY RITA LAKIN
Getting Old Can Kill You
Getting Old Is Très Dangereux
Getting Old Is a Disaster
Getting Old Is To Die For
Getting Old Is Criminal
Getting Old Is the Best Revenge
Getting Old Is Murder
Getting Old Can Kill You
is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
A Dell Mass Market Original
Copyright © 2011 by Rita Lakin
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Dell Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
D
ELL
is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.
eISBN: 978-0-440-33842-0
Cover design: Marietta Anastassatos
Cover illustration: Hiro Kimura
v3.1
This book is dedicated to Judy.
My sister. My friend.
“What is the secret of your life?” asked Mrs. Browning.… “Tell me, that I may make mine beautiful, too.”
He replied: “I had a friend.”
—J
AMES
R
USSELL
L
OWELL
Contents
Introduction to Our Characters
2 - Meanwhile Back at the Condos
7 - Friday Night Welcome Party
38 - You Ought to Be in Pictures
Introduction
to Our Characters
GLADDY AND HER GLADIATORS
Gladys (Gladdy) Gold, 75
Our heroine and her funny, adorable, sometimes impossible partners:
Evelyn (Evvie) Markowitz, 73
Gladdy’s sister. Logical, a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now remarried to Joe
Ida Franz, 71
Stubborn, mean, great for an in-your-face confrontation
Bella Fox, 83
The “shadow.” She’s so forgettable, she’s perfect for surveillance but smarter than you think
Sophie Meyerbeer, 80
Master of disguises, she lives for color coordination
YENTAS, KIBITZERS, SUFFERERS: THE INHABITANTS OF PHASE TWO
Hy Binder, 88
A man of a thousand jokes, all of them tasteless
Lola Binder, 78
His wife, who hasn’t a thought in her head that he hasn’t put there
Enya Slovak, 84
Survivor of “the camps” but never survived
Tessie Spankowitz, 56
Chubby, newly married to Sol
Millie Weiss, 85
Suffering with Alzheimer’s
Irving Weiss, 86
Suffering because she’s suffering
Mary Mueller, 60
Neighbor whose husband left her; nurse
Joe Markowitz, 75
Evvie’s ex-husband, now remarried to her
ODDBALLS AND FRUITCAKES
Sol Spankowitz, 79
Now married to Tessie
THE COP AND THE COP’S POP
Morgan (Morrie) Langford, 35
Tall, lanky, sweet, and smart