Ghostsitters (3 page)

W
e were woken the next morning by a terrible sound.
Booooooom. Booooooom. Booooooom…

Wanda jumped out of bed and rushed to the door. “Araminta, the house is falling down!”

I put my head under my pillow. “No it's not,” I mumbled. “It's the gong.”

“What's gone?” yelled Wanda. “Where?”

Booooooom. Booooooom. Booooooom…

I gave up trying to go back to sleep and sat up. “It's the gong,” I said very patiently. “You know, that big round thing hanging up in the hall. I used to do that all the time until Aunt Tabby put it on a hook too high for me to reach.”

Wanda came back and sat down on her bed. She looked really fed up. “It's Nurse Watkins, isn't it?” she said. “She's waking us up and it's only…” Wanda squinted at her pink fairy watch for a long time because you have to figure out which of the fairy's wings is pointing where. It is the stupidest watch I have ever seen. After a few minutes, Wanda squeaked, “It's only
six o'clock
!”

“That is why it's still dark,” I said. I hugged the blankets around me. It was cold and I
could see clouds of my breath on the air. We were in our Monday bedroom, which is my least favorite room. It has two iron beds and is painted a yucky pale brown with a dark brown stripe halfway up the wall—because brown is Aunt Tabby's favorite color. The beds are very old and lumpy and they squeak a lot. I always think that being in the Monday bedroom is a bit like being a poor abandoned child in an orphanage—which that morning was exactly what Wanda and I were: poor abandoned children.

Suddenly it got even more like being in an orphanage. We heard the sound of Nurse Watkins's footsteps coming up the stairs.

Wanda looked at me in a panic. “It's
her
. Don't you have a
Plan
, Araminta?”

Now, I can usually think up a Plan for anything—but thinking of a Plan when Nurse Watkins's feet are stomping toward you is tough. That is when it becomes an Emergency Plan. But I did it.

Even though Wanda has lived in Spookie House for quite a while now, I have not told her about the emergency exits in our bedrooms. I do not tell Wanda everything, just like Uncle Drac does not tell Aunt Tabby everything. I tell her things on what Uncle Drac calls a need-to-know basis—and Wanda did not need to know about emergency exits. They would only worry her; she would want to know why we might need them.

“Of course I have a Plan,” I said. “Come on, Wanda. Grab your clothes and follow me.”

The emergency exit from our Monday bedroom is through a big cupboard that goes
to our Tuesday bedroom. Wanda followed me into the cupboard; I closed the door and switched on my emergency flashlight. Wanda did not look very happy. “But she'll guess we're in here,” she said.

“Aha,” I said mysteriously. “I said follow me, didn't I? So that is what you have to do.”

I pushed my way through all the old clothes that were hanging up at the back of the cupboard and the next moment I was out in the Tuesday bedroom—which is really nice. It has two big beds with curtains around them and a fluffy rug that does not have any holes in it—which is unusual for Spookie House. Wanda tripped over my old Ghost Kit and fell out of the cupboard.

“Shh!” I hissed before she could go “Ouch!” very loudly, which is what Wanda always does when she falls over.

The next part of the Emergency Plan went like clockwork. We got dressed, tiptoed past our Monday bedroom, where Nurse Watkins was calling, “Girls…girls?” and looking under the beds with the same expression she had when she was looking for cockroaches.

We ran downstairs at top speed.

The final part of my Emergency Plan was for Nurse Watkins to find us in the kitchen with the table laid for breakfast, cooking oatmeal, and when she came in I would ask in a bored voice if she would like some, now that she had got up
at last
. But like all Plans it did not go quite as well as planned. Because as we scooted past Uncle Drac's broom cupboard I bumped into Sir Horace and he fell over with a horrible crash.
Drat
.

And then—
double drat
—we heard the sound of nurse shoes thudding down the stairs really fast and a loud nursey voice saying, “Girls,
girls
!”

 

I never thought in a million years that I would actually look forward to Great-aunt Emilene arriving, but by the afternoon I couldn't wait for that hearse to drive up and rescue us from Nurse Watkins.

Wanda and I had escaped to Aunt Tabby's room while Nurse Watkins was roaming through Spookie House hunting spiders with the vacuum cleaner. Aunt Tabby's room is at the end of the big corridor upstairs. Aunt Tabby calls it her thinking room, but really it is where she goes to eat mint creams and read the paper.

Wanda is really good at finding hidden candy and she had discovered Aunt Tabby's secret stash of mint creams under a loose floorboard, which made us feel much better. The room has a cute little window that sticks out, which Uncle Drac calls an oriel window. I was sitting there, sucking the chocolate off the very last mint cream, when I saw the hearse draw up. Suddenly I wasn't so sure that I
did
want to see Great-aunt Emilene after all.

“Wanda,” I said. “She's here!”

“Who?” asked Wanda, all relaxed with mint creams.

“Great-aunt Emilene.”

Wanda scuttled to the window and peered over my shoulder, breathing mint-cream breath all over me. We watched Perkins—who always moves like he is walking
underwater—slowly get out of the hearse and walk around to the passenger door.

Perkins opened the door and a shiny black boot poked out. Wanda closed her eyes tight so she didn't see what happened next—and what happened next was amazing. It wasn't Great-aunt Emilene who got out of the hearse—it was Mathilda Spookie!

Mathilda Spookie is my almost-grown-up cousin and she is the coolest cousin ever. She was wearing her really amazing black coat that goes all the way down to the ground and has lots of cobwebby things stuck to it, plus her cool hat with all kinds of dead stuff on it. She stood at the gate for a moment. Then she looked up at Spookie House, and she had a little secret smile on her face. I waved like crazy but I don't think she saw me. She
pushed open the gate and came clip-clopping up the path in those really great boots that she wears and rang the doorbell.

Nurse Watkins didn't hear a thing. The vacuum cleaner was making the loud screeching sound that it always does when it has swallowed too many spiders, so Wanda and I got to answer the doorbell all on our own.

I opened the door and smiled very graciously. “Hello, Mathilda,” I said. “It is very nice to see you. Would you like to come in?” I could see Wanda looking a bit surprised, as I do not usually talk so politely, but just because I don't, it doesn't mean that I can't.

Mathilda was very polite too. “Thank you, Araminta,” she said. “Do you mind if Ned and Jed come in too?”

I didn't mind who came into Spookie House as long as their names didn't begin with Aunt or Nurse. “We don't mind, do we, Wanda?” I said.

“Who are Ned and Jed?” asked Wanda, peering out and blinking in the bright sun. Sometimes Wanda reminds me of one of Uncle Drac's bats.

“Yooo-hooo!” came a couple of weird voices from behind the hedge. Wanda jumped but I am used to bigger surprises than a couple of boys sticking their heads over the hedge and making silly faces.

“Yoo-hoo!” I waved back. I thought they looked like fun. This was going to be good.

Mathilda came in. She stood in the hall and gazed around dreamily. “I
love
Spookie House,” she said. “I am
so
glad Grannie can't come.”

“Who's Grannie?” asked Miss Nosy Bucket Wanda Wizzard. Actually I was glad she asked, as I didn't know either.

“Oh, you probably call her Great-aunt Emilene.” Mathilda smiled vaguely.

“Great-aunt Emilene can't come?” I said, suddenly feeling like a huge slug had dropped out of my lettuce sandwich and someone had added a whole bag of cheese and onion chips on the side.

“She went to get her hair done yesterday and it turned bright orange.” Mathilda giggled. So did we. “So she won't go
anywhere
.”

“How bright?” asked Miss Nosy Bucket.

“Bright,” drawled Mathilda. “Like I need
these
to look at her.” She pulled out a pair of the best sunglasses
ever
and put them on.

Wanda was goggle-eyed. Mathilda looked so cool we couldn't quite believe she was really in Spookie House at all. No one that cool
ever
comes to Spookie House. But then Mathilda spoiled it by putting her head out of the door and yelling, “Hey—Ned! Jed! Get in here—now!” She sounded just like Aunt Tabby, who is definitely
not
cool.

“Shh!” I said. But it was too late. Somewhere the vacuum cleaner droned to a halt and we heard nurse shoes stomping down the stairs. Back to reality, I thought. There was no way Nurse Watkins was going to let Mathilda stay with us for a whole week.

B
ut she did. Mathilda was not only cool—she was clever.

Wanda and I watched, totally amazed, as Mathilda talked Nurse Watkins into letting her stay. At first Nurse Watkins said that there was no way she would “
dream
of leaving the girls with a mere teenager,” and she looked at Mathilda as if to say, “especially one that looks like
that
,” although she didn't say it because I
don't think she dared. But a few minutes later everything had changed and it was Nurse Watkins who was asking Mathilda if she would very kindly stay and take care of us and thanking her
so
much when Mathilda agreed. It was brilliant. I made sure I listened to everything Mathilda said very carefully, as it seemed to me that this was a really good way of getting things to work out how you wanted them to—much better than making Plans that do not always go quite how you expect them to.

We waved good-bye to Nurse Watkins as she set off down the path wearing her best blue nurse's hat and cape and carrying her little black nurse's bag. As she opened the gate I wondered why she suddenly screamed and her hat flew off as if it had been caught in a gale—even though there was no wind at all. We all giggled as we watched Nurse Watkins chase her hat down the road, and every time she tried to snatch it, it seemed to see her coming and jump just out of reach. But then Mathilda whistled a really piercing whistle and yelled, “Ned! Jed! That's
enough
. Come inside
now
!” The hat stopped and waited for
Nurse Watkins to pick it up, which she did—with an irritable swipe.

The two boys we had seen earlier appeared at the garden gate, which suddenly flew right off its hinges and landed on top of the hedge. Weird. Aunt Tabby won't like
that
, I thought. The boys sauntered up the path and suddenly Wanda screamed, “They're
ghosts
!”

Wanda was right. The boys were wearing dark, kind of old-fashioned clothes and when I looked closely I could see right through them to the patch of sunflowers that Wanda and I had planted. And although they were walking—not floating like Edmund does—when I looked at their feet I could see that they did not actually touch the ground. Wow! Mathilda had brought two ghosts with her. How good was
that
?

Actually, Wanda didn't think it was good at all. I was surprised because Wanda likes Sir Horace and Fang and she
really
likes Edmund, but as the ghosts strolled in through the front door, Wanda did not look happy.

“This is Ned and Jed,” said Mathilda.

Ned and Jed were standing on the doormat staring just like everyone does when they first arrive in Spookie House.
“Hello, little girls,”
they said.

“We are not
little girls
,” I told them. “We are Araminta Spookie and Wanda Wizzard.”

Ned and Jed bowed.
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,”
they said in an old-fashioned way.

“Well, Araminta Spookie and Wanda Wizzard,” said Mathilda, smiling, “aren't you going to show us around?”

 

Wanda and I showed Mathilda, Ned, and Jed around Spookie House. And all the time, weird stuff kept happening.

As we were walking past Uncle Drac's bat turret the little red door suddenly flew open with a bang. This was not good, as Uncle Drac's bats are always looking for a chance to escape. A huge cloud of bats flew out and Mathilda screamed, which surprised me because I would have thought she'd have liked bats. It was really hard to close the door, as the bats just kept on coming, and it wasn't until most of the bats had escaped from the turret that we could get the door shut. There were bats
everywhere
. I knew Uncle Drac would not mind at all since he would like his bats to live in Spookie House anyway—it is
Aunt Tabby who makes him keep them in the turret. But what would Aunt Tabby say?

We continued showing Mathilda, Ned, and Jed around the bat-filled house and weird things kept happening. In Aunt Tabby's bedroom all the clothes came flying out of the wardrobe and danced around the room. They looked like hundreds of Aunt Tabbys and it was really funny. But Mathilda did not think so. She yelled, “Ned and Jed, stop it!” and the clothes stopped dancing and fell down all over the place.

As we went around Spookie House more and more things happened. Moldy curtains fell on our heads, pictures fell off the wall, lampshades spun around like tops, and books flew across rooms like great big seagulls. I thought it was great but Wanda squeaked a lot.

The funniest thing of all happened when we got to the landing. Fang was sleeping on top of one of the old chests there. As we walked past, the chest raised itself up, hovered for a few seconds, then set off along the landing, heading for the stairs. Fang woke up and looked really surprised. But he looked even more surprised when the chest hurtled down the stairs like a toboggan. Fang was great—he sat up and he looked like he really enjoyed the ride. But the chest didn't do so well; it landed with a smash, split open, and a bunch of old tennis balls escaped and rolled everywhere. But Fang didn't mind. He skidded across the hall, shot straight under the monster chair by the clock, and lay there with his tongue hanging out watching the tennis balls.

The last thing we showed Mathilda, Ned,
and Jed was the ghost-in-the-bath-bathroom. We were all looking at the bath wondering whether at long last we would see the ghost-in-the-bath when a moldy sponge hit Wanda on the back of the head. She wasn't hurt, as it was only a sponge, but she got green fuzz all over her hair. I thought it was funny, but Mathilda glared at Ned and Jed, who were hanging around with their hands in their pockets. “Ned, Jed—that's
enough
,” she said, annoyed. “Go away and find someone else to chuck sponges at.”

I thought that was weird. I hadn't seen Ned and Jed even
touch
the sponge. As far as I could tell, the sponge had decided to throw itself at Wanda.

Ned and Jed didn't say anything. They grinned like two naughty boys who had been caught and disappeared through the bathroom paneling—which leads into the secret passage that goes to Sir Horace's secret room. I wondered what Sir Horace would think about his visitors. I hoped he wouldn't scare them too much.

Wanda hadn't said anything since the sponge hit her, but I could tell she was going to once she thought about it. Wanda is like that. She sometimes spends a long time thinking before she says something, especially if she is in a bad mood, which is different from the way I am. I say stuff straightaway—really loudly.

But Wanda didn't wait too long this time. “Ned and Jed are poltergeists, aren't they?” she said.

Mathilda nodded.

I was
so
impressed. Wanda is not nearly as dumb as she looks. I remembered what Uncle Drac told me about poltergeists. He had grown up with one in his castle. It had been very annoying—it used to throw all his sheets and blankets around, which is why he sleeps in a sleeping bag now.

“Why did you bring them?” Wanda asked Mathilda.

Mathilda looked a bit awkward, I thought. “I had to,” she said. “They come everywhere with me.”

“Why?” asked Wanda.

“It's a long story.” Mathilda sighed.

“Tell us,” Wanda and I said together.
“Please.”

Mathilda sat on the edge of the bathtub and said, “All right, then. It's a little scary, though.”

“Good,” I said. Wanda didn't say anything, but she made me sit next to her on Sir Horace's treasure chest.

Mathilda began. “You know my parents run the Spookie Ghost Removal Service, don't you?” she asked.

“You mean they take people's ghosts
away
?” I was amazed that anyone would actually want to get a ghost removed from their house—although I could see that Edmund might get a bit annoying after a while. But the thought of someone taking Sir Horace and Fang away was not nice at all. I
love
having ghosts in Spookie House—it would be really awful without them.

“Yes, their job is to take ghosts away,” said Mathilda. “And recently they have been really busy. Anyway, one dark and stormy night—”

“Ooh,” whispered Wanda. She shuffled
up really close to me.

“One dark and stormy night,” said Mathilda, “my parents were called out to a big old house in the middle of the wild, wild moors. The owners had just moved in, and the first night they were there they got no sleep at all. As soon as they had finished eating dinner all the plates flew off the table, zoomed around the room, and began chasing them. They were terrified. They were chased all around the house by the remains of their dinner for the whole night.”

Wanda giggled and prodded me. “That's like you being chased by Nurse Watkins's parsnip soup,” she said.

“And
you
,” I told her. “It would chase you too. And it would probably catch you and gloop all over your head because you are so slow.”

“I am
not
.”

“Stop it,” said Mathilda, “or I won't tell you any more.”

So we stopped it and Mathilda carried on. “Anyway, the previous owner had thoughtfully left the number of our ghost-removal service and they called us very,
very
early the next morning.

“Mom and Dad arrived and found Ned and Jed. They had a lot of trouble removing them—in fact they had the worst trouble they had ever had. Ned and Jed threw tons of stuff at them and refused to go. Mom and Dad did all the right things that you have to do to get rid of ghosts. They found out who the ghosts were and why they were there, but still they could not get rid of them.”

“So who
were
they? Why were they
there?” asked Miss Nosy Bucket.

“About a hundred years ago,” said Mathilda, “Ned and Jed were pickpockets. One night they decided to go to the big house on the moor to see what they could find—just for a laugh, they said. They didn't find much. They got bored and found the kitchen. And then, because actually Ned and Jed never did have enough to eat, they stuffed themselves full of everything they could find. When they could eat no more, they had a food fight with what was left—and then they began to feel really ill. That is the last thing they remember until they woke up as ghosts—or poltergeists. They found out later that the owner of the house collected fungi and they had eaten a whole jar of poisonous toadstools.”

“Eurgh!” gasped Wanda. “Toadstools.
Yuk.
”

“Not nice,” agreed Mathilda. “Anyway, they decided to stay at the house and have fun throwing things and generally scaring people—and they weren't about to stop for Mom and Dad either. But they stopped for
me
.” Mathilda grinned.

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah. Mom and Dad called me in. And
I
removed them.”

“How?” I asked.

Mathilda shrugged. “Easy. I just told them that there were much better places to hang out than there and I'd show them some if they wanted. So they came along. The only trouble is”—she sighed—“I can't get rid of them. They go everywhere with me. They are getting to be a real pain. If I don't re-home them
soon they will drive me totally bonkers.”

“They could come here,” I said.

“No, Araminta, they could not,” said Wanda. “No
way
.”

Suddenly there was a loud crash downstairs. We rushed down just in time to see Ned and Jed running out of one of the secret doors in the hall, closely followed by Sir Horace.

“Knaves, scoundrels, and rapscallions!”
boomed Sir Horace.
“Do not darken my door again, else I shall take my trusty sword to you.”
And he aimed some really good swipes at Ned and Jed. But Sir Horace is an old ghost and suits of armor don't move very fast. Ned and Jed dodged about, laughing.