GirlNextDoor (14 page)

They were good together.

And John didn’t have that
I’m really, really into you
vibe that she so often got from men after a few sexual encounters, the one that
made her want to run away. He was as content to hit and run as she was.

He gets all the friendship, all the relationship, that he
needs from Nolan too.

Lucy sat up, frowning. There was something there, something
she was missing. Her and Nolan and John. John and Nolan and her. Her and John
and Nolan.

Nolan had been sure John wouldn’t be into a threesome. But
maybe he was wrong about that. Or maybe it wasn’t a sexual threesome she was
thinking about. Maybe it was something more. Something deeper.

Me and John and Nolan.

John and Nolan…

Between the two of them, they were everything she needed.
And each of them needed the other two, for sex, for love. If they couldn’t have
both in the same person, then why not in two people?

Lucy sighed.
You’re exhausted, you’re frustrated because
you expected to get laid tonight, you’re worried about your boys. You’re
thinking in circles.

You’re going home in two days, and that’s the end of it.
So stop trying to figure out how to put your boys with each other. And how
you’d fit into it. You won’t, because you’re not staying.

Nolan wanted John. John was straight, but sexually
adventurous. And maybe, maybe, he wanted Nolan too. She didn’t know if he’d
ever tried the other team, if he’d even considered it. He certainly hadn’t
given her any indication. But something tugged at her intuition.

Or it’s just wishful thinking, because you want him to be
with Nolan, because he’d make Nolan happy…

Circles again
, Lucy thought.

Anyhow, she should just stay out of it. She was leaving. It
was up to them whether they ever pursued anything more than a friendship.

Nothing at all to do with her.

Lucy shook her head firmly and turned on the TV again.

* * * * *

“The baby,” John said quietly, an hour later.

“Huh?”

“What happened to the baby?”

Nolan sighed. He’d half-hoped John had forgotten about it.
He wasn’t sure he should be telling Lucy’s story to his friend. But then, John
was
his friend. It wasn’t as if he was going to go gossip about her to his other
friends. It’s not like the story could hurt Lucy any more.

It was more than that, Nolan admitted. He wanted John to
know Lucy’s story because her story was, in a very real way, Nolan’s story.
They had been closer than siblings when they were young, and since then, though
they’d been apart, they were still best friends.
Lucy and John
, he
thought.
If I could have both of them in my life, everything would be
perfect.

It could never happen.

“She miscarried,” he finally said. “That same day, right
after dinner, she started spotting. If we hadn’t stolen the pregnancy test, we
would have just thought her period was late.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. She didn’t know whether to cry or be relieved or
what. Some of both.” Nolan shrugged. “I told her not to say anything to
anybody. But she thought Jeff deserved to know.”

“The jock?”

“Yeah. When he got home Sunday she told him everything.
About the baby, the miscarriage…about the plan to say the baby was mine.”

“What’d he do?”

“He dumped her. Then he caught me before school Monday and
beat the shit out of me.”

“What the hell for?”

“Hitting on his girl.” Nolan shrugged, his mouth twisted
into a smirk. “And then he told everybody in school that Lucy’d been two-timing
him with me.”

Two points of red appeared on John’s cheeks, as they always
did when he got angry. “Fucking asshole.”

“Yeah. Well, it was a long time ago. He’s in jail now.”

“For what?”

“Apparently he never stopped dating high school freshmen.”

John shook his head. “I like that part, anyhow. But what
happened to Lucy?”

“She had a reputation after that. Guys asked her out, a
lot
of guys, and they all expected her to put out. She hated it, for a while. And
then…I don’t know. It was like she just decided to be who everybody thought she
was, you know? Like if everybody was going to think she was a tramp, she was
going to be a good one.”

John sighed. “And she never let anybody get close again? In
all this time?”

Nolan shrugged. “A lot of flings, a few things that lasted a
little longer, but no. Nothing that I’d call serious.”

“Except you.”

“Like I said, Lucy and I aren’t about sex.”

“But you slept with her.”

Nolan groaned. “I keep hoping you’ll forget about that.”

“It’s the most fascinating part of the story.”

The surgery suite door opened and they all looked eagerly
that way, but it was just an orderly with papers.

“Freshman year of college,” Nolan finally said, “I decided I
was probably gay.”

“Late bloomer much?”

“Deep in the closet in my own mind. I think I always knew,
but I couldn’t admit it. Until I moved out of my mother’s house and into a
dorm.”

John nodded. “Surrounded by so many young cocks.”

“Shut up.” Nolan shrugged. “But yes. Even then, though, I
wasn’t sure. So I called Lucy. And she, uh…” He hesitated. It was such a big
part of his sexuality, his personal history. That weekend with Lucy. Possibly
the most loving thing anyone had ever done for him. “She said she loved me
regardless, but if I wanted to be sure she’d help me.”

“Help you how?”

“We got a hotel room. For the weekend.”

John watched him intently. “And?”

“And we made love. Three times.”

“Just like that.”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And it was terrific. I mean—she’s Lucy. She knew what she
was doing, she was enthusiastic. She was terrific. The sex was great. And I
realized it wasn’t what I wanted. I mean, if I didn’t want to have sex with
Lucy, I
really
didn’t want to have sex with any other woman.”

John considered. “Yeah. I can see that.”

Nolan stood, wandered to the coffee pot, poured a cup for
each of them, sat back down. They both sipped. The coffee was awful. “So what’s
your story?”

“What?”

“Why are you so elusive?”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s…kind of a long story.”

Nolan shrugged. “We seem to have time.”

“There’s nothing to tell, really.”

“Ooohhh,” Nolan said slowly. “I see.”

“I mean, there wasn’t one incident or one person, anything
like that. I just don’t do relationships, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I get it. You got me to spill my guts about Lucy’s
story, and about mine, but you don’t feel like you can share yours.” Nolan
tried to keep his tone light, but he was genuinely hurt.

John knew it. “It’s just…it’s complicated.”

There was real pain in his tone too, and Nolan relented.
“You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” John took a deep breath. “My dad
was, well, what we used to call a pussy hound. He never saw a skirt he didn’t
chase.”

Like you
, Nolan thought. He kept his mouth shut and
just nodded.

“Like me, I guess,” Kruak admitted. “I know. And thank you
for not saying it.”

Nolan smiled a little, nodded. “No problem.”

“The difference is, he was married. And he wasn’t very
subtle about it. Like you said, small town, they all knew who he was knocking
boots with and how often. My mom knew, and she knew everybody else knew. They’d
have these huge fights about it, about how he was embarrassing her, humiliating
her, and how he must not even care. And he’d cry and swear he was sorry and
he’d never do it again. He said he loved her, that he never meant to hurt her.”

“And she believed him.”

“For a while.” John went silent for a moment. “And then
she’d had enough. She left him.” He paused again. The next words clearly hurt
the most to say. “She left
us
.”

“She didn’t take you with her?”

“No. She left me when she left my dad. I was ten. He wasn’t
abusive or anything, but he wasn’t much of a father either. Couldn’t cook,
didn’t clean. Wasn’t interested in my school work. Like that. We got by, but it
wasn’t pretty.” He shook his head. “I hated her for leaving me.”

“Of course you did,” Nolan answered. His heart ached for his
friend. He wondered if John had ever told anyone this story. And he wished he
could put his arms around him.

“And of course,” John continued, “there were the women. Once
she was gone, he just brought them home. Went in the bedroom and shut the door.
Sometimes they’d cook for us afterward. One time some lady’s husband came to
the door with a shotgun. Just—not a good place for a kid.” He shrugged. “I knew
it was wrong, the way he lived, but my mom was more wrong, for leaving me
there. You know what I mean?”

“Of course I do.” Nolan finally gave in partly to his
instinct and put his hand on his partner’s shoulder. “So you decided to be the
same way, to keep all your relationships casual. Just recreational.”

“I don’t think I actually decided,” John retorted. “It just
sorta got to be that way.”

“And you didn’t want to hurt anyone like your dad hurt your
mom, so you never committed to anyone.”

“Yeah.” John thought a minute. “Yeah.” He shook his head
again. “You know what’s weird? Everybody would think that because you’re gay,
you have more problems with relationships. But really you’ve been happier than
either Lucy or me.”

Thinking of Kevin and their years together didn’t hurt the
way Nolan expected it to. Instead, he felt just an aching nostalgia. “We were
good together,” he agreed. “For a long time.” Then he shook his head. “At
least, I thought we were.”

Krulak blew out a deep breath. “Damn. We are some damaged
people, aren’t we?”

“Everybody’s damaged,” Nolan agreed. “But at least we have
each other.”

“There is that. There is that.”

* * * * *

At midnight, they went outside and called Lucy again.

“Go to bed,” Nolan told her. “We could be here all night.”

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

John looked up at his partner. Suddenly he was ravenous—and
then sick with worry. “No. Not really.”

“Bullshit. How many people are there?”

“Ten,” Nolan answered. “Sometimes twenty.”

“I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Shut up.”

She hung up on them.

John sighed. “Yeah. I could eat.”

“Yeah,” Nolan agreed.

* * * * *

It was actually forty-five minutes before Lucy showed up. A
delivery man trailed behind her, pushing a cart. The smell of fried chicken
flooded the waiting room, and nearly everyone looked suddenly, reluctantly
hopeful. Nolan showed them the little side conference room and they quietly set
out the trays. Chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, beans, a dozen other sides.
Paper plates and plastic silverware. Desserts. Cans of soda. And a twenty-cup
thermal jug filled with excellent coffee.

“Eat,” Lucy ordered quietly. She went back to the waiting
room. “All of you, come get something to eat.”

She went over to Griffin’s wife. Julia was holding her
sleeping infant tightly. She looked exhausted. “Do you want me to hold your
daughter so you can get something to eat?”

The woman looked at her blankly.

Emma stood. “That’s a good idea. Come on, Julia. Let her
hold Sarah for a minute.”

“Uh…”

“I don’t know about you, but I got to pee something fierce
too.”

Julia nodded. “I…yes.” She stood and slipped the infant into
Lucy’s arms. The baby stirred, then settled again. “I’ll just be a few
minutes.”

“Take your time,” Lucy said. “I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t… I don’t know you, do I?”

Nolan stepped in. “This is Lucy. She’s my best friend from
way back when. The original girl next door.”

Julia looked at him, then at her again. “Oh. Then it’s okay,
then.”

“It’s fine,” Emma assured her. She took her arm and led her
off to the ladies room.

* * * * *

They didn’t get Julia to eat much, but she took a few bites,
seemed to revive a little. Everyone in the room seemed to feel better with a
little food in them. Lucy eventually gave the baby to Emma. She tidied up,
consolidated the leftovers and covered them, but left them for anyone who got
hungry later. Then she kissed Nolan and John each on the cheek and left.

“That was nice,” John said.

“Yeah.”

John thought about the picnic she’d brought for the whole
fire station. “She likes to feed people, doesn’t she?”

“She does,” Nolan agreed. “She’ll probably write it off on
some expense report.” He ran his hand through his hair wearily. “But it was a
good thing.”

They both looked at the clock. It was nearly three in the
morning. Without comment, they returned to their seats by the window.

John said, “You should ask her to come live with you.”

Nolan glanced at him. “Lucy? I already did.”

“What’d she say?”

“That if she lived with me I’d settle for that and never
look for a real lover again.”

“Is she right?”

“Probably.”

“Hell.”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a long while. John got up and got them
more coffee. Even the good coffee had started to taste like coal water. He had
a headache. And a backache. Hell, his whole body ached.

Finally, at quarter to four, the surgeon came out and
announced the unlikely news that Tim Griffin had survived and—barring
complications—was expected to live.

There were handshakes and back-slaps. Julia was in tears,
and even stoic Emma wasn’t strictly dry-eyed. They let the wife go back to see
him, just for a few minutes. The rest of the gathering started to break up.

“I don’t want to go home,” John said in the lobby. “It’s too
lonely there. Can I come sleep on your couch?”