Girl's Guide to Kissing Frogs (28 page)

‘You’re being admirably restrained, darling.’ Rafe slowed as we approached another stiff climb. ‘But you’re squeaking at every bend. It’s rather sweet, like a nestling cheeping. I can stand a little more volume if it helps.’

We were on the road to Hindleep. Conrad and Isobel had returned from London that morning and had asked us to tea. We were to take Isobel back to Shottestone afterwards.

I was trying as hard as I knew how to distract myself from visions of annihilation. Most of the snow had disappeared in the last few days and the countryside was blindingly green, pulsating with unfurling buds and leaves, nest-building and egg-laying and all those spring-like things.

‘Do you think Isobel will be pleased?’ I asked. ‘About us, I mean?’

‘You asked me that before. Of course she’ll be delighted. It was she who suggested it in the first place. Not that I hadn’t thought of it for myself, of course,’ he added quickly. ‘What I meant was, Isobel was the first to put it into words.’

This was reassuring. When I wasn’t worrying about Dimpsie, money, Siggy (who was showing signs of cabin fever) and measuring up to being Rafe’s wife and eventually mistress of Shottestone, I worried that Isobel would resent me sharing the
limelight with her as a newly-engaged-and-about-to-be-married person. I twisted the ring on my finger. It had belonged to Rafe’s grandmother and, since her death, had been kept in the bank until he should select a bride. It was dazzlingly beautiful and the most – in fact the only – valuable present I had ever been given, but it was much too big. We were to take it to a jeweller’s in Newcastle next week to have it made smaller; meanwhile Rafe said he liked to see me wearing it. To stop it sliding off, I wore an old ring of my own next to it. The little circle of peridots I had paid a pound for at a jumble sale looked ridiculous beside the enormous square-cut diamond, which constantly slid round into the palm of my hand.

‘All the same,’ said Rafe, ‘I think I’d like to tell her myself, if you don’t mind. When there aren’t hordes of people around.’

‘Oh yes. Whatever you want.’ I fell silent for a while, musing. Then I said, ‘It’s none of my business, I know, but don’t you think it’s a bit odd that Isobel never stays with Conrad at Hindleep? Presumably Evelyn wouldn’t mind as she doesn’t object to them going off to London together.’

‘Isobel may be pretty much a free spirit – in fact she’s a little hooligan sometimes – but she knows better than to make tongues wag.’

‘You mean she isn’t going to spend the night with Conrad because of what people might say?’ I could not keep the amazement out of my voice.

‘Darling, you’ve forgotten what it’s like in the country. Everyone knows everyone else’s business, and what they don’t know they make up.’

‘I can well believe it, but I don’t see why that should make one behave any differently.’

‘Ah well, but you see being a member of an important family – I only mean important in this part of Northumberland, don’t think I’ve got delusions of grandeur – one has an obligation to observe the conventions.’

‘Oh.’

‘People look up to us and in a sort of way, by example, you know, we set standards of behaviour.’

I knew instantly that I could never be a beacon of good conduct, even had I been going to marry the prince of Wales.

‘That’s why, darling, I’d like you to put in an appearance at church on Sunday. It’ll look better if you’ve already been a few times before the banns are read.’

This was said in the lightest possible tone, to which only the most unreasonable person could object.

‘But I’ve never
ever
been to a church service, not even as a child. Tom’s a staunch atheist and he wouldn’t let Dimpsie take us, though she sort of believes.’

‘Never mind. The rector won’t quibble about marrying you, however lately you’ve joined his flock. You’ll be a brand snatched from the burning. Anyway, he’s much too frightened of Evelyn. You were christened, I suppose.’

‘No.’

‘Oh. Well, I expect he’ll insist on that.’

‘But I’m not a practising Christian. I mean, I do believe in God and I pray quite often – mostly, I admit, when I want something – but I don’t think I believe in vestments and wafers and prayer books and Sabbath observances. I thought we were going to be married in a register office.’

Rafe sighed. ‘It’s what we’d both have liked, I know. But Evelyn won’t hear of it. She says it would look as though we were ashamed of you. Which,’ he turned his head to look at me, ‘we most emphatically are not.’

‘Mind that tree!’

‘Certainly I’ll mind it. I’ve no intention of killing you, or myself either.’ He sounded annoyed and I forgave him completely because it is infuriating to be nagged when you know you are doing something perfectly competently.

‘Sorry. Once when we were on tour in Austria our coach hit a truck on a road a bit like this but higher. We skidded right to the edge. The door jammed so we couldn’t get out until they’d
fetched someone to unjam it.’ I felt myself growing hot and cold just talking about it. ‘I was sitting right at the back and the coach was nearly on its side, leaning over the valley—’

‘And you’ve been terrified of cars ever since. I wish you’d told me before.’ Rafe put his hand comfortingly on my knee. I would have preferred him to keep both hands on the wheel, but naturally I did not say so. ‘My poor darling! I’ll drive extra slowly and carefully now I know. What a lot we have to learn about each other. Won’t it be fun finding out?’

It occurred to me then that this – not knowing much about each other, I mean – was not only true but, these days, unusual. Though I had been acquainted with Rafe all my life, our relationship until these last six weeks had consisted of a few teasing remarks on his part and a corresponding number of blushes on mine. So why had we rushed into an engagement? There had been no contractual obligation to join two great estates or to prevent nations going to war. When Dimpsie and I had driven over to Shottestone at Evelyn’s behest, it had seemed to my exhausted, troubled mind that I had to choose between marrying Rafe or returning to London. It had not occurred to me then to plead for a postponement of the decision.

But there could be no going back now. Anyway, I had no desire to. I was marrying the person I loved best in the world and I was rejoicing in the luxury of having all to myself a man – and such a man! – who considered my wishes and was anxious for my comfort. I continually marvelled at my good fortune and vowed to deserve it. ‘Yes, won’t it?’

‘Oh, and while we’re on the subject, Evelyn thinks we’d better have the reception at Shottestone. Your house, though delightful in every way, would be much too small. I shouldn’t think Dimpsie’ll mind, will she?’

‘Not a bit. I expect she’ll be relieved, if anything. But it won’t be a very big wedding, will it?’

‘Evelyn’s basing her calculations on about three hundred and fifty guests.’

‘
Three hundred and
…’ Hearing the sudden anguish in my voice, Buster began to bark. ‘Shush, Buster!’ I tightened my grip on his paw. ‘Rafe! I don’t
know
three hundred people. At least not well enough to invite them to my wedding. There are sixty-five in the company, but they aren’t all close friends. I don’t suppose I know more than thirty people who wouldn’t be surprised to be asked.’

‘It’s all right, darling.’ Rafe spoke soothingly. ‘Most of the guests will be friends of my parents, families we’ve always known. And our tenants, of course, but there won’t be room for them in the church. They’ll have to have the service relayed by loudspeakers to the village hall. You’ll be able to ask all of your friends, naturally, and Dimpsie all hers, but the majority will be the county bigwigs. It’ll be a terrible bore but they’ll expect to come.’

‘But my father won’t be able to afford it.’

‘No, my love, but there’s no need for you to worry. It’ll come out of the estate. It’s very often done when the bride’s family is not quite as well off as the groom’s.’

I realized he was trying to slide over the subject to save my feelings which was sweet of him. ‘You mean Kingsley’s going to pay?’

‘What does it matter who pays as long as we get married? You mustn’t mind. No one will know except your parents and mine.’

‘I don’t have any false pride about it, if that’s what you mean. I’ve always been too poor for that. But won’t it cost a ridiculous amount of money? They’ll all have to have something to eat and drink, I suppose.’

‘Don’t give it a thought. Evelyn’ll see to everything. She’ll consult Dimpsie, of course,’ he added.

I could imagine how much consulting would take place. Dimpsie would have as much idea about how to organize a county wedding as about how to construct an atom bomb.

‘Couldn’t we do what you said and just go and get married
somewhere quiet and then tell everyone afterwards? It would save so much trouble and expense.’

‘Yes, but I said that before I’d really thought about it. Having talked it over with my mother, I can see that it would look as though there was something hole-in-corner … as though there was something not quite …
comme il faut
about our marriage. I’m so proud of you, darling. I want the world to see you walk up the aisle looking staggeringly beautiful.’

‘That’s awfully nice of you. But actually I don’t give a bugger about the world.’

‘Of course you don’t. Nor do I. But you care about your mother. And perhaps just a little about mine.’

This was irrefutable.

‘Sweetheart.’ Rafe squeezed my knee. ‘If you’re having second thoughts, now’s the time to say. I can’t pretend I’d be anything other than utterly heartbroken, because knowing you and loving you has given me back my courage … has made me feel hopeful … my old self again. I don’t expect you to love me as much as I adore you, but I want you to be just as happy as I know I’m going to be.’

When he talked like this I felt I could happily allow myself to be hacked to pieces on his behalf. I put my hand on his. ‘I do love you.’

‘And you want to marry me?’

‘Honestly, Rafe, I’ve said so, haven’t I?’

‘No regrets?’

‘None.’

‘If you can’t be frank with me, then it would be the most awful mistake.’

‘Of
course
I want to marry you.’

‘That’s all right then. I’d kiss you but I think I ought to concentrate. Here’s the bridge. Don’t worry. I’ll take it carefully. You’re quite safe, my darling.’

I shut my eyes and closed my fingers over the diamond, which had worked its way round into my palm again. It was natural
that Rafe and Evelyn would want a proper party to celebrate this important
rite de passage
. For centuries there had been christenings and coming-of-age balls and birthday parties and wedding celebrations at Shottestone. It was what they were used to. So I must do the decent thing and go along with it.

‘There! That wasn’t too bad, was it?’

I opened my eyes. Only seven days had gone by since our first visit to Hindleep, but already great changes had taken place. The courtyard was filled with men and vans and piles of planks, pipes and stones. Two storeys of scaffolding had been erected against one wall and a third was in the process of going up.

‘Good God!’ said Rafe. ‘It’s wonderful what money can do. I’ve been waiting two months for Banks, our builder, to come and mend the stable guttering and …’ He broke off with an exclamation of annoyance, ‘There is Banks, dammit! After all the custom we’ve given him over the last thirty years, I’d have thought a little loyalty …’

He turned off the engine and got out of the car. Banks, when he saw him, looked sheepish and hurried away beneath an archway. I joined Rafe as he stood, frowning, with his arms folded, staring around him at the frantic activity. His frown grew more pronounced. ‘Isn’t that Dame Gloria’s car?’ He pointed to a yellow sports car with huge headlights.

‘Yes, isn’t it lovely! I’m glad she’s here. I do like her, don’t you?’

‘Like is perhaps too strong. She’s probably a genius but I’m not musical, I have to confess. And you must agree that her manners leave something to be desired.’

‘Actually I rather admire her for not caring about appearances. Nothing matters to Golly but her work. She’s such an honest person. I’d never dare to be so uninhibited.’

‘I’m delighted to hear it,’ he said dryly. ‘I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life in your company, but the idea of our conversations being drowned by a chorus of deafening eructations isn’t appealing.’

I could tell Rafe was still cross about Banks, so I decided to give up defending Golly. ‘Let’s go in.’

The front door had been stripped of its flaking paint and repainted a dark mulberry colour, which looked marvellous with the grey stone walls. It had been fitted with a large iron knocker, a head of Medusa surrounded by writhing snakes. We made energetic use of it, but no one heard above the din of machinery and the clanking of scaffolding poles, so we pushed open the door and went inside.

Isobel was standing alone by the great windows, her arms folded and her expression brooding. As soon as she saw us she ran to fling her arms round Rafe’s neck. ‘I’ve been waiting and waiting for you. I’ve missed you so much … Marigold!’ She kissed me. ‘Hooray! You’re no longer a cripple! We’ve been slaving from the moment we got back to arrange everything … I wanted you to see – isn’t it extraordinary?’

She waved her arm expansively. The drawing-room walls had been cleaned and patched with new plaster. The fireplace wall, which had been in a relatively good condition, had been glazed a deep sapphire blue; a man in overalls stood with his back to us, carefully painting with a small brush a design that had been marked in chalk. I went over to take a closer look.

‘That’s lovely,’ I said to the man. ‘Did you draw it?’

‘Nay, lass, I’m nowt but a decorator. Mr Lerner had a lad up from London to do it.’ The pattern was of leaves and ferns and waving stems, covering the walls from the skirting to the ceiling. In between the foliage were birds and squirrels, and on the ground were pheasants, rabbits, foxes and mice. Above the branches was a flight of geese, or possibly swans. ‘The cornice is to be picked out in gold leaf,’ said the decorator. ‘No expense spared.’