Give Me Reason (The Reason Series) (6 page)

I lie back against the cold mattress and pull the blankets up to my armpits as Mikah enters. Suddenly I’m exhausted. My eyes feel like sandbags. Mikah takes a seat in the chair next to the bed, and I slowly close my eyes.
 

I wake up a few minutes later to the sound of Mikah’s voice. He’s talking to someone. "She fainted last night after eating a meal. Something I'm guessing she hasn't done in some time."

"Why not?" A female voice. "On purpose?"

"No, no. Nothing like that."

"Okay. Well, we will do some blood work. And I recommend an ultrasound. You know this isn’t the first time she's been in here, right?"
 

Oh, no. I stir in the bed and open my eyes.
 

"Hi, Vivienne. I'm Dr. Alston." She extends her hand to me.
 

I try to sit up, but I'm weak with exhaustion. Suddenly there’s a whirring noise and the top half of the bed starts to rise.

"Thanks," I mutter in Mikah's direction.
 

Then I notice a tugging underneath my gown. I look down at the wires coming out at the neckline. My eyes follow them towards the vitals monitor to my left. Turning my head back towards the doctor I notice the clip on my finger.

I extend my hand to Dr. Alston. "We've met before," I say, hoping Mikah doesn’t ask too many questions.

"Pleasure to see you again. Mikah tells me you fainted yesterday after eating?" I nod. "Can you describe for me how you felt right before?"

"I was irritated,” I said, darting a glance at Mikah. “Then I stood, the room spun and I realized that I was falling. The next thing I remember was waking up on the floor."
 

"Any headache after you fainted?" I shake my head. "Have you been dizzy since then?" I shake my head. "What about vomiting?"

"Twice."
 

"When?" She's looking from me to Mikah and I don't understand why.
 

"Once this morning, as soon as I woke up. Then again about an hour ago." I don’t feel the need to add that a nightmare about that abusive asshole of an ex-boyfriend was the reason for my vomiting.

"I spun her around this morning, before I found out she was pregnant, and she vomited into a trashcan in the skyway downtown."

The doctor just nods and writes something else in her notepad.
 

"I throw up nearly every morning," I add.
 

"Do you remember about how far along you are?" I shake my head. I’ve tried to forget everything related to the last time I was here. "Okay, here's what we’re going to do. I want to draw some blood and start an IV." My stomach churns at the thought of not one but two needles. "We need to get some fluids and some vitamins in you. Okay?"

I shake my head. "I don't like needles."
 

"I understand, but it is the fastest, best way to get you rehydrated. I can tell from the bluish veins in your arm that you're very dehydrated. You're also very malnourished. We need to check your blood sugar and run a few other tests. I also want to have an ultrasound done. This way we can take a good look at what stage in the pregnancy you are.” She gestures to my stomach. “Can I take a look first?"

"Does he have to stay?" I ask, nodding in Mikah’s direction. Some things are better done in private.
 

"I just want to do an external examination, but if you want him to leave..." She looks pointedly at Mikah.

"Vivienne, if it's okay, I'd like to stay." His hand lightly strokes the back of mine. I flinch at the unexpected contact. I look at Dr. Alston.
 

"Mikah, why don't you give us a few moments alone,” she says. “When I'm done you can come right back in here. Okay?" Mikah shoots a glance at me, then looks back to the doctor.
 

"It's okay,” I tell him. “I'll let you back in."

He nods, his face somber as he stands and exits the room.
 

Dr. Alston closes the door behind him. Turning to me, she says, "Are you okay?"
 

I try to nod, but it's slow and small. The look on Mikah’s face as I asked him to leave has me wondering what he’s thinking, why he is so upset.
 

"I saw you flinch. Is Mikah the reason you were here two months ago?"

I’m shocked by the suggestion that Mikah could do that to me, but then I realize that she really has no way of knowing who put me here the last time. "No. I only met him a couple days ago. At the diner I work at. He bought me dinner last night, then tried to leave me a five hundred dollar tip and his business card. I went to his office today to give it back to him. I threw up, and he dragged me here."

"You don't want to be here?"
 

I shake my head.
 

"Why not?"

"I hate hospitals. The last time I was here, I spent three days here. I can't afford that kind of time, let alone the cost. I'm supposed to be to work at four."

"Mr. Blake has already informed billing that he is paying for everything today. In fact, for all your future visits here."

"What?" When the hell did he manage that? Irritation races through me and the machine beeps frantically as my heart rate increases.
 

"Calm down, Vivienne. He's a good person with a good heart. Maybe you should ask him why this is so important to him. You might better understand."

"I've tried." I look down at the sheet. I can hear the monitor slow as my heart rate calms.
 

"Give him some time. He'll come around. It is my duty as a doctor to make sure that Mikah is not the reason you flinched and that no harm has come to you by his hand, but my guess is that it has more to do with why you were here the last time." I nod, unable to look at her. "I don't want to pry, but we can set you up with someone to talk to."

I shake my head. "I appreciate that, but I'm alright." Sitting down and talking to a shrink creeps me out. When I was here the last time, they made one of the shrinks on staff come talk to me. He was a jerk and didn't seem to really care. He kept looking at his phone each time it buzzed. They let me go the next day, so obviously my silence didn't make him think I was nuts.

She shrugs her shoulders. No doubt she doesn't believe that I'm okay. She is probably right.

"How about you let me take a look?" She gestures again to my belly.

"Can Mikah come back in?" I ask before I can stop myself. If he’s in here, she won’t ask me any more questions about Riley.

"Of course," she says as she goes to the door to open it.
 

Mikah is right there.

"Come on in, Mikah."
 

His eyes dart from her to me and back again. I don’t understand why he’s so nervous.
 

"She said you can come back in,” Dr. Alston tells him. “I was just about to start the examination."
 

His eyes widen.
 

"It's alright, come in," I say to him.
 

He nods and comes back into the room, taking the same seat as before.
 

I reach my hand out toward him, and he smiles a little. Something about his touch calms me.
 

The second our hands make a connection, my heart beats three times really fast. Okay, maybe
calms
is the wrong word.
 

We lock gazes. He lifts one eyebrow, then, as if to experiment, he pulls his hand away. My heart rate slows way down for a couple of beats before resuming a normal rhythm.

"What in the world?" I hear Dr. Alston say.
 

I look at Mikah. He’s smiling like a Cheshire cat.
 

"Watch," he says.

Once the doctor’s attention is fixed on us, he reaches for my hand again. Again my heart beats three times in rapid succession. Then he pulls his hand away, and my heart misses a beat, speeds up for a few seconds and then goes back to normal. Next to me, Mikah chuckles, causing me to smile.

"That is the strangest, most bizarre thing I've ever seen," Dr. Alston says, looking at me. "Well then, shall we?" She pulls on a pair of examination gloves.
 

I nod, but my heart rate increases again. I want her to turn it off so my emotions aren’t so obvious, but at the same time I find strange comfort in being able to hear the reaction my heart has to him. I suddenly wish Mikah was attached to it, too. I’m curious whether I have the same effect on him.
 

"I'm going to keep you covered, but I need to lift your gown." I nod as Mikah lays the bed back down. "That's good," Dr. Alston says, and the bed comes to a stop.

I can still see everything she is doing. She pulls the blanket down and then gently slides it under my gown to cover my pubic area. Once the blanket is in place, she lifts the gown, bringing it to rest just under my breasts. Next to me, Mikah gasps.
 

"When was your last period, Vivienne?" the doctor asks, completely calm.
 

"Um, I don't know. Late June or early July. I discovered in August I was pregnant. The morning before I was here last."

Mikah's hand tightens against mine and his body goes rigid. He is no doubt contemplating the significance of that last statement.
 

"Okay, and if I remember correctly, you were four or five weeks along then. So that will put you between eleven and thirteen weeks." Her hands on my belly are cold; my stomach flinches at her touch. "Sorry," she says quickly.

I look down my body at my stomach. There are three very visible, well-defined points: Each of my hipbones are sharp against my skin, and the ominous bump from yesterday looks bigger from this angle. No wonder that skirt felt tight this morning. I hadn’t worn it since my interview at the diner almost two months ago.

She pokes and pushes, doing what doctors do, and I flinch when some of the pressure points cause me pain.
 

"You're very skinny. Have you always been this way?"
 

I hesitate to answer her. The answer is no, I haven't. In fact, I used to be about a size ten or twelve, but I'm not sure I really want to highlight the fact that I've lost a lot of weight in the last six or seven months. The direct result of being told by Riley that I was fat — just one of the ways he had of bringing me down — and then of not being able to afford to buy food. After I left the hospital, it became increasingly difficult to take care of myself.
 

I shake my head. “No, not always.” I have no doubt that Dr. Alston is pissed off at me for not taking better care of myself. Believe me, if I could afford more food, I'd eat it. It's not like I'm not trying.
 

She gently pulls the gown back down. "Aside from your weight — which is a big issue — everything looks okay. I'll have the nurse come in and get your IV and blood work going. I'll put in for an ultrasound, and I will be back in a little while." She pulls off the gloves and starts washing her hands in the sink. "Can I get you anything?" she asks, reaching for the paper towels.

"Another blanket would be good." I'm freezing again.

"I'll send one in. There is a button on the side of your bed if you need anything else."
 

"What about some food?" Mikah asks her.
 

Dr. Alston nods. "Keep it light, though. Soup or pudding would be good."

"Thanks, doctor." He looks at me. "Are you hungry?"
 

I start to shake my head and he scowls at me. It's actually pretty cute.

"Fine, yes, I'll eat." I smile at him and his eyes light up. His answering smile is blinding. "Why does that make you so happy?" I ask.

"Because you deserve far better than you're giving yourself, and I'm happy to give it. Whenever and however I can." I feel his hand tighten around mine. "Thank you."

He’s
thanking
me
? "What for?"

"For coming in, talking to the doctor. Being so calm about this and..." He pauses, looking deep into my eyes.
 

Something happens between us in this moment, a shift of some sort that I don’t understand, and the heart monitor broadcasts my fluttering heartbeat. Geez, that is so embarrassing.
 

He smiles again. "And for letting me be here with you. Speaking of which, why did she make me leave only to have me come back in?" I look down from his penetrating blue-green eyes. "Tell me," he pleads.
 

"She saw me flinch when you touched my hand. She was concerned that you were the reason I was here the last time."
 

His face grows pale, and I feel his whole body go cold as he realizes why I was here a couple of months ago.

"I told him I was pregnant and he didn't like that very much. He took it out on me," I whisper.
 

"Fuck!" he spats, and I can feel his body start to tremble.
 

I can't look at him. I'm so ashamed. Ashamed of the fact that I was beaten, that Riley beat me whenever he felt like it. Ashamed that I let it happen more than once. I start to cry.

"I'm going to touch your head,” Mikah says, finally getting why I flinch every time he touches me unexpectedly. “I want to..."

But I don’t want his comforting. I feel the anger radiating from him, and though I know it’s not directed at me, my broken spirit is already trying to push him away, to undo the intimacy between us. "It's okay. I'm okay," I sob.
 

"Like hell you are. I'm not going to hurt you or hit you. I would never –
will
never do anything to harm you. Ever." His voice is full of conviction.

I squeeze my eyes tight against the tears, willing them to stop, but I can't seem to control them. Then I feel his hand resting lightly against the top of my head. So light that I almost can't feel it. Then slowly, steadily, he starts to caress my head, stroking my hair. The movement is methodical, but it doesn't feel empty. My scalp tingles as goose bumps rise across it, then my neck, down my back and across my arms. My heart beats faster, keeping the machine busy with each pump and flutter.