Give Me Yesterday (26 page)

I
don’t know why I thought I could walk away from Chase. I was just so scared. What if he left me too? I loved Ben, but we were practically kids. The feelings I have for Chase run deep, so much that I know if I were to lose him, it would crush me beyond anything I could ever recover from. So, I ran out of the museum, grabbed a cab, and went home. I’d missed my weekly trip to the cemetery the weekend of the wedding, and I had almost forgone it that Sunday too. But, I needed to see them, to be close to them, and let them know I hadn’t forgotten them.

When I exited the freeway, I stopped at a local florist and picked up the lavender flowers that I always brought with me. When I approached their plots, I noticed that the flowers often present were not there. Seemed the whole world was forgetting them. I don’t even know which family member is bringing them. I wonder if my mother ever visits her son-in-law and granddaughter. Or have they all let them go as I’m expected to do?

I sat in the grass and talked to them for a while. I decided to be brave and told them about Chase, about how confused I was. No one answered, no one ever does. However, I heard soft footsteps behind me and turned to see who was approaching. To my shock, it was Belinda. She’d stood off to the side, silently asking if she was interrupting. She made me realize that I didn’t want to be alone, so I waved her over. She’d sat down on the grass, right next to me and took my hand.

“My son is buried in this cemetery too. Not far from here, actually. I think I may have even seen you from time to time but, we are all grieving and tend not to intrude. Today, I thought maybe you could use a little company.” She’d smiled at me, and squeezed my hand.

I don’t know how she knew, I was grateful though. “I know it’s silly, but I like to talk to them.”

“It’s not silly, we all grieve in our own way. That’s a big part of what our group is for, to help us find that outlet, but also to see that others have the same struggle.” She’d shrugged and looked off into the distance. “I write letters. I’ve written a letter to Jesse for each year he should have had of his life, well, I’ve only reached age twenty, but I’ll get to the rest. He wanted to be a rock star you know, even at age four, he carried around that little guitar from the video game. So, I write letters to the adult rock star and imagine who he would have been. What his life would have been like. I imagine the name Jesse Kingston on billboards and magazines.”

She’d laughed, and looked at me with a spark in her eyes. “Even if he would have been a gym teacher in reality, I can imagine he has everything he ever wanted. Its helps me to find peace, believing in him. It’s how I cope.”

I could understand her thought process, just as so many things that I would have done with Sarah are hard for me to do now, without her. “Do you believe they would want us to find happiness without them? I don’t want them to ever feel like they are forgotten.”

Belinda had let out a sigh and used her free hand to play with the grass. “I don’t know, Tori. But, I’d like to think Jesse imagines a life for me, just as I do for him. So, while I struggle to go on without him, I strive for the things I want because I feel like that is the best way to always remember him.”

My mind had become even more clouded, all of my convictions mixed with new ideas and emotions. I had begun to feel overwhelmed. Belinda had put an arm around me and it felt so good that I didn’t recoil from the touch as I would have in the past. She’d whispered her goodbyes and got up to leave.

I stared at my family for a little while longer, but when I left, I was even more confused. I decided I needed one less complication fogging up my brain, I needed my orderly life to try and wade through the mess I’d created. I avoided Chase, using any excuse not to see or talk to him. It was a cowardly move and I was definitely up for an academy award for best bitch.

It didn’t get any better, instead, my life began to truly fall apart. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t sleep, and I had no appetite. I’d spent almost every night with Chase since before we’d even made love. Apparently, I’d fallen victim to the same addiction and I needed him beside me at night and in the morning.

I’d made up my mind to go to him, to tell him I loved him. I was starting to believe that Ben and Sarah would want me to find love again, to be happy. When I got his call, I was so scared I almost lost it, but it was clear that it was my turn to be the strong one.

Now, I’m watching him up on that stage, the brilliant professor speaking about achieving a future. The one you want. Working for it and never giving up on your dreams. He’s mesmerizing and I can see why students love him. I’m sure the girls spend his class drooling over him, but even so, they’ll learn, but Chase would never have it be otherwise.

After his speech, the crowd roars with approval, all the graduates clapping and stomping. Chase’s grin is a little goofy as he steps down from the stage, proud, but also bashful. It’s adorable. When he sees me, his grin becomes a full blown smile, one I only ever see when he looks at me. The only problem with that sinful smile is that I don’t have an extra pair of panties with me. Not that it would matter, I’d need to change those the next time he looked at me anyway.

They begin calling out names and when Chase reaches my side, he glances at his watch, grabs my wrist, and pulls me out into the hallway. “We’ve got at least forty-five minutes. It should be plenty,” he mumbles distractedly, towing me behind him. He pokes his head through a door, and evidently finding what he’s looking for, he yanks me inside. This is followed by the slamming of the door and flipping of the lock. We’re in a lecture hall, curved rows of chairs ascending to the back wall, all facing a single desk and blackboard.

He’s pulling me toward the desk, and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. “Chase, what are we—” He cuts off my question with his mouth slamming down on mine.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you on a desk in a classroom since the first time I saw you in your naughty librarian outfit,” he says with a growl. His hands are already busy trying to remove my clothes, while I slap them away, protesting.

“We can’t! What if someone sees us?”

He has somehow successfully unbuttoned my top. “Everyone’s at graduation, baby. Plus, I locked the door.” There goes my bra. “Now, be an obedient student and do what Dr. Monroe says.”

He gives me quite a test over the next thirty minutes, then announces I get an A+.

Chase is holding my hand, his thumb rubbing softly on the skin as we walk into a little house where a reception is being held for one of his students. The sweet gesture isn’t calming my nerves. I’m about to meet his best friend, whose mother is throwing the party, and his family. What if they hate me, I mean if they’ve heard of me. I have a reputation for being the queen bee bitch. I look down and wonder if my pink sundress is too casual, but then I remember Chase is in jeans and a button down shirt. No, I’m dressed okay. I think.

We step inside the door and I smooth my hair back into a ponytail—nice and neat—and paste a pleasant smile on my face. Chase gets one look at me and starts laughing. Then he reaches over, grabs the elastic band and yanks it from my hair. He threads his fingers through the strands and messes it all up. “Chase!” I hiss. “I want to look presentable.”

He laughs again, his eyes twinkling.
Stop swooning!
He leans down for a quick kiss. “You look amazing, babe.”

“Chase! Get your lazy ass in here!” I hear yelled from the next room. The house is small, but it looks cozy and lived in, with photos and mementos scattered everywhere. We enter the kitchen, which is attached to an open living room. Both spaces are packed with people, all of whom call out to him when we enter. A young guy in his early twenties, with shagging blond hair, and a face that must bring the chicks in droves, walks up and slaps Chase on the back. “Took you long enough, asshole. You stop for—” He stops speaking when he sees me, then a knowing look comes over his face. “I see you were distracted with dessert.” He looks at me intently. “Tell me, are the rumors true? Is his junk as—ow! Fuck!” Chase punches him in the arm and after he swears, an older woman—his mother I assume—whacks him on the back of the head.

Chase pulls me tightly into his side, glaring at the guy. “Cort, this is my girlfriend, Tori. Tori, this pathetic excuse for a man is Cort.”

Cort grins at me and stretches out his hand, but Chase slaps it away. Cort’s grin gets bigger. “You’re not a stalker, are you?” he asks, and Chase groans.

“Shut it, Cort. Or I’ll shut it for you.”

Cort laughs and then he snatches the hand of a beautiful girl with long brown hair and caramel skin, as she walks by, bringing her over to us. “This is Blair, the love of my life.” Blair blushes, and gives me a tiny wave.

Chase gives her a one armed hug, and a kiss on the forehead. “Hey, Blair. I guess the brainwashing hasn’t worn off yet. You realize that if this goes on much longer, I’ll have to kill him, right? It’s for your own—ow!” Cort socks Chase in the arm.

“Alright, knock it off asshole,” he says, earning himself another slap to the head from his mom and Blair. “Geeze! You girls are mean,” he whines playfully. “Grab some food, relax, have fun, show this buffoon what it means to party.” Then with a reciprocated chin lift and a fist bump, he follows his girl into the throng of people.

Chase keeps his arm around my shoulder as we wade our way through a crowd of freshly graduated kids, standing around in their gowns like they want to make sure anyone who looks at them knows, for sure, that they graduated earlier today. Chase keeps me tucked into his side and as he introduces me, it’s always the same, “This is Tori,
my girlfriend
.” Emphasis on the
my girlfriend
part like he’s staking a claim. I should probably be annoyed. I think it’s in the girl handbook to be, but he’s so damn cute, I throw the girl code out the window.

Finally, we reach an older man with dark brown hair, a tall lean stature, and chocolate eyes I would recognize anywhere. This has to be Chase’s dad. Standing next to him is a beautiful woman that is practically the female carbon copy of Chase, with the same brown hair and eyes, only her glasses are red, almost heart shaped, and she’s slightly older. He embraces each of them warmly, then tugs me forward to stand in front of him, his arms looped around my waist.

“Tori, this is my dad, and that beautiful pain in the ass, is my sister, Penelope.”

I shake their hands confidently, despite the butterflies in my stomach.

Penelope smiles with genuine warmth and it sets aside some of my nerves. “We’ve been anxious to meet you, Tori. I’ve never seen my brother act like such a lovesick fool and I wanted to meet the woman who could take the place of that stupid car in his heart.”

Chase gasps and my hand flies to my mouth to stifle a giggle. I fail miserably and start laughing. He leans down, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Traitor.”

We chit chat with them for a while and I learn that Penelope is a riot. She almost seems eccentric, but underneath the wild exterior is a solid mom, wife, and sister. She and Chase rib each other a lot, but his admiration and love for his sister are written all over his face. I instantly fall in love with them and they put me at ease, making me feel safe, and free to be myself.

Eventually Cort and Blair wander over to join us, and we talk until we realize that the room has emptied. Cort leads us out to their tiny back yard, where they’ve set up one of those small round fire pits. There are comfortable patio chairs positioned around it and the group of us, now including Cort’s mom, Sandy, sit around the fire. Sandy breaks out the makings for S’mores and I almost clap my hands with glee.

I haven’t had this treat since I was in high school, but I can still remember what it tastes like and my mouth is watering. Chase makes a couple of S’mores, then returns to his seat. Before he sits, he hauls me up, plops down and settles me on his lap. I feel my cheeks heat up and I surreptitiously glance around, hoping no one is paying us any attention. Of course, to my utter mortification, everyone is watching us, but Chase doesn’t seem to care. He instead lifts a S’more to my lips, tapping to get me to open my mouth.

He leans forward and kisses me, hiding a little lick to the side of my mouth. “Chocolate,” he explains, his voice smoldering. That voice, it turns me the fuck on.
Not the time, Tori. Not the time.
Chase’s hand slips stealthily down my back, all the way to my ass, giving it a covert squeeze. I throw him a warning glare, but he just smiles innocently at me. That damn panty melting smile.

“I have an announcement.” Chase says this to the group, but his eyes remain locked on mine. All the talking ceases and I can feel the proverbial spotlight on us. It’s definitely not like being in court. Well, okay it is, but this time I’m on the witness stand. Yeah, I’m not a fan of the role reversal.

He finally looks out at the people around us, while I stare at my hands.
When the hell did you get so self-conscious, woman?
Excellent question.

“Tori and I are moving in together.”

His statement is met with a mixture of gasps and catcalls, and I look up to see who the sounds came from, really hoping it wasn’t his sister and dad. My eyes connect with his sister’s and her hand is covering her mouth, indicating that she’s one of the gaspers. Great. Then she removes her hand and she’s wearing a big smile, her eyes sparkling.