Glimmer (10 page)

Mom’s expression fell. “Zellie, honey, I was just--”

“Are you good?” I asked, looking her over, “I’m going to go lie down if you are.”

“I’m fine.  Aunt Hazel was nice enough to lend me her spare laptop so I can lounge on the couch
and
I’m getting Wi-Fi somehow.” She returned to what she was doing. “Probably stealing it from the lodge.”

“Yell for me if you need me.” I skulked off to my room, shut the door and fell onto the bed face first. I wished I could call Claire or even Melody, but they were still in school. Rolling onto my back, I flung my arm over my eyes, conjuring up Avery’s dream from the other night.  Only three more days until I would get to see him in the flesh, I was going to have to rely on his dreams and my fantasies to cut through the boredom until then.  Settling into the dream, this time I imagined myself dressed in a hot pink string bikini just for the hell of it.

I awoke several hours later to the sound of cars driving up the gravel road to the cabin.  Wiping the drool from the corner of my mouth, I got out of bed and swiftly checked myself out in the bathroom mirror.  Ugh.  Crazy tangle hair and a pillow print on my cheek.  Pretty.  I stuck my tongue out at myself in the mirror.  Who was I trying to impress anyway?

As I stepped through the doorway from the bathroom into the family room, I caught a peek of Ben going into my bedroom.  I followed after him, only to see him walk through the door from my bedroom into the bathroom.  What the hell? Good thing the door from the bathroom to mom’s room was closed or we’d be in even more trouble. These bathrooms may have worked on The Brady Bunch, but in the real world having three entrances into one bathroom was stupid. 

“Ben!  Stop walking.  I’m behind you.” I shut my bedroom door.

He came into my room, shutting the door to the bathroom, looking confused. “Whose dumbass idea was it to put three doors on one bathroom?” he said, handing me a stack of books topped by a five pack of spiral notebooks.

I took the materials and set them on top of my chest of drawers.  “Let’s hope it’s not the same person who wrote the GED test or we’re screwed.”

“Tests,” he said.

“Huh?”

“The GED is five tests, not just one.”

I sighed and sat down on the bed.  “Five tests?  That sucks.” 

He laughed. “It has to be somewhat of a pain in the ass or no one would attend actual high school, y’know.”

“I guess,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Ben grabbed the pack of notebooks and ripped the plastic wrapping off.  “We’re sharing these, okay? I want the green and yellow ones.”

“Sure.”

He tossed the remaining three notebooks, in the colors of red, blue, and purple, next to me on the bed.  I opened the red one up and smelled the paper.  I love a fresh notebook. 

“Zellie, you’re supposed to write in it, not make out with it.” He took the notebook from my hand.

“I like the smell.  It’s...clean and full of possibility.”

“Wow, Little H., you’re more in need of a good lay than I’d previously thought.”  He fanned the notebook pages at me. “It’s not possibility, its dead bleached trees.” He smelled the paper.  “And it smells like chemicals.”

I scowled at him.  “Why are you being such a dick?”

 Ben sat down as close to me on the bed as he possibly could, resting his hand gently on my thigh. “I know you were dreaming about him, about Avery.  You should let him go...consider your options.” His eyes met mine with a look so sincere and hopeful I almost didn’t notice when he slid his fingers down, just slightly, to the line where my legs met.

I stood up quickly, forcing the blood in my body to rush somewhere besides where it had been rushing. I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed because Ben had invaded my dreams and seen me with Avery or because some small part of me was intrigued by his offer. We had more in common than I’d like to admit; maybe someday we’d even make kick ass Retro partners.  And he was so, so frickity fracking pretty. Yes, I was attracted to him, and yes he turned me on. But he didn’t get my blood coursing like Avery did. He couldn’t. No one ever would.  Being with Ben would be so much simpler, but I knew my heart wouldn’t be in it.

Ben playfully grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back down onto the bed, lying down beside me.  The warmth of his hands on my waist reminded me that my body didn’t always give a crap whether my heart was in it or not.  I braced myself for what was going to happen next, torn between slapping him and kissing him back.

“Chill out,” he whispered into my ear. I lay there paralyzed, my thoughts growing hazy, my brain ceasing to function momentarily.

Taking my silence as my acquiescence, he brushed his lips lightly across my cheek and over to the corner of my mouth. His tongue slid along my lower lip, probing. My mouth turned to his mouth, eager for more contact. Then we were kissing, slowly, and I knew I wasn’t supposed to be enjoying it so much, that it was wrong, but I didn’t want to stop.

Ben broke from my mouth and trailed his lips down my neck, sending a shiver through my body from head to toe. He eased on top of me. I didn’t protest.  I wanted to feel the weight of him.  Holding himself up on one elbow, he unbuttoned my shirt, letting it fall open. He planted soft kisses between my breasts and then pushed my bra up over them, resuming his exploration. I looked down at the top of his head, watching his blonde hair skimming over my skin.

It was the hair color that did it. My brain finally got the “that’s not Avery” signal and forced my body to push Ben off of me.

I scooted as far away from him as I could get, hastily buttoning my shirt up crooked. Ben shook his head, looking confused for an instant before recovering. “You need to learn to relax.”

“What I need is to figure out how I can get Avery back,” I spat.

“Not him
again
.”  Ben lay on the bed, flinging his arm over his eyes dramatically. He reached down and blatantly adjusted himself.  I just sat there, watching him, wondering what the hell I’d been thinking. I hadn’t, that was the answer. After a minute he sat up on his elbows and grinned at me. “You were a little bit into it, admit it.”

I answered him by blushing fiercely.

“Well, that’s something, at least.” He sighed, studying me.  “You know I think you’re a dumbass for trying to be with your trigger, right?”

“Yes, you’ve made that pretty clear.”

“Especially when we could be hanging out,” his gaze flicked toward my chest, “
if
you know what I mean.”

I crossed my arms in front of me, deflecting.

He looked up at my face. “But, if you don’t want to be with me in
that
way, it’s not like I’m going to force you.” He paused, blinking hard.  I sure as hell hoped he wasn’t considering forcing me and seeing what happened! “And if I have to hang out with you platonically, I suppose the least I could do is help.”

That was not at all what I was expecting him to say.  Ugh.  Could he be any more confusing?  One minute he’s being super handsy, the next he’s being super handy.  I did not get him. 

Ben sat all the way up and chucked a notebook at me.  “Write Avery a note and hide it somewhere for him to pick up tomorrow night.”

I gave him the stink eye. “Duh.  You think I haven’t considered that already?”

He gave me a look that said, “I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking either, spazmatron.” 

“How’s Avery supposed to know where to find it?” I said in a low voice.

“Claire.”

“What about Claire?” I shook my head.  “I can’t tell her to do anything outright without getting her in trouble.  Grandma’s glimpsing both of us every day to catch anything sneaky we may be doing.”

“I seriously doubt your grandma is paying any attention to what you and Claire are talking about.” Ben smirked.  “She’s got more important things to deal with than the someday death of an idiot trigger who fully accepts that he’s going to die.”

Choosing to ignore him calling Avery an idiot trigger or asking him how he would feel if I called Connor that, I scooted closer to him on the bed.  I needed his insight; with stuff like this I could trust he knew what he was talking about. “But Grandma promised Mom that she’d glimpse us and she wouldn’t let her down, not again.”

Ben snorted. “Zellie, sweetie, two things- your grandma is a cold hearted bitch and your mom is on your side.  Even if your grandma came through and ratted you out like she is supposed to, I don’t think your mom would do anything.”

I slung my legs up onto the bed and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, curious. “What makes you say that?  Did you hear her say something?”

He shook his head.  “No, but your mom’s a pretty nice lady and she didn’t exactly give up her trigger either.” He gave me a cocky wink.  “Call it intuition.”

“Okay,” I said, testing him, “say I call up Claire and Grandma glimpses it and tells Mom. What if your intuition is wrong?  What if this all blows up in my face and I get sent to L.A. and never see Avery again, all because I wanna write him a stupid note?”

Ben shrugged.  Not the concrete answer I was hoping for. “So, use code.  Claire’s super smart, she’ll catch on.” He held out his cell phone. “School’s been out for twenty minutes, she’ll be on her way to volunteer at Planned Parenthood.”

I smiled. “You know her schedule, huh?”

He lay back on the bed. “I’m keeping my options open.”

Seeing Claire’s number already displayed on the screen, I hit send.

“Hey, Benny,” Claire answered, fake breathless.

“Hey, baby,” I said back in my best cheesy man voice.

“Ugh!  Zellie, what are you doing with Ben’s phone?”

“Calling you, baby.” Okay, now my voice was kinda morphing into Elvis. Not my best imitation.

“No duh.  About what?” she huffed.

I took a deep breath, praying that Ben’s intuition was right. I answered in my normal voice. “Remember that thing we did that one time when we were in Mrs. Gates’ class?  With that notebook and the
potted
plant and the fish
bowl
full of rubber bands?

“Yeah, totally.”

“I need to do that again, but for me instead of you.”

“Cool, got it.” She took a loud sip through a squeaky straw, mining what sounded like an empty drink. “The eagle has landed and what not.”

Well, that was easy. I grinned at Ben and gave him a thumbs up.  He crossed his eyes at me. I slapped him on his right shin.  “So, how’s school?”

“How do you think it is?” she snorted, “It blows, it sucks, it’s a vacuum of hell.  I sit with your
sister
at lunch time.”

“Sorry.”

Claire sighed.  “It’s not your fault. If Avery was my boyfriend I’d be trying to do him every second of every day too.  I didn’t help matters with my big old bag o’ prophylactics either.”

Guilt crept into my chest. How was I ever going to tell Avery what had happened with Ben? “Your intentions were good.”

“They were. Now, what about Avery’s
intentions
? Were they good, or were they very, very bad?” she teased.

“You are such a perv!” I laughed, suddenly missing my best friend terribly.  “Hey, what are you doing on Saturday?  I could use some girl time.”  As in, many hours away from boys and their pretty wandering mouths that could get me in trouble.

“Oh, goody!  I was gonna see if you wanted to go with me to taste test cakes for my birthday party.”

“Did you really even need to ask?”

“I didn’t know if the zone on your house arrest anklet extended all the way to Zdeb’s Bakery.”

“Ha.  That would be totally funny if it weren’t almost true.  Let me ask Mel if she’ll come up to the cabin and stay with Mom on Saturday--”

Ben nudged me in the knee. “I’ll stay with your mom for you,” he whispered.

“Okay, uh, thanks,” I whispered back.  “Ben’s going to stay with Mom, I guess.  What time do you want me to pick you up?”

“Oh, my God!” Claire squealed, “I can’t wait to see you behind the wheel!  Um, pick me up at 9:45.”

“Sounds good.  All right, I better go.” Ben waved for me to hand his phone over. “Here, Ben wants to talk to you. Bye.”

I gave him his phone. He and Claire proceeded to both chat like girlfriends and flirt like celebutantes for another half an hour, making it pretty obvious to me that our make out session had been no big deal to him.  If he could see it that way, so could I, I decided, feeling relieved.

While I was waiting for them to finish chatting, I wrote my first note to Avery. I had a lot to say to him and I was going to have to tell him about Ben, but not in a note.  Besides, it couldn’t be longer than one notebook page folded into quarters. It had to fit underneath the lid of the toilet tank in a Ziploc bag. 

Dear Avery,

If you’re reading this then I guess Claire really did understand what I was talking about.  Either that or you’re weird and like to check out people’s toilet tanks. :)

I think it’s safe for us to be passing notes like this...Ben thinks Mom won’t tell on me if Grandma glimpses this note or anything having to do with you.

Oh Avery, I love you, okay?  This is soooo stupid and I’m going to try my hardest to figure everything out.  Trust me, please.  I know you do.

You’ll be happy to know that Mom’s fine, she’s on bed rest - you probably heard from my dad.  Don’t worry, though, our little bro appears to be doing just fine.  What do you think they’ll name him?  Please do not let it rhyme with Zel or Mel.  Ha!  Aiden would be nice, I like that name - it goes good with yours. :)

What have you been up to?  Well, what have you been up to while you’re awake - I know what you’re up to at night.  (Nice dream btw, perv - JK)  I’ve been up to...not a whole heck of a lot.  Taking care of Mom - oh, I did get my license, finally!  That’s cool, I guess.  Tell Jason I’m driving the Legacy now and to thank his dad again for giving it to Mom, that was totally nice of him.  What else?  I’m gonna get my GED - it’s 5 tests, did you know that?  Whatever.  I got some study materials today, so I’m going to get on that and then no more school for me ever again!  (Well, until we go away to college, right?)