Go Big (61 page)

Plus the walk down to the water bought me some time. I was not looking forward to this conversation. I had just taken the girl’s virginity. I knew I was a heel for ending things like this.

But I had to. What had happened was a mistake. A fucking amazing mistake. It wasn’t right though. I’d taken advantage of her.

And I didn’t want a relationship anyway.

Being around her would be even more torturous now but that was the price I would have to pay. I would never stop protecting her. I couldn’t. Not now.

And if there was a child… well, maybe things could be different. I would take care of her of course. The deepest, most twisted part of me almost hoped I had gotten her pregnant.

Even though it would tank her career.
 

Maybe
because
it would tank it. As far as I could see, all she was doing was making money for other people. She was rich enough already. She was also deeply unhappy.

I shook my head to clear it. I had to stay focused. I was on the job.

And you weren’t supposed to fuck on the job.

Or fall in love.

“Ooooh it’s so beautiful here!”

I looked at Trista as she ran out onto the sand. She plopped down and tugged her shoes off. I remembered again how young she was and felt even shittier about what I was about to do.

If she was an ordinary girl it would be different.
I
would be different. I would take her back up the hill, cook her dinner and take her to bed. For days.

We wouldn’t get out again until next week.

Next month maybe.

But she wasn’t an ordinary girl. And this wasn’t a date. It was a mistake. One of many, many errors in judgment I’d made lately.

I closed my eyes.

Who was I kidding? I’d been making mistakes since the moment I laid eyes on her. I didn’t make mistakes. I wasn’t allowed to.

“You are so lucky to live in a place like this.”

I looked at her. Her eyes were shining as she stared out over the water. For the hundredth time I wished that she wasn’t famous. Or mega famous. That I wasn’t working for her.

It was funny but I’d never thought of myself as lucky. Until today. When I had her in my arms.

“Is this where you grew up?”

I swallowed, not wanting to answer her. I didn’t like to talk about it. I didn’t want to crack open my shell even an inch. This was hard enough as it was.

“No.”

She noticed my lack of an answer but she didn’t press me. I realized she was staring at me. The silence dragged out. I cleared my throat and tried to act like a normal fucking human being for once.

Even though I was far from it.

“What about you?”

She shook her head.

“Me? No way. I grew up in a trailer park.” Her eyes twinkled when she looked at me. “Not a lot of people know that.”

I couldn’t tear my eyes off of her. The raw honesty in her face. All her makeup was gone. So was the pretense.

This was the real Trista. And she was
fucking perfect.

“It was full of characters though. The people there really stuck together. I had about twenty aunties, even though it was really just my mom and I.”

I hardly recognized the husky sound of my voice when I spoke.

“And then you got famous.”

She smiled at me ruefully.

“Yes. And then I got famous.” She bent down to roll her jeans up to her knees. “It’s funny. I never really thought about the fame. I just wanted my mom to have nice things. Not to worry about money anymore, you know? And I loved singing and dancing. Everything else was just…”

She looked up at me. “-there.” She held out her hand to me. I stared at it dumbly. Did she think I was her boyfriend now that we’d slept together? I had the strong and unwelcome thought of how nice the would be.

“Are you coming?”

“What?”

“Into the water silly!”

I shook my head, watching as she shrugged and ran towards the water. She ran right into it, without fear of getting wet or messing her hair up or any of the things I thought a girl like her would worry about. I knew the water was chilly but she didn’t seem to notice. She was getting her jeans wet but she didn’t seem to care.

I stood there, watching her, while my belly tied itself up in knots.

The thought of breaking her heart was too distasteful. Maybe we could have this one weekend together… I could get my fill of her. Get this out of both of our systems. That would be it.
 

But that was a lie.

If I didn’t end this now, if I didn’t squash it, I would never be able to. My heart wouldn’t let me.

Or my body.

I knew because I was already wanting her again. Watching her splash around in the water, with her long hair flowing out behind her and her sexy little camisole was making me hard as a rock. Her sharp little nipples were poking out.

I knew how they tasted. Sweet and salty, just like the rest of her. I wanted to taste them again.

Now.

If I didn’t get her warm again she could catch a cold. I told myself that’s why I changed my mind and walked to the edge of the water. I told myself that’s why I held out my hand.

I told myself that’s why I pulled her against me to crush her lips against mine.

I wanted to get her warm. Keep her safe and healthy.

That was all.

I groaned at the feel of her. We fit together perfectly. Her soft curves and long lines. My body curled around hers, trying to impart heat.

And take pleasure.

Lots and lots of pleasure.

I dragged her backwards, turning and lowering her to the sand. My hands were busy, lifting her camisole, palming her breasts, angling her nipples towards my mouth. I wanted more than a taste. I wanted to imprint her on my skin.

I had a crazy feeling she was already imprinted on my soul.

I pulled my shirt off and unbuttoned my jeans. I pulled hers down. I ground myself into her, inches from taking her on the beach like a couple of teenagers.

I forced myself to stop. Lust and anger raged through me. Anger at myself for losing control. I’d lost control. Again.

It was happening far too frequently around her.

“Trista…”

Her soft lips were puffy and red from my kissing. Her cheeks were flushed. Her hypnotic eyes searched mine. She lifted her head to kiss me again but I stopped her.

“If we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to.”

“So don’t.”

I groaned, my cock raging against my common sense. How could I be this horny again? If anything, I wanted her more than I had before.
 

And I had already been at Defcon 1. But reality was setting in. I couldn’t compound the problems by repeating my mistakes.

“I don’t have a condom Trista.”

She looked up at me, brushing my hair away from my eyes.

“I don’t care.”

I lowered my head into the crook of her neck, kissing her soft skin. Inhaling her. Memorizing her.

“But I do.”

Trista

He was turning me down?

I lay on the sand, half-naked and wet as Joss pulled away from me. How could he stop now? We had been on the brink of-

“It was a mistake.”

A mistake? How could something so perfect be a mistake?

“I don’t agree.”

His hand ran through his hair.

“Trista. I work for you. You are too young. And I am not boyfriend material anyway, believe me.”

I sat up, unconsciously covering my breasts with my hands.

“I think I can decide what boyfriend material is.”

“No. You can’t. You have been completely isolated. You don’t know anything about men. About me. Please, can’t we just try and forget this?”

“Why?”

Tears of humiliation were filling my eyes as I struggled to get my clothes back on. I shoved my feet into my booties and stood.

“Was I so horrible that you changed your mind?”

He walked over to me, staring down at me with a hard look on his face.

“My mind had nothing to do with it. Neither did yours. It was just an attraction between two people who should know better. A strong attraction but that’s all it was. And now it’s over.”

He stood inches away, staring down at my flushed face.

“When you calm down, you’ll realize I am right.”

I lifted my chin, trying to ignore the tears that threatened to fall.

“No. I won’t. But I guess I wasn’t bored. You were.”

He grabbed my arm, pulling me back.

“I wasn’t bored.”

Our chests were almost touching. I could feel him. Smell him. Almost taste him.

But he didn’t close the gap between us.

I tossed my head. He’d made himself clear. He didn’t want me.
 

So I wouldn’t want him.

“Fine. You don’t have to worry about your job. I won’t tell anyone.”

He stared at me.

“That’s not all I care about. You have to tell me if- anything happens.”

I was going to rage at him if we continued this conversation. I forced myself to lift my head, glaring at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean
if you are pregnant.
The condom broke, remember?”

My jaw dropped. I had barely thought about that. What were the chances? It was just the one time.

“Okay Joss. I’ll tell you if I get pregnant. Other than that, we have no need to speak to each other at all, do we?”

He shook his head slowly.

“No. We don’t.”

“Great. Can you take me back to LA now please?”

Chapter Fourteen

Joss

I put my hand on the small of Trista’s narrow back as we walked through security at the airport. She tossed a cool look at me over her shoulder and I dropped my hand. She’d been treating me like a leper for three days now.

It had been three days since Trista’s attack on the boardwalk. Three days since I took her to my house. Three days since my world had turned upside down.

Three days of pure hell.

Nothing had changed. And everything had.

Trista was true to her word, avoiding all unnecessary contact with me. She made it look easy. I was having a harder time with it. Try as I might, I could not get her out of my head.

I caught myself staring at her almost constantly. I had to fight to stop myself from dragging her into her bedroom and taking her again. I wanted to do so many things to her. And with her. Underneath her. On top of her.

Basically, I wanted to fuck her six ways from Sunday.

I had thought that getting it out of my system that one time would help. But instead it had made it worse. Now I knew how good it felt to be with her.

Now I knew that what we had was explosive. And special.

And rare.

I sure as fuck hadn’t felt anything even close to it.

I was late to the game though. Not only was she angry at me, but nothing had changed. She wasn’t any older and I was still her head of security. It was still a line I couldn’t cross.

But fuck did I want to.

I wanted to so bad I could barely think of anything else.
 

I was having trouble concentrating on the job at hand. I was even relying on January more than ever, having her double check all my information. I couldn’t trust myself to get the job done.

If that didn’t change soon I would have to recuse myself. Her safety was far too important to risk making a mistake. I didn’t want to do that for a hundred practical reasons and one enormous, 1000% impractical one.

If I left I wouldn’t get to see Trista again.

I would never see her again other than on TV or a magazine cover. It might be torturous to be around her, but it was a good torture. A sweet, endless, heart twisting torture.

I grit my teeth and watched her walk in front of me. She was wearing soft skin tight jeans with high heeled booties. The perfect upside down heart of her ass drew my eyes like a moth to a fucking flame.

Her dark red hair was down and free. Her tight black jacket was pure rock and roll. In fact, her whole look was sexed up.

I wondered what the studio would think of that. Their little girl was all grown up. I knew her parents were joining us on the flight.

I was curious about her mother, I had to admit.

I was curious about everything about her. How had she stayed a virgin all this time? Who was she really, other than a workhorse for her record label? Where was the bright and beautiful girl I’d seen glimpses of?

She ignored the people photographing her as she walked by. Her perfect ass twitched provocatively for all to see. I was sure she was doing it deliberately.

I had a feeling she was doing it for me. To show me what I could have had. As if I needed reminding of it.

I groaned as she posed with a fan for a picture. Her new look was getting a lot of attention. It was going to make my job a hell of a lot harder.

That’s not the only thing it was making harder either.
 

I closed my jacket to cover the raging erection she was giving me.

“Your plane is ready Ms. Davis.”

I sent two of my security team inside to check the passage to the plane. Another two had cleared the studio’s jet early this morning and were already waiting inside.

It wasn’t a big plane.

Which meant I would be near her the entire time.

I resigned myself to close proximity as we boarded for the six-hour flight to New York.

Trista

“What do you think you are wearing?”

“Hello to you too, Mom.”

“How are you dear?”

My mother asked, but she had already turned away, not waiting for an answer. To say that my mother was not a warm woman would be the understatement of the century. I shrugged mentally.

There was no point in trying with her. As a kid I’d thought the money would please her, and it had. But it hadn’t made her any more affectionate.

She’d become more and more demanding as time went on.

My mother and stepfather had already boarded, taking the prime seats towards the front of the plane. Her dog, a tiny bad tempered Shit Tzu, even had it’s own seat. There was still a couch and a table with four swiveling chairs facing each other. A few uncomfortable looking jump seats were spread about the cabin for the crew.