Go Tell the Bees That I Am Gone (45 page)

Jamie nodded, as though to himself, and tucked the fragment of Amy's bodice into his sporran. Then he stood, with a definite intent of body that made Ian stand up, too, leading Aidan to come and stand with them all, while Jamie said the prayer for the soul of one fallen in battle.

THEY CAME DOWN
to the Big House at sunset, Brianna and Tom MacLeod carrying the coffin between them, he at the head and she at the foot.

She watched the back of his head as they negotiated their way through the long tree-shadows, and wondered how old he might be. His hair was thin and mostly white, tied back in a wisp, and his skin scaly and brown as a turtle's. But his eyes were bright and fierce as a turtle's, too, and his broad hands knew wood.

They hadn't exchanged more than a dozen words during the afternoon, but they hadn't needed to.

At first, she'd felt deep sorrow at thought of a coffin; Amy being buried, put away, separated. But her soul had settled in the work, fear, shock, and worry fading with the concentration needed in the handling of sharp objects, and she'd begun to feel a sense of peace. This was a thing she could do for Amy: lay her to rest in clean wood. Her hands were rough now with sanding and her clothes full of sawdust; she smelled of sweat and fresh pine, and the balsam firs perfumed the coffin trail.
Incense,
she thought.

IT WAS NEARLY
dark by the time Brianna left Tom and the coffin in the yard and went upstairs to make a hasty toilet and change her clothes. They fell off, heavy with sweat and sawdust, and she felt a moment's relief, as though she'd shed some small part of the day's burden. She pushed the discarded clothes into a corner with her foot and stood still, naked.

The house below hummed like her mother's beehive, with intermittent bangs and callings-out as people came through the open door, the voices instantly hushing in respect—but only momentarily. She closed her eyes and ran her hands very slowly over her body, feeling skin and bone, the soft swing of the damp, heavy hair that hung down her back, unbraided.

She thought she should feel guilty. She
did
feel guilty, through the fog of exhaustion, but as her mother had said—more than once—the flesh has no conscience. Her body was grateful to find itself alive in a cool, dark room, being soothed and sponged and combed by candlelight.

A soft knock at the door, and Roger came in. She dropped the petticoat she'd been about to put on and went to him in her shift and stays.

“What did you do with the bear?” she mumbled into his shoulder, some minutes later. He smelled of blood.

“Gralloched it, put ropes on it, and dragged it home. I think your da put it in the root cellar, to keep things from getting at it. He says he and Gilly MacMillan will skin and butcher it tomorrow. It'll be a lot of meat,” he added.

A faint shudder went down her back and into her belly. He felt it and hugged her closer.

“You okay?” he said softly into her hair. She nodded, unable to speak, and they stood together in silence, listening to the subdued rumble of the house below.

“Are
you
okay?” she asked, at last letting go. She stepped back to look at him; his eyes looked bruised with tiredness and he'd just shaved. His face was damp and blotched from scraping and there was a small cut just below his jaw, a dark line of dried blood. “Was it awful?”

“Aye, it was—but really wonderful, too.” He shook his head and stooped to pick up the fallen petticoat. “I'll tell ye later. I've got to put on my gear and go speak to people.” He'd straightened his shoulders as he spoke; she could see him reach beyond his own emotion and tiredness and grasp his calling as another man might grip his sword.

“Later,” she echoed, and thought fleetingly that maybe she should learn the words of the blessing for a warrior going out.

IT TOOK HER
some time to pull herself together enough to leave the sanctuary of her bedroom and go down.

Amy's coffin had been placed on trestles in the kitchen, as the crowd come to wake her would never fit into the small parlor. Everyone brought food; Rachel and the two eldest Chisholm girls had taken charge of unpacking the baskets and bags and laying things out. Brianna drew in a hesitant deep breath as she entered the room, making her stays creak, but it was all right; if there was any smell of bear or decay, it was masked by the scents of burning firewood, candle wax, berry jam, apple cider, cheese, bread, cold meat, and beer, with the comforting ghost of her father's whisky floating through the crowd.

Roger was by the hearth, dressed in his black broadcloth with the minister's high white neckcloth, greeting people quietly, clasping their hands, offering calm and comfort. He caught Brianna's eye and gave her a warm look, but was engaged with Auld Mam, who stood on tiptoe, balancing with her hand on his arm, shouting something into his ear.

She glanced at the coffin. She must go and pay her respects—find a few words to say to Bobby.

Yeah, like what? I can't just say, “I'm so sorry.”
Tears had come to her eyes, just looking at him.

The bereaved husband was making a valiant effort to keep upright and to respond to a rush of sympathy that threatened to swamp him. Her father had taken up a station standing beside Bobby, keeping an eye on him, fielding the more exigent outpourings—and keeping Bobby's cup topped up. He sensed Brianna's gaze on him and looked toward her, caught her eye, and lifted one heavy brow in an expression that said clear as day, “Are ye all right, lass?”

She nodded and made her best effort at a smile, but a sense of panic was rising in her and she turned abruptly and made her way out into the hall, breathing fast and shallow. As she made her way down the chilly hallway, she seemed to hear a slow, heavy tread behind her and the scrape of claws on wood.

Her mother had told her that the smaller children had been fed and put to bed in the surgery, safe behind the hanging quilt. Brianna paused, listening, and even though all was quiet within, she pulled back the edge of the quilt and looked into the room.

Small bodies were curled and sprawled in cozy heaps under the big table, beside the hearth—though the fire had been smoored and the fire screen brought in from the kitchen, to prevent accidents—and in every corner of the room, sleeping on and under their parents' outer garments and their own; she saw Mandy in one pile, limbs spread like a starfish. Jem would be somewhere else, out with the older boys. The whole room seemed to breathe with the deep slow rhythms of sleep, and she longed suddenly to lie down beside them and abandon consciousness.

She glanced for the dozenth time at the big window. That had an Indian trade blanket tacked over it, to keep out cold drafts. The hair lifted on her nape, looking at it; it wouldn't keep out any of the things that walked at night.

“It's all right, Bwee. I'm he-re.” The soft voice startled her and she jerked back, looking round. The voice had come from the corner by the hearth, and peering into the shadows, she made out Fanny, sitting cross-legged, Bluebell on the floor beside her, sound asleep, the dog's muzzle laid on Fanny's thigh, the muslin bandages round Bluey's ribs a soft white patch in the dark.

“Are you all right, Fanny?” Bree whispered back. “Do you want anything to eat?”

Fanny shook her head, neat white cap like a mushroom poking through soil.

“Mrs. Fraser brought me supper. I said Bluey and me would stay with Orrie and Rob,” she said, careful with her r's. “If they wake up—”

“Not likely,” Bree said, smiling despite her disquiet. “But you can come get me, if they do.”

A little of the sleeping children's peace stayed with her as she left the surgery, but it vanished the moment she stepped back into the kitchen, hot and teeming with people. Her stays felt suddenly tighter and she lingered by the wall, trying to remember how to breathe from the lower abdomen.

“Does Bobby own his cabin?” Moira Talbert was asking, her eyes fixed speculatively on the little knot of people surrounding Bobby Higgins. “Himself built it, and I ken his lass and her man dwelt there for a time, but Joseph Wemyss told Andrew Baldwin as how Himself had given Bobby and Amy the place, but he didna say was it the house and land by deed, or only the use of it.”

“Dinna ken,” Peggy Chisholm replied, her own eyes narrowing in speculation. She glanced toward the far side of the room, where her two daughters were helping to cut and lay out slices of a vast fruitcake soaked in whisky that
Mandaidh
MacLeod had brought down. “D'ye think maybe that Himself has it in mind to wed his wee orphan lass to Bobby, though? If it was her, he'd see Bobby right for the cabin, sure…”

“Too young,” said Sophia MacMillan, shaking her head. “She's but a maid yet.”

“Aye, and he needs a mother for his wee lads,” Annie Babcock put in dismissively. “That one couldn't say boo to a goose. Now, there's my cousin Martina, she's seventeen, and—”

“Even so, the man's a murderer,” Peggy interrupted. “I dinna think I want him for a son-in-law, even
with
a good hoose.”

Brianna, stifled by amazement, found her voice at this.

“Bobby's not a murderer,” she said, and was surprised to hear how hoarse she was. She cleared her throat hard and repeated, “He's
not
a murderer. He was a soldier, and he shot someone during a riot. In Boston.”

A small jolt ran through her at the word “Boston.” The Old State House behind her and the smell of traffic, with the big round bronze plaque set into the asphalt at her feet. Her fifth-grade classmates clustered around it, all shivering in the wind off the harbor.
The Boston Massacre,
the plate read.

“A riot,” she said, more firmly. “A big group of people attacked a small group of soldiers. Bobby shot someone to save the soldiers' lives.”

“Oh, aye?” said Sarah MacBowen with a skeptical arch of her brow. “So why is it he's got yon
M
on his face, then?”

The scar had faded in the ten years since, but was clearly visible now; Bobby sat by the coffin, and the pale glow of the candle showed the mark of the brand, dark against the whiteness of his face. She saw that he was still gripping the edge of the pine coffin, as though he could keep Amy from going from him, refusing to acknowledge that she was already gone.

Brianna had to go to him. Had to look at Amy. Had to apologize.

“Excuse me,” she said abruptly, and pushed past Moira.

A small group of Bobby's friends were clustered about him, murmuring gruff words and giving him an occasional consoling squeeze of the shoulder. She hung back, awaiting an opening, her heartbeat thumping in her ears.

“Och, Brianna!” A hand clutched her arm, and Ruthie MacLeod leaned in to peer at her. “Are ye all right,
a nighean
? They're sayin' as how ye were with Amy when the wicked beast took her—is it so?”