God Ain't Blind (38 page)

“Sister, a one-night stand just happens. A drawn-out affair don’t just happen. It takes plannin’, and it involves lies on top of lies.

You wanted to do it.”

“But I told you why I did it!” I wailed.

“That ain’t a good enough reason!” he roared.

“It is as far as I am concerned!”

“Where can I find that punk? Where does he live?”

“Why?”

“’Cause I want to know!”

“He lives in that apartment building on the corner of Pike and Bleecker streets. Why do you need to know that?”

“Either you sleep someplace else tonight, or I will.” Pee Wee turned on his heels and literally ran out the kitchen door. I remained in my seat until I heard him drive away.

I was still sitting in the same spot when he returned about an hour later. There was a cut above his eye, his shirt was torn, and there was a bruise on his cheek.

“What happened to you?” I asked, slowly rising from my chair. I 286

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stumbled up to him and tried to put my arms around him, but he jumped out of my reach.

“You don’t have to worry about Louis no more,” he told me, breathing through his mouth. I looked down and saw that the knuckles on both his hands were bruised and bleeding.

“Pee Wee, what did you do to that man?”

“You got his address! Why don’t you go over there and see?” He stomped out of the kitchen, with me close behind. I stopped when we made it to the living room. He gave me a dirty look, and then he ran upstairs, taking the steps two at a time.

I plopped down on the sofa and started to twiddle my thumbs. I wanted to run upstairs and try and talk to him. But I didn’t know what else I could say to make things better.

Fifteen minutes later, he ran back downstairs, with a suitcase. I didn’t say anything or try to stop him from leaving. Had I been in his shoes, I would have done the same thing.

As curious as I was about what Pee Wee had done to Louis, I was not brave enough to go back to Louis’s apartment. But I was brave enough to call him.

He answered immediately. “Yeah.” His voice sounded so weak and raspy, I pictured him stretched out on the floor again.

“It’s Annette.”

“What the fuck do you want!” he hollered.

“In case you still want to drag this on, I just wanted to let you know that I plan to tell my boss everything tomorrow.” I didn’t intend to tell my boss anything if I didn’t have to. “My husband is probably going to divorce me, so nothing else you can do to me matters, anyhow. . . .”

“Look, bitch, I don’t want to see or hear from your skanky ass ever again. You, that jackass you married, that Jew you work for, y’all can all kiss my ass! I don’t need you. I don’t need your money.

But let me tell you one thing. If that black-ass nigger of yours ever comes near me again, I won’t be responsible for my actions!” Louis slammed the phone down so hard, my ears rang for two whole minutes.

C H A P T E R 5 6

I got about three hours’ sleep that night. I was such a wreck, I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed the next morning, let alone go to work. I called in sick.

I had no idea where my husband had spent the night, and when I had not heard from him by noon, I called his barbershop. I hung up when he answered. A few seconds later, he called me back.

“You forget I have caller ID now?” he asked in a gruff voice.

“I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” I muttered. “Uh, when do you want to talk?”

“About what?”

“Pee Wee, we need to discuss what we plan to do. I know I was wrong for what I did, and I am more than ready to accept the consequences. I just need to know what they are.”

“Was Rhoda in on this?”

“Huh?”

“You heard me, woman. I want to know if Rhoda knew about you and that sucker.”

“Uh, what difference would it make? I’m your wife, not Rhoda.”

“Did Rhoda know about this?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I’m askin’ you!”

“Pee Wee, you and Rhoda were best friends when I met you and 288

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her. I love you both, and I don’t want to be the one responsible for ruining your relationship with her, too. Let’s leave her out of this.

I am the only one responsible for this.”

“All right then. If you want to be a bitch about this to the bitter end, you go right ahead. I just want you to do me a favor.
If
Rhoda was in on this, I don’t ever want to know. I’ve known her a lot longer than I’ve known you. She’s always had my back, but if that’s no longer true . . . well, I don’t want to know.”

I remained silent for a few awkward moments. “Is it over between us?”

“What we once had is over. You made sure of that.”

“Look, I’m not going to beg you to forgive me. If you want to try and work this out, I am more than ready to do so. If you don’t, well, what the hell. You can go your way, and I will go mine. But I want you to know that I’m really glad you’re going to be all right—

health-wise, I mean. And, just so you’ll know, I told Rhoda only the basics about your condition. If you want her to know everything, you can tell her. After all, you were her boy before you were mine.”

I heard him sniff a few times and then clear his throat with a deep cough. But he didn’t say anything.

“Pee Wee, are you still on the line?”

“I’m still on the line,” he said flatly.

“Did you hear what I just said about you telling Rhoda about your condition?”

“You let me worry about Rhoda,” he said, his voice sounding like it was coming from beyond the grave. “I have to go. I will see you when I see you.” He hung up.

I didn’t see Pee Wee for a whole week. And when he did come home, it was only to pack more of his clothes. He didn’t acknowl-edge the fact that it was also my birthday. He floated through the house like a ghost, totally ignoring me. Muh’Dear, Daddy, and Charlotte called right after he left to wish me a happy birthday, but even that didn’t do much to help lift my spirits.

Muh’Dear called again on the Saturday before Labor Day to assure me that they’d be home in time for Charlotte to attend the first day of school, which fell in the first week of September. I had GOD AIN’ T BLIND

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several telephone conversations with Rhoda during the time Pee Wee was away. It was always good to hear from her. Especially now that Jade was in Alabama, recovering from her so-called breakdown.

“Jade’s got a new boyfriend already,” Rhoda told me, laughing, during one of those conversations. “I just hope this relationship works out for her.”

“I’m glad to hear that somebody is doing well,” I said.

“And what about you? How are you doin’?”

“I’m fine, Rhoda.” I wasn’t. My marriage was a shambles, and now that I no longer sponsored Monday lunches at work, my workers were back to their old tricks. But I had another plan up my sleeve. I’d let my mother cater our lunches when she returned.

Had I used her in the first place, that devil Louis would have never entered my life. And I believed that my marriage would still be somewhat intact.

Pee Wee moved back into the house a day after my last conversation with Rhoda. He slept in the living room that night and told me that if it was all right with me, that was where he’d be sleeping until further notice.

“This is still your home,” I told him as we passed each other going in opposite directions on the stairs leading to the second floor. I was in my nightgown and on my way to my bedroom. He was in his pajamas, and I knew he was on his way to that damn La-Z-Boy in the living room. “And I’m still your wife.”

“A wife that cheated.”

“A wife that cheated because she’s not perfect,” I pointed out.

He gave me a weak nod. Then he looked me up and down, like he was inspecting me. “I hope you don’t mind me sayin’ so, but you’ve gained back a little weight.” It didn’t sound like a malicious comment. It just sounded like a general observation. And since it was true, I didn’t get upset.

“I know,” I muttered shyly. “Those neck-bone casseroles will sneak up on a woman’s hips like a mugger.”

“It looks good on you,” he told me, stopping at the bottom of the steps.

I stopped at the top of the steps. “As long as I don’t get to be as 290

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big as I was, I’m all right with gaining some of that weight back. I don’t think I could ever be happy with the way I used to be.”

He shuffled his bare feet and gave me a thoughtful look. “You know something. I think I could be happy with you the way you used to be. Not the weight, I mean. Well, some, but not all of it. I was proud to have you as my wife.”

“I’m still the same woman, Pee Wee. Just a little frayed, that’s all.

Like everybody else.” I started to walk toward my bedroom, but I stopped when I realized he had started to walk back up the steps.

“Annette, it’d be nice if we could sit down at the kitchen table and have a few drinks, like we used to. I guess it’s time for us to talk things through. We need to decide where we’re goin’ from here.”

“Oh? Oh,” I said dumbly, stumbling back down the steps. “Should my lawyer be present?”

He shook his head. “Well . . . not this time.” He pinched my arm and gave me a gentle sock on the cheek with his fist. “But the next time for sure. Next time . . . next time . . . aw shit. You still got a long-ass way to go to get yourself out of this mess, woman. And don’t think I am ever goin’ to let you forget it.”

“I know you won’t forget it. And I won’t, either,” I assured him as I escorted him to the kitchen.

I attempted to put my arm around his shoulder, but he prevented that by ducking. I didn’t like that, but I didn’t complain. I was just glad that we had made some progress on the rocky road that our marriage had ended up on.

“Are you home to stay?” I asked when we made it to the kitchen.

“I might stay, and I might not,” he responded with a shrug. He removed the large bottle of tequila that we kept in the cabinet above the stove and poured himself a shot glass full first. He wasted no time putting that glass up to his lips.

I chose the largest glass I had in the house and poured tequila in it to the brim. But I stopped drinking after just a couple of sips.

“What’s wrong now?” he asked. He had already finished his drink.

“I think this is one time that I really need to be sober, so I’ll know what I’m saying,” I answered. “I’ve said enough stupid shit for a while.” I poured the tequila in my glass back into the bottle.

And then I pulled out a seat at the kitchen table and sat down. For GOD AIN’ T BLIND

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a minute I thought he was going to pour himself another drink, but he didn’t. Instead, he gave me a dry look, and then he sat down across from me. “Let me tell you what I think I should do,” I began.

“Let’s get one thing straight right now,” he said, shaking a finger in my face. “It ain’t up to you to decide what we should do. If I can’t offer some input, too, we can stop this conversation right now.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I protested. “
We
need to work on things together if we want to repair this marriage.”

“That’s better. Now, woman, what the hell were you thinkin’?

This wasn’t like you. Was this little ditty with Louis because of your midlife crisis, were you crazy, or were you just a horny bitch?”

“Maybe it was all three,” I mumbled. “I know now that I was wrong, and I swear to God, it will never happen again. I am going to do everything I can think of to make this up to you.” I cupped his hand with both of mine and squeezed. I was disappointed when he slapped my hands until I released his.

“You do that, Annette. You make this up to me. That’ll be a start.” He got up, with a groan, and walked slowly into the living room.

I drank a glass of water and turned off the kitchen light before I joined him. He had already plopped down in that La-Z-Boy and had a blanket covering him up to his neck. He didn’t even look at me as I walked past him to turn out the living-room light.

There was just enough light coming from the hallway upstairs for me to see my way up the steps. I took my time going to my bedroom, where I expected to sleep alone for a while.

Things had not changed much by Thanksgiving, but I had a lot to be thankful for, anyway. For one thing, Louis had left town.

When Rhoda and I went snooping around his apartment building, one of his neighbors told us that he’d purchased Louis’s van and adopted Sadie. The neighbor also told us that Louis had left Richland a few weeks earlier with a pretty woman in a black station wagon with North Carolina license plates.

Some Asians were now running Off the Hook. And since Mr. Mizelle never said anything to me about the company money that I had misused, I decided that Louis had not spilled the beans on me, after all. There was no way I could return that money to the 292

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company’s account without making somebody suspicious. Instead, I used it to treat my staff to a weekend retreat at a resort in Cleveland. My parents and my daughter had returned from the Bahamas in one piece and were planning to go again for Christmas.

Pee Wee approached me in the kitchen, where I was putting away the leftovers from our sad Thanksgiving dinner. We had not made love since the day before my confession. It was still difficult for us to look at each other, but we did when we had to. His eyes were positively indifferent as he looked at me now.

“Annette, your mama called a few minutes ago and wanted to know if we want to spend Christmas with them at that white woman’s beach house in the Bahamas.”

“Oh? Well, I’ll have to think about that,” I said. “Do you want to go?”

He nodded. “It might be good to get away for a few days,” he said with a heavy sigh. “But it’ll be hard for us to behave like everything is all right in front of your folks.”

My parents were the last people on the planet who needed to know about what I’d done. And Pee Wee and I had agreed that they didn’t even need to know about the medical condition he had endured.

“I know,” I admitted. “But if we go, we’ll have to act like everything is all right. Even though it’s not, and probably never will be again.”