God Save the Queen (14 page)

Chapter 21

The New Year

             
After New Year’s, things began to slow down. Michael had several meetings he had to attend, and that gave me more time to hang out with Kevin, Mari and Avery. Which pretty much involved laser gun fights with Kevin and an insane amount of girl time with Mari and Avery.

             
Yet I still felt slightly lost without Michael being around. I found myself pacing the hallways when he wasn’t there. Once in the middle of the night I even found myself walking to his room. I couldn’t understand why I did it, maybe to fill the void of him not being there, but it made me concerned for my own mental health. I called an emergency girl get-together.

             
I don’t know what I would have done without Mari and Avery at that time; they were such sympathetic listeners. After I spilled how much I missed Michael and that I worried that I was becoming overly dependent on him, they peppered me with questions: When did these feelings begin? Did I ever feel that way about any other man? Did Michael feel the same about me? I really couldn’t speak for Michael, so I began asking them questions of my own. “Did you two ever feel that way about Barnes and Antonio?”

             
Avery thought about it for a moment while Mari answered. “We did for a little while, didn’t we, Avery? It wasn’t as severe as it seems your case is, but Avery felt it more with Antonio than I did with Barnes.”

             
“You did, Avery? When?”

             
“Well, you see, our relationships started before we came here, so there was a time where Mari and I didn’t see the boys for a good two weeks. And that was very hard for us. We really didn’t know how we were going to cope, because we had really fallen hard for them. We weren’t sure what they were up to--”

             
“--or with whom!” Mari interjected.

Avery laughed. “Right, i
t drove us batty.”

             
I nodded. “How did you handle it, then?”

             
“Well,” Mari replied, “when we got back we saw how much they’d missed us, too, and that’s how we knew that we could always trust them. So we sort of restarted our relationship and, well, I guess it just grew from there.”

             
I sighed. This really didn’t help. I didn’t want to restart my relationship with Michael; I just wanted to make it stronger. I think Avery could tell when she looked at me and shrugged.

             
“You could always just take it to the next level.”

*
              *              *

             
I began pacing my room. Michael would be here in any moment. He was returning from a difficult trip in Geneva, dealing with matters of foreign policy so I knew that he was going to be anything but happy. He never liked traveling, or that’s what it seemed like. He always came back cranky and not wanting to be around anyone.

             
I heard a knock on my door and I knew that was my sign. By prearrangement, Avery was to knock on my door when Michael was heading up the hallway. Slowly I peeked around the doorjamb and saw Avery distracting Michael down the hallway. I quickly seized the opportunity and sprinted to Michael’s room. I closed the door and looked around. Everything was perfect. I knew that already, but I needed to reassure myself once again.

             
Just as I was checking myself in the mirror I heard Michael snapping outside the door,
“No, Avery, I really don’t care if the new cheeses came! I just want to sleep.”
The door swung open as Michael came storming in. He threw down his carry-on bags and slammed the door shut. He let out a sigh and turned around. I swear I must have made him jump about fifty feet in the air. Once he landed, he clutched his heart and gasped, “God, Anya! You scared the daylights out of me. What are you doing here?”

             
I frowned. “Glad to know you’re happy to see me.”

             
Michael stopped and shook his head, perhaps “clearing the cobwebs away,” as he liked to say. He then flashed his winning grin and walked over to me with open arms. “Oh, darling, I missed you terribly. But you know how short-tempered I am after business trips.” He embraced me and he murmured into my ear, “Let me put my things away and we’ll catch up.” He reached for his suitcase but I tried to stop him.

             
“Um… Michael.” But it was already too late. He opened his closet and saw nothing there. Without a word he quickly went to the chest of drawers and saw that every drawer was empty as well. Without a second thought he looked at me.

             
“Where are my things?” he asked

             
I looked at the floor before responding. “Um… well, that’s why I’m here. I wanted to let you know that your stuff has been moved to a new location.” I tried to smile, but I was becoming increasingly afraid that this had been a terrible miscalculation.

             
Michael put his hands on his hips and glared at me. “Yes? Where
is
my stuff, An?”

             
I bit my bottom lip, and answered, “It’s all in my room.”

             
He didn’t take his eyes off me. His jaw dropped and his eyes grew wide and just stared.

             
I nodded. “Yup, you heard right. Michael, I took the liberty of moving your things to my room. Because that’s where you now reside.” I crossed my arms and smiled. “So there.”

             
“I can’t… can’t believe you did that.” He stuttered out. I tried to study his face but I couldn’t get an exact read on it. It didn’t look as though he was angry, but he didn’t look thrilled either.

             
“So are you happy, mad, I mean, help me out here, Michael. What are you feeling right now?” He was giving me nothing. I moved a little closer.

             
Michael continued to stare and finally said, “Yeah, I’m happy, it’s just… well, this isn’t like you at all, Anya. I mean, I remember when you would shudder at the thought of us living together and now you just want to move in like that? It’s just caught me off-guard.”

             
I took another step towards him. “So you’re not mad at me?”

             
He hugged me again, and whispered in my ear, “No I’m not mad at you. Now may I see my new accommodations?”

             
I looked up at his face, and he looked truly happy. But there was something else on his eyes. I couldn’t really tell what it was, but it didn’t really live up to the smile on his face. There was something slightly distant in his eyes. Nevertheless, I ignored it and we both walked over to my…
our
room.

             
The moment we walked inside I could tell everything would be fine. I had redecorated the room so it fit both our personalities. Next to my signed poster of N*Sync I hung Michael’s signed David Beckham’s soccer jersey. I took down a lot of my pictures of me and my high school friends acting like idiots and replaced them with pictures of me and Michael.

             
Evidently the redecorating had solved the dilemma. Michael quite naturally had been worried he’d lose his personality in my flouncy, princessy bedroom. But he smiled approvingly at the masculine touches I’d made to the room. He wasn’t terribly thrilled about how little closet space I allowed him to have. But it wasn’t my fault. Ever since I became known as the new princess on the block, many designers had been sending me free clothing in hopes that the press would catch me wearing it. Gucci,
Versace
, Burberry, and Prada were a few
of my benefactors, and I mean a few. But since I had not really left the palace, most of these duds just hung in my closet. Another part of my room that Michael was astonished with was my bathroom. It was about ten times as large as his bathroom, he claimed, and could fit a party in there.

             
Once I had given Michael a complete tour of our new rooms, we made our way down to the dinner that I had prepared for his arrival. It was a three-course meal, and I had managed to make it all by myself. All right, Ms. Rontes
did
supervise to make sure I didn’t burn down her kitchen, and she taste-tested my sauces (not at my invitation, I might add). Terrence even stopped in and helped me with the finishing touches, although I’m not convinced he was so handy to have around the kitchen,

We began our meal with
scallops wrapped in bacon, my personal favorite, duck a l’Orange, and chocolate molten cake with homemade vanilla ice cream. The cake wasn’t supposed to have a molten center, but I pretended it did, not mentioning that I
might
have taken it out of the oven too early. Praise the Lord, it tasted delicious and fooled Michael completely.

             
Afterwards, Michael and I made our way back to our new bedroom suite hand in hand. It was sort of awkward for the first few minutes; neither of us really felt comfortable with this new living arrangement that we kicked off our shoes. I had the feeling that it wasn’t just my first time living with another person; Michael’s old bedroom practically screamed “confirmed bachelor.” But then, before the silence got so unbearable that I thought I might scream, Michael turned and took both my hands.

             
“Anya, darling, there’s something we need to talk about. You know, now that we’re living together….”

             
I nodded. There was something that I wanted to tell him, too. I was hoping that it would be easy to tell him now without causing a major scene.

             
“Anya, look, I know that you wanted to do this for me… but if you want to… wait, I completely understand.”

             
I stared at him. “How did you…”

             
He shrugged and pulled me closer. “I just figured. There’s nothing wrong with that, but telling me might have saved this awkwardness.

             
I felt my body tense up and he must have noticed it. “I know, you don’t like to talk about these things, but Anya, we
are
living together now. This is one of the important things that we need to talk about. I just want you to know that I don’t want to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want, that I understand you may need some more time. I just wanted to reassure you of that, so you don’t need to worry.”

             
I smiled and hugged him close. “Thank you so much.”

             
We stood there holding each other for awhile, and then Michael sighed and whispered in my ear, “Now we only have one more problem.”

             
I broke away slightly, “What? What is it?” I was dreading the next words out of his mouth.

             
He smiled and leaned in closer, “Which side of the bed do you sleep on?”

Chapter 22

Fact or Fiction

             
“Is this really necessary?” I asked, hoping he would change his mind. Kevin was dragging me to
La Salle en Verre
to teach me the traditional coronation ballroom dance. Michael was to be my escort to the ball and also had to learn the dance, but had lately claimed he was too busy with foreign policy matters to bother practicing with me.

             
“Is it necessary, you ask?” asked Kevin with a slightly mocking tone. “May I remind you that I am your personal advisor, and since I remember only too well how well you dance, I’m personally advising--no,
begging
you--to take a few lessons. I mean, really, Anya, you have like five left feet. I think I still have bruises from the Halloween Dance.” He threw a smirk in my direction, and pushed the stone that opened the secret entrance to the hallway. As we were stepping through, Kevin asked the inevitable: “So, how’s it been living with Michael?”

             
I shrugged. I’d been expecting this question a lot sooner than this. “It’s been fine.”

             
It was the truth. Michael and I had been living together for about a month and a half and everything was going smoothly--no, wonderfully. Michael was the best roommate I had ever had. He would wake me up every morning in his arms while a soft orchestral selection on his own personal playlist whispered through the speakers. At night he would read me from
My Dearest Friend,
the love letters of John and Abigail Adams, gently lulling me to sleep. Last week was Valentine’s Day and he thought that it would be adorable to fill our room with roses, one for each day he had known me. What’s not to like about that?

             
Yet at times there was something about Michael that I couldn’t put my finger on, something slightly “off.” At odd moments he seemed very distant and vacant, as though his thoughts were a million miles away. It was as though he was having an out of body experience. I don’t know why I hadn’t asked him about it; maybe because I found it so disconcerting. I brushed it off as homesickness, reminding myself that Kevin had once told me I’d had the same glazed look when I first got here.

             
Soon Kevin and I were in
La Salle en Verre
, practicing the steps to the dance. At first it came quite easily. Step to the left, then to the right, then repeat. “It’s a snap,” I said airily. But then it got much more complex. I soon was struggling with my dance steps. Kevin was also struggling, not with the steps, but with the control of his laughter and frustration at my mental block.

             
“No, no, no. Its side-step for a count of three,
then
I twirl you,
then
a dip.”

             
I shook my head crossly, “Wait, I thought that the side-step of three came after the curtsy.”

             
“No,” Kevin sighed, having to repeat this for the millionth time. “After the curtsy, you side-step for a count of
two,
and then step forward and meet in the center. And when you do that, make sure that you don’t step on your partner’s foot, okay?”

             
“Sorry.”

             
And this is how it continued for the next hour and a half. Kevin would explain what I did wrong and I would try it again, and
still
get it wrong. Finally at they end I got through the whole dance with minimal mistakes, although I couldn’t help stepping on Kevin’s feet a few times.

             
After the dance lessons were done, Kevin and I made our way to the kitchen. Ms. Rontes was out for a personal day so we had the kitchen to ourselves. I secretly knew she was spending the day with Terrence at a matinee performance of the Bolshoi Ballet, so not only was I relieved that she wasn’t in the kitchen to harass me for eating so much, but I was happy knowing that Terrence was finding a little love in his life too.

             
Kevin sauntered over to the refrigerator and grabbed two sodas and a large piece of cake. Then after placing the sodas down and the cake in the middle of where we would be sitting, he grabbed some cookies out of the cabinet and placed them next to the cake. Ordinarily I’d have greeted the prospect of cake
and
cookies with a rapturous smile, but it took me a moment to realize what was wrong with this picture. The only time Kevin set me up with cookies, cake and soda was when he had something bad to tell me. Like the time he stumbled on the remains of dove that I had raised, half-devoured by a wolf. Now I solemnly took a bite of cake and braced myself before asking, “So what’s the bad news?”

             
Kevin looked at me for a second, his face staring blankly, as if someone had just smacked him. Then he looked down at the table and shook his head while saying, “There … there’s nothing wrong, Anya.”

             
“No,” I stated emphatically. “There is definitely something wrong. This meal in front of me is like the Last Supper. Nothing good happens after the Last Supper. Only bad things. Now, spill, Kevin. What’s the matter?”

             
“Actually,” Kevin said, still looking at the table, “Jesus gets resurrected and saves souls three days later, so I would have to say that’s a good thing.”

             
“You know what I mean! Now stop changing the subject. What’s wrong?”

             
“I’m not changing the subject.” Kevin answered. But there was something in his voice that wasn’t right. It reminded me strongly of someone else in my life.

             
“You know, you sound a lot like Michael when he zones out sometimes. Like you’re not even here. Kevin, will you please tell me what’s wrong!” I was done with his games. I wanted an answer and I was going to get one.

             
Kevin’s head shot up and he looked at me in astonishment. “Wait, he’s been acting distant lately?” I nodded, and then he muttered under his breath, “I know why.”

             
I stopped moving. He
did
know something. I was tired of waiting, so I just said it: “All right, spit it out.”

             
“Anya, you don’t want to hear it.…”

             
“You obviously want to tell me, or you wouldn’t have said, ‘You don’t want to hear it.’ So just tell me and be done with it. It sounds important.”

             
“It is, but you won’t believe--”

             
“Kevin listen to me, I think I can handle whatever--”

             
“
There’s another girl!
” Kevin blurted out, slamming his hand on the plate in front of him. It was only afterwards, maybe a full minute later, when I realized the plate fell off the table and smashed on the kitchen floor. He looked up after a moment then said, “Michael is seeing someone else.”

             
I simply sat there, unable to speak as Kevin just looked at the floor. We continued to stare at nothing in silence. I tried to get it all through my head. Kevin finally spoke up.

             
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, that’s … I didn’t want to tell you like that, but I had to tell you. I heard him talking about it in his office the other day and I knew that you needed to know.” He stared at me for a moment or two, as I stood there unresponsive and numb. “Anya, please say something!”

             
“I can’t believe …” I started, my mind still racing.

             
Kevin took a step forward. “I know that it’s hard to take in, but it’ll be okay.”

             
“Kevin …” I looked up and glared at him. “How could you lie to me like that?”

             
He took two steps backwards. “
What?!
”

             
I couldn’t contain my rage any longer. “How could you lie to me like this? I know it might seem hard for you to believe, but Michael and I are having a perfect relationship right now. And the fact that you would try to sabotage it is, well, frankly, pretty low and pathetic. Jealousy doesn’t flatter you at all.”

             
Kevin was quick to retaliate. “Are you kidding? You think I made this up? You know all of those trips he’s been taking?
He’s taking
the other girl
on vacations.
”

             
I gritted my teeth together and growled, “You’re lying.”

             
Kevin crossed his arms and glared back at me. “Wanna bet? He’s leaving Wednesday for another ‘business trip,’ this time to Spain. Wake up before he leaves and see for yourself who picks him up. And when you find out the truth, don’t come running to me for sympathy.” Then he stormed out, leaving me standing there, shaking in anger.

*
              *              *

             
I tried not to think about Kevin’s accusations for the next three days before Michael’s business trip. I was sure we spent as much time together and I was overly considerate and kind to him throughout those days. I even made him breakfast in bed on Tuesday morning. Kevin and I hadn’t talked since the kitchen incident and we were going out of our way to avoid each other. But on the off-chance that Michael and I happened to walk by Kevin in the hallway, I made sure that I was close and held him. I wanted Kevin to see that everything was fine and that he was clearly wrong.

             
On Wednesday morning, however, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the whole situation. This was the day that Kevin had warned me about. I wasn’t able to sleep through the night and that scared me. Was I starting to believe Kevin? No, he couldn’t be right. Michael had said that he loved me so many times, and I knew that he had meant it. Just then I felt the mattress shift as Michael tumbled out. I shut my eyes, intending to keep them shut until he came and whispered goodbye before he left, like he usually did. Usually he was able to get ready in five minutes, but today it seemed to take forever. I felt like time was playing a cruel joke on me, deliberately stretching out the suspense just to make me suffer. Finally I heard Michael tiptoe over to me and kiss my forehead, then whisper goodbye.

             
I hadn’t planned it, but the little sneak inside me had decided to take action. I groaned lightly and stifled a fake yawn while stretching. Then I tried to make my voice as tired as I could as I said, “Oh, you’re leaving?”

             
That stopped Michael cold. He turned around and said with a sheepish look, “Oh, I’m sorry, love, did I wake you?”

             
I opened my eyes wider. “Not really.” It wasn’t a lie; I hadn’t slept a wink all night.

             
“Well, I’m leaving now. I was saying goodbye to you.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and raked his fingers through my hair. “The good news is I’ll only be gone for a week this time, so I’ll be back before you know it.”

             
“I’ll still miss you,” I sighed.

             
“I’ll miss you too, darling, but it won’t be too long this time.”

             
He said it with such a beautiful smile that I couldn’t control myself. “I love you,” I whispered softly.

             
The trap was set. This was going to be the ultimate test. If he was unable to say it back, then Kevin was right. However, if he did say ‘I love you’ back, then I was right and there was nothing to worry about. I waited and held my breath.

             
Michael continued to smile. “I love you too. But I have to rush, my ride is here. I won’t be gone for too long now, so don’t fret.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead again. “Now, go back to sleep.”

             
I nodded and whispered goodbye, then settled back into the covers. There was no need to worry. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. But suddenly a ripple of curiosity swept through me--no, not a ripple but a wave, a tsunami. I lay there in bed and thought about it. Kevin had said that the girl was going to pick him up here at the palace. I opened my eyes, got out of bed and made my over to the window. I hid behind the curtain, though, just in case Michael happened to look up at the bedroom window.

             
There in the main entrance was the car waiting to bring Michael to the airport. That wasn’t strange in my book at all. I still waited a long time wondering why it was taking Michael such a long time, but then finally he did appear outside, lugging his suitcases to the car. I found it a little strange that Donnie wasn’t helping him. Michael had a lot of suitcases, and he could have used some help. When he made it about halfway to the car, I felt a surge of anger toward Kevin for putting such thoughts in my head and making me lose sleep over sheer fantasies. How could I have been so stupid to have even entertained the idea that Michael … well, it was just ridiculous. I was just about to make my way back to bed when I saw something that made me stop.