Good Girl (Playroom) (16 page)

“Did Auggie
force you? Your legs were pinned down and Devon was holding your head. Everyone was watching. When I saw you cry out in pain, I ran away. I’m a huge coward. I should have stopped Auggie. I couldn’t believe that Rob was just sitting next to you… watching.” Essie hides her face in her hands and cries for me.

“Essie! Essie, no, it wasn’t like that.
” I tightly hug her. I shouldn’t have thought Essie would feel ashamed of me. Oh, God, she blames herself. 

“
If that’s all you saw, then you wouldn’t understand. I wanted Auggie to do it. I wanted him to do it in the
Playroom,
and I was proud that it was him.” I pleadingly tell Essie so that she doesn’t think she was a coward for leaving.

“Did you like it?” Essie
asks me, hoping I’ll say yes.

“I didn’t hate it,” I drag the words out.
“It was more clinical than anything. I wasn’t about sex. We can’t have sex without Auggie hurting me. It was some guy thing over who gets to pop the cherry. It must be a badge of honor for a guy or something. I don’t know. But I wanted Auggie to be the one to do it. He just pushed inside me and slid back out. That was it. In the technical sense, I still haven’t had sex yet. I guess virginity is tied more to who pokes you first than the actual act of sex.”

“Why can’t you have sex with Auggie
?” Essie scrunches her eyebrows at me.

“Ah…
tiny hole versus an Augustus-sized cock. I don’t know much about sizing, but I assume thirteen inches is monstrous.” A pair of blue eyes the size of saucers gaze back at me and I laugh.

“Surely you’re joking,”
Essie draws out, denying that it’s possible.

“I wish I was or I w
ouldn’t have to wait to fuck him. I guess I need practice first. I think Auggie’s worried that it’ll never work right for us. We’ll just have to do other stuff. Truthfully, I think Auggie’s right. I’ve never felt so inadequate in my life, and that’s saying something,” I admit.

I look at the clock on the wall. “Dinner starts in five minutes. We d
on’t want to piss Clover off,” I say to stop our uncomfortable conversation. Essie’s my best friend, but I’ll never be able to explain my feelings about the
Playroom
or the dynamic between Auggie and me. She’s never had an issue with sex, and she’s always gotten what she wants- we may be friends, but we share no common denominators. 

“When isn’t Clover
pissed?” Essie grabs my arm so I can’t leave yet. “Are you alright after last night? It was what you wanted, right?” Her concern warms me and simultaneously makes me feel guilty for not wanting to confide in her.

“
Yes, it was what I wanted. I just wish I wasn’t a freak of nature,” I angrily hiss. “I’m not woman enough for Auggie, and I worry I’ll never be.”

“
Aw, Willow,” Essie cries, pity lacing her tone.

“Forget I said anything.” I change the subject. “Auggie promi
sed Clover I’d behave tonight, so we better get down there.”

“What’d ya do?” Essie
follows me out into the hall.

“
During dinner last night, I told Clover that she needed to get laid. Mom agreed. Pandemonium ensued.” I laugh as I jog down the steps.

The doorbe
ll rings and I run to open it. Flowers are thrust at me the moment the door opens. “Whoa…” I take the bundle of flower shop daisies. “Hey, Devon, come in out of the cold,” I gesture to the foyer.

I give Essie
a
what the fuck
look and she just shrugs at me.

“Those are for your mom. Um…”
Devon stares at his shoes for a moment and it gives Essie and me a chance to check him out. Devon’s dressed in his Sunday’s best. He isn’t blond and blue-eyed like Kieren. He has messy dark hair and light blue eyes. He’s just under six-feet tall and lanky. He doesn’t intimidate me like Kieren does. The quarterback was hot in fantasy, but scary in reality. His brother is more suited for me. Mr. Kline is always right.

“How about we go
give them to my mom,” I prompt Devon when he nervously fidgets and looks at the ground.

“Auggie invited me today. I hope that isn’t a problem.
Err… um- how do you feel today?” Devon uncomfortably asks.

“OH MY GOD! This is beyond fucked up,” Essie shouts in
awe when she figures out what’s going on. She covers her mouth and runs from the room giggling.

“You know how Essie can be,” I say in response to her reaction. It’
s not every day the owner picks out a playmate for their pet. I doubt it ever happens.

I don’t know why, but I give Devon
a hug. I guess after last night, I feel closer to him. It’s weird. “You smell nice,” I breathe into Devon’s neck and he shivers. I decide I like hugging him. He isn’t that much bigger than me. When I hug Auggie, I feel like a toddler. Hugging Devon feels like I’m almost woman-sized.

Devon
doesn’t hesitate. His arms pull me closer to his chest and he contently sighs. He comfortingly rubs my back and I melt into his embrace. God, he smells fantastic- leather and musk with a hint of vanilla. Memories of his smile and laugh pour into me from the past- he was always kind to me, truly befriended me- a gawky girl who was years younger and about as popular as pissy-pants Potter. We stay like this for far longer than we should.

“I heard Essie’s exclamation when your guest arrived,” Auggie says from behind me. Devon freezes and t
hen thaws. Must be Auggie isn’t pulling his scary expression at the moment. I slowly pull away.

“Devon, you’ll find Rob in the next room. He
’ll introduce you to the Prynnes and Websters as Willow’s boyfriend.” Auggie calmly orders.

My palm
quivers as I hand Devon the flowers. Devon smiles at me, and then leaves to meet my family.

“Come here,” Auggie commands and sits on the third stairstep with his mile-long legs on the floor. He pulls me into his lap
, and I know I’m about to get lectured when he sighs.

“Devon- w
e have to talk about him. Your birthday night antics ruined a few plans of mine. Kieren ruined a few plans of mine. Months ago, Devon asked about you. He just got back from the academy and wanted to date you. I thought it best since he is a couple years older than you to wait until you were legal. It would look bad if a cadet was found with an underage girl. While you were crushing on Devon’s brother, he was crushing on you.”

“Why?” I say in
shock and Auggie laughs at me.

“Devon
’s quiet and smart. He wants to be your friend as a friend. But I know you and I know him. It wouldn’t have stayed friendly for long. My motives were because Devon’s a really great young man and I need you to see what it’s like to date someone your own age. I don’t want you to miss out on this stuff. I don’t want you thinking I’m your boyfriend. It would be wrong,” Auggie sighs. 

“I don’t, Auggie. Honest,” I protes
t in a panic. I can’t have Auggie thinking that I see him as my boyfriend. He’d drop me in a heartbeat. It’s never crossed my mind. Our differences are too obvious for me to even contemplate the thought. 

“I know that. I meant what I said. You’re only eighteen. You will change from day-to-day. I’m not the same person I was la
st year. At your age, it’s night and day from one month to the next. Date him, don’t date him- befriend him or hate him, but give it a try. You guys have a lot in common. I need you to understand that the
Playroom
and life are separate. You can be committed to someone and all bets are off in the
Playroom
. Devon has never played. His dad brought the boys there on their eighteenth birthdays and demanded they go there every Saturday night with him. Devon watches, but his thing is having a girlfriend. Kieren is simply a predator because it’s that or be prey. I had to kick Kieren out every Saturday when he followed his brother for the two years until he was legal.”

“Why’d their dad do that?”
I mumble.

“You can
ask Devon. I know why, but Malcolm and I are very close and I won’t release his secrets. If you want to know, you ask Devon,” Auggie firmly demands. 

“
Willow, I know you feel older than you are in your mind and younger in your body, and it’s hard for you to come to terms with the difference. I had the opposite problem. I don’t look twenty-eight. I’ve looked like a grown man since I was twelve. But I am twenty-eight. I’m not ready to get married or have a family. Someday I may want that. But I’ll never stop with the Playroom. It was something Rob, Isis, and I came up with when we are kids. So whoever I end up with has to understand that. You need to date boys who are in your stage in life. I’m buying a house and I have a career. I own businesses. You still need to live to find out what makes you tick.” 

Auggie
rocks me back and forth for a few minutes and his sadness flavors his movements. I touch his face and gently ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Devon will be your friend for l
ife. I’m just scared that you’ll fall for him and I’ll lose you. We aren’t right for each other right now, but we may be someday. I’d rather lose you, than trap and suffocate you.” Auggie kisses the tip of my nose and sets me on my feet.

“I have an announcement to make to your family. I may get my ass kicked. I hope Devon’s presence will make them t
hink it’s something it’s not.”

***

“What kind of academy did you graduate from?” I ask Devon while we eat the huge dinner Clover prepared. She may be a meanie, but she can cook. Today’s meal is ham and a billion tasty side-dishes. I don’t know where Clover learned to cook since mom is terrible at it. It must be her natural born talent. Clover would probably be happier if she cooked for a living instead of being the Mayor’s personal assistant.

“The
Police Academy my dad went to. It’s not far from here. But I had to board there because the commute was too far. It’s the best Massachusetts has to offer.” Devon’s smile is friendly and relaxed. I can hear the pride in his soft voice and it makes me happy.

Devon has relaxed since he nervously arrived. Family is family
, no matter whose it is. The family dynamic is always the same. I can tell Devon spends a lot of time with his own family by his comfort level with mine.

“I did not see that coming. A cop, eh? S
o much for drinking,” I tease. “And other things,” I say under my breath.

Devon
moves a hank of hair off my shoulder and leans into me. “I think it’s about personal responsibility. I don’t drink and drive and I won’t let anyone else. But if they can vote or die for their country- go for it. I carry a badge and a gun. I should be able to relax responsibly.” Devon’s breath on my ear makes me shiver. He knowingly smiles at me and sits upright again.

“
A cop’s kinda badass…” I muse. Devon smirks at me but doesn’t look away from his plate. I’m drawn to the curve of his lips and I blush.

“I won’t have a position until the new year. Our town is so small that we only have five positions. The Chief is
retiring on New Year’s Eve. My dad’s taking his job. Everybody moves up a place and I get the bottom.”

“Your d
ad will be your boss,” I say in horror, causing Devon to infectiously laugh.

“Dad
’s been my boss since birth, what’s the difference? He’ll make a great Chief, and the rest of the guys are awesome. It’s all I’ve ever known.” Devon bites a green bean in half and smiles to himself.

“You like it though, right? It wasn’t pushed on you.”

“Love it,” Devon rapidly fires. “I’m good at it. It takes a certain personality to deal with the pressure. You have to be constantly in control and be calm, be authoritative, but nice.”

“I envy that you know
what you are. I have no clue what I am,” I sadly murmur. 

“Who says you have to have a label? I’m a cop, but tha
t isn’t just who I am. When we’re kids, we don’t look at each other and say
student.
We see each other for our personalities. I have no idea why we do this as adults.”

“How come
Kieren isn’t at the academy?” I wince when I say him name, but my curiosity is stronger than my revulsion.

“E
very family has a bad apple,” Devon ominously says, as his eyes flick to Violet. I pegged myself as the Prynne bad apple, but Devon’s cop instinct says Violet.

“You know Violet? I wasn’t aware twenty y
ear old cops run in the same circles as thirteen year old princesses.”

“My youngest brother
, Weston, is in the same class as the twins. West wants to be best friends with Seth, but Violet won’t let him. She won’t let Seth have any friends that she doesn’t hand-pick.” Devon glares at Violet so strongly that she has to feel it.

“I’ll take care of Violent Violet. Seth is my responsibility, not hers. We’ve fought this war since she could talk.”
We both glare at the sociopath that is sweetly talking to her grandmother.

Mom’s oblivious to anything. I’m not saying she is a moron or feeble minded. She just likes
happy
. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear Mom and Dad have a pot bowl shoved up their butts releasing
happy
at all times. Thank God, they do that in private or Officer Devon would have to arrest them.