Got Cake? (7 page)

Party Day!

I did a happy tap dance in front of the mirror. My heart was tap dancing, too.

I could feel the excitement. Feel the LOVE!

I knew the party had to be HUGE. All week I saw Angel running around the campus, talking to every kid in school. He went to all three dorms. He grabbed kids after school in the Student Center and in the gym. I saw him running after the soccer team on the R.U. Dumm Field in the rain.

Who could resist him?

Angel put up signs in front of every building. They showed a big birthday cake with a million candles, and they read:

I liked the sign a lot. But Angel left out one important thing. I scurried around with a black marker, and on the bottom of each one, I wrote:
BRING PRESENTS
!!!

Now the big day had finally arrived. I stood in front of my mirror and practiced acting surprised.

“A party for me? You shouldn't have!”

“All those presents? They CAN'T be for
me
!”

“Wow! I'm totally surprised! Awesome! What a surprise!”

I practiced gasping in shock. And I practiced the wish I'd make over my birthday candles:
Please make me Most Popular Rotten Egg
.

“Okay, Big B,” I told myself in the mirror. “It's showtime! Let's go to the party and be surprised!”

My heart was still tap dancing. My brain was zipping and zapping. My whole body tingled like electricity as I walked to the Student Center.

I took a deep breath, put on my best smile, and stepped into the party.

And guess what, dudes and dudettes?

I really WAS surprised!

My eyes goggled. My mouth dropped open.

And I let out a SCREAM OF HORROR!

My scream echoed off the tile walls. It finally faded to a whimper, and I dropped to my knees. My whole body quivered and shook. My tongue rolled down to the floor.

Why was I gripped with a trembling horror?

Well, as I stepped into the party room, the first thing I saw were the big red and yellow banners on the walls:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
,
ANGEL
!

Then I saw cutouts of angels with bright halos dangling on strings from the ceiling. Angels on the
walls. Angels everywhere.

Kids poured into the room. They lined up to hand Angel birthday gifts. On a table in a corner I saw a huge white birthday cake shaped like Angel's head.

Angel was grinning and slapping high fives and piling up the gifts. When he saw me, he came trotting over. “SURPRISE!” he yelled.

He took me by the arm and pulled me up from the floor. He rolled my tongue back into my mouth. “Welcome to my party, Bernie!” he said.

“Y-y-y-y-” My mouth wouldn't work. My legs wobbled. My eyes rolled around in my head like marbles.

“What's up with
this
?” I finally managed to cry. I pointed to the banners, the angels, the cake. “Happy Birthday,
ANGEL?
How did this get to be YOUR party?”

His blue eyes flashed. “Bernie,” he said, “remember, I work in Headmaster Upchuck's office?”

“I remember,” I said.

“Well, I got out the school directory,” Angel said. “And I called your parents. I wanted to invite them to your birthday party. But you know what they told me?”

“Wh-what?” I stammered.

“They told me your birthday isn't for ANOTHER FOUR MONTHS!”

Busted!

The dude caught me!

Think fast, Bernie. Think fast.
…

“So? I like to start celebrating
early
!” I said.

Angel patted me on the back. “Don't feel bad. But I just didn't think it was fair.”

“F-fair?” I muttered weakly. “F-fair?”

“Today is my real birthday,” Angel said. “That's why the party is for ME!”

“But—but—”

“Catch you later, Bernie,” Angel said. “I have to pass out the
I
ANGEL
T-shirts—and collect more presents! Do you believe how POPULAR I am? I must be the most popular kid in school!”

He winked at me. “I hope Leif Blower is watching!” Then he ran off to greet more kids.

No! No! No!

Angels stared down at me from the walls, from the ceiling. I had to shut my eyes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANGEL?!

All of my planning. All of my plotting…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANGEL?!

Feenman and Crench shuffled over to me. They were both shoving big slices of pizza into their mouths. They had gobs of cheese dripping down their chins.

“Mmmmph.
Awesome party,” Feenman said.

“The best!” Crench said. “You
glmmmmph mummmph
having a good time, Bernie?”

A good time?

Does a roast turkey have a good time at Thanksgiving?

Well, I was the turkey at
this
party!

That dirty double-crosser Angel ruined everything for me.

Now
what could I do?

“Time to light the candles!” Angel shouted. “Come on, everyone. I'm going to make a wish. I'm going to wish for world peace!”

Everyone gathered around the cake. I dropped down at a table and buried my head in my hands.

I heard heavy footsteps behind me. I turned and saw Jennifer Ecch lumber into the room. I couldn't really see her face. She was carrying an enormous birthday cake in front of her.

She stopped when she heard everyone singing “Happy Birthday” to Angel. She peered around the side of her cake—and saw Angel's fluffy, white cake, candles glowing.

I saw her mouth drop open in surprise. The huge
cake almost fell from her hands. She lurched over to my table. “Bernie—what's up with this? Am I in the wrong room?”

“There's been a little change,” I said. “It's a birthday party for Angel.”

“But—but—” she sputtered. “I spent five days baking this cake! Each layer is a different flavor! Why didn't you tell me the party was changed?”

“Jennifer, I'm sorry,” I said. “I didn't know. I—”

“I stayed up three nights in a row writing
WUBBY-WUBBY
all over it in pink icing!” Jennifer boomed. “I flunked two tests because of all the time I spent working on your cake. And it was all for nothing? All for
nothing
?”

“Don't get excited,” I said. “We can think of something to do with it!”

“But—but—but—” she sputtered.

April-May came running over. She had a strange smile on her face. “Jennifer, let me handle this,” she said. “I just thought of something we can do with the cake.”

“Well…okay,” Jennifer said. She handed the cake to April-May.

And April-May dumped it over my head.

The heavy, wet cake and the thick, yellow icing with
WUBBY-WUBBY
all over it glopped down my face, oozed over my shoulders, and rolled down my entire body.

I sat there for a long while.

Finally I needed to breathe. Using both hands, I scooped cake and icing away from my nose, then my eyes.

I blinked several times. Wiped thick gobs of cake from my shoulders. Blinked some more. April-May and Jennifer were slapping high fives and touching knuckles and pumping their fists in the air in victory.

“Bernie, you're not having a great day,” I told myself. I wiped away another glob of icing—and realized my bad day wasn't over.

Leif Blower had just entered the room.

With a groan, I watched Leif Blower walk over to the group of kids around Angel's birthday cake. April-May June clung to one of Leif's arms. Sherman Oaks walked at his other side, stuffing hundred-dollar bills into Leif's shirt pocket.

I couldn't
stand
it. I couldn't stand to lose the Most Popular Rotten Egg page this way.

Think fast, Bernie
…
Think fast
…

Slipping and sliding in yellow icing, I slumped over to Blower. Clumps of yellow cake hit the floor with every step I took.

“Pretty good little party,” I said. “If I say so myself. Angel was so surprised that I threw this big party for him!”

Blower squinted at me. “
You
threw this party for Angel?”

I nodded. “Yes, a surprise party was all my idea. I like to do nice things for people. That's why I'm so popular. I spent days and days planning this party. But it was worth it just to see all my friends' happy faces!”

April-May stared at me. “Bernie, why are you covered in cake?”

I shrugged. “I like cake.”

Blower stuck a finger into the icing on my chest, pulled off a gob, and tasted it. “Not bad.”

“Have fun at my party, guys,” I said. “I didn't do it to make myself popular. I did it all for my friend Angel.”

Blower took another glob of icing off my chest. “I'm totally impressed!” he said. “You did an awesome job, Bernie. Every kid in school came to this party.
It's the biggest birthday party in school history!”

I swallowed hard. “So…does that mean that you're gonna pick Angel or me to be Most Popular Rotten Egg?”

“No way,” Blower said. April-May squeezed his hand. Sherman giggled.

My heart jumped. “Then who are you going to choose?” I asked.

A grin spread over Blower's face. “You know, Bernie, because of the Most Popular Rotten Egg yearbook page, kids have been giving ME presents. And inviting ME to parties. And hanging on to MY arm.”

April-May tightened her grip on his arm.

“It made me realize,” Blower said, “that I'M the most popular kid at Rotten School. So I put MYSELF on that page!”

“Gaaaaack.”

A hideous
gaaaack
escaped my throat. I just couldn't hold it in.

“Gaaaaaack.”

I
gaaaaack
ed again.

April-May and Sherman applauded. “Good choice, Leif!” they cried.

Blower stuck out his hand. “Congratulate me, Bernie. I've named
myself
Most Popular Rotten Egg!”

“
Gaaaaaack
. You definitely are a Rotten Egg!” I replied.

I pulled a
Wubby-Wubby
off my forehead and started to eat it. “Mmmmmm. Not bad.”