Goth Girl Rising (20 page)

Why do we do this? Why do we care? I don't care what anyone thinks about my body. I want them
not
to think about it at all.

"I gotta go," I tell them. "Roger's gonna be here."

"Text me!" Jecca says, but I pretend I'm already too far away to hear.

O
UTSIDE
, I
WAIT MAYBE FIVE MINUTES
before Roger pulls up. He looks a little surprised to see me.

"See?" I tell him as I get into the car. "See? Three hours. I can follow directions."

"That's good to know." He sounds a little more relaxed. I guess that's what a few hours away from me will do for him. He must have been
totally
relaxed when I was DCHH.

"What did you buy?" he asks as we pull out of the mall parking lot.

"Just clothes. Oh, and lipstick."

"Something normal, I hope?"

I grit my teeth. Before I can say anything, though, he says, "Never mind. Never mind. I'm sorry. Truce, OK?"

"Sure. OK."

We're silent for a little while.

"I miss her a lot," he says, very quietly, while we're stopped at a light.

Well, no shit, Sherlock.

"I miss her and maybe I'm taking that out on you. I don't know, honey. I'm drowning here, Kyra. I swear to God, I'm drowning. Your mother was good at the parenting stuff. Your mother knew how to talk to you. You were her everything. Her world, and it killed her to..." He stops. Because of what he just said. Because we both know what really
killed
her.

"She hated having to focus on herself," he says. "Right up to the end, she hated it. She wanted to be with you, to think of you. And I kept telling her, 'There'll be plenty of time for that. Plenty of time. Once you're better.' That's what I told her, Kyra. I told her she was going to have years with you."

He has to stop to catch his breath. He can barely talk.

"And I'm not an idiot. I listened to the doctors. I knew I was lying to her. But I thought that if I gave her some hope, maybe she would ... you know. Mind over matter. A 'positive mental attitude, like that one nurse used to say. Remember her? Remember that? I thought that if I lied and told her she was going to get better, then maybe she'd believe it and maybe she
would
get better."

Tears gunk up my eyes, but I won't let them fall. I won't.

"The light's changed, Roger." I keep my voice steady and I stare straight ahead as he sniffles really loud and drives us home.

XianWalker76:
hey!

Promethea387:
Uh, hi.

simsimsimoaning is online

XianWalker76:
it was really cool

2 see u today!

Promethea387:
Yeah.

XianWalker76:
got a sec?

Promethea387:
I guess. Why are you typing like that?

XianWalker76:
what do u mean

Promethea387:
In chat-speak.

XianWalker76:
its just faster, is

all

Promethea387:
I hate that shit.

XianWalker76:
its just faster

XianWalker76:
i forgot to give u something today

Promethea387:
What?

XianWalker76:
its a surprise—tomorrow @ school

simsimsimoaning: hey bitch

Promethea387:
Hi.

simsimsimoaning:
what w the new look?

Promethea387:
Just trying something new.

simsimsimoaning:
u still a goth?

Promethea387:
Deep down.

simsimsimoaning:
its not bad but u went 2 far

simsimsimoaning:
u could be sexy baby ;)

Promethea387:
That's not really the idea.

simsimsimoaning:
it should b

simsimsimoaning:
u could get a guy easy if u tried

Promethea387:
I don't want a surprise.

XianWalker76:
it's a good 1 trust me

Promethea387:
Fine.

XianWalker76:
and thanks again for ur help w schemata

XianWalker76:
really appreciate it

Promethea387:
OK.

XianWalker76:
seriously. I want ppl to know you helped.

Promethea387:
That's not necessary.

XianWalker76:
no i want that. ppl shd know. ppl shd pay attention 2u.

Promethea387:
I don't want people to pay attention to me. I don't want them to look at me.

Promethea387:
I don't want a surprise.

simsimsimoaning:
?

Promethea387:
I don't want to get a guy.

Promethea387: Get off my back about that.

Promethea387:
I need your help.

simsimsimoaning:
cool

simsimsimoaning:
what

Promethea387:
I need to screw over a guy

simsimsimoaning:
not screw him? lolol

Promethea387:
Jesus.

simsimsimoaning:
sry

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx is online

XianWalker76:
lol

Promethea387:
What?

XianWalker76:
then y do u fLASH ppl?

Promethea387:
Shut up.

XianWalker76:
but u do. u showed me in my basement.

simsimsimoaning:
y?

Promethea387:
None of your business. Just help me out.

simsimsimoaning:
did sumí hurt my kyra???!?!?!?!

simsimsimoaning:
cus ill kill that mf! í!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
r u pissed @ me?

Promethea387:
No.

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
ok

Promethea387:
Stop thinking I'm pissed at you all the time.

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
u just wernt tlking 2 me 2day

XianWalker76 is offlin

XianWalker76:
u showed BENDIS

Promethea387:
Shut up. Seriously.

XianWalker76:
just messing w u

Promethea387:
Well, stop it.

XianWalker76:
im sry

XianWalker76:
really

XianWalker76:
im sad now ☹

XianWalker76:
hello?

XianWalker76:
u still there?

XianWalker76:
u pissed at me now?

Promethea387:
No. I'm here.

Promethea387:
I have to go now.

Promethea387:
I'll see you tomorrow.

XianWalker76:
ok!

XianWalker76:
goodnight

Promethea387:
Just let me handle this. I need to screw him up big time.

simsimsimoaning:
tell every 1 his DICK is really small

Promethea387:
Sigh.

Promethea387:
No.

Promethea387:
Try again.

simsimsimoaning:
really really small like tiny like miscoscopiic

Promethea387:
No.

simsimsimoaning:
its a good 1 y not?

Promethea387:
Because then people will think I slept with him.

simsimsimoaning:
so?

Promethea387:
I didn't.

simsimsimoaning:
so?

Promethea387:
And he's gay anyway.

XianWalker76 is offline

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
much

Promethea387:
I talked to you.

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
much

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
tnks 4 saying my ass lks ok

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
lol

xXxjeccatheGIRLxXx:
☺