Grace Alive: a Christian Romance (12 page)

“Because he’s friends with Jacob,” I let the
words out before I could stop them. Ugh! Crap!

“Are you telling me you think Pastor Mike is
making it up because he’s friends with Jacob?” My dad stood to his
feet and pointed a finger at me.

“You have no respect for your leadership! Do
you know what happened when the Israelites decided they were going
to rise up against Moses and Aaron? The earth swallowed them up,
Zoe! Do you want God’s wrath on your life for disobeying your
leaders?” My dad’s face was turning as red as a tomato.

I had no choice here. It was either disobey
my father and face his wrath, or disobey this urging in my heart.
What did I do! I was torn. I felt the weight of fear ripple through
my soul, and I turned my eyes up into my dad’s face, wincing as I
did.

“You’re right, Dad, I’m sorry. I…” I looked
at my mom for help. She was still playing with the coasters. “What
do I need to do?” What was I doing! How could I face the wrath of
God for disobeying? Wouldn’t I be struck dead or something for not
listening?

Therefore there is now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus…
I heard the Lord speak to my
heart. I was under condemnation though. Right. Now.

“Good. You are going to start courting Jacob
immediately. He’s coming over in a few minutes to talk to you about
it. We will be right here while you two have private time together
to talk about your future.”

I was going to puke. Yup. Puke. Puke.

“Okay,” I said weakly, and finally my mom
stopped stacking those stupid coasters. She barely looked at me as
she stood up and walked out of the room with my dad trailing behind
her. I could hear them talking in the kitchen but couldn’t make out
the words they were saying to each other. Jacob was coming over
right now? I squirmed in my chair. A knock resounded on the door,
and I gasped. My dad came back out and answered it with a
smile.

“Jacob, come right in. Zoe is right over
here.”

I felt like a condemned person waiting to
die. Jacob’s dark hair was gelled back, and he was wearing a suit.
A stupid suit. Like what in the world. He came over to me with a
grin. I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

“Hi, Zoe. I’m so excited for this new
adventure with you.” He sat across from me, and my parents left the
room. They left me with greasy Jacob. This really sucked.

“Yeah.” That’s all I could manage to say to
him without upchucking on his pretty boy suit.

“I think a wedding in May would be wonderful.
What do you think?” His eyes glowed with excitement.

He was already planning our wedding! Hold the
phone! This was not happening! I started to tell him off when I saw
my dad hovering by the door. Wrath of God. That’s all I could think
as I stared at this guy.

“Yeah,” I said and gulped away the lump in my
throat. I felt fear go through me. I had to face this. This was my
future. This man. This greasy man that I just didn’t like at all.
Jacob then started rambling about his likes and dislikes, all about
his job, his family, and just went on and on and on until I wanted
to pound my head into a wall. I hardly said anything, and I really
don’t think he noticed. After we’d had this huge one-sided
conversation, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I squirmed
instantly and bit my lip.

“I can’t wait until we can show each other
more…”
Eww!
I wanted to barf. The thought of seeing Jacob
like that made me sick to my stomach. Wrath of God. Shoot! Ugh! I
had to get through this. Jacob was it. He was the one I had to
marry.
Branson…
I heard the voice clear as a bell.
Branson
is the one…not Jacob. Branson…

Did I just seriously hear God say that
Branson was the one for me? Was I insane! Sure, I thought God was
leading me that way, but He hadn’t outright said it to me yet. Now
what did I do? I had my parents expecting me to perform the right
way. To just marry this Christian guy who was perfect in every way
in their eyes, and God was straight up telling me Branson was my
husband! A porn maker! I was going crazy. This had to be the devil
or something telling me Branson was my husband.
Branson…is the
one for you, Beloved, Branson.
No. That was definitely God. I
remembered that voice well. Dad had done a whole teaching about
hearing the voice of God, and I had learned to tune into it. Why
would God do this to me? Why would He speak to me to marry Branson
when He knew what my parents would do if they found out! Jacob was
rubbing my hand, and I barely noticed as my thoughts whirled in a
craze.

“I’m really excited for this, Zoe. It’s going
to be so awesome. I’ll see you tomorrow night then?”

“I work,” I said and frowned at him.

“After work then,” he said with a smile and
stood up. My parents came in and said goodbye to him. I just sat
there in a daze. I felt numb. I had no idea what I was going to do
now. I headed toward my room without a word to my parents. I sat
down on my bed and just stared out the window. This was going to be
interesting.

I stocked the shelves the next day trying to
not think about Jacob meeting me after work. I got out at ten, so I
had no idea why he wanted to hang out. I was going to be a zombie,
and I didn’t know how I was going to ignore Jacob’s forward
gestures. It was nine of course, but this time I didn’t want that
hour to slip by. I wanted to just work and not think about the crap
in my life. I felt so overwhelmed with it. The little bell above
the door jingled, and I heard someone walk in. I kept stocking the
shelf until the box was empty. I headed toward the counter to see
who had walked in. I nearly ran into Branson.

“Hi, Zoe!” he said with a laugh catching me
in his arms. He had Bree strapped to his back.

“Hi, Branson,” I said a little disheartened.
I had managed to numb my mind to all that was going on.

“You okay?” he said noticing my sour
expression. Bree was grabbing at the back of his hair and shaking a
little rabbit that was attached to her hand.

“No,” I said not really wanting to beat
around the bush about everything.

“I’m sorry, Branson, I can’t hang out with
you.”

No! Zoe, no!
I heard God say so loud
that I jumped.

“Why?” he asked. He had such nice arms. My
gosh, I was so horrible.

“I’m courting a guy,” I said.
Zoe,
Branson…is…yours.
I had to ignore that voice. How could it be
God? My dad and pastor Mike had confirmed my courtship with
Jacob.

“Oh, you mean like dating him?” he asked
warily. I nodded.

“Kind of, though courting is…more permanent.
I’m going to marry him one day.” I inwardly winced at the thought
of Jacob being my husband. Branson’s face crumpled slightly then he
recovered.

“Oh,” he said. “Zoe, are you sure that’s
God?” he asked, and I knew he was thinking about our conversation
the other day.

“No. I haven’t heard God say he was my
husband, but my dad and another pastor heard the Lord. My dad told
me the story in the Old Testament how Korah and some people went
against their leadership, and God opened up the earth and swallowed
them. I really don’t want God to hate on me for disobeying them.” I
shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself. Why was I telling him
this? He was going to think I was nuts.

“Zoe, God’s not mad at you. He…put all His
wrath on Jesus at the cross.” Branson reached out and touched my
arm.

“Branson, you don’t get it. My dad is a
pastor. He knows the Bible better than anyone I know. If he heard
God say Jacob was my husband then he is. I just can’t see it yet.”
I frowned. I felt tears prick my eyes.

“You don’t even like this guy do you,”
Branson said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“No.” I turned from him. “The milk is over
there.” I pointed toward the aisle even though I knew he knew where
it was now.

“Zoe,” he said and he walked toward me. He
grabbed my hand, and I stiffened thinking about Jacob’s bold
move.

“It doesn’t feel right.” He shifted Bree on
his back.

“Why? Because you want to add me to your exes
list? You want to make some nasty movie with me?” I spat at him,
and I saw that my words hurt him. I had to get this guy to hate me,
or I feared I’d never be able to handle courting Jacob.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a
new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have
become new. I’m not the same person, Zoe. I don’t do that anymore.”
I could see that he was still battling with the words I’d so
ruthlessly thrown at him. I was cruel. Bree started crying, and he
pulled her out of her carrier. He cuddled the little girl to his
chest and soothed her. I watched him and wanted to sob. His love
for his kids was so strong.

“Bree Bree, Daddy’s not mad at you, baby
girl. Daddy’s not mad at you. Let’s go get our milk. Okay?” he said
very quietly and walked toward the milk aisle. I’d hurt him. Isn’t
that what I’d wanted? For him to reject me so that courting Jacob
would be much easier.
This is the one.
God! Why did He keep
telling me that! I ground my back teeth together in frustration.
Branson came back with his milk. Bree was playing with a cross
necklace that dangled from his neck. I barely looked at him as I
rang him up.

“Bye, Zoe,” he said, and I could hear the
pain in his words. Bree waved at me with a drooly smile.

Ten o’clock rolled around, and I shut down
the store. Jacob was waiting in the parking lot. Great. I
approached him with despair. He got out of his car with a broad
smile.

“Hi, Zoe-lowy.”

Just shoot me now.

“Hi, Jacob.”

“Do you want to go for a drive?”

Whatever. I nodded and climbed in the car
with him. I felt like I was driving into the depths of a bottomless
hole. I could feel myself falling and growing hopeless as Jacob
chatted about random stuff.

“Zoe, are you listening to me? I asked you a
question.” The radio quietly started playing a love song.

“What?” Shoot, I hadn’t been listening.

“I asked you how many children you wanted. I
just want two. A boy and a girl. That’s it.” He tapped his hands
against the steering wheel as the car took the curves.

“Two,” I repeated numbly. “I think I’d like
four.” I’d like to have a baby with Branson. What was I thinking! I
heard Jacob suck in a deep breath.

“Oh.” He stopped his annoying tapping and
pulled the car to a halt. He turned to look at me.

“Zoe, you’re getting older. I don’t think you
could handle four kids.” He looked me up and down. I wanted to slap
him across the face. He put his hand on my chin and smiled.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Gag. Gag. Gag.

“Jacob, I’m tired. I want to go home,” I said
stiffly and folded my arms across my chest.

“Okay, I can take you back to your car.” We
headed back to my work, and I got out of his car as fast as I
could. I’d had enough of Jacob for one night. He waved out the
window.

“Bye, Zoe! I’ll see you tomorrow night!”

Wait, what? Tomorrow night? I thought back on
all the courtships I’d seen. That’s right they would see each other
every day. No! How was I going to breathe with Jacob staring at me
like I was some sort of cherry pie. I climbed into my car mumbling
to myself.
Tell your parents…
God whispered as I headed
home.

“Tell them what!” I shouted out loud. Why
didn’t God tell them about Branson! Why did I have to! I was just
going to court stupid Jacob like they wanted. I didn’t want to deal
with it. Tears suddenly sprang to my eyes, and I couldn’t stop the
torrent of emotions. I pulled over onto the side of the road and
just started bawling like a baby. The feelings of being stuck,
condemned, guilted, filled with fear, worry, stress, and all the
crap I’d been going through for awhile now just spilled out. I
started mumbling and praying for God to help me. “Please…I don’t
know what to do…please..God.”
Tell them.
Did God know my
parents? Didn’t He know what they would say!

“They will freak out!” I said and looked up
at the ceiling of my car. “They will kick me out of the house. I
can’t afford to live by myself, God, and if I move in with Branson
they will disown me.”
Tell them.
I grit my teeth and blew
out a hot breath.

“Fine,” I said and pulled back onto the road.
I got home and headed inside to tell my parents that I wasn’t going
to court Jacob. I got inside the door and lost all resolve. My dad
was sitting there reading a book. It was called:
Rebellious Kids
and how to help them.
My goodness did he think I was in
rebellion? He heard me come in and looked up.

“Hi, Zoe, how was your ride with Jacob? Did
you two have a nice time?” He attempted a smile. It was kind of
demented looking on my dad’s face. My mom walked into the living
room.

“It was fine,” I said. I just wanted to crawl
under a rock.
Tell them, Zoe. Tell them.
Seriously? God
wanted me to tell them right now? Was I ready for this? It was
going to be a hurricane.

“Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something,” I
started to say. I took in a deep breath to calm my nerves.
Branson’s smile flashed before my eyes. I found my confidence from
somewhere and said, “I’m courting someone else.” What did I just
say? I wasn’t courting Branson! Ah! That was not what I meant to
say! My dad’s face went into complete shock.

“Who?” he asked, and his voice got mean
sounding. Really mean. I trembled in fear.

“Um, well, God told me who I was supposed to
marry. His name is…” I hesitated way too long. My mother’s eyebrows
flexed into a frown.

“Who, Zoe? Do we know him? And what about
Jacob?” She exchanged a look with my dad. A very worried look. I
could feel the tension in the air like a fog.

“No, you don’t know him. His name is…Branson.
I met him at work.”