Grey Eyes (18 page)

28
nīstanaw ayinānīwosāp

W
alking Moon Woman took a seat to the right of Painted Turtle Man and looked deep into the smoke. Now that the circle was complete, the images became clearer. They were seeing
Nisichawayasihk
; the Bear lodge was ablaze with bright red flame.

The Red-Eye intruder was attacking the Bear lodge, but this time he was not alone. He overpowered Brown Shield Man and threw him to the ground. Two more Red-Eye warriors pulled Blue Elk Man off the intruder and pinned him to the ground. White Willow Woman ran to help her husband but was stabbed in the belly. Yellow Hawk Girl tried to run but was caught at the door and dragged out by the hair. Little Grey Bear Boy charged the intruder and knocked him down. He tried to knock over the men holding his father down but was struck across the head.

The two men who were holding Blue Elk Man stabbed him repeatedly in the chest as more Red-Eye warriors entered the burning lodge. Walking Moon Woman was still screaming when she was silenced by an arrow in the throat. Two of the men jumped on Singing Doe and tore at her dress. Painted Turtle Man dove over her body to protect her and was stabbed through the back with a spear. Singing Doe coughed bright red blood as the spear pierced her chest through the old man's body. One of the Red-Eye warriors found a turtle and threw it into the fire pit, laughing. The remaining men gathered around Brown Shield Man, holding his arms behind his back. The intruder approached him and painted his eyelids red with his family's blood.

Blue Elk Man's stern façade broke as a tear rolled down his cheek. Brown Shield Man ground his teeth and breathed loudly through his nose. Yellow Hawk Girl nestled into her mother's embrace with wide eyes and Flying Rabbit Boy stared glumly at the floor of the lodge.

“What we are seeing,” said Painted Turtle Man, “is the fear that has entered our hearts. We may think we are out of danger now, but the wound has not been closed. It will continue to bleed and become infected. It will fester and eventually destroy our clan.”

The family hung their heads low. White Willow Woman sobbed.

“I am an old man now,” continued Painted Turtle Man. “I may not be able to fight off our enemies like a young warrior, but that doesn't mean I am useless. I have gathered you all to share your thoughts and feelings with one another so we can begin to heal. We must restore our harmony in order to move forward.”

Painted Turtle Man reached down and picked up his abalone shell and placed it before him. He placed a thin stick into the coals on the edge of the fire and left it to ignite. He took some sage from one of his medicine pouches and rolled it into a ball in his hand. He placed the little ball of sage in the abalone shell and lit it with the small stick from the fire. When the smoke rose from the shell he rubbed his hands together, then waved the smoke over his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. He waved the smoke over his head and through his hair. He wafted it over his arms, chest, and legs. After using the smoke to cleanse all of his sacred objects, he passed the shell to Walking Moon Woman.

The matriarch paused for a moment and looked into Painted Turtle Man's eyes. She cleared her throat and took the shell and began to smudge herself with the smoke. She passed the shell on and the rest of the Bear clan repeated the action. When Little Grey Bear Boy was finished, he placed the shell in front of Painted Turtle Man.

The old man picked up his eagle wing fan and touched it to his chest four times. He paused for a moment but did not speak. He then passed the fan to Walking Moon Woman to begin the ceremony.

“
Tansi
?” she said. “I am Walking Moon Woman, matriarch of the Bear clan.” She paused for a moment and held the fan to her heart. “I say those words but I feel no power. I am supposed to lead my clan but I feel so helpless. I can't even protect the children in my home from danger. I don't deserve to lead the Bear clan. If my mother had any other daughter, I don't think I would be matriarch right now.”

Walking Moon Woman started to cry, letting the tears and sobs come freely.

“Let it go,” whispered Singing Doe as she embraced her mother. After a time, the matriarch composed herself and continued.

“The last time I saw a Red-Eye warrior was the day my husband was killed.” She stroked the feathers on the eagle wing fan. “They took him from me.”

Painted Turtle Man threw some cedar into the fire to protect the deceased from being drawn back from the Spirit World. The cedar flared and crackled quickly and Walking Moon Woman swallowed hard.

“I won't allow them to tear my family apart again. I want to apologize to everyone for being so hard on all of you lately. I think I was trying to take my power back but I should not have done it in that way. I draw my strength from my family, I don't wish to take your strength from you. All of my relations,
ekosi
.”

Walking Moon Woman passed the eagle wing fan to Singing Doe as Painted Turtle Man sprinkled tobacco into the fire. The family remained silent as she gathered her thoughts.

“
Tansi
?” she said when she was ready. “I am Singing Doe of the Bear Clan. I want to acknowledge what my mother has said. I, too, want to apologize to everyone for being so angry all the time.”

She took a deep breath and looked at Flying Rabbit Boy.

“It isn't my family I am angry with. I am angry with the Red-Eyes for trying to take my son away from me. It wasn't easy for my husband and me to be given a child. I lost my first.”

Painted Turtle Man threw more cedar into the fire.

“I feel like I am losing my husband now,” she said looking over at Brown Shield Man. “He's not the same man.”

Brown Shield Man kept his gaze down, to the fire.

“I haven't heard him laugh since that night. We used to laugh together so much. I want to feel that way again.” Singing Doe brushed falling ashes off the eagle wing fan with her free hand. “That is all I want to share for now. All my relations,
ekosi
.”

Painted Turtle Man threw tobacco into the fire as Singing Doe passed the fan to Brown Shield Man. Brown Shield Man looked at the fan and looked around at the others. He nodded and held the fan out for Blue Elk Man to take. Blue Elk Man shook his head, refusing.

“If you don't have anything to say, then just say your name,” said Painted Turtle Man.

Brown Shield Man frowned at Blue Elk Man and touched the fan to his heart four times. He looked around at the others as he spoke.

“
Tansi,
I am Brown Shield Man of the Wolf clan.” He held the fan for a moment and was about to pass it on when he noticed Flying Rabbit Boy. Tears were streaming down the boy's face, his eyes pleading for his father to speak. Brown Shield Man pulled back the eagle wing fan and set it in his lap.

“I want to apologize for the way I have been acting,” he said. “I have never been like other men.”

Brown Shield Man looked at Painted Turtle Man, who nodded.

“I never thought of myself as a fearsome warrior,” he continued. “I never wanted people to be afraid around me. I wanted people to like me and to smile when I approached. They don't do that anymore. Ever since I…did my duty…” His voice started to shake.

“Children run away when they see me. Women won't look me in the eye. The men…” He paused. “The men either puff themselves up trying to look threatening or they cower. That is not the way I want people to react to my presence, but I just don't feel joy in my heart anymore. What's worse,” he said, coughing as a sob bubbled in his throat, “I failed to protect my own son.”

“Let it out,” said Painted Turtle Man. “You have held onto this pain for too long.”

“How can I call myself a Wolf if I can't even protect my own son? What place do I have now?” Brown Shield Man was crying now. He took several deep breaths and held the fan out to Blue Elk Man. “All my relations,
ekosi
.”

Painted Turtle Man sprinkled tobacco over the flames slowly, allowing a little time to pass. After Brown Shield Man's breathing slowed, the old man nodded for the ceremony to continue.

“
Tansi
, my name is Blue Elk Man of the Marten clan. I want to thank my brother here for sharing.” He looked around the circle, meeting each person's gaze before lowering his eyes to the fire. “I am feeling better after hearing what you all have said. I don't always show how I am feeling, but this has been hard on me as well.”

Blue Elk Man paused to examine the eagle wing fan in his hands. He cleared his throat before continuing. “We have underestimated the Red-Eyes.”

Walking Moon Woman nodded.

“We were very lucky that only one of us was injured,” he said. “The Red-Eye came meaning to kill. He meant to kill my son…”

Yellow Hawk Girl burst into tears and her mother pulled her close.

“We will not underestimate them again,” Blue Elk Man went on. “Even now that they have gone, the damage to our family continues. We have to stand together if we are to hold our ground. I am willing to do my part, and I know everyone else will do theirs. All my relations,
ekosi
.”

The medicine carrier threw a pinch of tobacco into the fire to acknowledge Blue Elk Man's words. The eagle wing fan was passed on to White Willow Woman. Little Grey Bear Boy reached behind him and put more wood in the fire. Sparks flew up into the night sky as the new wood stoked the fire. Grandfather Sun had set without their notice.

“One last thing,” said Blue Elk Man, taking the fan back. “Before I was overcome with the urge to run back, I found the moose I was tracking and it gave itself up. It will be too dark to get it tonight, so we will have to get it at first light. I hope a bear or a pack of wolves don't find it before morning.”

He gave the fan back to his wife as the others nodded in approval of his success.

“
Tansi
? My name is White Willow Woman of the Bear Clan,” she began. “I am very grateful to Creator that we are all here together.” A loud pop from the new wood in the fire startled her, but she recovered and carried on. “There are some who would not have it so. I know that now. When my son was born,” she said while looking into Little Grey Bear Boy's eyes, “I felt so blessed. I felt like I had been chosen to receive a miracle. I was so happy and so proud. I thought about how my child would grow up to protect the village with his magic. It never occurred to me that it would be dangerous. I never thought for a moment that he could die…”

Blue Elk Man put one hand on his wife's shoulder and rubbed her back with the other.

“I feel like I have brought this upon us. Now we are all in danger. I feel responsible for Flying Rabbit Boy getting hurt by the intruder. It makes me feel terrible to admit to myself that for a moment I was comforted that it wasn't one of my babies who was injured. It makes me feel like a terrible person for thinking such a thing. The child of my sister is as much my child as any who came from my womb.”

Her eyes met Flying Rabbit Boy's and she smiled at him as best as she could.

“You are just like another son to me,” she continued. “I want you to know that. I want all the children to know I love them. You are the reason we do what we do every day. We want to give you all a good life, a happy life. Even though it will be hard after what has happened. All my relations,
ekosi
.”

Painted Turtle Man threw tobacco into the fire for White Willow Woman's words. Now that it was time to hear from the children, it dawned on the adults that they hadn't taken any time to explain to them what had happened, much less try to find out how they were feeling. The fire crackled as Painted Turtle Man nodded to White Willow Woman and closed his eyes. The time had come. The time was now.

29
nīstanaw kīkā-mitātahtosāp

W
hite Willow Woman handed the eagle wing fan to Yellow Hawk Girl and whispered in her ear to be careful with it.

Yellow Hawk Girl sat up straight and cleared her throat as she had seen others do.

“All right,
tansi
, my name is Yellow Hawk Girl of the Bear Clan. I have walked Mother Earth for seven summers. I talked with
Moosum
about the bad man who came into our lodge. I still don't understand why he did that. Why didn't he just come talk to us? I think we would have been nice to him if he would have been nice to us. Anyway, he should have been more careful because he hurt Flying Rabbit Boy's arm and he should come back and say he's sorry.”

Painted Turtle Man threw some cedar on the fire.

“Anyway, I am glad we are finally talking about this. No one ever tells me anything and I don't like that.
Nookum
, Auntie, and my mother are always telling me how I am going to lead the Bear clan when I am older, but how am I supposed to do that if I never know what's going on?” She frowned at each of the women. “Anyway, that is all I wanted to say. All my relations,
ekosi
.”

“
Hiy, hiy
,” said the adults.

Painted Turtle Man offered tobacco to the fire.

“
Tansi
,” Flying Rabbit Boy said with a slight giggle as he accepted the fan from Yellow Hawk Girl. “I am Flying Rabbit Boy of the Bear Clan. Thank you all for what you have shared, especially my little cousin.”

Yellow Hawk Girl nodded seriously.

“I am sorry this happened.” The boy's smile faded. “All I ever wanted was to prove myself. I thought I could become a great hunter and warrior, but now I am not so sure. I used to think I was brave, but ever since I got hurt, I have felt so afraid all the time. It wasn't the pain that hurt the most, it was the fact that someone would want to hurt me. I never did anything wrong, so why did this happen?”

Flying Rabbit Boy stroked the eagle wing fan, turning it over in his hands.

“You know…” he continued. “I've always been a little jealous that I don't have grey eyes. I used to think things would be so much easier if I had the Grey-Eye magic. I don't feel that way now. It bothers me that someone would want to hurt someone just because of the colour of their eyes.”

He looked at Little Grey Bear Boy. Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze for a time.

“I won't be jealous anymore. I want us to be best friends forever. When I get big and my shoulder is healed, I'll protect you. I won't let anyone come between us. Together, we will take care of the people of
Nisichawayasihk
. All my relations,
ekosi
.”

All of the grown-ups nodded and Painted Turtle Man offered tobacco. Flying Rabbit Boy passed the fan to his cousin, who stared at him still through glassy eyes.

“Thank you, cousin,” said Little Grey Bear Boy before clearing his throat. “I am Little Grey Bear Boy of the Bear Clan. I don't really know what to say. I think everything has been said.”

Little Grey Bear Boy adjusted himself to lean on his opposite side. He looked around at the family. Everyone was staring at him. He thought it strange that they were all looking now when before their heads were down. He felt nervous and looked down himself.

“I just want things to be the way they were before.” He glanced up, they were still staring. “I know what you all expect of me…” He cleared his throat again.

“I'm not ready. I don't know how to use the magic. It just happens, I don't know how else to explain it. I never asked for this. I only wanted to be a normal boy. I want to help my family. I want to learn the ways of the
Nehiyawak
but I feel like I am expected to do much more. I don't think I am capable. I feel like I am going to disappoint everyone.”

A lump had formed in his throat and a bad taste soured his mouth. There was something else he had to say.

“I need to apologize to my cousin,” he said with a gulp. “The intruder didn't come for you, he came for me. I feel really bad that you got hurt in my place. If the Red-Eye warrior had grabbed me, I know I couldn't have turned myself into a turtle. I don't even feel like I did it for you, it just happened. My point is…” Little Grey Bear Boy paused and took a deep breath. “…you saved my life.”

Flying Rabbit Boy held his breath as a tear dropped down his cheek. The adults were stunned, not having thought the situation through to such an end.

“That is all I have to say. All my relations,
ekosi
.”

Painted Turtle Man paused as he accepted the eagle wing fan from Little Grey Bear Boy. He sprinkled tobacco into the fire.

“We will have difficult days ahead of us,” he said. “We can make things a little easier for all of us if we stand together as a family. Perhaps we have become a little too comfortable. That is not to say we don't deserve some comfort, but we need to find a new balance between comfort and safety.”

Brown Shield Man and Blue Elk Man met the other's gaze and nodded. Walking Moon Woman's sat with her eyes closed, deep in thought. The fire cracked and hissed.

“Now that everything is out in the open, we can begin to move forward as a family. Even though we are all one, we must be considerate of the fact that it is up to each of us to do our part to the best of our ability. We will not expect too much of any one person…” He looked over at Little Grey Bear Boy.

“And we understand that some will be expected to do more than others…” He looked over at Walking Moon Woman, who opened her eyes to meet his gaze.

“We will love one another.” He added, glancing over at Singing Doe and Brown Shield Man. “And we will be respectful of everyone's contribution, no matter how small.” He smiled at Yellow Hawk Girl.

Painted Turtle Man reached down and picked up his moon stone rattle. “I will sing a song to give thanks to
Kitchi Manitou
for giving us the ability to get through this difficult time. Then we will eat and drink. In the morning, we will rise early and go find Blue Elk Man's moose.”

He shook the rattle and sang his song. It seemed to the others that there was something deeper and stronger in the old man's song and his voice warbled. The family took the time to contemplate their place and purpose as individuals and as a family. This is the way their ancestors must have intended for them to live as they passed this ceremony and this song down to them for generations. When he was finished the song Painted Turtle Man offered prayers and more tobacco. He carefully wrapped and stowed his ceremonial objects into his medicine bundle. As he did so, the rest of the family began to shift and stretch.

“Can I have some water?” asked Yellow Hawk Girl.

“Of course, my girl,” said White Willow Woman. She picked up one of the water skins and helped her daughter to drink. She passed the water skin on to Flying Rabbit Boy and picked up her basket of cranberries.

“Does anyone want some berries?” she asked. “They are very juicy but sour.”

“I'll have some,” said Brown Shield Man, taking some from the basket. As he bit into one he made a face, and the others laughed, relieved and happy.