GRINGA (39 page)

She
has put on a lot of weight, but I
’m not in the mood to hurt her.

             
‘Yesh,’ I say, pinching Liam’s cheeks affectionately. My boootiful nephew is being christened and I’m stoked, big time.’

             
There is an unusual silence in the room today.
I look around and
for the first time
notice the anxious faces. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ 

    
             
‘Payton,’ Elaine says, ‘we
eh, we
think it’s not a good idea for you to ... to attend the christening.’

    
             
My eyes grow huge. ‘Wha …?’

             
I look at
Paris
. She shrugs
.

             
I look at my father - he looks away
.

             
‘
But … w
hy?’

             
No answer.

             
I turn to
Paris
again.

             
Paris
wrinkles her nose. ‘It’s
like,
complicated. The Devil’s men - they follow you around and like, shadow you and stare at everyone ... not something I want on Liam’s big day.’

             
‘“
Men
”
? It’s only Marcus,
Paris
.’ I
look at Marcus who is frowning
. He quickly looks away, his face turning red.

             
‘Yeah, but we can do without that,’
she
says.   

             
For a moment, I
can’t think of anything to say. Then I look at my dad.

             
‘
Payton, I’m sorry,’ he says and moves towards me.

             
I take a step back. How can he let them do this to me? I’m his daughter – he’s supposed to protect me. How can he allow people to hurt his child and do nothing about it?

             
‘Payton, I tried to talk them out of it, but they ... ’

             
Paris
shakes her head.
‘Diablo ... ’

             
‘It’s D
iago
Paris
!
D
iago. Diago!
’

             
She
shrinks back.

             
I shake my head. ‘I don’t understand. I’ve like
,
sacrificed
so much, suffered so much - so
, everyone can be safe. Yet you guys can like, so causally cut me out because of a
“
shadow
”
I have no control over?’

             
My father nods in agreement. ‘I told them that Payton. Trust me, I did. But the villagers also agree so I stood no chance.’

             
‘The villagers ...’ I
turn and
glower at
some
village women cleaning the place. They can obviously hear the entire conversation.

             
‘The injustice of
this -
really pisses me off. I was plucked from my family, taken prisoner and repeatedly ra …forced to do things I didn’t want to. Now everyone forgets what I did for them? How could they? How
dare
they?’

             
‘My God Payton!’ my father cries, reaching out to me.

             
I step back
again
. ‘Dad, you – grow a spine. You’ve never protected me from them,’ I say, jerking my head towards Paris and Elaine.

             
‘Now don’t you say that,’ Elaine says. ‘There was
nothing
to protect you from.’

    
             
‘Yes, there was! There always was.’ I was beyond caring what I said.

    
             
‘Oh
stop
playing
that
card Payton,’
Paris
says. ‘Stop looking for sympathy.’

    
             
I ignore her and turn to look at the village women. They quickly look away. ‘You guys seem to have forgotten who saved your asses. I saved your children, your grandchildren, your family, your friends, your
fucking village
and you treat me like
this
? This is my
only
nephew and I love him!’

             
‘Payton, calm down,’ Elaine says. ‘It’s not a big deal.’

    
             
‘You’re right, it’s not a big deal.’

             
It is a damned big deal to me. What about the box of money I have? What about the pretty white satin suit? What about the lovely dress I was going to buy
Paris
? Disappointment coils around my heart and I have to steel myself not to cry. An hour ago I was so happy, now I feel rejected
,
humiliated.        

    
             
The village women are whispering between themselves.

             
I look at them and narrow my eyes. ‘You have the power to exclude me, to hurt me, huh? Guess what? I got power too. You’ve no idea how easily I can get Diago to burn down this whole fucking village!’

             
‘P
ayton!
’ Elaine cries. ‘What’s got into you? You sounding like th
e
m,’ she says, jerking her head towards Marcus.

             
Yeah,’ I sneer. ‘I sound like them cos I’m treated like this. Chain
you
like a dog and you
too
will bite,’ I ramble.

             
Elaine frowns. ‘What are you talking about? We never chained you like a dog
.
’ 

             
I look at
Paris
. ‘What does
Austin
have to say about this?’

    
             
‘He ... he wishes ...’

             
‘Ahhhh! So he
doesn’t
know.’

             
‘He doesn’t have a choice,’ she snaps.

    
             
‘You know what – go fuck yourselves! I’m done with you guys. Have your Christening, have your party, forget about me.’ I reach for the box of money, pick it up and began to leave. Then as an afterthought, I open the box and flash it in front of
Paris
. ‘This was for the Christening, courtesy of Diago.’

             
‘Holy cow! That’s American dollars,’ she cries her eyes shining with greed. Money always moved her. She spins around to look at Elaine. ‘
Mom?
’

             
Elaine’s eyebrows
shoot up.
‘Well
,
I suppose ...’

             
‘Go fuck yourselves!’ I say and storm off.  

             
‘Mom!’
Paris
screams.

    
             
Marcus runs after me. ‘Senorita Payton! Senorita Payton!

             
I stop, but do not turn around.

             
He walks up to me
and
stands in front of me. ‘Senorita, please, they are …’ He digs into his pocket and fishes out a white handkerchief which he hands to me.

             
I mumble my thanks and dab my eyes.

             
He shakes his head slowly.
‘I get hot choco …?’

    
             
‘N
…no …’ I whimper and crawl into the car.

             
Marcus drives silently, glancing at me in the rear view mirror throughout the journey, his forehead a constant furrow. 

             
I look at him in the mirror, my lip trembling. ‘
She
…she
used to leave to leave me at home while
they -
my
dad,
Paris
- they
went off on holidays, shows
… society events. They left me with
babysitters
. I waited and waited and waited for them to return. I was so lonely.’

             
Marcus shakes his head
again
, a sympathetic look in his eye.

             
I sit forward and hold his eyes in the rear mirror. ‘
Paris
would come home and brag about how much fun they had Know what
Elaine used
to say? The reason she had to leave me behind?
I was untidy, too fidgety,
too
ill-mannered
. Said I was
easily bored
. My father – he bought it. He never …’

             
‘Senorita … I don’t know …’
 

             
‘
Once, they went off on a seven day holiday without me.
Seven days, Marcus.
I cri
ed myself to sleep every night.’

             
Marcus frowns. ‘Your father, Senorita …’