Growing and Kissing (15 page)

“And you can get it just right.” A statement, not a question.

She nodded. Then blushed. “I mean, you know, the stuff I did in college gives me a big advantage. Most of the growers don’t have that background—they’re just fumbling around in the dark. It’s not
me.
I’m nothing special.”

I just stared at her. She honestly believed that. She flushed again under my gaze, but I couldn’t look away.

“I should start planting,” she said at last. “I’ve got a lot to do.”

I moved back a little from the table and watched as she took the first pot, filled it with a carefully-measured mix of soils and fertilizers, and transferred the seedling into it. There was something incredibly restful about watching her work: the seriousness of her expression as she measured, the total joy in her face as she sunk her pale fingers into the dark earth. I could tell she was completely absorbed—I’d ceased to exist. And that meant I could watch her as much as I wanted. I could take in the hanging curls of her copper-colored hair as they bounced against her cheeks and the smudge of dirt she left on her nose as she brushed them out of the way. I could watch her creamy breasts bounce and sway in her scoop-neck top as she leaned over the plant and imagine running my hands over her ripe, curving ass through the tight denim of her jeans.

I would have happily watched her all night but, after the fifth plant, she suddenly remembered I was there and said, “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be here for hours.”

I nodded and headed for the door. I knew the smart thing to do was to leave—I was too into her, too close to losing control and doing something stupid. I put my hand on the door handle. And then, out of nowhere, I heard myself say: “Or...you could show me what to do and I could help.”

Louise

He looked as surprised as I felt, as if he hadn’t realized he was going to say it until the words were out. We stared at each other for several seconds.

“Okay,” I said at last. I’d brought a couple of stools from my place just so we had something to sit on. I pulled up one for myself and sat down, then pulled up one for him right next to me.

Sean walked around the tables and sat down. We were so close, we were almost touching.

I slid a seedling and a pot along the table to him, the scrape of plastic on wood very loud in the silent room. “Start by measuring out the mix,” I told him. “One cup of this, half a cup of this, one cup of this.” I demonstrated.
Why are my hands shaking?

“Make a hole with your fingers,” I said, pressing two fingers into the cool, soft earth. Next to me, I watched him form two fingers into a probe. “You probably just need one finger,” I mumbled. “Your hands are big.”

He eased his thick finger into the soil. I swallowed.

“Is that deep enough?”

“Yes. Plenty deep enough.”

He stopped.

“Now ease out your seedling and carefully clear most of the dirt away from the roots.”

He lifted out his seedling and started to knock at its roots with a finger.

“Gently! You don’t want to damage the roots.”

He frowned. “I’m not good at gentle.” He turned a little and caught my eye. My heartbeat had turned into a bass drum boom that shook my whole body—slow, but gathering speed.

“I’ll help you,” I said. I stood, scraping my stool on the floor, and stepped behind him, putting my arms around him so that I could guide him. But immediately, I realized my mistake: he was so big, I couldn’t easily reach around. Not without getting very, very close.

Too late now. I stepped right up to him. My pubis grazed his back through my jeans and I caught my breath. As I leaned forward, my stomach and then my lower chest and finally my breasts made contact with his back. I slid my head next to his, our cheeks inches apart. I could smell the clean, outdoor smell of him, like the air after a storm, and feel his back rise and fall beneath me as he breathed.

“Just brush at it,” I told him, trying to focus. The roots were like tiny hairs and I was staring at his thick, powerful fingers as they touched them. I stroked the roots with my own fingers to demonstrate. Every time I moved, even the slightest amount, my breasts shifted against his back. I could feel my nipples hardening, pressing out through my bra and top to rasp against his muscles. He tried brushing again and immediately, I was hypnotized by the sight of his two big fingertips stroking along the roots— “Careful,” I mumbled. “It’s really sensitive.”

“Sensitive?” His voice was a rumble I felt through my whole body.

I flushed. “Delicate.”

He carefully put the seedling down.

My voice sounded almost drunk. “Why are you—”

He twisted around, his back and then his front sliding across my breasts. And suddenly his lips were almost brushing mine.

Louise

Even that almost-contact was enough to send ripples of excitement straight through my body, all the way to my toes. I hadn’t fully understood how much I’d been needing him—aching for him—until that second. My whole body stiffened against him and I felt the heat of him throbbing into my groin and breasts.

I’m not sure if he leaned closer or I did. We were now so close I could feel his breath against my lips and with every slow exhale I sank deeper into an intoxicating darkness where anything could happen.

And it hit me that I couldn’t let it.

I staggered sideways, away from him. We stared at each other and I saw the dark, animal lust in his eyes.

“I have to go,” I croaked. And ran.

Sean

Shit.

I was still reeling from the almost-kiss. My whole body was coiled and tense with the need to grab her, hold her.

Another half second and I would have been kissing her. Another ten and I would have slammed her down on the table and torn that scoop neck top right down the middle, baring her to me.

But now everything had gone wrong. Before I could even get up, Louise had slipped out of the door and off into the night. The thought of her out there, alone, was what finally gave me enough of a jolt to shake off my stupor and jump up—so fast I knocked over the table. The seedlings we’d been so carefully planting crashed to the floor, spilling fantails of soil.

Outside, I looked up and down the street but there was no sign of her.
Shit!
She didn’t have her car with her—I’d driven us here, today. What if someone had been watching the house and had grabbed her when they saw her alone? What if she’d run into some gang who didn’t know she was with me? What if—

On my second check of the street, I finally saw her: walking on the dark side of the street where the streetlights were broken. Her natural reaction was to hide herself away, to disappear, not realizing that just put her in more danger. Out here in the darkness, her pale skin made her look even more vulnerable. We needed to talk...but first, I needed to make sure she was safe.

I raced across the street and caught up with her. “Louise!”

Her shoulders tensed but she kept walking. That’s when I grabbed her arm.

She yelped, pulled up short and spun around, eyes wide with fear. My heart leapt into my throat. I didn’t want to be that guy—not with any woman but especially not with her. Both of us looked at my big, clumsy hand encircling her slender arm. I opened it, releasing her, but now there was a dirty mark on that smooth, milky skin from my soil-covered fingers.

“You can’t walk home alone,” I muttered. “It’s not safe.”

She was breathing fast, looking up into my eyes with an expression I couldn’t read.
You’re safe with me,
I wanted to say.
I swear, you’re safe with me.
But I’d just proved she wasn’t, hadn’t I? I’d betrayed her trust and tried to kiss her, and she’d run, just like I’d always feared.

“I can take care of myself,” she said, her voice quavering a little.

“Not in this neighborhood!” It came out harsher than I’d meant it to. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.” I took a step back towards the house but she stayed stubbornly where she was. “For fuck’s sake!” I snapped, “Let me take care of you!”

We stood there staring into each other’s eyes. I felt my gaze soften. She glanced away and then cautiously back at me, as if wondering whether she could trust me again.
Jesus, I’m an idiot. What have I done?
I wanted her more than ever, but seeing her out here in the street had brought back all my fears. What if she decided she needed to go it alone, after this? I thought of what was coming: meeting a dealer, protecting the crop as it grew. She’d last a week, without me.
Just please let her come with me,
I offered up to whoever was listening.
I swear I’ll never try anything again.

Louise let out a long breath...and started walking back towards the house. I fell in beside her, my legs shaky with relief. I was only just realizing how much I’d come to care for her—it overpowered everything else, even the need to kiss her, to touch her, to have that luscious body twisting and writhing against mine.

I quickly locked up the house and we climbed into my car. We didn’t talk at all on the way to our apartment block, or on the way up the stairs, or even when we got to her front door. As she went inside, I opened my mouth to say something...but I couldn’t find any words. I was replaying the nearly-kiss over and over in my head. I’d thought she’d wanted it but then she’d run. Had I driven her away forever? Did she hate me?

The door closed behind her.
Fuck. I wish I knew what she was thinking.