Hadley (The Club Girl Diaries Book 3) (27 page)

There was a soft knock at Leo’s bedroom door.

“Come in,” I called out unconsciously, expecting to see Leo standing in the doorway.

I sat in the center of the bed with my legs folded, my fingers running over the bandages that encompassed my damaged wrists. When no words were spoken, I looked up, surprised by who I found stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

“Hey, Eagle.”

He nodded, moving over to Macy’s bed and taking a cautious seat on the side, lowering himself slowly like he might break the small princess styled bed.

Eagle and I hadn’t had much interaction. I never really saw him using the club girl’s facilities, and he tended to do his own thing around the club, sitting quietly with a group of brothers or taking off on his bike and returning a few hours later with no clue to where he might have been.

“Have you ever heard of survivor guilt?” he asked, leaning forward and bracing his elbows on his knees.

I shook my head.

“When we lost our team, and Leo and I returned to the states, all I could think about was them. My teammates, my friends, and how they hadn’t been given the opportunity to return home with us,” he explained. “Here I was, joining the Brothers and gathering this whole new family and support network while their families were at home, mourning the loss of their sons and daughters and fathers and mothers and cousins.”

I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant because it was just how I was feeling. Here I was with these people who cared for me and wanted to support me, while Slider’s sister and her family had missed out.

“I adored Slider. He made me laugh and was always a friendly face when I first moved here,” I explained. “But you all knew him so much better than I did. He really was a part of your family, and I feel like I stole him away because he chose to give his life for me.”

He nodded as though he understood what I was saying and strangely, I felt like he did.

“Tell me about the nightmares,” he requested, tilting his head a little to the left, showing off the tattoo that crawled up the side of his neck.

I inhaled a deep breath before explaining the dream that was playing over and over, haunting me the past few nights. Eagle listened intently, no sign of surprise or deep emotion on his features.

When I was done, his response was instant. “Watching your dad die wasn’t easy.”

I frowned. “Of course not. It was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do. To live without him. He was my hero.”

“And he left you behind feeling like the burden had fallen on your shoulders to keep his name alive, especially when your mother married someone new,” he said as though he had a history book on my life and had studied it for years. “Slider saved you and once again you watched your hero die, and you were left to deal with the aftermath.”

My eyes slowly grew wider as I took in his words. His body language seemed so relaxed, but it was the tightness in his face that told me differently. He knew what I was going through, he’d felt it himself, that much I could tell. It hurt him to discuss these things, but he was doing it because he knew it might help me.

“It’s never easy watching someone you care for pass away,” he continued. “It’s natural to wonder, why them? Why was it their time and why was I left on earth to deal with the aftermath of their loss.”

His words spoke to my heart. That was exactly how I was feeling. I kept wondering why I was still here? Why was it Slider’s time to leave and not mine?

“You want to know why you are still here?” Eagle asked as though he had read my thoughts.

My heart thumped in my chest, and I wanted to reach out to him, plead for him to explain, desperate for some kind of comfort to ease the pain and guilt inside.

“You’re here for Leo,” he answered, looking me dead in the eyes. My heart skipped a beat. “My brother was broken, he’s been through so much pain in his life, never thinking that he could love again. Then he found you.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that trickled down my cheeks, one of my hands clutching the blanket under me.

“If you’d have died, I don’t know whether Leo would have survived. And he needs to be here for Macy. If he’d have lost you, she’d have lost him.” His fists clenched as though he could feel his brother’s pain coursing through his body. “Mourn the loss of the people you care for, but don’t let it consume you. Don’t drown yourself in guilt because you still have your life and they don’t.”

“I don’t know how to do that.” I sniffed, wiping away the tears that blurred my eyes.

“You remember that their purpose was done, yours is not,” he said, his voice quiet as he pushed to his feet. “Your purpose is Leo and Macy. They need you.”

I watched as Eagle walked toward the door, his hand reaching out for the handle.

“Eagle?” I called after him, causing him to freeze. “You survived too. So what was your purpose?”

He turned his head so he was looking over his shoulder at me. “I don’t know yet. But one day I’ll find out.” And then he was gone.

While Eagle’s words hadn’t completely soothed the pain, I did feel lighter.

Leo had made it clear over the past few weeks that he wasn’t letting me go. I didn’t want him to. I wanted to hold him, and Macy close forever. I would stand by his side, and I would watch Macy grow, loving her with every inch of my heart like she was my own.

I thought about Keith’s words from our visit.
Just wanted to tell him man to man that I would do whatever was within my power to look after the two of you.

I jumped off the bed, dashing through the door and down the stairs, almost plowing into Leo at the bottom.

“Woah,” he said, his hand going to my waist to steady me and his eyes flashing with worry. “Are you okay?”

“I need you to take me somewhere.”

He frowned. “Where?”

I shuffled my feet nervously before looking up into his eyes. I wasn’t sure whether he’d be okay with it or not, but I knew in my heart that it was something I needed to do.

“Which one is it?” I asked him softly as we stood at the curb next to Leo’s new truck. Gravestones lined the cemetery, I wasn’t unfamiliar with the setting having visited my father every single week back home until I’d moved away, but I was nervous.

He was quiet, watching me with curious eyes as though he couldn’t understand why I would want to come here.

“Leo, please,” I said, reaching out to brush my hand across his arm.

His eyes stayed glued to me as he pointed. “Six rows down with the red roses,” he finally answered.

I nodded, tiptoeing up to kiss his lips softly before I stepped back. I could feel his eyes burning into my back as I counted the rows.

One.

Two.

Three.

I swallowed, forcing one foot in front of the other.

Four.

Five.

Six.

I looked down to my right, seeing a beautiful bouquet of scarlet red roses sitting beside a beautiful yet subtle headstone. I moved over so I was directly in front of it before I lowered to my knees and sat back on my feet.

Her name was scrawled across the stone in a beautiful font.

Kimberly Louise Jamison.

Daughter, sister, mother, wife.

My mouth was dry, and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t find the words that I wanted to say.

I licked my lips. “Thank you,” I whispered, not knowing where else to start. I smiled and shook my head. “I had this planned out in my head a lot better. It seemed so easy. Come here, tell you how I feel and hope that you can hear me.”

I looked over my shoulder. Leo was standing with his arms crossed, he looked tense and worried.

“He’s amazing,” I said, turning my head back to the stone that was meant to represent this woman’s life, but that would never do it justice. A woman I had never met but that I felt I knew personally. “But I guess you already knew that.” I sighed. “I’m not grateful that you’re gone. You never got to see your beautiful baby girl’s first steps or hear her first words, and you won’t be here for the first time she goes to school or the first time a guy breaks her heart.”

Tears warmed my eyes, choking me. But I fought past them, needing to get this out before I broke down.

“But I promise you, with all I have that I will spend the rest of my life doing everything within my power to make sure that she’s happy and cared for.” I lost the battle and tears dripped down my cheeks. “I will never try to take your place, but for as long as they need me, I’ll be there for them.”

The sunlight sparkled across the stone as though it was covered in glitter and bought a smile to my lips.

“I love them,” I told her, brushing away the tears with the back of my hand. “And I’m proud to say that I’ll happily share his heart with you and Macy. Because without you, she wouldn’t exist, and he wouldn’t be the man he is today… so thank you.”

I didn’t startle when I felt a hand softly rest on my shoulder.

“Do you think she can hear me?” I asked him without looking up.

“I like to think so,” his deep voice rumbled, the emotion evident. He dropped to the ground beside me, pressing his forehead against my temple. I closed my eyes as we sat in silence, the sun warming my skin as the wind swirled around us, whipping at my hair.

“I love you,” he said quietly.

I didn’t answer, not sure whether he was talking to Kim or me. Even with that thought in my head, not a single jealous tingle entered my body.

My words were true when I said I would proudly share his heart with her and their daughter. Kim was a part of their lives. She may not be here anymore, but her memory would live inside them forever, and I would embrace it because I loved them, and she was a part of them.

“I wasn’t sure at first whether it was possible…” he continued when I stayed silent, “…to even love again after her. But now I know I don’t have to push her out in order to let you in.”

His lips brushed my cheek, and I turned to him.

“I love you, Hadley,” he repeated, sending my heart soaring.

“I love you, too.”

With Ham’s help, I loaded the large amount of groceries into the back of Leo’s truck. I liked his new one, it was a stunning metallic blue color. He’d ranted on about how it had all these different features, and I’d just smiled and nodded like I had some idea of what he was talking about. When he realized I was completely clueless, he’d just laughed and tapped my ass before sending me out the door, telling me not to bring this one home with bullet holes.

I didn’t find that funny.

Tomorrow was Slider’s funeral, and I’d all but begged Chelsea to help with something so I felt like I was contributing. She’d finally given in and handed me a list of food and drinks that we would need. The boys from Troy were coming up again to show their respects, along with a handful of members from Brothers by Blood chapters across the states.

Slider had been with the club for a long time, and it was clear that he’d made an impact on a lot of people.

Ham took the shopping cart with a smile, pushing it back to the front of the store as I climbed in and started the engine. I hummed along to the radio as we pulled out of the lot and onto the street, Ham’s bike growling loudly behind me.

I narrowed my eyes as something caught my eye as we drove through the streets of Athens and headed toward the clubhouse. At first, I tried to ignore it, knowing that my orders were to go straight back to the clubhouse when we were done. But when I looked in my mirror, I saw a face I recognized and slammed on the breaks, pulling the truck off to the side.

Ham’s engine revved hard as he changed down gears quickly, shooting past me before he managed to pull his bike to the curb in front of the car. He looked over his shoulder at me with a frown.

“Cut it out, Nick,” the girl shouted as I jumped out of Leo’s truck and began walking back down the street.

“Hadley!” Ham called from behind me, but I ignored him, my eyes zeroing in on the three teenage boys who were tossing a backpack back and forth between them and laughing at the girl.

“Meyah?” I called, drawing her attention to me. She looked relieved to see a familiar face. “What’s going on?”

“They won’t give me back my backpack.”

The boys snickered. The one who held it in his hands stared me down, a self-assured smirk on his face. “Aww, who’s this, your babysitter?”

I held out my hand. “Give me the backpack.”

He chuckled. “This is none of your business, lady, get back in your car and go home.”

I was surprised at the amount of confidence that came from one boy. The others seemed to stand back smugly, watching the interaction like little minions.

“Okay, let’s try this again. We can do this the easy way, where you give it over and I don’t put my foot up your smug punk ass…” all their eyes widened in surprise at my words, and I slipped my phone out of my back pocket, holding it up for them to see, “…or I make a phone call, and you can deal with a very pissed off uncle and his brothers. Who, without a doubt, will make you cry like a little baby.”

The kid frowned, but he stood his ground. I had to give him props for that. Suddenly all their eyes moved from me. Meyah’s widened in surprise.

“Give the kid her fucking backpack, you little shit,” Ham’s voice growled as he stepped up beside me and folded his arms across his chest. “You don’t want to find out what happens if I have to take a few extra steps over there and take it from you.”

Meyah swallowed tightly, her eyes never leaving Ham.

I smiled. “Well, boys?”

“Give it back, Nick,” one of them muttered. Obviously one of the smarter ones.

Nick
the kid holding the bag glared at the both of us for a minute before tossing it in the dirt next to the sidewalk. “Here’s your fucking backpack.” His eyes met with Ham’s. “You want her, bro? You can have her. She’s a lousy fucking lay.”

Ham took a step forward, but I grabbed his arm. “Leave it,” I told him quietly.

Nick kicked up some dirt, and all three boys took off back down the street and climbed into a parked car. I glared as they did a U-turn and disappeared. The little shits had purposely stopped to torment the poor girl.

Meyah gathered her bag, brushing off the dirt and wiping at the tears in her eyes.

I walked the few steps over to her and brushed the hair away from her face. “You okay?”

She choked on a sob and shook her head back and forth. “I wanna go home.”

“Oh, honey.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and guided her toward the truck. Ham still hadn’t moved. His face was like stone as he stared down the road where the boys had disappeared like he wanted to go after them.

“I have a better idea,” I told her as she climbed into the passenger’s seat. “How ‘bout we go to the clubhouse, and we let Leo and the boys explain all the different ways they will castrate Nick and his buddies if they ever bother you again?”

Her eyes brightened a little. “We can go to the clubhouse?”

I nodded. “Sure.”

“Okay.”

I gave her a reassuring smile and shut the door. “Come on, Ham. We’re going to the clubhouse.”

He frowned as he walked toward me. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

I sighed. “I know. But right now, she needs to know someone has her back. And who better to be behind her than the boys?”

He screwed up his nose and looked past me to the car. He was silent for a minute before I finally saw him cave. “Okay. But this is on you.”

I grinned as I skipped around to the driver’s side of the truck. “No problem.”

The truck rumbled to life and we pulled out, Ham in front of us.

“So… friends of yours?” I tried to ask casually.

Meyah scoffed. “Ex-boyfriend.”

“Well, I can see why he’s your ex. He’s a douche bag.”

She cleared her throat. “Actually, he broke up with me last week.”

Nodding, I kept my eyes focused on the road. “Do you know why?”

She sniffed quietly. “I finally said yes and we…” she cleared her throat nervously, “…then afterward he was weird. Like he wanted to do it all the time. I kept telling him no, and he got really angry. Then he broke up with me, and told me he’d just get it somewhere else.”

My heart ached for her. I remembered high school. Relationships then seemed like they would last forever. You couldn’t see past the infatuation. That’s when most people had their heart broken for the first time.

“I thought he was different,” she whispered.

I remembered the smile that had been on her face when she’d walked into the house the day I was there with Leo. It was one of pure puppy love.

“He was always so sweet, holding my hand in the corridors and bringing me cute candy and stuff.” She sighed, and her hands tightened around the strap of her backpack. “Was it all fake, or did he just change overnight?”

“From what I saw back there, honey, he really isn’t a nice guy, and you should think of this as a lucky escape. Sometimes you think you know someone, but you only know what they want you to see.”

I knew that from experience.

We sat in silence. I didn’t mind. I knew how hard it was at that age to not feel like it was the end of the world just because a guy didn’t like you, or your friends moved on.

“Do you think Uncle Leo will be angry?” she whispered as she stared out the window.

I smiled softly. “At you? No. You forget, he was a teenager once, too.”

“He and Aunt Kim were high school sweethearts. I remember how perfect they were together.”

My heart warmed. “I bet.”

She sighed deeply. “I wanted that. I thought I had it with Nick.”

“Sometimes people find their match quickly. Others have to wait a lot longer. But I promise, once you find him, you’ll be glad you didn’t settle for dickwad Nick.”

She giggled softly.

When we pulled through the gates and parked, I told Ham to go in first and make sure there was nothing around that Meyah shouldn’t see before we went inside. When Leo stepped back out the doors with Ham, we both sighed in relief and Meyah ran toward her uncle.

He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her against him as I walked over slowly. “What happened?” he asked, looking over at me as she cried into his chest.

“Some little assholes on the side of the road,” I explained briefly.

Leo frowned. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

He led her in and over to a sofa in the corner where they both sat and chatted quietly. I could see how tense Leo’s shoulders were as she spoke, explaining what had happened.

“Who’s that?” Optimus asked as he and Chelsea came in from the patio.

“Leo’s niece.”

Optimus raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Meyah? I haven’t seen her around here for years. What’s going on?”

I told them what happened. Chelsea looked over at her sadly, and Optimus glared with a heavy frown.

“Fucking kids these days have no respect,” Optimus grumbled.

I looked past him, catching sight of Ham standing in the doorway out to the patio. Ham was a sweet kid, it wasn’t often you saw him without a smile on his face, but he took his place within the club very seriously.

Prospects kind of got the hard end of the deal, mainly serving as the member’s personal slaves and bitch boys. They got all the unwanted jobs, watching the gate, babysitting, cleaning the members’ bikes. But the thing was, every single member had gone through the same process. They had all paid their dues and proved their loyalty to the club.

And Ham was loyal to a fault, so I had no doubt that sometime soon, he would get his colors.

Although with the way he was watching Meyah, his eyes glued to her and a deep frown etched on his face, I had to wonder whether maybe Leo would end up beating his ass to a pulp before he made it that far.

I smiled and shook my head.

I knew that look.

And I just hoped he knew what he was doing.