Hadrian's Wall (36 page)

“Yes, he’s here...since
very early this morning.” Dana smiled and looked at the computer
monitor.

Frustrated, I let the air
seep slowly from my lungs
like a punctured
flat tire deflating.

“You’re in luck, she said,
putting something in the drawer. “His first patient hasn’t arrived
yet. I’ll ask him...”

Dana moved away from the computer and
entered his office through the adjacent door. Soon she returned,
still smiling.

“Come in, please.”

I quickened my step, wondering whether his
patient would arrive at any time. Dana stepped aside so that I
could enter and then left, closing the door behind me.

As soon as I heard the
click of the doorknob, I looked across the room and spotted Dr.
Barringer sitting behind his desk
as
usual
.
He rose
slowly with a strange smile on his lips. I watched him carefully.
He seemed a bit agitated, maybe nervous. He hesitated for a split
second before he came around the desk to greet me.
As always
,
he was very gentle and led me to the
couch.

As we sat down, he stared at me, peering in
my face as if searching for something. After a long silence, he
said, “Then you will leave us today.”

“Yes...Yesterday, I was discharged from
hospital.” Carefully rehearsed, the speech I had memorized
evaporated. I rubbed my chin as if I could automatically massage my
brain.

“You know... I’ve thought
about everything you said to me. I’ve researched a lot of
information on the Internet and I came to a decision.”

He nodded slightly, waiting patiently for me
to proceed.

“I decided I’m not crazy.
Although I’m sure about that and I have no more fear about losing
my sanity, I still cannot believe that the things that are
happening to me are real. Well, no sane person would believe that,
anyway. So I think I’m at an impasse.” I stopped for a moment in
order to collect my thoughts. “This may sound very confusing, but I
don’t see all this as a bad thing. I don’t know if you understand
me... Perhaps that’s a possibility of facing life in a different
way. Don’t people say that crises are positive because they make us
grow?”

A silence ensued as if he was waiting for
further explanation, compelling me to say the first thing that came
to mind. Damn! I had tried so hard to seem mature and
sophisticated. My fateful impulsiveness strikes again!

“Have you seen the
movie,
A Beautiful Mind
?”

He raised his eyebrows in
surprise. I’m sure for the first time, Dr. Barringer had no idea
what I wanted to say. I liked it and I smiled.

He also smiled and replied, “Okay,
Melissa...He overcame his delirious episodes.” My smile faded a
little. He knew exactly what I was saying.

“Well, then...I won’t sit
here, worrying myself about what happens with me...if it’s true or
not. After all, what is the truth? How many scholars, thinkers,
philosophers, scientists, playwrights, whatever have been asking
this question throughout the centuries—and they never reach a
satisfactory answer. Each one believes in a different truth and
makes this search from within the bubble in which they live...the
center of their own personal universe. I discovered that I’m
claustrophobic.
I hate being trapped in
bubbles!

“If mankind’s greatest
thinkers have not found their perfect bubble without any kind of
cracking... why me, a
nobody, a
loser...I
mean,
why could I determine
what humanity
has attempted to define for centuries? Besides, why am I wasting my
time trying to find something that can cause me more harm than
good? For this reason, I’ve decided to forget about finding the
‘Supreme Truth’ and take care of my future... which brings me to my
second decision.”

“Second?”

“The first is that I’m not
crazy. Remember?”

“Oh, yes. Sure!”

“Second, I’ll going to
accept Adrian Senior’s offer to help him make his project a
reality. This, in turn, brings me to my third decision.” Of course,
I didn’t intend to reveal my fourth decision to the psychiatrist
since it involved Adrian Cahill, the son.

“Third?” he urged me to continue.

“Third, I will attend the
College of Arts. I’ve always wanted this, but I never admitted it
to myself. Deep down, I was so afraid of failing that I preferred
not to try.”

He nodded.

“I’m glad you’ve come to
conclusions satisfactory to you, Melissa. The total truth is
incomprehensible. We must content ourselves with pieces of
it...interpretations about it.”

He looked at me inquisitively. “A certain
amount of truth resides in this: Believing in something that will
transport you to a higher level, that makes you more secure about
yourself, regardless of what others think.”

“This does not preclude us from continuing
with our little game, does it, Doctor? I intend not to miss our
meetings. It makes me feel so good!”

Now it was my turn to face
him inquisitively. “Can I ask you something? What was that
avalanche of vampires? I’ve read so much about them that I could
almost do a dissertation on the subject.”

He didn’t pretend he didn’t
know what I was talking about.

“You wanted to know the origins of your
so-called owl. It was necessary to demystify it, to show you that
many others have talked about strange sightings of winged beings
similar to yours. You demonstrated so much fear...and fear is
usually born from ignorance.”

Hmmm...it makes
sense
.

“Melissa, you need to prepare to face the
mystery that surrounds you because this will make all difference in
curing your hallucinations, understand?” he said, looking me in a
very strange way. His face was serious and veiled at same time.

Suddenly, he broke eye
contact and sat back on the couch. The time to ask “what do you
mean by that?” had passed.

“However, there were not
only vampires.” He cleared his throat before returning to the
subject. “The links can be used to locate other legends, such as
elves, banshees, fairies, trolls, the Lizard Man of South
Carolina... The main issue was not the legend itself, but the
manifestation of archetypes and how they influenced people’s daily
lives. It’s you who decided remain on the subject of vampires. Why
is that?”

He got me!

“
Hmm
...maybe because of my obsession
for movies?” I ventured a guess. “Perhaps because of “Pal” Dracula
and his clones have more films produced than goblins and
leprechauns?”

He nodded absently, then spoke a touch of
melancholy in his voice. “Or maybe blood has always impressed more
humans than any other symbol...and they had a reason for that—much
human blood has been shed.

“You know, Doctor, most of
the texts were quite contradictory. One author said something about
a particular myth. Another explained the same myth completely
different. The authors that I found didn’t come to a consensus and
seemed to possess a limited knowledge on the subject.”

He stared at me in a
manner penetrating. “Their knowledge is limited. The myths
themselves are also quite contradictory.” He drummed his fingers on
the arm of the couch, perhaps deciding what he would say next.
“Humans tell their experiences like exploits according to their
personal interests and
the anatomy of their
perception,
which is very limited and
selective, by the way.” He joined his hands by lacing his fingers
together on his chest. “In another words, perception is limited on
one hand because it depends on gross senses and selective on the
other hand because only processes the information according to what
it already has of prior understanding of the context that surrounds
it, even if such understanding is precarious.

“For humans, the motivation
involved in the act of interpreting an event is basically based on
previous learning experiences. The reasoning does not have
sharpness necessary to fully understand things beyond one’s own
circle of experiences. Allied to this, is the fact that humans want
fast answers and often they cannot resist the temptation to invent
outcomes for events that hinder or challenge their
inquiries.

“They never respond well
to unexpected circumstances, despite their reputation for being
able to adapt to different situations, considering the survival
instinct in hostile environments, etc., etc., etc. If you look
closely, you realize that nothing in the human culture is
completely new: the facts, the rituals, mythologies, then... There
is a pattern that repeats itself over the centuries and thousands
of years. The context of the events change and are enhanced by new
technologies and knowledge, but in essence,
the events
remain the same, perhaps
because of the predictability of human motives or human
reasoning.

“Like history that is
constructed based on human interpretations, there is no way to
prove one hundred percent that the facts were recorded exactly as
they happened. Often, the distortions were conducted
by different interests: satiety of desires,
control... Many things may be played as motivation for humans to
glorify certain events or relegate many others to ostracism. Man
has always known to be irrationally logical...or logical within his
irrationality, if you like.” He sighed.

“What I’m trying to say is
nobody knows who actually were the supernatural creatures. Humans
have interpreted the events that they didn’t understand and have
distorted their records, according to the convenience of moment and
the level of communication they dominate. The gossip of everyday
life, combined with the oral tradition, both more powerful than
many laws of coexistence, contributed to the construction of the
legends that today’s authors don’t understand and cannot explain.
To understand them accurately, they would have to investigate the
history behind the history...and this, my dear, can only be done
with a time machine.”

“Or a crystal ball,” I added, laughing.

“That’s right!” He gave me
a modest smile. “Of course, even without a crystal ball, many
incontestable truths have collapsed, thanks to the questioning of
people who were not content with
conclusions presented
as immutable.
Today, most scientists are obliged to recognize that the life of
ancients was not devoid of technologies and rational values. The
technologies and values of ancient people had the same impact for
them that our values and our technologies have on our daily lives.
It was a great mistake to believe for so long that the ancients
were devoid of science and sophistication.

“The difference between
their way of thinking and ours lies in the relation between the
mental stimulation and the everyday tools which drive or motivate
people to act. Technological changes also have contributed to
change the functioning of mind in many ways.”

“So what is considered
supernatural today might have been natural at that time. One of
these days someone will discover that where it was once believed to
be only a myth, there actually was a real spark that boosted it and
that turned into something with proportions that now is completely
different from the common interests that gave it birth.”

Here he goes again,
speaking Greek
.

“Some authors describe the gods as
immaterial beings, coming from a spiritual world or from another
dimension. Others decided that they were an evolution of the human
race... or its origin. What do you think, Doctor?”

“Remnants of the lost
Atlantis, perhaps?” He shrugged. “A race of inter-dimensional
creatures? Fallen Angels? Aliens? Exotic endangered animals?
Mutants generated in scientific experiments? Immortal warriors?” He
leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “The movies, the
TV shows, and the books have exhausted their explanations sources.
Taking into account that these sources come from ancient oral
traditions that have been reformatted and will remain for
centuries...how do we know what was true?
Unfortunately, the real events are irretrievably lost to
posterity.”

“You’re telling me that
such creatures really existed?” I questioned with
skepticism.

“No.” He stared at me in a
cautious manner. “I’m just trying to tell you that nobody will ever
know what really existed in that time because the records do not
correspond accurately to the facts, just as the myths today to not
correspond to the facts that gave rise to them in the past.
But if the records were published, they should
have some consistency, even if the myths are just fanciful
reports.”

“That’s the big mistake
that people often make and a researcher should never commit it. It
is not enough to use a clue and a handful of deductions to say
something that serves to contribute to learning, not to the
sensationalism. It is necessary to reconstruct an accurate picture
of the information trajectory.
Even though
its origin remains unclear, it is important to ask why, where, and
how certain information or concepts
took
hold
. In the specific case of legends, we
need to remain wary in deference to the belief of the ancients on
certain phenomena. We cannot simply assume as true a range of texts
that make incursions into the subject, categorizing them as
excellent references for our hypotheses. If you write on the
subject, for example, it would be a grave mistake to hide from the
reader the level of reliability of sources used. There are authors
who make interpretations and their own psychological inferences
about the behavior of ancient people, basing it only in the way
modern man deals with the world. Of course, there are human
patterns that can be checked at any time, but there are elements
from a malice developed, learned, and re-transmitted that cannot be
attributed to the mode of being of another era. Although ancients
enjoyed sophistication and relationships on a level as symbolic as
the current relationships, they did not see the world and the
events in the same way their descendants.”