Hand of Thorns (15 page)

Sumner yells behind me, "Yeah, I'll grab your keys and lock up. No big deal."

"Thanks," I yell back, racing down the steps.

Leon turns to face me when he places the bag down. "Have a fun night with your friends."

"That's all?"

"What do you mean?" he questions.

"I don't... get a goodbye kiss?" I guess I didn't know what I wanted from him. I just didn't want him to walk away like he always does. I feel anxious and confused the moment he's out of sight.

He looks around us for something then leans in, quickly kissing my cheek. "You have to remember, I'm in the public's eye. I can't be seen having an affair with you."

I feel nauseated, but I understood from the beginning what this was going to be. Maybe I had an image in my mind of something more than secrets and casual encounters. Maybe when I thought about the moments together, and I factor in my feelings for Leon, I imagined he'd feel more comfortable around me. I've envisioned far too much of an actual relationship with Leon, which is what makes it hurt so much when he reminds me of what I should've kept telling myself in the first place.

When I don't do anything more than nod, looking down at the duffle bag between our feet, he says softly, "But I'll see you tomorrow for your birthday." It makes me smile, even just the slightest. "Will you look at me?"

I do but his phone immediately starts to ring. He looks down at it, backing away in seconds. "I'll, uh... I'll see you tomorrow." He turns and starts to pace walk away from me, answering his phone when he does.

My body startles when a hand touches my shoulder. "Are you okay?" Sumner asks. I almost forgot she was with me, and now I feel like a failed friend for a moment.

"I'm fine. I'm ready to go." Picking up the duffle bag, I place it in the trunk.

It takes over twenty minutes for either of us to speak, listening to the radio rather than talking, but eventually, as I assumed she would, Sumner turns down the radio. "You sure about all this?"

"About what?" She glances over at me and I know exactly what she means. Leon. "I can't explain it. I'm already falling so hard for him. I never knew I could feel this way about someone."

"But you do realize that you're never going to have a relationship with him."

I shrug, looking out the window rather than at her, because slowly I'm feeling her rip my dreams in half. "Maybe."

"No, Monica. I'm being your best friend, which means I'm being honest with you. I'm not sugar coating this crap. He is with Ellie, and they're having a baby. You can't get into the middle of all of that."

I hold onto my belly, thinking about what she says. I know she's right, but somewhere I also have faith that things work out the way they're supposed to. So why wouldn't this situation be the same?

"Well," she continues when I don't say anything. "I know you have a brain, and you definitely have a heart, so maybe one day you'll use your brain to save your heart."

"I think he could love me," I whisper.

"I have no doubt," she counters. "Why wouldn't he? You're an amazing person. People fall in love with people all the time, but they don't always get to be together."

I look over at her, she is paying extra attention to the road, as the traffic is starting to get backed up a little. "Are you sure you're okay with our affair?" I hate even using that word, especially since we haven't actually slept together, but in the end that is exactly what this is.

She chews on the inside of her lip, thinking to herself before speaking out loud. Which is probably for the best for both of us, because although Sumner is usually kind to absolutely everyone, when she needs to make a point, she does, and it usually leaves a bit of a burn at the end. "I don't hate you for it, nor do I blame you for it. I do feel for Ellie though, when she finds out this is going to destroy her. And I think it should end before the baby comes. It's one thing to have fun," she argues, looking over at me. "It's another thing to ruin the lives of innocent people in the process."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, especially Spud."

"Someone is going to end up hurt, and I want you to prepare yourself for the fact that that someone is probably going to be you."

I take a cleansing breath, feeling the anxiety forcing its way through my body. Then I take another. "Can we stop talking about it then? I want to enjoy this weekend."

After a long second, Sumner nods her head. "Of course. It's your birthday weekend, we'll have a great time."

Rochelle and Penelope are both waiting when we arrive. I feel even larger when I see Penelope who looks like she ate a burrito for lunch. She is tiny, even though she is technically further along than me. "About damn time," Rochelle complains. "This whine ass has been saying how she's hungry, how she has to pee, how hot it is, how tired she is. Remind me never to get knocked up."

Penelope walks past Rochelle, slapping her on the arm. "Then stop being a whore."

"I'm not a whore."

"You broke up with Derik three days ago and you already have a new man friend." Their banter is mainly in joking fun, but I can still see the underlining tension between them. "And you said you had to leave early Sunday for a different guy."

"I didn't say I didn't enjoy sex, all I said is that I'm not a whore. Not my fault I find men that make sex fun. I bet William lays on the bed with an inhaler close by in case you do something daring, like touch his butthole."

Sumner and I both stop in our tracks to look over at them. Penelope looks distraught and Rochelle looks three seconds away from turning ghetto. "Gross, Rochelle."

"See, boring. If you took an extra step and added a little kink into your sexual activities, I promise you'd actually enjoy it a lot more as well."

"I do enjoy sex, thank you, I simply choose to stay with one guy."

"A guy you pretty much hate, and we all know it."

Penelope rolls her eyes. "Yeah, we're going through a rough patch, but all the greatest relationships do."

"Not mine. They all end when we start to argue, then I don't have to stress about shit."

"What did you and Derik argue about that was bad enough for a break up?" Sumner asks, interrupting their ridicule.

"He wanted to move in together."

"And that made you break up with him?"

"Yup." Rochelle reaches for her bag, making her way to the beach house. "You all can be tied down with whomever, I'm going to enjoy being tied up from man to man."

"See... whore," Penelope adds in with a smile.

"What are you drinking tonight?" Rochelle asks her, but answers for her jokingly. "Haterade?"

"Okay, kids, I think that's enough," Sumner adds in. "Let's go have some real drinks Rochelle, and let the two pregos have some..."

"Haterade," Rochelle adds in once more, giggling while she walks away.

Sumner and Rochelle walk in front of Penelope and I. The glare Penelope gives Rochelle means she took a lot of that to heart. "You know," I say quietly, hoping Rochelle doesn't hear me. "I think you and William are perfect together, and it's obvious that you love one another. This child is going to be lucky to have you both."

She throws her arm over my shoulder. "Thank you for lying to me."

Sumner ends up ordering us all takeout and had rented several movies, purchased more munchies than we'll ever eat, and made both regular margaritas and virgin ones. We all throw a bunch of pillows and blankets down in the living room, close up all the curtains and shades, and together have a sleepover party like we haven't done in a long time. No more bantering, arguing, or discussing anything of importance.

I think we all pass out from the overload of food. The food coma makes me feel as though I slept for days, but in actuality it's not even seven in the morning when I check my phone the following day. I even check the date because I didn't want to miss my birthday with Leon.

The rest of the girls wake up when I place my cereal bowl into the sink. They moan and groan about their bodies hurting from sleeping on the floor. Unlike them, I snuck onto the couch last night and slept there. "I need a mimosa," Rochelle grumbles as she sits at the breakfast bar.

"I could use a coffee," Penelope adds in. "Or two."

"I'm hungry all over again," I laugh.

Sumner eyes each one of us individually before turning towards the bathroom. "Let's find somewhere to go then. I have to pee first."

We drive down the road about three miles to a resort Sumner's parents are part of. There is a large golf course that sits on the bank of a cliff, and the resort's outdoor cafe overlooks it all. This morning the smog is thick, but you can still see the orange-ish yellow sunrise brightening everything above us. It's already nice out, over sixties degrees with a slight breeze since we're coastal. We sit close to the edge and are able to see the handful of golfers making their early Saturday morning rounds.

We order a variety of food and drinks, which doesn't take long at all to be delivered to our table. The waitress leaves a tablet on the edge of the table in case we need her before she makes her way back, as they're unusually busy this morning.

"That looks good," Penelope states, taking a sausage from my plate. "I should have ordered that." She looks down at her omelet with despair. "Instead I choice healthy."

"Which is probably why you are half the size of me."

"True." She digs into her omelet and I realize that maybe Penelope doesn't want to get big. After all, she's had a lot of previous health issues due to not wanting to be larger than a size four. It's always about looks for her, and I make a mental note to start watching how she eats as she gets further into her pregnancy. I can honestly say I don't care what I eat although I do try to be healthy for the baby, and although I feel enormous right now and I know I'll get abnormally huge by the end, I'm enjoying it immensely so far. After all, it's an excuse to eat what you want and get away with it.

When we're finished eating, the waitress comes out with a large slice of ice cream cake, a lit candle placed securely in the middle of it. She starts to sing, and many of the surrounding people join in, including the three at the table with me. My face turns bright pink while they finish out the birthday song to me.

Placing the plate in front of me, the waitress says, "Make a wish." I close my eyes, and suddenly I envision Leon kissing me under the stars, telling me he wants to be with me. I know what I want my wish to be, I want this end in an happily ever after. Opening my eyes, I blow out the candle, which has everyone clapping.

When she takes off, my three friends all wish me an individual happy birthday while I take a sliver of cake. "Wow, this is amazing. Thank you," I mumble with melting ice cream in mouth.

"So from here we'll all go back to shower, then we have a surprise for you. Then Leon is adopting you for dinner, and after that you're ours once more for our annual nightly swim." For the last six years on my birthday Sumner and I have snuck into a random person's pool to swim until we feel like we're going to get caught. It was an accident six years ago, we thought we were at her aunt's house and it turns out her aunt had moved and Sumner wasn't told. The thrill of getting caught made us want to do it again the following year but we went to a completely different house so that the person didn't have our names this time, in case we did get caught. Only twice have Rochelle and Penelope joined us, and the second time was the only time we got caught, but thankfully not in any trouble. I look forward to it every year.

"Perfect. So what's my surprise?"

"More like... you're banging Leon?" Rochelle hisses across the table. "How did I not know this?!"

"We're not
banging
, as you so lovely put it," I argue. "We're just..."

"Going to," Sumner interrupts with a chuckle.

"What? I'm so jealous!"

"No," Penelope says. Of course, being the most responsible of us all. "It's nothing to be jealous of. You know I love you," she says, while looking at me. "But you also know I don't think you should be having an affair."

"Wait, he is taken by that snob, isn't he?" Rochelle asks.

"Ellie, yes. She isn't a sob, she's just..."

"A snob," Rochelle laughs. "And you were calling
me
the whore?" She looks over to Penelope, sticking out her tongue. "She's sleeping with a dude, and she's knocked up with his wife’s kid."

"They're not married, and we're not sleeping together," I argue again.

"An affair is an affair, and you know you want to." Penelope gives me a pointed look. At least Rochelle seems to be understanding. Although, Penelope and Sumner both do understand my conflict, and they don't typically give me a hard time, but neither of them have lectured me quite so much until now. I almost didn't tell Penelope for these reasons, but I caved one day when I couldn't handle keeping the stress to myself.

Rolling my eyes, I place my fork done, suddenly filled up before my ice cream cake is gone. "Yes, I want to sleep with him, but not to be a whore. I'm falling in love with him, and I thought you all would understand." I stand up from the table, and all three sets of eyes are on me, every single one of them with a worrisome of their own. "I didn't plan this. I get how fucked up it all is, and I'm sorry if you all disagree with my actions, even though all three of you have admitted you'd be with him too. Yet none of you have even held a conversation with him. You haven't felt the spark we have, and you don't have a difficult decision to make. Everything is always easier when you're sitting on the sideline."