Hanna's Awakening (2 page)

“Calm down, Lady. You’ve had your breakfast. You don’t need to go chasing after any deer.” He stroked his trusted dog’s head. Her barking ceased to be replaced by a whimper as she sat impatiently, her tail wagging.

All the thick curtains were drawn, and the small glass pane in the front door didn’t reveal anything near. Ben moved to the living room window to pull the fabric aside.

“Oh, damn,” he muttered when a small Amish girl appeared on the edge of the forest. He watched as she stopped, staring at his cabin. A small bag hung over her shoulder. When she finally began to walk again, Ben looked down at Lady. “It’s only Hanna. Why don’t you go say hello?”

Ben slid aside the two metal deadbolts, unlocked the knob, and flung the door wide open for Lady. The energetic German Shepherd barreled outside. Ben couldn’t help smiling. While Hanna’s visits made him uneasy, he anticipated them more and more. When a few weeks passed without her dropping by, he spent way too much time glancing out the windows, wondering when she would appear in the clearing. She tended to visit in the afternoon, and for this reason she never failed to pass through his thoughts each day after lunch.

The heat of the day hit Ben hard as he jogged down the porch steps. Hanna was crouched on the ground, rubbing Lady’s stomach while the dog licked her face. Lady would’ve ripped anyone else’s throat out who stepped foot on Ben’s property, except for Hanna. Well, Eli too. But he was long gone and sent letters in his stead.

“Good morning, Mr. Foster!” Hanna giggled as Lady continued her silly antics.

“Good morning, Hanna.” He eyed the bag she’d dropped beside her. What the hell was in there?

“I’m afraid I don’t have any new letters from Eli. He’s probably waiting until Annabel has the baby so he can write with good news. But if you’d like to come in and write him a new letter, you’re more than welcome.”

The sadness in her expression when she glanced up tugged at his heart. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. He ached to rush forward and gather her up, bring her inside, and hold her while she told him of all her troubles. He cared for the sweet young woman, and hoped she wasn’t as miserable as Eli had been on the farm.

“Come on, Lady, leave the poor girl alone. It’s not like I don’t give you enough attention.” At his command, the dog raced onto the porch, her tail still wagging and her big pink tongue hanging from her mouth.

Hanna grabbed her bag and rose up. The sadness in her eyes transformed to uncertainty. Ben had the distinct feeling she was about to ask for something.

Help.

Could it be true? His heart raced. Was she following in Eli’s footsteps and leaving the Amish behind? Dare he hope?

He winced. His reasons for wanting her to leave the Amish were dark indeed. Fantasies involving her writhing underneath him during the throes of passion visited him on sleepless nights. Sometimes during the day too. Despite his fantasies though, he simply wanted her to be happy and healthy, whether she was tucked in her bed on the farm or… elsewhere.

“Come on inside, Hanna. It’s only going to get hotter today. I’ll get you a cold drink.”

“Thank you, Mr. Foster.” She breezed past him, her dark blue dress grazing his leg as he held the door open.

Excitement surged through Ben at the close contact, and he tried to push it down. As he turned to face her, he glimpsed an errant strand of blond hair poking out of her black kapp, running down the side of her neck. That, along with the vision of her flushed face and pretty blue eyes, nearly caused him to come undone. She was too pretty. Too young and ripe and, most of all, tempting.

It was official. Ben Foster had a one-way ticket to hell. Christ, she was young enough to be his daughter. Well, if he’d been a promiscuous teenager anyway.

“Come have a seat at the table.” Careful not to touch her, he guided her to the kitchen and pulled out a chair. Head bowed as more pink stained her cheeks, she placed her bag on the floor next to the chair, sat down slowly, and folded her hands in her lap.

Ben busied himself by pouring two glasses of iced tea. A million questions buzzed through his mind. Certainly Hanna wasn’t here to check her correspondence with Eli. Though she was generally on the shy side, her demeanor was off balance today. Besides that, she’d never come to him in the mornings. He suspected it was easier for her to sneak away in the afternoons when she typically visited.

He delivered her drink and sat across from her. Silence stretched between them awkward and thick as they sipped the tea. Her face remained flushed so prettily, and another strand of hair had fallen from her kapp. With each breath she took, her chest heaved up and down, drawing his gaze to her breasts, which were unfortunately well hidden underneath a plain dress. In his imagination though, he pictured her firm, pale mounds and hardened, dark pink nipples clearly.

Ben shook away the image and placed his glass down, leaning forward to peer directly in her eyes. “What’s happened, Hanna? Are you all right?” He surveyed her face for bruises, knowing her father had a heavy hand, or at least he had with Eli. To his relief, he saw no hint of bruises, fresh or fading.

She blinked a few times and sat her drink down. “I—I’ll be nineteen next month.”

Nineteen. Christ Almighty. Young, innocent, and fucking Amish. Yep, not only did Ben have a one-way ticket to hell, but he had a seat reserved in the first-class section.

“Is that a problem?” he asked, ignoring the stirring in his loins. “You turning nineteen? You getting married soon or something?” Jealously rippled through him at the possibility.

She inhaled deeply and smiled when Lady curled up at her feet under the table.

“My daat thinks I should have joined the church already. He’s been asking me almost every day about it.”

“You left.” He regarded her with wonder—and respect. Most girls who didn’t want to join the Amish church would’ve done so anyway. None of them had much of a choice. It was a matter of survival. With no education beyond the eighth grade and no immediate job opportunities, leaving was a near impossibility. Yet Hanna had done just that.

“I did,” she finally said, reaching down to scratch Lady’s ear. “I told my daat I choose not to join the church.” She shrugged. “It happened this morning and I know I’m already dead to him. Sarah even refused to say good-bye to me. She turned her back and refused to look at me, and she’s the most open-minded of them all. I didn’t bother telling Abram and Jacob good-bye. I knew they would treat me the same as Daat and Sarah.”

“Eli came to me like this one day,” Ben said. The memory of a sixteen-year-old Amish boy came rushing back. Eli had shown up on his porch with a black eye and a swollen jaw, asking if Ben had any work for him. Against his better judgment, Ben offered Eli some work and a place to stay. It was supposed to be temporary, but he’d stayed for two years. The longer he stayed, the more Ben wanted to help him. After Eli earned his G.E.D., he left with the wages he’d painstakingly saved to find his place in the world, a young man of eighteen years.

“Mr. Foster?” Hanna gnawed at her lip. “You’re the only friend I have. I—I was hoping you could help me the way you helped Eli. I’m not asking for charity, but I’d ask you to help me find work. I’m a hard worker. I can do most anything.”

Ben studied her, taken aback. He had hoped she would directly ask to work for
him
, the way Eli had worked for him, doing chores and laboring around the cabin while Ben worked to build a series of underground storage rooms that connected to the basement, back when Ben was going through a survivalist phase.

“Hanna, I feel uncomfortable helping you find work.”

Her face fell. “Oh.” Her chair scratched the floor as she stood up. Tremors shook her hands, and she clamped them together as her gaze ventured near him, but not quite meeting his eyes. “I will leave you, then. I’m sorry to take up your time. Thank you for the tea.”

“Wait. Sit back down, Hanna. I wasn’t finished speaking.”

Slowly, she returned to her seat, sitting down with her back as stiff as a board. Lady rose up to lay her head in Hanna’s lap. The dog whimpered and stared up at her with compassionate, large black eyes.

“I can’t in good conscience send you out into the world cold turkey. It’s a scary place out there for someone like you. People might take advantage of you, and I’d hate to see any harm come to you. Eli became like a son to me, and I’d never turn his sister out. Besides, Hanna, I consider you a friend too. I can find some work around here for you. I can even help you earn your G.E.D.” He leaned back in his chair, his decision made. “You’re staying here, Hanna. That’s final.”

Wind chimes clattered faintly as the scent of baking bread filled the house. Hanna wiped her hands on her apron and inspected the kitchen. The floor could use a good mopping and the counters a good scrubbing. Even the walls needed to be wiped down. It pleased her to find yet another chore to occupy her time, and her mind. As she gathered the necessary supplies from a closet in the hallway, her thoughts drifted to Mr. Foster.

Living with a man the way she was right now was downright sinful, yet she didn’t feel like she was behaving badly. Knowing he considered her a friend brought a smile to her lips. She liked him more than she’d liked most Amish. That thought caused her smile to fade. As much as she tried not to think of her daat, her brothers, Sarah, her cousins, and her little nieces and nephews, they sometimes crept into her thoughts. Even though they were only a few miles apart, she doubted she’d ever see them again, unless it was by accident. Even then, they would not speak to her, let alone look at her. Not unless she returned to the farm and decided to join the church.

Not likely.

A week had passed since she’d arrived at Mr. Foster’s house. Since then, he’d handed all cooking and cleaning duties over to her, not that it was a lot of work. She suspected he was indulging her and trying to find work just to make her happy and feel needed. He spent most of his time in the greenhouse out back, in a workroom next to his bedroom that contained several computers, and fishing in a nearby stream. Hanna had the distinct impression he was trying to avoid her as much as possible, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. He was nothing but kind to her, but she sensed his unease in her presence. Likewise, she felt uneasy around him, especially in the evenings when he came inside for the night. The cabin seemed much smaller then.

“Smells good.”

Hanna started and gasped, spinning around to meet Mr. Foster face-to-face. “You scared me!” she said, half scolding. As she fought to catch her breath, they both burst into laughter. It was the first time she’d seen him laugh since her arrival. It brought her hope. Maybe the tension between them only existed in her head.

“I’m sorry, Hanna. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She flashed him a smile. “It’s all right, Mr. Foster. Lunch isn’t quite ready yet. Can I fix you a snack?”

“No, I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Her stomach flipped at the sudden seriousness of his expression. “What is it?”

“You’re still wearing your Amish clothes, even the kapp,” he said, pointing at her head. “I took Eli clothes shopping not long after he came to stay with me. I’d like to do the same for you.”

Dumbfounded, Hanna stared at him. Was it right to accept his offer? Deep in the woods in his secluded cabin, they were alone, and while she wasn’t Amish anymore, she hadn’t thought of changing her appearance yet. Instead, finding work had been her top priority. Now that she had work and a safe place to stay, she supposed it was time to change the way she looked.

“Thank you. That sounds nice, but please deduct the cost of clothing from my wages.” She didn’t want to be a burden. Mr. Foster had agreed to pay her monthly, a generous sum she’d argued was too much, and he promised to help her set up her own checking account soon. The idea of a trip to town to experience this rite of passage into the English world filled her with excitement.

Mr. Foster sighed and smiled faintly. “All right. If you insist. We’ll go to town tomorrow morning, visit the mall, and go to a restaurant for lunch.”

The mall. Lunch in a real restaurant. Hanna couldn’t believe it. She beamed at Mr. Foster. “Thank you.”

His smile disappeared and he regarded her with contemplation. “Here. I want to try something.”

Before Hanna realized his intentions, he reached out to touch her kapp. She forgot how to breathe as he tried pulling it off. It didn’t budge. She restrained a nervous laugh. “Mr. Foster, it’s pinned on tight. Would you like me to remove it?”

“Yes, Hanna.” He gulped. “I want to see you.”

The intensity of his gaze called to her heart and caused her hands to shake. Why couldn’t she breathe? And why was her heart racing so?

Ignoring the trembling of her fingers, she took the pins out of the kapp, one by one, laying them on the countertop. Once the kapp was free, she pulled it off and sat it next to the pins. She stole a glance at Mr. Foster. He appeared confused, probably because her hair hadn’t fallen down about her shoulders after losing the kapp. “More pins,” she explained, reaching up again to yank each one out. Next came the hairnet and additional pins underneath it. Fixing her hair under a kapp was her least favorite chore, and she looked forward to never doing it again. She would’ve disposed of it earlier if her hair wasn’t so long and unmanageable.

Finally, she shook out the bun and pulled the hair tie out. Cascading down to her lower back, her hair fell in waves. Outside, the wind chimes played their summer song louder, and the curtains at the open window above the sink ruffled in the breeze. Her tresses blew around her shoulders with the draft. As she stood there, a flash of wickedness took her by surprise, a longing for Mr. Foster to run his hands through her hair. So improper. She wondered what was happening to her. Everything inside her ached to be touched.

“I—I didn’t realize your hair was so long,” Mr. Foster said in a voice thicker than usual. His eyes, dark and intense, swept over her features. “It’s quite beautiful. You’re a beautiful girl, Hanna. Don’t ever forget that.”