Happy Hour (Racing on the Edge) (48 page)

“Where is Jameson now?” Intending to get up, I hunched forward but realized I’d been sitting there too long.

“Here
...
but I’m not sure where,” she grunted heaving me up with her. “I flew out with Lane. We leave tonight for Loudon. Jameson has to be in North Dakota for a meeting with Simplex tomorrow morning. They are thinking of sponsoring his sprint car team but now they want to discuss
his
sponsorship.”

“How come?”

“Tate and Marcus, the President of Simplex, are
good
friends, which is how Jameson and Riley Racing got the sponsorship in the first place. Tate was not pleased that Jameson supposedly assaulted Chelsea so what did he do, he called Marcus and told him to drop the sponsorship without even talking to Jameson about it. Now Jameson has to tell his side of the story,” Alley led me towards her rental car.

“Where are we going?”

“You need to get some sleep sweetie.” Her phone beeped once and she glanced at it quickly before smiling. “Let’s go.”

“Can I at least have Jack back?” I reached for the bottle still in her hand.

“No.” she jerked it back.

“Why?”

“Because someone else is waiting for you,” she smiled halfheartedly tucking the bottle away. “You need to be sober for this conversation.”

We drove the mile down highway eight until we made it back to my house.

Once she pulled in the driveway she looked over at me, “I’m going to head inside.” Her eyes looked past me toward the chain-linked fence along side of the house.

I followed her gaze and was met with the last person I thought I would see in that moment.

Jameson.

Standing there leaned up against the fence, it was evident he hadn’t slept by the dark circles under his blood shot eyes. Agitatedly he ran his hand through his mess of hair repeatedly.

He was waiting for me.

When I saw him, the tears immediately returned.

I wasn’t mad that he didn’t tell me nor was I mad about what happened in Sonoma—I couldn’t be. I loved him regardless of what he did and as unhealthy as that may be, it was the truth.

With my mom dying and now, Charlie being sick, that proved to me that I couldn’t take this life I’d been given for granted. I couldn’t waste time on being upset or regretting the past.

What good what that do me?

When you had lemons
...
make lemonade
...
right?

Stepping from the car, his hands were in his hair. I knew then, by looking at him, he was hurting inside just as much.

Jameson never wanted to hurt me, nor did he
want
to keep a secret from me. I knew my best friend and that was not something he would have
wanted
to do.

He didn’t move from his place against the fence. Shifting his weight, he looked down at his feet when noticed me standing beside the car. That restlessness visible in Charlotte had returned. Only now, it was easy to see that restlessness was a loneliness this lifestyle had created for him.

I trudged over to him, staring at my feet with each heavy step. My face is red, swollen and pathetic looking but I’d been through hell today
...
who gave a shit how horrible I looked.

Once I reached him, he sighed heavily and nodded his head once, as if he was giving himself some sort of pep talk.

When he spoke, it was low and soft. “I know you hate me
...
and I hate myself for it.” The despondence in his tone unnerves me.

“I don’t hate you.” I answered immediately wanting to punch myself for sounding so fickle, romance novel, dumb heroine with no spine but it was the truth, I didn’t hate him. I never would. “I could
never
hate you.”

Jameson’s lips twitched slightly into a half smile. He opened his mouth as though he was going to say something but then he sighed and looked down again. He was nervous, that vulnerability shinning.

Wanting to ease him, I sat down on the ground beside him. It only took a moment before he slid down the fence, our shoulders touching. Of course, the pathetic in love pit lizard in me leaned her head against his hard warm shoulder.

And just as instinctively as our bond was to the chain-link fence behind us, his head leaned against mine.

“There’s so much I wanted to say and do in this moment but
...
I froze. Now I don’t know what to say,
or
do.” He whispered into my hair placing a kiss on the side of my head, his voice riddled with repentance. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s just sit here for a little while.” I suggested.

I didn’t want to go back inside right away. Fresh air would do me some good. For one, if I saw Charlie, I would burst into tears again and two, I had no desire to see the Lucifer twins. It was also evident by my appearance and the spinning; I had a little too much to drink.

Jameson noticed quickly when I hiccupped. “Have you been drinking?”

I must have been swaying more than I thought. “Just a little,”

“How much is a little?” He asked slightly amused, slightly confused and maybe a fraction concerned.

“Couple shots,” I told him. “Half a bottle,”

“There’s a big difference between a couple shots and a half bottle, Sway.”

“Could have been a whole bottle,” I said glancing towards the road as Patrick, our neighbor, arrived home. “I don’t really know. Alley stole it.”

He hummed in response but said nothing coherent.

We sat there for what seemed like days but really only around an hour before the sun started setting. The cool air felt good against my flushed cheeks, a relief from the intensity surrounding me.

I decided we’d sat here long enough without speaking and on top of that, my ass was soaked from the wet grass or I peed myself. I was certain I’d know if I pissed myself. I’d been down
that
road before.

“Are you just taking over ownership because Charlie asked you to? I mean
...
you don’t have to. I know how much responsibility you already have.”

I felt him shake his head. “No, I
want
to. I don’t
...
” he paused, drawing in a shaky breath. “I can’t leave this all to you. I want to be there to help you and I don’t want the track in the hands of just anyone. I became who I am today right here in this town,
with you
. I can’t just turn my back on it now.”

It made sense. If Jameson or even Jimi didn’t take over ownership, we’d have to sell the track. I couldn’t do it by myself and Mark couldn’t either. Knowing this, Charlie had thought the decision through. Jameson was young, determined, and business savvy. He was perfect for the job.

“I didn’t
...
I didn’t leave with Chelsea to upset you.” He told me. “She had the title transfer I needed to sign,
well
, so I thought she did.”

“So you didn’t sexually assault her?”

“No,” he balked. “Well, I pushed her off me, but nothing
sexual
happened.”

I nodded but didn’t say anymore.

Jameson shifted drawing me into his warm comforting arms. Turning, I faced him looking deep into his eyes.

I saw it then, for the first time. The regret, the love, the quilt, the stress, everything that defined him was there. It was where that restlessness and that vulnerability stemmed from. He carried so much on his shoulders at such a young age. How was track ownership going to help any of this?

“Jameson, I don’t think you should take over. Maybe Jimi—”

His warm calloused fingers silenced me. “It’s already done, Sway.” He shook his head soberly as though he never entertained the idea of
not
taking over. “I’m the new owner of Grays Harbor Raceway as of two o’clock today.”

“Jameson,” I breathed. “How is this going to work? I—”

His fingers silenced me yet again, he blinked slowly not liking the reminder that this was a difficult situation. Then, with the same slow blink, the pain in his eyes hardened into that fire I always saw in him. That determination to prove to everyone he could be more than Jimi Riley’s son; was there again. Only now, he was determined to run with what was handed to him. “I
can
do this
...
but I can’t without you, honey.”

“What?”

“I
need
you
...
I know that I’ve made some mistakes
...
okay that’s a lie. I’ve fucked up big time but I can’t breathe without you next to me. It literally fucking hurts without you.”

“You’re so romantic.” I laughed once at his use of the “fuck” word.

“I know
...
” he agreed with a small smile.

“I need you too.” I replied softly. I wasn’t lying. I needed him now more than ever.

He surprised me when he said. “You don’t though and I
don’t
deserve you.”

“You’re what I
want
.”

“You shouldn’t.” he warned. “I’m not good for you. I’m selfish, arrogant, have extreme anger issues, I act as though I’m stuck in a two-year olds body
...
” he raised an eyebrow at me. “Should I continue?”

“No, I get it.” Looking down at my feet, I watched my toes slip through the damp blades of grass. Avoiding looking at him, I didn’t want to see the rejection I saw in Savannah. “We can’t be together.”

“I think you misunderstood, honey.” He placed his large hand against my cheek. I closed my eyes at the feeling of his warm skin touching mine. “I’m not what you
need
, but I’m too goddamn selfish to let you go again.” He paused waiting for my eyes to meet his. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch you walk away, knowing I broke your heart intentionally?”

“Probably the same as having it broken,” I replied sarcastically.

His eyes flashed with that same emotion I saw so often over the last three weeks and it finally made sense.

Jameson did feel the same but he didn’t
want
to feel that way. He was right, this lifestyle wasn’t ideal but it happened and though it was creating that restless loneliness for him, he still wanted something more.

Regardless, I had to know if he
still
felt the same way. The fickle dumb heroine in me spoke. “Do you still love me?”

Jesus that sounded so retarded.

“How can you even ask me that?” He looked deep into my eyes his voice cracking. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone this much in my entire life. It actually hurts. You have my heart and soul. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be with you.”

I wanted to hear him say it. He’d just bared his soul but I think he knew by my expression that I was waiting for it.

Fumbling with my own, his hands found mine in his lap.

When my forehead leaned against his again, his eyes closed and I watched as two slow tears slide down the side of his face only to have him shake them away. “I’m sorry for everything. I don’t want to do this without you.”