Hard to Hold on To (12 page)

“The good in me,” he murmured so quietly, she could barely hear it. “And always will.”

“Not bad for a first time.” She smiled and tried to keep her tone light even as her heart squeezed with emotion for him. “We’ll keep practicing until you really believe it, too.”

His smirk was miles better than the sadness and insecurity that had painted his handsome face moments before. “You’re tough for being so little, you know that?”

“Hey, what can I say? Good things come in little packages.”

His small chuckle seemed like such a victory. “Oh, baby,
that
I know for damn sure.”

“You do, huh?” Jenna grinned as Easy nodded. Her playfulness was such a gift. So different from his norm, it drew him out of his usually distant shell. And his twisted thoughts.

The kind of thoughts that had kept his ass downstairs on the couch after he’d finished the PTSD checklist Shane gave him. After digging up all those feelings, giving voice to them, and seeing the quantitative proof of mental illness racking up as he marked a whole host of symptoms as occurring with moderate or greater frequency, Easy had gone straight to talking himself into believing Jenna would never want a man as weak as him. Or, more generously, that he shouldn’t saddle someone like her with a guy like him.

“I was wrong to make assumptions about you,” he said, looking up into her gaze. Her smile was full of warm compassion. “It was only because I was upset to lose the possibility of you.”

“Here’s the thing. Mostly, I’m doing okay right now with everything that happened. But I’m getting flashes of memories, and little bursts of physical anxiety for no apparent reason, and I’m jumping at every little sound—”

“Of course you are, Jenna. You’re only two days out of being rescued from a kidnapping.” Easy tucked a loose strand of red behind her ear.

“Exactly my point. We’ve both been through something kinda messed up. And we’re both dealing with the consequences. Right?”

He stroked the soft skin on her arm with his fingertips, the small touches like a lifeline he couldn’t resist. “Yeah.”

Jenna tilted her head and gave him the sweetest smile. “Well, then let’s do what feels good and figure out the rest as we go.”

“I’m down with that,” he said, stroking his fingers through her hair again. He loved the contrast of the silky red against the dark skin of his fingers and hands.

She leaned into the touch and closed her eyes, and the pleasure that shaped her beautiful face was its own fucking reward.

Having set loose all these emotions tonight, Easy was surprised his body had room for even one more. But there was no mistaking the arousal heating his blood and his skin where they touched, especially when she grasped his hand, brought it to her lips, and kissed his palm and the pads of each fingertip.

When she was done, she brought her mouth back to his middle finger and kissed there again. Except this time, the tip of his finger slipped between her wet lips.

Easy’s cock jerked, and he rolled his hips, a reaction that was stronger the second time when her tongue snaked out and slowly licked up the length of his finger.

“Jenna,” he said, his eyes glued on her mouth.

Her smile was pure seductive innocence as she dropped his hand and pressed her mouth to his bare chest. Small kisses and swipes of her tongue drew his hand to her hair. She flicked at his nipple.

Easy sucked in a breath, and his grip on her hair tightened as she pulled his nipple into her mouth. He let her tease and torment him for a minute, then he gently guided her upward. “Come here, babe.”

He caressed just below the bruise on her chin. “Don’t let me hurt you,” he said, the thought truly sickening him, especially after the way she’d accepted everything he’d dreaded telling her with such grace, such open-mindedness.

“You won’t,” she said, her lips lingering close enough to his that he could feel her breath.

Easy kissed her. He stayed away from the cut, but he couldn’t be as gentle as he thought he should, either. Urges ran through his blood—to claim, to possess, to take, and they spilled into the way his lips sucked and pulled at hers, into the forcefulness of his tongue stroking against hers, into the tightness of his grip in her hair.

She moaned and gave every bit of it right back to him, making him feel claimed in return.

Exactly what he needed.

Holding her waist, Easy lifted her onto his body until her legs straddled his hips. Her weight fell on his chest and his cock. Both of them cried out at the first pressing contact. One hand kneading at her ass and encouraging her to rock against him, his other returned to her hair and guided the kisses he simply couldn’t get enough of.

He hadn’t been with a woman in over nine months, and he’d walked away from that last time feeling it had been a mistake. He hadn’t been right in the head, and it had been with a girl from high school who’d still expected him to be his old self. The one that’d died on a dirt road in Afghanistan almost as surely as the men who’d never come home at all.

Efuckingnough. Just be in this moment. Have this. For once.

His hands roamed over her body, learning her curves and feeling her softness. He massaged her thighs, gripped her hips, and skimmed his fingers up her sides, slowly drawing the shirt—
his
shirt—upward. “Can I take this off, Jenna?”

A split second of hesitation, and she nodded. “Yes,” she whispered. Together, they worked it over her head, Jenna guiding the neckline so it didn’t hurt her face.

Holy hell, she was naked underneath. And gorgeous, with pale, creamy skin and small breasts just perfect for palming and sucking. He couldn’t wait to get his mouth on her. On every part of her.

He pushed her into an upright position and moved his hands to her stomach. His gaze tripped on her sleep shorts long enough to realize that they were actually a pair of his boxers. And he’d thought the Steelers shirt had been sexy. Seeing her in his underwear was fucking insane. He plucked at the waistband. “I like this,” he said, arching a brow at her.

She grinned and licked her bottom lip. “Me, too.”

Easy chuckled, and his hands roamed higher. His dark skin was a stark contrast against her paleness, especially in the dim light of the small lamp, and it added another layer to his attraction and the wonder of being with her.

Easy released an appreciative
mmm
as his hands cupped her breasts, especially when her hands joined and tangled with his. Together, they massaged and stroked her as she quivered and rocked against his hard length. His body was already strung tight, and they’d barely touched each other.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around her lower back so he could hold her in place when he returned her earlier teasing. He kissed and licked all around the mound of her left breast. She cupped the back of his head in her hands, and he loved the feel of her caresses. When she whimpered and squirmed in his lap, he finally gave a long, slow, flat lick over the tight bud of her nipple.

He traced kisses to her other breast and started the torment all over again. Something dark marked her skin. Easy pulled back thinking it was just a shadow, but it was a series of interconnected bruises. Not huge, not representing a physical injury of any real danger, but his gut dropped because he thought he knew exactly how she got it.

Her fingers slid over the bruise, luring his gaze to the skin of her arm. More bruises. Small. Round. Heat seared through his veins. Fingerprints. “It’s okay. They don’t hurt that much at all.”

Gently, he pushed her hand away from covering her breast and pressed a barely there kiss over the mark. “It’s not okay, Jenna. And it makes me need to ask: Are you sure you’re okay with
this
?” he asked, the bruises like neon reminders of what she’d been through not that long ago.

“I’m completely sure. I want this.” She grasped his neck and kissed him. “Tonight, I’m just a girl who likes a guy.”

He studied her for a long moment and nodded, intent on giving her every ounce of pleasure he could. He returned to worshipping her, licking and sucking at her nipples, her neck, and back to her mouth again.

Jenna gasped and moaned, each sound sweeter than the last.

“I have to feel you under me,” he said, lifting her off him and laying her out on the bed. She was a fucking dream to behold, all petite, feminine curves, red hair spilling all around her beautiful face and bright blue eyes staring up at him with such affection and desire.

To be wanted . . . sometimes that was every-damn-thing.

Easy crawled over Jenna, his knees straddling one of her sexy thighs, his hand braced at her shoulder. He gently cupped her throat, then dragged his hand in a slow sweep down her chest, between her breasts, her stomach.

Jenna lifted her head and watched right along with him. “Your skin is so freaking gorgeous, Easy. I love the way we look together.”

“So do I,” he said, his fingers tracing teasingly, almost tickling by the way she squirmed, along the waistband. A hot thrill shot through him, spiking his pulse and making him harder. He couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to experience this with someone as good and beautiful as Jenna Dean.

“
I believe . . .”
Jenna’s voice replayed in his memory from a short while ago and challenged his thoughts.

Okay, he did believe it. Because he was touching her and seeing her and hearing her little throaty gasps and moans. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t the luckiest sonofabitch ever. Right in this moment, he most definitely was. And damn if thinking
that
didn’t represent a pretty fucking major step forward for him.

He slipped just his fingertips below the waistband and raised his gaze up her body. “What do you want, Jenna? Tell me, and I’ll give you anything.”

Chapter 9

J
ENNA
NEARLY SHOOK
she was so filled with excitement and desire and amazement at getting to be with Easy. He was tender and intense, gentle and strong enough to move her bodily where he wanted her, and devouring and savoring by turns. She’d shared more emotion and intimacy with Easy in the last few days than she’d shared with some of the guys she’d dated for months. Sex had never felt right before because the guy had never been right before. Now, he was. And Jenna was absolutely ready to share her whole self with Easy.

“I want you, Easy. I want to be with you,” she said, staring up into his blazing-hot gaze. Everything about the moment felt right to her, felt safe. And she was tired of waiting to live. Heart racing, she reached down and pushed his boxers and her panties over her hip bones.

“God, Jenna,” he said, taking over. He dragged the cotton down her legs and tossed it somewhere behind him. And then she was totally bare to his hungry gaze. “So beautiful,” he said, smoothing his hands up her thighs. His fingers skirted by her center without touching, but Jenna still gasped and moaned. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her stomach, then pushed off the bed to stand beside it.

If Jenna had thought her heart flew before, it was nothing compared to watching this beautiful, muscular, tattooed man undress for her. The jeans slid over his lean hips and down his long legs, and he stepped out of them, but all Jenna could focus on was the incredible bulge filling out the front of a pair of black boxers. Easy wasn’t the first naked guy she’d ever seen, but he was certainly the biggest guy, the most fit, and the oldest. Not that the age difference mattered to her—because it didn’t—but his body had a more defined quality to it that she didn’t recall seeing in guys her own age.

Easy was freaking gorgeous. No other way to put it.

She scooted closer to the edge of the bed and caressed his corded thigh with her fingers, softly, tentatively. She knew the things she wanted to do, but she wasn’t sure what he might prefer.

His hand grasped hers. “Anything you want, baby,” he said, bringing her hand over his erection. The groan Easy unleashed at her touch—still through the cotton—shot liquid heat through her body and made her wet between her legs. He was a big handful, long and thick in her fingers. A wet circle formed near his tip, and her gaze lifted up to his.

“Off,” she said, grasping the band.

He nodded, and they worked them down to join his jeans.

Jenna’s mouth dropped open at getting to see his cock. Skin a shade darker than his stomach stretched tightly over the erection, making him look like he was absolutely aching. She took him into her hand and loved the ragged gasp that ripped from his mouth. Soon, she added a second hand and double-fisted his length until Easy was using one of her shoulders for balance.

Scooting closer yet, Jenna leaned in and placed a long, flat lick up his whole length.

“Fuck, Jenna,” he rasped, his hand stroking and petting her hair.

She licked him again and again and swirled her tongue around his head. The liquid gathered there was salty-sweet and filled her lower belly with a quivering pressure. Finally, she took his head between her lips, going slow to ease the sting of her cut and getting a feel for the size of him. He was heavy on her tongue, and she loved the sensation. Grasping his thigh for balance, Jenna slowly worked into a pattern using both her hand and her mouth to pleasure him. She looked up as much as she could, wanting to see his expression while she did this to him, but the dimness made it hard to see his eyes.

But all the clenching flinches of his ripped stomach muscles, all the bitten-out curses and groans, and the way his hands dove into her hair, played with her nipples, and caressed her face while he filled her cheeks spoke of a deeply pleasured man.

He grasped her jaw. “Oh, babe, you gotta stop.”

She sucked up his length and gently let him drop from her mouth.

“Scoot back onto the bed,” Easy said as he fished his wallet from his jeans and pulled something out. A condom wrapper, which he placed on the bed next to her.

He covered her with his big body, making her feel claimed, feminine, and totally enveloped by him. Kisses and caresses rained down over her face, her neck, her breasts. Jenna’s heart thundered, and she trembled with the force of the desire flooding through her. It was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before, and she knew exactly why. She had an intense connection with Easy that made this so much more than two bodies or two friends coming together.

She hadn’t known him long enough to be in love with him, but the affection she felt for him was so big, so deep, so intense, it filled her entire chest with a warm, elated pressure.

Easy dragged a hand down her stomach and gently played with the curls at the top of her sex. “You doing okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said, loving the way he checked in with her. She knew why he did it, and though she really felt mostly fine—especially with him—the extra care he took made her feel unquestionably confident about what she wanted to happen.

His mouth came down on hers as his fingers slid over the slick skin of her center.

Jenna cried out into the kiss as he spread her arousal and stroked circles over the nerves at the top of her slit. She lifted her hips, seeking out more of him,
all
of him.

“Aw, you feel fucking fine,” he said against her ear. And then he pushed his fingers down and slipped his middle finger inside.

“Oh, God,” she said, the room spinning around her at the combination of his thick finger inside her and the heel of his hand grinding against her clit.

He added a second finger. “Babe, you are so fucking tight,” Easy rasped.

She needed to tell him. Not because it would change anything about her decision but because it didn’t feel fair to surprise a guy with her first-time reaction without having warned him first. “Easy?” she whispered.

“Yeah?” Pulling back to meet her gaze, he licked his lips. Desire hooded his dark eyes. And seeing it so plainly reflected there added another layer to her own arousal.

“I’m . . . this is . . . you are my first,” she said, the admission making her stomach flip.

His eyebrows flew up, and he pulled his fingers out to brace himself above her. “Jesus, Jenna, are you sure you want it to be with me? Now? You only get to have this once. You don’t have to do this. There’s so much else we can do, we wouldn’t have to stop.”

Jenna placed her fingers on his lips. “I choose you, and I don’t have a single doubt.” She really didn’t. For so many reasons, no guy would be more appropriate to share this with than him.

Brow furrowing, he shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you when you’ve already been hurt,” he said, his voice full of grit.

“But after that, it’ll feel so good,” she whispered, hope and need flowing through her. “Right?”

Easy groaned, and his cock jerked against her hip. For a moment, a battle played out on his expression, and then he leaned down and kissed her, covering her with his body again. She loved the feeling of his weight on her and all around her. It was comforting and arousing at the same time. The kisses were sweet and hot, tender and urgent, and filled with a gratitude that made her heart swell in her chest.

When he broke away, he cupped her face and looked deep into her eyes. “You are very special to me, Jenna. I want you to know that.”

She smiled, and her heart swelled impossibly more. “I feel it, Easy. And so are you, to me. Oh!” she said, smiling even bigger. “I keep forgetting to ask you, so I’m doing it now.”

“Yeah?” he asked, the corners of his mouth lifting into a small, skeptical smile.

“What does ‘Easy’ stand for?”

He threw his head back and chuckled. “You want to know this now?”

She threaded her arms around his neck. “Well, yeah. Seems appropriate, don’t you think?”

More laughter, and he kissed her on the nose, then the lips. “I guess so. My full name is Edward, Edward Cantrell. ‘Easy’ came from my initials. Only one who calls me ‘Edward’ now is my father.”

“Edward, huh?” she asked, trying his real name out for herself. Seemed really formal for the guy she’d come to know.

He shook his head and cocked an eyebrow. “Nuh-uh. Easy. After all these years, the nickname feels like the real me.”

She grinned and nodded. “Yeah, I totally see that.”

He kissed the side of her neck. “Anything else you’d like to know, Miss Dean?”

“No,” she said, cupping and stroking the back of his neck and shoulders. Every part of him radiated power and strength. She could feel it above her, in her fingertips, in the way his muscles bunched and clenched.

“Good,” he said, kissing her again and stroking his fingers down her body until they returned to her center. “I want to make sure you’re ready for me.”

The promise in those words had her pressing her hips into his touch.

“I want you to come for me, Jenna. I want to make this good for you.”

Stroking her hands up over his short hair, she pulled his gaze to hers. “It’s already perfect.”

His fingers slipped inside her again, thrusting and stretching. “You’re gonna feel so fucking good.” He brought his wet fingertips to her clit again and swirled in fast circles.

Jenna gasped, thrust her hips, and held on to his shoulders, needing an anchor as her body spiraled tighter and tighter. “Oh my God, Easy,” she said the intense, sweet pressure of a building orgasm stealing her breath and her mind.

“That’s right, Jenna,” he rasped.

Suddenly, she was right there, hanging off the edge of the cliff but not falling. “Oh, Oh, God.” She whined and held her breath, pressing her hips harder against his hand.

Easy read her cues, apparently, because he rubbed harder.

Jenna came. A moan ripped out of her chest as she clutched Easy’s shoulders and rode out wave after wave of pulsing sensation. When she returned to herself, she found Easy looking at her, and the adoration on his expression made her need him right that second.

As if hearing her thoughts, Easy gently pulled his hand away, reached for the condom, and pushed back onto his knees between her thighs. He placed the condom at his thick tip and rolled it down. Watching him do it was thrilling and arousing. Eyes locked on hers, he ran his fingers through her center and spread her wetness around the head.

“I’ll take it slow, baby. Okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, her heart rate tripping into a sprint anew.

And then he was right there, gently rubbing his tip through her wet folds and just penetrating her entrance before pulling away again. Finally, he pushed in just a little, and a little more. Jenna gasped and threw her head back. The sensation of stretching and fullness was intense and overwhelming, but not truly painful.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Easy said in a rumble so low it was almost a growl. “I know you’re small, but you were so made for me. Goddamnit. You okay?”

She blew out a breath. “Yes, you’re just really big,” she said, trying to breathe, trying to will herself open, trying to relax.

“I got you, I promise. I’ll take it as slow as you need.” And he did, so much so that his restraint set off a trembling in his muscles that was really freaking sexy because it meant he was desperate to have her. He pushed in farther, and Jenna moaned through the invasion.

The groan that spilled from his mouth when he bottomed out inside her made her wetter and more able to take him. As her body adjusted, the stillness of his body became almost too maddening to bear. “You can move,” she whispered. “I’m okay.”

Easy took her upper body in his arms and curled himself around her, and then his hips withdrew just a little. And with his movement, all that intense, overwhelming fullness transformed into something edgy and hot that felt good, then really good, then absolutely amazing.

Soon, his full strokes filled and retreated and her hips moved in time with his rhythm. “Aw, there it is babe. Fucking perfect,” he said, his voice raw with desire. He kept his pace slow and tender, but the way he rolled his hips and leveraged against her shoulders made it so damn intense.

She’d
never
felt closer to another person in the world than she did to Easy right this moment. Emotion built up in her chest and tightened her throat, and Jenna surrendered herself to his kisses and his touch and the friction provided by his slowly swinging hips.

Of course, she didn’t know how it was with other people, but making love with Easy was all-consuming. His warm spice in her nose, his incredibly sexy groans and rasps in her ears, and his hard muscles under her fingers and all around her. Just at that moment, nothing existed in the whole world except this place, this moment, this embrace.

“So amazing,” she gasped against his cheek. “Want you so much.”

“Aw, you have me. Have me, Jenna. Take me,” he said, his thrusts getting faster but not harder.

Moans spilled out of her nonstop now, and even though the sensations she recognized as an orgasm weren’t gathering in her belly, he felt so fucking good moving inside her, she wasn’t concentrating on anything else.

His grip tightened as his hips moved faster, and a thrill shot through Jenna that she was able to hold this big man in her arms and give him so much pleasure, he literally fell apart. She yearned for his orgasm, wanting to feel it, to see it on his face.

A long, low groan, and he pressed a kiss to her uninjured cheek right in front of her ear. “I’m gonna come, Jenna. Because of you. Make me feel so fucking good.”

She moaned, adoring the desire and need straining his words. “I wanna feel it,” she said.

“Oh, baby, right now,” he said. His hips crashed into hers once, twice, three times more, and he cried out. “Oh, fuck, Jenna.” He slowed but didn’t stop his movements, like he was teasing out his orgasm as long as he could. And Jenna was just fine with that because she wasn’t in any hurry to lose him from inside her.

She threw her arms and legs around him and held on to him as hard as she could. “So glad it was you,” she rasped, her throat suddenly tight.

He met her gaze when she finally released him. “Me, too, Jenna,” he said, leaning in for a series of sweet, reverent kisses. “Be right back,” he said, withdrawing from her.