Harlequin KISS August 2014 Bundle (51 page)

‘Lucky.’

‘Yes. But it’s not all sparkles and roses, you know. There’s the haiku to deal with!’

‘Ah, the haiku. What is it?’

‘You’ll find out—that poem is coming.’

‘Can’t wait.’

‘You have no idea!’

‘But...they were okay with
you girls changing your names?’

‘They weren’t insulted, if that’s what you mean. They were fine with it if we wanted to do it.’ She bit her lip. ‘But Dad had a sidebar conversation with me because he thought Moonbeam was browbeating me.’

‘And was she?’

‘Not browbeating—nothing that brutish. She was...
persuading
!’ Sunshine said, and smiled, remembering. ‘But I was happy enough to
be persuaded if she wanted it that badly. And I owed her, for staying.’

Sunshine closed her eyes, picturing her sister.

‘Tell me more about Moonbeam,’ Leo said.

Opening her eyes on a sigh, Sunshine adjusted her position in the bed. ‘Well, you know what she looked like—me! But slimmer. And with the most beautiful green eyes—both of them. Other than looks, though, we were completely
different. I was the carnivore; she was vegetarian. I was...well, as you see me. Friendly, touchy-feely, chirpy.’

‘And...?’

Sunshine fiddled with her necklace. ‘Moon was...intriguing. I was
Mary Poppins
; she was
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
. When the kids made fun of my devil eyes I would laugh it off, but she would go all superhero.’ She laughed suddenly. ‘
Is
there a hippie superhero?
What a wonderful idea. I’m going to do a web search on that.’

‘So she was your protector?’

‘Oh, yes. And my cheer squad. And my...everything. She was smart, and had an amazing flair for numbers, so although the business was my idea she was the CEO. And she didn’t even want to be in the city!’

Sunshine adjusted the quilt. Fussed with a cushion.

‘She said that left me to concentrate
on the creative stuff because she was not into fashion like I was. She would wear a suit for business if I chose it for her; otherwise she would drag on whatever clothes and shoes came to hand. I, on the other hand, was obsessed with colour and shape and style.’ She shrugged, a little sheepish. ‘And I really love shoes!’

‘Funny, I hadn’t noticed that.’

She hit him with the cushion. ‘Don’t
make me take you behind that wall and show you my shoe collection. I haven’t known a man yet who could cope with the sight.’

‘Are you
really
going there? Talking about the men you’ve had in here? I’ll go there if you want, Sunshine, but I don’t think you’ll like it.’

She opened her eyes at him. ‘Oh, that sounds very alpha male.’

He didn’t smile. ‘You’ll see alpha, beta, gamma,
and
zeta male if you go near another man, Sunshine.’

‘Oh, alpha, beta,
and
zeta?’

‘Alpha-beta-
gamma
-zeta. And don’t roll your eyes.’

‘Sorry.’

‘I said don’t roll your eyes.’

‘All
right
!’ Sunshine said, laughing.

‘So, I think,’ Leo said quietly, after a long moment, ‘we’re up to the bike, aren’t we?’

Sunshine nodded, sat a little straighter. ‘The bike,’ she said. She
pulled a different cushion onto her lap and started playing with the fringe. ‘She bought it because she liked the wind in her face and the freedom of riding. It was too big for her, but she wouldn’t be told.’

She stopped there.

‘And...?’ he prompted.

Sunshine reached for the charms. ‘We were at a party. Her boyfriend
du jour
—Jeff—mixed us up and tried to kiss me. Moonbeam went into
melodrama mode and stormed off, dragging me with her.’

‘Was she angry with you?’

‘God, no! She knew I would never poach. And truthfully...? She wasn’t even angry with Jeff. She was just restless. Bored with being in the city. And tired of Jeff. So what he did gave her an excuse to dump him. She thought...she thought he’d done it accidentally-on-purpose because he actually preferred me.
We were dressed so differently, you see, it couldn’t have been a mix-up.’

‘Did that happen often? A boyfriend switching sides?’

‘No. Never before.’

‘And so...?’

‘And so we clambered onto the bike.’ She shivered. ‘She was wild that night, riding too fast. She took a turn badly, and...well. Moonbeam died instantly. Her neck snapped at the base of the helmet.’ She swallowed. ‘I
got carted off to hospital, where I went through twenty-eight pints of blood.’ She moved restlessly. ‘Internal bleeding. They had to take my spleen—which apparently you don’t really need, so go figure! And they took half my liver, which was haemorrhaging. Actually, did you know that the liver regenerates? Which means the chunk of my liver they cut out has probably grown back. Amazing!’

‘I’m
sorry, Sunshine,’ Leo said.

She rearranged herself in the bed again—flustery, unnecessary activity. ‘Which brings us to the important part of this discussion. Getting rid of your motorbike.’

Leo said nothing.

‘Leo? You understand, don’t you?’

He nodded slowly. ‘I understand why you hate motorbikes—because you blame yourself for the accident. You feel guilty because you couldn’t
talk your sister out of that bike. Because she stayed in the city only for you, where she was an unhappy fish out of water. Because of what her boyfriend did. The way all those things led to both of you being on the bike at that precise moment at that speed. Because she died and you didn’t. And you’re here and she’s not.’

Sunshine brushed away a tear. ‘That’s about the sum of it. I just miss
her so much. And I’d do anything to have her back.’ She looked at him. ‘But you can’t bring someone back from the dead. So
please
get rid of it, Leo. Please?’

‘You don’t understand what that bike means to me.’ He grimaced. ‘My parents...they were druggies, and they didn’t give a damn. Your parents made sure you had support. I was my own support—and Caleb’s. Your parents made sure you had
money, but when I was still a child I had to steal it, beg it, or make it—and I did all three! There was never food on the table unless I put it there. So I haunted restaurants around the city, pleading for leftovers. Eventually one of the chefs took pity on me and I got a job in a kitchen, and...’ Shrug. ‘Here I am.’

Sunshine touched his hand.

He looked at where her hand was, on his,
with an odd expression on his face. And then he drew his hand away.

‘I’m not telling you all that to get sympathy, just to explain,’ he said. ‘And it could have been a lot worse. We weren’t sexually abused. Or beaten—well, not Caleb. And me not often, or more than I could take. Mainly we were just not important. Like a giant mistake that you can’t fix so you try to forget it. I grew up fast
and hard—I had to. The upshot is that I don’t do frivolity. I’m not sociable unless there’s something in it for me. I don’t stop to smell the roses and hug the trees. I just push on, without indulging myself. Except for my bike.’

‘I see,’ Sunshine said. And she did. It was so very simple. Leo had his bike the way she had Moon’s ashes. Something that connected you to what you’d lost—what you
couldn’t have: in her case her sister; in his a carefree youth.

She swallowed around a sudden lump. ‘We’re not going to find common ground on this, are we? Because you deserve one piece of youthful folly and I can’t bear what that piece happens to be.’

She got out of bed, grabbed her kimono off the floor, quickly pulled it on, and turned to face him. ‘This means, of course, that we’ll
have to call it quits at two.’

‘At two...what? O’clock?’

‘Two
times
—as in not
four
. As in assignations.’

‘Why?’

Why?
She had a sudden memory of that electri-fried bat. ‘Because the thought of you on that bike already upsets me too much. That’s going to get harder, not easier, to cope with if we keep doing...
this
.’

‘This?’

‘Sex,’ she said impatiently. ‘It’s my fault
for starting it, and I’ll cop to that. I threw myself at you when you didn’t want to go there. The blame is squarely here, with me.’

‘If we’re talking blame, I threw myself at you tonight.’

Sunshine dragged the edges of the kimono closed and started looking around for her sash. ‘Well, let’s
un
throw ourselves.’

‘Come back to bed, Sunshine, and we’ll talk about it.’

‘Bed is the
wrong place to talk.’

‘Four assignations was what we agreed on,’ Leo said.

‘
Up to!
They’re the salient words.
Up to
four. I’ve never got to four before. I’ve never got past two! And you can see why. It gets too emotional.’

Leo shoved the quilt aside, got out of bed. ‘I’ll do you a deal on the motorbike,’ he offered, and started tugging on his clothes.

‘What kind of deal?’

Wary.
Very
wary.

‘I’ll get rid of the bike the day after our fourth assignation. Or when you change your name to Allyn. Whichever comes first.’

She licked her lips nervously. ‘That’s an odd deal.’

‘Is it? I’m offering to give up a piece of a past I never really had—the bike. In return, you give up something you can’t accept is past its use-by date—your sister’s two-year hold
over you.’

‘She doesn’t have a hold over me.’

‘If she didn’t have a hold over you the four times thing wouldn’t exist. So—my bike for going where no man has gone before and risking the magic number four.’

‘No.’

‘Then take the alternative option and change your name. You said it might be a way of moving on, so do it. Move on, Sunshine, one way or the other.’

‘I...I don’t
know,’ she said, agonised.

‘Take some time and think about it,’ he said. ‘But not too long. Because—in case you haven’t quite figured me out yet—I don’t wait for what I want. I just go out and get it. Even if I have to steal it.’

‘You don’t really want me.’

‘I’m like an immortal lobster—who really knows? Let’s get to number four and see.’

‘Well, you can’t
steal
me
.’

‘Don’t
bet on it, sweetheart. I’ve spent my life getting my own way. And I can take things from you that you never knew you had.’

She located her
obi
and whipped it up off the floor. ‘That’s not even worth a response.’

Leo just smiled and started pulling on his boots.

She tried, twice, to tie the sash, but her fingers were clumsy.

And Leo’s hands were suddenly there—capable, efficient,
tying it easily.

‘Thank you,’ she said stiffly when he had finished, and flicked her hair over her shoulders. ‘I’ll see you out.’

She walked Leo to the apartment door. ‘So!’ she said. ‘I’ll email you about...about the clothes for the wedding and a few other things. And then... Well...’

‘And then...well...?’ Leo repeated, looking a little too wolfish and a lot too jaunty for a man
who was waiting for an answer about sex that could, should—no,
would
!—go against him. And then he leant down and kissed her quickly on the mouth.

She jumped back as though he’d scalded her.

‘It’s just a
stolen
kiss, Sunshine,’ he murmured. ‘Think of the calories.’

* * *

Sunshine stared into the darkness long after returning to bed.

Leo would give up his motorbike.

Into her head popped an image of Moonbeam—laughing as they left the party that night. Giving a wild shout as she started the bike. Zooming off with Sunshine on the back, gripping her tightly.

And then darkness. And that feeling. Waking up in hospital and knowing, without needing to be told, that Moonbeam was gone. She never wanted to experience that desolating ache again.

Leo didn’t understand
what it would do to her if something happened to him. And that said it all, didn’t it? She’d only known him for one week, and already she was terrified that something would happen to him.

What a conundrum. She could get him to give up his bike if she slept with him twice more. But if she slept with him twice more she would be getting dangerously close to him. And she couldn’t risk that.

Or...

She could get him to give up his bike if she changed her name. And she just wasn’t sure what that would mean. Maybe it would help her accept Moon’s death. But maybe it would be a betrayal—taking a twins’ decision and making it a solo decision. Moving on when Moon couldn’t.

And did anything matter more than keeping Leo safe?

Sunshine threw off the covers—what a restless
night this was turning out to be!—and yanked on her kimono, leaving it fluttering as she raced from the room and into her office.

There, on the high-gloss blue bureau, was her sister. Her sister, who had wanted her ashes to be scattered at a beach under a full moon.

Instead here she was. Beautifully housed in a stunning antique cloisonné urn featuring all the colours of the rainbow.

But an urn—no matter how beautiful—wasn’t the ocean.

And the ocean was where Moonbeam belonged.

* * *

Leo stared into the darkness, thinking about the simple pleasure of touch.

It didn’t take a psychologist to work out what his issue was—the fact that his parents had never touched him the way other parents touched their children. Because there had been more important things
to do than give their son the affection he craved. Like shoot up. Suck in the crack. Snort up the meth.

It had been different for Caleb, because Leo had made it so. Leo had looked after Caleb, put his needs first, fought his battles, protected him. And so Caleb wasn’t reserved, wary, driven, and damaged—like Leo. Caleb attracted affection and gentleness and love. Leo attracted people like
Natalie, for whom his remoteness was a challenge and his celebrity something to use.

‘You’re choosing wrong,’
Sunshine had said—but what if he was choosing
right
and he was getting exactly what he deserved?

It wasn’t as if he could choose Sunshine Smart as an alternative. She didn’t
want
to be chosen by anyone.