Harlequin KISS August 2014 Bundle (57 page)

Oh.

Oh, God.

There, a metre from the water, skewed in the sand, was the urn Sunshine had tossed aside last night.

And it was more effective than a swim in frigid water ever could have been.

Because it brought back every heartbreaking moment of that scene on the beach as the woman he loved had finally found the courage to say
goodbye to her sister. The way she had given herself to him so sweetly afterwards, with gentleness and acceptance and yearning, and a heated desire that had seemed insatiable.

The contrast to this morning was not pretty.

He ran his hands over his head. Today was the anniversary of Moonbeam’s death. And what had he done? Pushed and pushed her, without even giving her a chance to think.
All but demanding that she strip for him, forcing her to kiss him, telling her he would take whatever he wanted, when he wanted.

It had been his survival instinct—alive and kicking—telling him to go his own way,
get
his own way, no matter what
she
wanted.

But seeing the urn was a concrete reminder that his way was not hers.

She had taken two years to farewell the sister she adored.
She wasn’t ready to love anyone else. Was too scared of the pain of it and too guilt-stricken to reach for what her sister could never have.

And he didn’t have the right to force the love from her.

Not the right, and not the power
.

She didn’t want him to have all of her, the way he craved.

And if she couldn’t give him her all, he was going to have to find a way to settle for
nothing.

ELEVEN

‘I will
have you again, and there will be nothing
friendly about it.’

Those words had been going around and around in Sunshine’s head
incessantly for four long weeks, until she’d started to wonder if she’d be too
scared to go to the wedding.

She hadn’t even been able to pluck up the courage to go to the
airport to meet Jon’s flight, because
she was so certain Leo would be
there—ready either to pounce on her or ignore her, and she didn’t know which
would be worse.

Now she’d finally got to see Jonathan, he didn’t waste time on
small talk. She barely had time to slap a Campari into his hand as he took a
seat on her couch before he fixed his eagle eye on her across the coffee table
and asked, ‘What’s going
on with Leo, Sunshine?’

‘What do you mean?

‘Only that you went from mentioning his name in your emails to
the point where I wanted to vomit to complete radio silence a month ago. And he
did the same to Caleb.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yes,
oh
. I did warn you it
wouldn’t be hands across the water singing “Kumbaya” at the end.’

‘Strictly speaking, that’s hands around the campfire.’

‘I will build a campfire and throw you on it if you give me
internet facts in the middle of this discussion. What happened?’

‘It was the four-times rule.’

Jon rolled his eyes. ‘Yes?’

‘I wanted to stop at two, because I was...liking him too much,
I guess. And he didn’t want to stop.’

‘But you stopped anyway?’

‘Well...no. I couldn’t seem to resist.’

‘And
the problem is... ?’

‘That I just... I can’t stop. Wanting him, I mean.’

‘So
have
him.’

‘You know I can’t do that.’

‘What I know, Sunny, is that you tell yourself a lot of crap!
How do you know it’s too painful to love a man when you’ve never done it? And
don’t hide behind the four-times rule. It’s easy for you to pretend you’ve
always stopped at one or two or
even none because you’re scared of caring too
much. But the truth is you stop because you don’t care
enough
! Which brings me back to Leo and the fact that you obviously
finally
do
care enough.
What
is the problem?’

‘I’m scared.’

‘Sunny—love
is
scary. Not just for
you, for everyone.’

‘He doesn’t love me. He only
wants
me.’

‘So make him love you.’

‘You
can’t make someone love you.’

‘The Sunshine Smart
I
know can—if
she wants to.’

‘Well, she
doesn’t
want to.’

‘Just think about it.’

‘No.’

‘Then I’m telling your mother you asked for a book of original
haiku poems for Christmas.’

She sputtered out a laugh. ‘You’re a rat, Jonathan.’

‘Pour me another Campari and get me the computer. I’m going to
look
up Sydney’s hottest models and try to choose Leo’s next girlfriend. And
when he nails her I am going to hire a skywriter to scrawl “I TOLD YOU SO” over
Bondi Beach.’

And then Jonathan left his seat, came over to her, lifted her
onto his lap. ‘Sunny, darling one, give yourself a break and grab him.’

‘How can I when...when Moonbeam...?’

‘Moonbeam!
Sunny.
God, Sunny!
Is
that
what this is about? She can’t have love so
you won’t? She never wanted you to throw yourself onto her funeral pyre. That is
so
not
her. And reverse the situation—would you have
wanted
her
to give up living?’

‘No. Of course not! And I know she would have loved him...and
that makes it easier. If only...’

‘If only?’

‘If only he would never die,’ she
said, and buried her face
against his chest.

‘Oh, Sunny.’ Jon kissed the top of her head. ‘Would it really
hurt any less just because you’re not together? Wouldn’t that be worse?’

‘It’s so hard.
Too
hard.’

‘Yeah, life’s hard. So why make it harder?’

* * *

Sipping a gin and tonic, Caleb leant back in his chair
and examined his brother, head on one side.

It reminded Leo of Sunshine’s curious bird look. And he
couldn’t bear it. He surged to his feet and paced the room, trying to shed some
of the nervous energy that had infiltrated his body as the countdown to the
wedding—to when he would see Sunshine again—began.

‘Now that it’s just us, suppose you tell me what’s going on
with Sunshine?’ Caleb suggested.

‘Nothing.’

‘What happened? Did she fall in love with you and you had to
hurt her feelings?’

Silence as Leo slid into his seat, picked up his drink and took
a long swallow.

‘Well?’ Caleb prompted. And then his gaze sharpened. ‘Oh,
boy.’

‘“Oh, boy”—
what
?’

‘It was the other way around. You fell in love with
her
, and she had to hurt
your
feelings.’

‘Not exactly.’

‘Blood from a stone, or what?’

Leo put down his drink, ran his hands through his three
centimetres of hair. ‘We had an agreement—sex only. Four times.’

Caleb nodded, understanding. ‘The four-times rule.’

Leo shot a startled look at Caleb. ‘You
know
about that?’

‘Yep. And you obviously agreed to it. Idiot. So then what?’

‘And then she wanted...less.’

‘She
wanted less. Why? You were no good in the sack? Because
that’s not what I’ve heard.’

‘Because she didn’t want to care about me. Not just me—about
anyone.’

‘That is the dumbest thing ever.’

‘It’s a long story that I’m not going to go into except to say
that she’s not looking for romantic attachments. She only wants to be friends.
But I pushed it. I pushed and
pushed until I got all four times. But it didn’t
work. ‘

Caleb choked on his drink. ‘She didn’t
friend
-zone you!’

‘She tried. I refused.’ Deep sigh. ‘And I ended up with
nothing.’

Caleb was staring at him, flabbergasted. ‘You are one dumb
bastard.’

‘Thank you,’ Leo said dryly, and jumped to his feet again,
pacing.

‘So what are you going to do?’ Caleb
asked.

‘Get through the wedding. Try to accept it’s over.’

‘That’s not the Leo Quartermaine I know.’

‘She was up-front from day one and I should have accepted it.
The thing with her sister—it was devastating for her. I should have understood
and left her alone, but I...’ Stop. Start again. ‘Instead I pushed her and
pushed her.’ Stop. Start again. ‘And what right do
I have to push her into
feeling something she’s not ready for?’

‘We’re never ready—none of us—for love.’

‘She didn’t fall in love with me. She wouldn’t let
herself.’

‘So change her mind.’

Leo came to a stop in front of Caleb. ‘She won’t do it. She
says that she would be anguished in love—live for him, die for him. That’s the
only way for her to love.’ He
stared at his brother. ‘And I don’t think
I...’

‘You don’t think you...?’

‘Deserve it. Deserve
her
. All I
could say to her the last time I saw her was that I would
not
be her friend, that I would have her again—and again, and
again—and that she couldn’t stop me.’ He was shaking now. ‘That’s the kind of
thing someone like Natalie would want to hear, not Sunshine. The
Natalie Clarkes
are for me, not the Sunshine Smarts.’

A hopeless, helpless shrug.

‘And she ran for the door faster than you could blink. And then
I went down to the beach and I saw the urn and it hit me—what she’d been through
the night before, when all I’d wanted was to help her find peace. But that
morning...the anniversary...I was pushing her because I wanted more.’
He
scrubbed his hands over his face. ‘No wonder she ran away from me.’

Three paces away. Three back.

‘As soon as I saw the urn, Caleb, I knew that she would never
belong to someone who’s clawed and scraped his way out of hell, who’s learned to
grab and take and steal. Well, I won’t steal from
her
. I mean, who am I to steal from her what she doesn’t want to
freely
give? Why would I think I’m special enough to—?’ Stop. Start again. ‘Who
am I to even
want
it?’

Caleb stood slowly. ‘Who are
you
,
Leo? Just the bravest, best, most wonderful—’ He broke off, grabbed Leo in a
fierce hug.

For long moments they clung together. And then Caleb drew back,
tears in his eyes.

‘Now, I don’t pretend to know the significance of the urn.
But
I know this: you deserve
everything
. And I’m going
to give you an argument that will appeal to the noble, valiant, chivalrous,
gallant core of you that our pathetic parents did
not
manage to destroy, no matter what you think.’

He gripped Leo by the shirtfront, looking fiercely into his
eyes.

‘You know why you deserve her? Because you will look after her
better
than any other man on the planet. Because you will live for
her
, die for
her
. How will
you forgive yourself if some substandard joker breaks down her defences—someone
who
won’t
live and die for her? Who won’t throw
himself into that freaking abyss you carp on and on about? Think about that,
Leo. Think about
that
.’

Leo stared at his brother.

And then he smiled.

TWELVE

The wedding
day was perfection.

It was warm, the sun was shining, and the restaurant sparkled.

A romantic day. A glorious day.

A day for
not
throwing yourself at the drop-dead gorgeous man that you were head over ears in love with. Even if every hair on your body tingled the moment you saw him stepping onto the terrace in shoes
you’d
designed, as if he owned
the world and knew exactly what to do with it.

Even if you wanted to run your fingers through his newly grown hair and slide your hands over the lapels of his sharp and sexy suit, to lean in and take the clean, soapy smell of him into your brain via your nasal cavity.

Sunshine had thought getting her first Leo sighting out of the way would take the pressure off her, but it seemed to
have had the opposite effect. Every one of her senses had sprung to life and seemed to crave something that could be found only in his immediate orbit.

Despite her wildly thumping heart and her clammy hands she tried to look serene as she made her way around the terrace, greeting, smiling, chatting. Her parents were looking as deliriously happy as usual. They’d brought Leo a batch of carob
and walnut cookies. And a homemade diary for next year. And a haiku poem, framed, as a thank-you for inviting them to the beach that morning to see Moonbeam’s final resting place.

They’d told her that he’d loved everything, that he was wonderful. She’d thought for an insane moment they intended to adopt him!

Sunshine was wondering whether to apologise to him about the framed haiku—at
least it would be a valid reason to approach him—when, amazingly, she saw him go over to her parents. The three of them looked like a secret club as they whispered together, and then Leo was enfolded in her mother’s arms and hugged almost convulsively. And then her father hugged him. The three of them were laughing, looking so
right
together. And then Leo kissed her mother on the cheek, shook
her father’s hand in a two-handed grip, and moved away.

Oh, my God.
How the hell was she supposed to fall out of love with a man who was like
that
with her parents?

He really,
really
must like haiku!

* * *

There was just one thing left on Leo’s wedding to-do list: make Sunshine fall in love with him before the cake-cutting.

Caleb was sure he could do it. Jonathan had threatened
him with violence if he didn’t at least try. And even her parents had given him a few pointers.

But he knew she was going to be a tough nut to crack.

Watching her do the rounds in that glistening, shimmering, silver dress, practically floating in those amazing shoes, he had felt his heart both soar and ache.

She’d painted her nails silver, and was wearing glittery earrings and a
matching ring in addition to the swinging sun and moon chain. Her hair was perfect—even the fringe was behaving itself. She was wearing a slick of eyeliner; she’d told him she would way back, when they’d struck their deal, so it was allowed. And deep rose lipstick.

Gorgeous, gorgeous,
gorgeous
.

Five times he’d tried to approach her. Five times he’d lost his nerve.

The upshot was
that by the time everyone was seated they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Not one word.

But he nevertheless felt as connected to her as a piano wire to its tuning pin—he was sure if they just got the tension right the music would soar. How poetic was that?

He was aware of every mouthful she ate during dinner, and every mouthful she didn’t. He heard every laugh. Caught every quickly
averted look from those miraculous eyes whenever he glanced in her direction.

And then Jon and Caleb were moving to the small podium. Standing there, holding hands. Leo started to panic.

Time was almost up.

* * *

Jonathan cleared his throat, tapped his glass, and Sunshine held her breath as all eyes turned to the newlyweds.

‘It’s
that
time of the evening,’ Jonathan said.
‘All of you here tonight are close to one of us—and hence to both of us. You’ve shared our journey. You know our story. We are so happy to be home, to be here, to be with you. So happy that we don’t intend to bore you to death with speeches! All we want to do is share with you the vows we spoke to each other last week in New York.

‘They’re short vows—but the words are very important to us.
So...here goes:
Caleb, you are the one. When I look in your eyes I see my yearning...and the truth. When you smile at me I know I can tell you anything and find everything. When we touch I feel it in every breath, every nerve, every heartbeat. When we kiss it is magic and delight. And home as well. When you laugh, when you cry, when you rage, and even when you sneer—because you sure can sneer—I
am with you. You are everything to me and always will be. Caleb, my one, this is my vow to you.
’

Caleb blinked hard.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘That’s the second time—and it gets me just as much as it did the first time. My turn:
My Jonathan. I have known love before. Friends, colleagues. Most importantly brother—and off-script, because Jon won’t mind, Leo, by God, you know how important you are
to me—but never before this love. This love is wrenching. Lovely. Scared. Careful. Proud. This love calms me. Excites me. Reassures me. Delights me. This love is everything. This love—my love—I will not and cannot be without. This love I give back to you—you will never be without it. Jonathan, this is my vow to you.
’

Sunshine, her breath caught somewhere in her chest, felt an acrid sting
at the back of her nose. Tears. She was going to cry.

Because
she
wanted that kind of love.
Wanted
it.
So
much.

Leo had told her a month ago that he would not be her friend, that she would come to him. But she had been too scared. And now it was too late. Because Leo hadn’t even spoken to her—had barely looked at her today. And she was
still
too scared.

She walked quickly towards
the entrance, smiling, eyes full of tears. Four steps away. Three. Two. One—

Her arm was grabbed. She was spun around. And Leo was there. Unsmiling.

‘What is it, Sunshine?’ he asked. ‘Did it hit you? Finally? That it’s what you want?’

‘I can’t, Leo.’

‘Enough! I’ve had
enough
, Sunshine. You damned well
can
. I’m lonely without you. I need you.’

Her heart ached, throbbed.
But she shook her head.

He ignored the head-shake, took her hand, dragged her to the ladies’ restroom.

‘A restroom?’ she asked. ‘We’re going to have this discussion in a restroom?’

‘Oh, it’s not just a restroom,’ he said. ‘It’s a restroom with custom-made blue and green toilet paper.’

She stared at him. ‘With...?’ She whirled. Raced into one of the cubicles. Laughed.

He’d followed her in and she turned. ‘Why?’ she asked.

‘Because I love you,’ he said.

‘What kind of juxtaposition is that? Toilet paper and love?’ She could hear the breathiness in her voice.
Oh, God—oh, my God. Is this happening?

‘The toilet paper is a big deal, Sunshine. A
very
big deal. Because I said I’d never do it—and yet I did. People can do that, you know. Say they’ll never
do something and then do it. Like fall in love when they say they have no room in their hearts.’

‘You s-said...you t-told me...you were not—
not
—besotted with me.’

‘I’m
not
besotted with you. Besotted is for amateurs. I’m madly, crazily, violently in love with you. It’s not the same thing. We’re talking a massive abyss, no parachute.’

She swallowed. ‘Leo, I—I...’

‘Think about
it,’ he urged, stepping closer. ‘You suck at making lists—I excel. Complementary.’

Impossible laughter. Choked off. ‘Romantic,’ she said.

‘You do your best work at night, and so do I. So we’re synchronised.’

‘
Very
romantic.’

‘You know stupid stuff and I want to hear it.’

She slapped a hand over her mouth, swallowing the giggle.

‘You eat,’ he said, starting to smile.
‘I cook.’

‘Hmm...’

‘Getting closer, am I? Because I will cook for you morning, noon, and night—sending people all over Sydney into a state of shock! I will name a cut of meat after you. I will teach you to cook paella. I will invent a five-course degustation dessert menu just so I can watch you devour sugar.’

Half-laugh, half-tears. ‘Oh, Leo.’

‘I will play
“Je t’aime-ich liebe-ti
amor You Darling”
in the bedroom.’

‘You will not!’ she said.

‘That was a trick one. But you can
decorate
the bedroom. The bamboo is ordered, just in case you want a Balinese honeymoon suite, but you can do it any way you want. Perhaps go easy on the pink, though. And— Look, don’t you
get
it? Do I really have to keep going?’

She was almost breathless. Staring. Hoping. Wanting this—him.
‘What do I have to do in return?’

He grabbed her hand, flattened it against his heart. ‘You get the easy bit. All you have to do is love me.’

She looked into his eyes. Knew that there still wasn’t any room in her heart—because he’d taken up every bit of it.

‘That’s too easy. Because I already do love you.’ Her eyes widened. ‘Oh, my God, I said it. I love you. I’ve jumped. No parachute.’

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Opened them. So serious. ‘I have a very particular kind of love in mind. I have to belong. To you. I have to
belong
to you, Sunshine.’

‘I know,’ she said. ‘You want me to throw myself off the cliff. Sink into that damned abyss. Pour my soul into you and drown in you so that you are everything. Live for you, die for you. Too easy, I’m telling you!’

He let her hands go to pull her into his arms, kissed her mouth. ‘And I want you to look at our beach and know that your sister is at peace, and that I am always with you to bear whatever grief you have.’

She was crying now, and he was wiping her tears with his thumbs.

‘And children,’ he said. ‘I want a daughter named Amaya Moonbeam.’

More tears. ‘Oh, Leo.’

‘And a second
daughter who can take on Allyn. And a son named whatever the hell you want. Only perhaps not Oaktree or Thunderbolt or Mountain.’

How could you laugh and cry at the same time? ‘I can manage that.’

He kissed her again. ‘And shoes. I want custom-made shoes. I’m not wearing any other kind from now on.’

‘Well, that goes without saying.’

‘And maybe a weekly haiku.’

‘Um—no!
We are
not
encouraging my mother in that.’

‘Okay. But your parents get their own wing in the beach house, so they can be close to their daughters any time they want and teach me how to be the kind of parent who brings up wonderful kids.’

Crying hard. ‘Leo!’

‘And I still want you to change your name. But only your surname—to make you mine, Sunshine Quartermaine. With a ten-tier coconut
vanilla bean wedding cake to seal the deal.’

Sunshine sighed and leant into him. Kissed him so hard his heart leapt. ‘The medulla oblongata,’ she said, rubbing her hand over his heart.

He felt the laugh building. ‘The what?’

‘The part of the brain that controls the heartbeat,’ she said.

‘God, I love you,’ he said. ‘So! Let’s go and give the old medulla oblongata a real workout.
Because what I really, really want right now, Sunshine, is assignation number five. And tomorrow morning we’ll go for number six. And I— God, someone’s coming in. What the
hell
are we doing in a restroom? Let’s blow this joint.’

* * * * *

Keep reading for an excerpt from HOW TO BAG A BILLIONAIRE by Nina Milne