Head Above Water (Nightshade MC Book 4) (14 page)

“Okay,” Drea replied. “I'll get changed if you still want to go. Are you sure that riding is a good idea? We could take my car.” Monroe raised an eyebrow in response. “Okay, fine. If you say you're good, I trust you.”

“I'm good, hon. We're good.”

<#<#<#<#

Drea could count the number of times she'd been at the clubhouse on one hand. It felt different to walk in at Monroe's side. “Caroline should be in the kitchen,” he told her. “Don't you smell that? I think it's baked ziti. She makes the best baked ziti.”

“Actually, I make the best baked ziti, but since you've never had mine, I'll ignore your confusion.”

“You do realize that you're going to have to make me baked ziti now, right?” He reached out, took her hand and squeezed.

“I think that can be arranged.” Drea followed him towards the kitchen. There weren't any guys in the clubhouse, at least where she could see, but she did see Claire sitting with a redhead. Both women gave her looks that could only be described as predatory, especially Claire.

Caroline was indeed in the kitchen, her face flushed and red. Drea felt herself starting to sweat from the heat of the oven. She perked up at the sight of him. “Well, isn't this a surprise? I didn't expect you back, Monroe. Hey, Drea, I certainly didn't expect you.”

There was a tone to her voice, one that Drea wasn't sure she really liked. “Hi, Caroline. It' my fault that he's back. I told him I signed the contract for NC to start working on the warehouse.”

“Oh, good timing!” Caroline clapped her hands together giddily. “I'll get the ball rolling and I get to tell that douchey hipster from Elm he's got to wait. Best day ever.” Drea hadn't seen Caroline in a few weeks, maybe a month, so it was a surprise when she stood up to reveal a quite obvious baby bump. “You don't have to say it. I know, I've gotten huge. I can't button my jeans and my yoga pants are too tight.”

“Well, that just means you get to go shopping.” Drea knew that Caroline liked to shop, so it wouldn't be a hardship for her.

“Did Buster tell you to say that? He's been saying the same thing all week. I was going to go by the shop, but I heard that you've been closed because of your other interests. Anyway, I'll take those contracts. Monroe, please grab the trays of ziti out of the oven.”

Drea took the contract from where she'd tucked it in her back pocket of her jeans. “Sorry that it's folded.”

“Folded doesn't faze me. You should see the way the guys turn in their work orders. I pretty much always know what they had for lunch.” Caroline took the envelope from her. “I'll call you in the morning, give you the start date. I need keys to the warehouse to get things started.”

“Oh, I should have thought of that. They're in my desk at the shop.”

“No, they're not.” Monroe set the hot trays of ziti down and reached into his pocket. “I've got them from the other day.” He pulled out a keyring, took two off and handed them to Caroline. “And the ziti smells amazing.”

“Food will be on the table in a few minutes,” Caroline answered. “Stay and eat. There was going to be garlic bread, but I'm too exhausted to make it, so we're having regular bread.”

“I could make the garlic bread,” Drea offered.

“Knock yourself out,” Caroline replied. “I'm going to make sure that everything is set up out there. Monroe, go and find the rest of the guys and tell them we're eating in ten.”

Alone in the kitchen, Drea walked over to where Caroline had the bread. She found everything else that she needed with ease. The woman was highly organized, a trait which she admired because her place was always just on the verge of being a mess. Making garlic bread didn't involve a lot of actual cooking, but the familiar actions were enough to help her relax.

The oven was still hot from the ziti; Monroe had taken out the trays but neglected to turn off the heat. Drea checked the temperature, slid the bread in and figured it would be done in about ten minutes. She turned and jolted at the sight of Claire standing just inside the kitchen door. “Fuck. You scared the shit out of me, Claire.”

“Sorry, Drea.” Claire's tone made it clear she didn't mean the words. “I see that you're making yourself useful, that's good.”

“Always happy to help out,” Drea replied guardedly; there was something in Claire's expression that she really didn't like at all.

“Like I said, that's good. The guys like the women to be useful. You'll get the routine down in no time. We set up a schedule for cleaning the rooms and such.” Claire smirked.

Drea wasn't slow or stupid; she knew exactly what Claire was implying and it pissed her office. “No, I won't.” She counted slowly to ten in her head, tied a leash around her temper and forced a smile on her face.

“No, really, you will. I promise,” Claire persisted.

All the counting in the world wasn't going to be enough to counter the rising urge to cross the room and knock at least one of Claire's perfectly straight teeth out if she didn't shut her mouth. “We take care of whatever they need and not just the fun stuff. We do laundry, clean the rooms. Hell, we pretty much keep this place running, and in return, we get their friendship and that comes with their protection.”

“Good for you,” Drea replied.

“It'll be good for you, if you learn how things work.” Claire looked like she had more to say, but the door swung open. Caesar stepped into the room, a scowl on his face. “Hey, Caesar. Can I get you something?”

“You can get out,” Caesar replied.

Claire hesitated for a second, but he sent her a sharp look. She left quickly after that. The door swung closed behind her. “Ignore that bitch,” he advised. “Her panties twisted the minute you walked through the door with Monroe.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. Thanks for getting rid of her, I was seriously about to cause her thousands of dollars in dental work.” Drea exhaled, tried to calm the buzz rolling through her. The idea of hitting Claire had become so clear, she'd almost felt the impact against her knuckles.

“Shit, I should have waited. I'm a big fan of girl on girl,” he said with a leer.

“It wouldn't have been that kind of fight.”

“Now you're just trying to turn me on,” Caesar replied with a grin that she'd come to know. “And speaking of turning me on, what's going on with Love and Lace? You closing it or what?”

“I'm not closing it, I've just got a lot on my plate right now with other things.”

“With the porn you mean? Speaking of the porn, if you ever need someone to come watch and give you an unbiased opinion, just call. I'll be there double time.”

“I'll keep that in mind.” Drea glanced at the garlic bread, decided that it was  done, so she grabbed a kitchen towel and took it out.

The kitchen door swung open. “Caesar, can you do me a favor?” Caroline spoke as she came in. “Can you take the trays of ziti out for me? Be careful, they're heavy and hot.”

“Pans straight out of the oven are heavy and hot?” Caesar gasped.

“Don't be a smart ass,” Caroline warned. “Did you see where Buster and Monroe took off to?”

“I think that they're upstairs.” Caesar picked up the trays. “I'll go and get them after I put these on the floor.”

“What did I say about being a smart ass?”

“That you like it?” Caesar replied with a grin and without missing a beat.

Drea felt a pang of jealousy as she watched the interaction. She and Caesar were friends, but not in the way he and Caroline were. Their affection for one another was obvious. She didn't have anyone like that, except for Monroe. The dreaded loneliness took root in her stomach again.

“Do you mind taking the bread out, Drea? I've got to run to the bathroom before we eat.”

“Of course,” Drea answered. “Anything else I can do to help?”

“No, the girls will handle it. Just grab a drink and take a seat. Relax. You look jumpy all of a sudden. Is everything okay?”

“Everything's fine. I'm maybe just a little tired.” Drea picked up a knife, began to slice the garlic bread into pieces that would be easier for everyone to grab and for something to do with her hands. She sensed that her answer didn't satisfy the woman, but Caroline made no further comment. “I should take this out there.”

“Be careful, they're like savages once they get the scent of food.”

Chapter Ten

Monroe watched Drea sleep. Lately, when he laid his head down, his mind refused to cooperate and quiet down; instead, he was treated to a barrage of things he didn't want to think about, and memories he'd rather leave in the past came through vividly.

On the other hand, Drea always fell asleep quickly, her body snuggled into his, as if she didn't have a care in the world. It was when she was awake that the stress showed. Running GP was taking a toll on her, he saw the difference from when they'd started out to now. Business was going well for her. She'd been able to make two payments on Frankie's loan so far, and the man himself was nowhere to be found. Monroe was more than a little pissed the bastard had managed to slither off with no consequences while Drea worked herself half to death. It wasn't fair. He wished there was something he could do.

She shifted in his arms, turned away and made a sound of distress. Immediately, Monroe was alert. She turned back to him, the peaceful expression on her face was gone. He ran his hand over her arm, hoped that it would soothe her. Other than that, he had no clue what to do because this was the first time he'd seen her have a nightmare. She jolted awake with a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a scream.

“Easy. Easy. I'm right here,” Monroe spoke softly. “I'm right here, hon.”

“Say that again,” she said, her voice thick with sleep and fear.

“I'm right here, hon. Right here.” He drew her closer to him, held her tight. “It was just a dream. You're safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you.” Monroe pressed his lips to her hair.

“I know,” she said, her voice still full of sleep but less fear. “I trust you.”

Trust was important, trust was basically everything, so the fact that she trusted him should have filled him with good feelings. Instead, guilt grew claws and started to work its way from the inside out. While Drea trusted him, he took everything she told him about business back to the club, even when it was pretty clear she was no threat to them.

“Monroe?”

“Yeah, baby?” He cleared his head the best he could.

“Thank you.” She pressed her lips against his bare chest. “I'm sorry that I woke you up.”

“Don't be sorry. Don't thank me.” Monroe ran his had over her back. “You want to go back to sleep?”

“I want you.” She kissed his chest again, slid her hand low onto his stomach. Her fingertips traced a random pattern on his skin. “I need you.”

“I need you, too.”

“No. I mean, I need you all of the time. I need you in my life.” Her fingers continued to trace patterns, but more frantically. Monroe was sure he felt her tremble, so he drew her closer. “It still scares me so much, Monroe. I've said it before, but I've never felt like this. I never even thought it was possible, but with you, it is. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you, Monroe. I know that we haven't been together long, it's only been a few months, but I do. I don't expect you to say it back.” Her fingers, and whole body, went still.

“You don't think that I feel the same way about you?” He shifted so that they were facing one another, held a hand on her hip to keep her in place. Suddenly, Monroe was terrified that she was going to pull away, physically and mentally, if he said the words right at that moment. “Do you remember our first date?”

“I do,” she confirmed. “For me, it was like the best date ever.”

“It was for me as well, even before we went for that ride after. Do you remember that?” Monroe hoped that she did; he could recall it in vivid detail. For dates, he normally used his truck no matter what the weather was like. He still wasn't sure why he'd chosen the bike with Drea, but once she was behind him, it had been clear it was the right choice.

“Of course, I remember. That was a great night.”

“It was a perfect night,” he corrected. “And that's when I felt like something started between us. I figure that if I tell you I love you right now, you're going to think that I'm saying it out of duty or some bullshit. So, I'm not going to say it now.”

“Not saying it now is almost as if you're saying it, Monroe,” she pointed out. Her fingers had begun to move again; the distance she'd created between them was gone. Her body was soft against his, warm, and covered only in one of his tee shirts. “Do you really?”

“Of course, I do. Kind of pisses me off that you look a little surprised about it. I love you, hon.” Monroe needed her to believe he meant it. If she didn't, this was where things would go sideways between them. He'd had enough sideways in his life.

“Say it again,” she requested, her eyes on his.

“I love you, hon,” he repeated.

“Love you, too.” Monroe watched her eyes shut and then flutter open. She was tired again, she'd go back under quickly. Moments later she was once again asleep while Monroe remained very much awake.

#<#<#<#

For every paying job that Nightshade Construction took, they did another for free. Today, Buster and Caesar were putting in a ramp for Mickey, an elderly man, who'd recently been confined to a wheelchair. Caesar had watched Minnie, Mickey's equally elderly wife, attempting to drag his wheelchair backwards over the steps to get him inside the day he was released from the hospital. Soon the couple would have everything they needed to get in and out of the house, and they'd know that they had someone to call for help.

Buster looked surprised as Monroe pulled to the curb. Monroe got off and walked towards his president with a pit settled in his stomach. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute, Buster?” He said as he approached. He nodded to Caesar, who wasn't going to hear a word they said while he was using the saw in his hands.

Buster set down the hammer in his hand. “Yeah, come on. I could use something to drink. Minnie made us lemonade with mint, it's really good.”

“Sounds good,” Monroe answered. “I want to talk to you about Drea.” This wasn't a conversation he'd decided on lightly. Knowing that she loved him, as much as he loved her, continuing to report back on her just didn't feel right.

“You find out something else?” Buster stopped short, concern and interest clear on his face.

“No, and here's the thing, I'm done bringing Drea's business back to the table.” Monroe stood his ground even when Buster's expression changed to one of cold fury. “I can't do it anymore. It doesn't feel right when we've got something real.”

“Something real? Monroe, it's only been a couple of months. How real can it be?”

“How real was it for you and Caroline or for Meg and Train?” Monroe demanded. Both were good examples. They'd all fallen fast and hard. Now, they were families. It wouldn't be long before the twins were born, and Train had the boys with Meg. They were all perfect examples of how the timeframe didn't really matter.

“How real was it with Maggie?”

Anger snarled to life inside of Monroe, ran through his veins, even though he'd known that Buster would use her as an example. “This is different.”

“Is it, Monroe? Looks like a lot of the same to me. Now, I like Drea. She's a nice woman, but are you sure this just isn't what happened with Maggie? You seeing something that wasn't really there?” Buster took a step back after he'd said his piece. “I'm just saying, think it about it, Monroe.”

“You think that I haven't? You think I forgot about Maggie? I didn't. I was wrong about her, but I'm not wrong about Drea. If we're going to make this work, I've got to be honest with her.” The pit in Monroe's stomach grew at the thought of telling her that he'd broken her trust, reported back on things she'd thought she was telling him in confidence. It was going to break her heart.

“You're talking about telling her? Now, you're talking crazy.”

“How is honesty crazy? Aren't you honest with Caroline?”

“Because honest isn't always the route to go and you know that. If you're wrong about Drea and you tell her you've been spying on her for us, how do you think that's going to end? She killed her half-brother and sure as shit was going to kill her own father. You really want to make an enemy out of a woman capable of that?” Buster spoke, avoiding the question he'd been asked.

“You don't know her, Buster, not really. And you don't try, none of you do really, because you all see her as a source. She's more than that, more than just the woman who came to Detroit for revenge. I love her.”

“Son, I don't think that you've loved anyone since Fiona. I think that even when she wasn't yours, you loved her and her girl something fierce. You lost them and your badge in the blink of an eye, went from Johnny Law to Johnny Outlaw nearly as fast. Change like that takes a toll on a man.” Buster reached out, laid his hand on Monroe's shoulder.

“I know what I lost, who I was and who I am now.” Monroe made no attempt to hide the emotion in his voice. He needed Buster to know that he was sure of what he felt for Drea, sure of what they had. “I don't need you reminding me or lecturing me like I can't make a decision on my own. No matter what I've got going on in my life, I've never let you or Nightshade down, have I?”

“No, you haven't,” Buster said immediately. “You're a good brother, Monroe. You do more than pull your weight, and you've always got our backs. And we've got yours, which is why I'm asking you to think before you act. Nothing good is going to come out of you telling Drea, not for you and not for Nightshade. You know that I'm right.”

Maybe Buster was right. Monroe had plenty of fears as far as how Drea would react, but he also feared his sleepless nights would never end if he kept the truth inside. How could he look at her every day knowing that he'd abused her trust? What kind of start was that? “I don't know, Buster. I don't know what's right.”

“I can see that. You know what you need? You need some time away. Go up to the cabin. Fish, hike or get shit faced the entire time. Just actually relax, not have anything to do or worry about. Give yourself a chance to think, be sure that you're actually serious about this thing with Drea, that it's not just you looking for something to fill the empty.”

Drea was so much more than just something to fill the empty. Monroe didn't bother to say that to Buster, because he knew that his friend, and brother, wasn't going to hear another word he said. Buster's mind was made up. “I'll think about the cabin,” he said after a long pause. “I should go.”

“No, you should stay. Take over for me so I can go home and check on Caroline, make sure that she's resting like the doctor said.”

“Wait, she's on bedrest?” Monroe asked. “What the hell happened?”

“She's growing a couple of humans, that's what happened. She's still trying to do everything under the sun, so she's just run herself into the ground; her blood pressure is high, which gave the doctor some concerns. Right now, it's temporary bedrest to see how it goes.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“You could drop by and visit her randomly, make sure that she's taking it easy,” Buster told him. “I offered to get someone to stay with her during the day but that didn't go over well. I can be back in an hour, two tops.”

“Don't worry about coming back. I'm pretty sure that we can handle this.” Monroe looked over to where Caesar was smoking a cigarette and frowning at his phone.

Buster left without saying much more. Monroe was grateful for that and for the work. Using his hands often calmed him down; it was the focus required to not lose a finger or worse. He walked over to where the ramp was in mid-construction and got to work.

“Where'd Buster go?” Caesar asked when he joined him.

“He went to check on Caroline,” Monroe didn't offer any more detail. He wasn't sure what anyone knew about Caroline's new status.

“He's going to have a hell of a time keeping her in bed. I offered him these really soft restraints I have, but he didn't seem to think it was a good idea.”

Monroe let out a laugh, imagining the expression on Buster's face. “She's going to hate it, but I think that she'll stay in bed if it's what's best for the babies.”

“She's going to drive him insane. Poor bastard.”

“Careful, you're starting to sound like Train used to,” Monroe warned. “And look at him now.”

“There's no danger of me ending up like that,” Caesar said, shaking his head.

“What about your girl? What's her name?” Monroe found it hard to keep up with all of Caesar's girls.

“Ella,” he replied. “And that's over.”

“Since when?”

“Since about ten minutes ago,” he replied. “We here to gossip like a couple of girls or work?”

“Work,” Monroe replied. He wanted to ask what had been wrong with Ella. There was always something wrong with any woman Caesar dated, one fatal flaw that made him lose interest. Still, he kept dating. Personally, Monroe thought that Caesar sought out, eagerly, anything less than perfect in the women so he could move on to the next.

Building the ramp wasn't overly complicated, but it involved a lot of actual work. By the time that they were done, about four hours had passed. It was prematurely dusk, thanks to the clouds that rolled in. “We should leave the stain until tomorrow. Rain'll ruin it.”

“Works for me. I've got to come back anyway, install some safety rails in the bathroom. I'm pretty hungry, skipped lunch. You want to grab something to eat?”

“I could eat,” Monroe told him.