Heart Breaker: An AnguiSH Novella (3 page)

Breaker

              Wednesday morning after Ash left, I headed off to school. I saw Oz in between classes and stopped to talk to him a little. Regardless of his stance that he wasn’t going to cave to Stephanie’s whims, he looked a mess. He was disheveled, which wasn’t normal for Oz.

             
He claimed to be okay, and after making me promise not to tell Stephanie of his frazzled state, I proceeded to class. Astronomy was a small class and usually I sat in the same spot every time. I sat in the back, hoping the teacher didn’t notice my ever falling posture as the class progressed.

             
“Hey, Breaker, right?”

             
A girl with black hair and legs for days sat next to me.

             
“Yeah, I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

             
Even this little interaction made my chest tighten a tiny bit. I wondered if I’d ever really not have that feeling. I wondered if it would always be like that.

             
“Eva. I emailed you the other day?”

             
“Oh, yeah, how can I help?”

             
She groaned dramatically, “Ugh, this class is so hard. I can’t even answer half of the questions on the study guide. Did you already get that done?”

             
“Um, yeah, last week.”

             
“Oh, well, I texted you last night, hoping you could meet me at the library sometime this weekend.”

             
I didn’t like this one bit. There were two very distinct reasons I didn’t like this situation and it had nothing to do with anything sensible. Number one, the library was still a place of disdain for me. There were lots of people and tight spaces. I could do it, but it was a little unnerving. And number two, I didn’t know this girl. I could handle everyday conversation, but all this making plans and being sociable made me a little squirmy.

             
I was like the Grinch, but a little bulkier.

             
“Are you sure the TA said I could help?”             

             
“Yes, he recommended you specifically.”

             
“Well, I guess I could. I’ll call and reserve a study room.”

             
“Oh,” she reached out and touched my arm, “I’ll do it. Don’t worry. That would be fantastic.”

             
I bounced my knee, not entirely comfortable with her touching me, or any stranger touching me in general.

             
“Yeah, well, is noon okay?”

             
“Sure. Noon is fine.”

             
“Great,” I said. But it wasn’t really great.

             
The rest of the class, she stared at me off and on. And I’m no ego maniac. In fact, I’m pretty sure, if one was judging by past events, that I was the opposite of egotistical. But the girl was staring at me. I felt along my face once or twice for some offensive matter or something, but came back empty.

             
Class was dismissed and I gathered my things, ready to get out of there and away from Eva. Unfortunately, she gathered her things just as quickly and kept pace with me as I went down the hall. She touched my arm again and it was all I could do in the crowds of people not to wretch it away from her and run.

             
“You must work out,” she cooed at me.

             
I wanted to pick her up and give her to someone else. ‘Here, take this flirty girl. She’s irritating the shit out of me.’

             
“Um, yeah, my girlfriend loves the guns.”

             
There, that should throw her off.

             
“Mmmm…she’s not the only one,” she said, squeezing my bicep again.

             
If I were with Ash, I would reach into her purse and pull out her tiny antibacterial gel.

             
“I’m going this way,” I said and suddenly jackknifed out a side door and outside. Ash was going to get such a kick out of this.

              Ash spent the night again and as we got ready for bed, brushing out teeth side by side, I laughed as I recalled Eva and her displaced flirting. Or maybe it wasn’t flirting. Maybe it was me and a bad case of displaced ego.

             
I decided to let Ash make the call.

             
I spit into the sink and put my toothbrush down. Damn, she was even sexy when she brushed her teeth. She kept turning this way and that, checking herself out while she cleaned her teeth. She always did that when she was brushing her teeth or waiting for one of those nose strip things to dry.

             
“There’s no effing way I check you out as much as you check yourself out,” I said, teasing her while I leaned against the wall with my arms crossed.

             
“Any day now, all those cheeseburgers I eat are gonna start showing up on my ass. You just wait. I’m just making sure everything is in the right place.”

             
“Oh, it’s all in the right places, in the right proportions,” I turned my head to get a better look at my favorite part of her, “Just perfect.”

             
She rinsed her toothbrush and laughed, looking at me in the mirror.

             
“You’re so romantic tonight, Your Highness,” she snickered.

             
“I can’t help myself. Brushing your teeth just gets me going.”

             
“Quit.”

             
“I have to tell you about this girl in my class.”

             
She noticeably bristled, “Do tell.”

             
We walked into the bedroom and got in bed and I told her the whole story.

             
“So what did that feel like,” she prompted. It scared me the way she drug the words out.

             
I shrugged, “It felt off. I wanted to run to the nearest closet and hide until she’d gone away. But I guess it’s good practice. I mean, sooner or later someone is gonna touch me or flirt with me, right?”

             
“Yeah,” she mumbled. We watched TV for the rest of the night and I laughed at something on a show, expecting Ash to laugh with me, but instead found she’d turned on her side and already gone to sleep.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Ash

             
I had issues, like serious mental issues. Because the moment Breaker began to talk to me about Eva, not only did I picture a girl who looked like Eva Mendes, but one of Stephanie’s outrageous claims from the other night screamed at me.

             
Just you wait, it’s gonna happen to you too.

             
I convinced myself of several things while Breaker was talking to me that night. The first, I trust Breaker—I really do. It’s the female hounds around him and their devious ways that I don’t trust. And I had to have complete faith in that trust in Breaker.

             
Easier said than done.

             
The second was my brain’s revelation about the whole thing. Boys didn’t come home and brag to their girlfriends about the girls they intended to cheat with. They just didn’t. Okay, maybe some really sneaky, slimy ones would, but Breaker just wasn’t that awesome at being sneaky. I recalled the first time I really cleaned the living room and he sat on the balcony thinking he was so sly, just checking me out the whole time. Yeah, the boy didn’t have a slippery bone in his body.

             
The third was that this whole thing was just waiting like a slow rising yeast, ready to bubble up given the right food and the right settings. I’d been insecure about Breaker coming out into the world for a long time.

             
Example: we went to the grocery store one day—just regular shopping. Breaker was getting his regular die hard healthy crap and I was trying to sneak a bag of Milano cookies into the cart. We must’ve chased each other around that store for twenty minutes. I didn’t care who he was, no one, and I mean no one, comes between me and my cookies.  Finally he caught up with me, and we playfully struggled near an end cap. I saw a girl behind Breaker, practically drooling, openly watching us. And then I did the most childish thing ever. I grabbed his face and practically swallowed him whole right there in front of God and everybody—including the drooler.

             
The girl got the point, but it was truly childish.

             
And the fourth thing, Stephanie’s words had added sugar to my yeast, making it foam up and wreak havoc.

             
I looked down at him the next morning after his confession and prayed for the strength to get past my petty nuances and just love him. We’d fought so hard for each other, there was no way I was gonna let this divide us.

             
I made myself flush with his body, which was turned towards me, taking full advantage of his sleepiness. I began with his neck, marking him as mine with light pecks until I got to his chest. My hips jolted once of their own want and it woke him instantly.

             
“You are playing with fire, woman,” he groaned into my hair.

             
“I like fire,” I breathed against his pecs.

             
“And I like the ability to live. As in, your dad would amputate me and hang me like meat until I bled dry.”

             
I pulled away, really grossed out.

             
“You’ve been watching too many zombie movies.”

             
“And you’ve been watching too much Matt Damon. Don’t you have class today?”

             
“Yeah, I do. Ugh,” I complained.

             
“Or you could slack off and stay with me.”

             
“I have a test in Biology and I have to turn in a paper in Lit. But I can skip the last two.”

             
“Meet me at the movies after your second class. We’ll make a day of it.”

             
I grinned, “Deal.”

             
Biology class was a breeze, mostly because I loved Biology. I was sure I’d aced the test. I sat in Lit class and was soon joined by Oz. I didn’t look at him for a while, just baiting him. I knew he probably wanted to release the flood of things going on between him and Stephanie, but it was funny to make him squirm.

             
“You know you wanna know,” he whispered in my direction.

             
I turned to him, “I know but it was fun to make you wait.”

             
He stuck out his tongue at me, “I just thought I’d let you know that stage three has begun. It started this morning. She knocked on my door at six damned o’clock with coffee and donuts. She just tried to step in the door like I was just gonna forget that she accused me of being a bastard more times than I can count with donuts? I mean really, at least bring Denny’s or something. Who in the hell does she think she is?”

             
“So you didn’t let her in?”

             
He bent over and thumped his head on the tiny writing desk several times, “Yeah, I let her in.”

             
We both started laughing and even as class started, we were nearly uncontrollable. Several times we received glares from the students around us. I wanted to glare right back but refrained. They just wished they had something to laugh at like us.

             
Lit ended and Stephanie called the moment I stepped out of the classroom. The girl knew my schedule so well, she could call in those five to ten minutes as I walked from one class to the other. I showed Oz the caller I.D. and he dramatically looked for a door and then bolted from sight—chicken shit.

             
“Hello?”

             
“I made a fool of myself.”

             
“You did not. At least he let you in.”

             
“He told you!” She screamed at me.

             
“Of course he did. We have Lit together and you’re my best friend.”

             
“Was he pissed?”

             
Her voice was so vulnerable. Maybe Breaker’s doctor could fit her in for her trust issues—maybe it could be a group session.

             
“He wasn’t pissed. Keep trying and work on your jealousy crap. He loves you Steph, but even love has a breaking point.”

             
“I know. Shit. Can you come hang out?”

             
“I promised Breaker we’d spend the day together.”

             
“Ugh, fine. How about tomorrow?”

             
“Dinner tomorrow after my shift at the vet.”

             
“Great. Thanks Ash.”

             
We both hung up and I practically ran to my car, needing more than wanting this time alone with Breaker during the day.

              I approached him from behind as he stood, perusing the titles outside the theater. He froze and then turned around, shoving his phone into his pocket. Reaching under my arms, he pulled me to his chest and sighed into my hair.

             
“I’m so glad to see you outside of our bedroom—or studying.”

              He grabbed my hand and dragged me inside after buying two tickets for the latest action movie. I expected and hoped for the theater to be empty, but instead found that it was packed full of older people. It must’ve been old people movie day. So much so, that there was hardly room for us to find a seat. We ended up behind this couple who were holding hands and kept lightly kissing each other and smiling like teens would.

             
“Will you hold my hand when I’m old,” I whispered to Breaker.

             
“Always,” he whispered back, his lips grazing my earlobe.

             
“Will you kiss me even when my lips are wrinkly?”

             
He chuckled and I could feel the rumble against my body, “Always.”

             
“Will you always look at me like you do now?”

             
“No,” he answered without backing away from his very near proximity. “I will look at you with more love everyday—I can promise you that.”

             
After the movie ended, we began to gather our stuff when the older couple turned around to address us.

             
The man said to Breaker, “You got a pretty one. But can she cook?”

             
I laughed at the man’s boldness and Breaker answered, “Yes. She’s an excellent cook. Even if she wasn’t, I’d still love her.”

             
I really, really wish this theater was empty.

             
“Good answer, my boy,” the man clapped Breaker on the shoulder.

             
“Let’s leave them to it, Ellis dear.” The woman stood and beckoned her husband.

             
As we left I commented, “I liked his name, Ellis.”

             
“Me too,” he replied.

             
“One day I want a son named Ellis.”

             
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, “As long as he looks like you.”

              That night, I slept at my apartment. Stephanie was making lists in a notebook of ways she could win Ozark back. Some were very creative and some were outright ridiculous.

             
Like singing to him in the quad at school. That crap only worked for Heath Ledger.

             
And sending him flowers—because no.

             
I pointed to number one on her list, which she claimed was the lamest of all—going to his house, apologizing, and groveling.

              When you’re a veterinary intern, mostly you just watch, file and clean exam rooms—which was fine by me. I always used the time for both learning and stress relief. There was something soul consoling about wiping down all the counters and tables and repeating the process—even with the barks and meows and chirps in the background.

             
Later that night, Breaker and I spend the night just hanging out.

             
“What are you up to tomorrow,” I asked, flipping through a magazine. We were laying side by side, me on my stomach and him on his back. Breaker was kneading my back with the heel of his foot as he studied.

             
“I’m taking you to breakfast in the morning and then I’m supposed to go tutor Eva at the library.”

             
I stiffened but tried to cover it up.

             
He sat up, “Did I hurt you? Shit, I’m sorry.”

             
“No, it’s okay. It’s nothing.”

             
He slid in beside me so that his face was near mine. He was silent for a while and then I heard him scoff.

             
“What?”

             
“Are you seriously reading that crap? Eight ways to get your man to pay more attention to you?”

             
“Yes, I am.”

             
“As if you don’t have my attention every minute. Even when I’m paying attention to something else, you’re there, hovering in my heart, just owning me. Don’t you know that? You’re not on my mind, you own my thoughts. You’re not in my heart, you own my love.”

             
I reached for the magazine and with a flick of my wrist, sent it across the room.

             
“And here I thought you were only after my body.”

             
“Well, there’s that too.”