Heart Echoes (8 page)

“And one more thing,” he said. “I love you.”

She laughed and kissed him. Those were the words she could believe any day.

Chapter 15

“Mr. Hinson died!” The blonde teen, a friend of Maiya's, announced the news loudly, her dark eyes wide and her chin trembling, right there in the middle of Shoe Place. “A wall collapsed on him!”

As Teal watched the girls whimper and hug each other, she murmured to herself, “Where do I go to resign?”

Just when she thought the earthquake stories could not get any sadder, a new one slammed into her heart with debilitating fury. Mr. Hinson taught math at the middle school. Even now as high schoolers, the girls thought of him with fondness. He was like that.

Had been like that.

The mother of Maiya's friend touched Teal's arm. She couldn't remember the woman's name, but it didn't matter. They exchanged subdued hellos and began the dialogue that had become commonplace the past three days with friends and strangers alike. “Is your family all right? Where were you when it struck?”

Eventually she and Maiya made their way outside to the car with new shoes for marching band and a pair of everyday sandals for school. It was only because of her growing feet that Maiya had been granted a reprieve to exit the house.

Well, that and Teal's stir-craziness. Like most of her coworkers and much of the city, she was doing work from home or putting it on hold. Not that she wanted to stray too far from Maiya and River yet. Aftershocks had lessened in numbers and strength, but they were still strong enough to rattle her nerves.

“Mom—” Maiya spoke over the top of the car—“why can't I drive?”

“Honey, if you say ‘Why can't I' one more time, I swear I'm going to lose it. Do you really want me to explain again why you have no privileges?”

Maiya huffed and tossed her head. Her long hair bounced over her shoulder.

Teal got into the car and shut her door.

Maiya slid in from her side. “But you know I have to get in more practice time so I can get my driver's license in October.” She slammed the door angrily. “It's like schoolwork. You wouldn't say I can't do homework.”

“Those are not the same at all. Driving is a privilege you earn by being trustworthy.” She put the key in the ignition and sat back with a sigh to look at her scowling daughter. “Less arguing might convince the jury to commute this part of the sentence.”

“Oh, ha-ha.” She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead. “From the counselor herself.”

Teal studied Maiya's pretty face, so incongruent with the ugly words she had been spouting in recent days. River's insight came to mind: they were all on edge. They needed to cut each other a lot of slack.

But still . . .

“Maiya, rudeness is not winning you any points.”

She flounced around to face Teal. “You know what? I'm a little tired of trying to win points with you.”

Teal blinked in surprise at the personal attack. Teenage snippy sank to a new low.

Maiya went on. “How could I have told you about my feelings for Jake? Both you and Riv are totally into losers. It's what you both do for a living. But can I hang out with kids who drink or smoke pot? Can I bring home a Goth or a skater? No way.”

“Jake's a delinquent.”

“Was. He graduated from Saint Sibs with flying colors. He's got a great job. Why can't you give him a chance to prove himself?”

“Because you're fifteen and he's nineteen.”

“Honestly, Mom! You're thirty-seven and Riv's forty-two!”

Teal wanted to laugh at the ludicrous reasoning, but she held back, a habit developed through the years. She had always encouraged Maiya to speak her mind and stand her ground if she did so politely.

Despite the lack of
politely
now, Teal had to let her go on. Maiya obviously needed to get some things off her chest.

The very situation Teal had been hoping for, avoiding, and dreading.

“Maiya, if you had told me you had a crush on Jake, I would have said that's natural. You're a young woman, attracted to boys. Crushes and puppy love make us feel alive and happy.”

“But you would have said he's off limits.”

“Of course. And hindsight now shows us his true colors aren't of the flying sort, which explains why I would have said he's off limits, right? He picked you up in secret on his motorcycle and took you camping overnight. Think about it. A mature guy would have spoken to River, who happens to be his mentor, a close confidant, and said, ‘I want to date your daughter.'”

“Like that would have made a difference.”

“It would have. Trust me, I'd have been monitoring every single one of your calls and e-mails.”

“Is that what your mom should have done so you wouldn't have gotten pregnant with me?”

Keeping up with Maiya's rant was giving Teal whiplash. She shifted mentally from Jake to her pregnancy. “Honey, you know I was twenty-two, way past being monitored by my mom.”

“Then you were old enough not to do such a dumb thing.”

Teal set her jaw. The crux was always there, and she had no new way of explaining it. “Yes, it was a dumb thing to have sex at that time.”

Maiya gazed at her. The deep-green eyes carried shades of Bio Dad's. The confusion in them stemmed from hormones, earthquakes, and a teacher's death.

Teal placed a hand on her arm. “I was independent and stubborn. Sleeping with your birth father was my choice. It was his choice not to be ready to be a dad and a husband. It was my choice to be the best mom possible. I loved and wanted you from the moment I knew you were growing inside of me. The rest did not matter.”

“Really?”

She smiled gently. “Maiya, I've always told you that, and I'll say it as often as you want to hear it. Yes, really.”

“But he didn't want me.”

“He wasn't ready.”

“Same thing. You don't have to protect my feelings anymore, Mom. I'm almost sixteen. I get it. Big whoop.” The shaky voice undermined the brave words. “Most kids at school come from broken homes. At least they've
met
both parents, though. About the only thing I know is I have my dad's green eyes.”

Well, there was no denying that. Teal's eyes were light gray. “Mm-hmm.”

“My ears are different from yours too.” Biology class last year had provided this new tidbit. She pulled on a lobe. “See? Attached. I must have his.”

“Maybe.”

“Was he handsome?”

Teal fiddled with the steering wheel, wishing to drive off and leave the conversation squished under the tires. “I've told you before.”

“Tell me again. Tell me more besides he was good-looking and you met him on a beach in Oregon. What else?”

“Honey, there is nothing else.”

“What beach? Did he go to the same college you did?” Her voice rose and she flounced on the seat. “Where did you go on dates? What color was his hair? Did he play an instrument? Did he like the trumpet?”

“Maiya, calm down.”

“Mom!” Her eyes widened. “You could have been killed in that earthquake!”

Huh?
“But I wasn't.”

“But what if you were? I wouldn't even know my dad's name! I would never ever know his name. I could never meet him.”

Teal shook her head. “It's best that you don't.”

“Maybe he's looking for me! Maybe he's looking for you. Maybe he still loves you.”

Teal breathed in and out, in and out, steeling herself. She would not feed this romantic fantasy. “All right, Maiya. I'll tell you some things I haven't wanted to say because I don't want his character to affect how you see yourself. Does that make sense?”

She nodded.

“He did not love me, hon. And I didn't love him. We truly did not care about each other.”

“But you made love.”

“We had sex. Call it lust or craving any attention that resembled love. Call it plain old dysfunctional behavior. I'm afraid there was no love involved.”

The hurt on Maiya's face tempted her to soften the facts.

But she couldn't. “I did not want him in our lives. He was bad news. Shoplifting, burglary, other so-called minor offenses. Soon after you were born, they finally locked him up for disorderly conduct.”

Maiya flinched as if she'd been slapped.

“Honey, there is no romance in the story. He's not a prince or part of a famous family.” She reached out and smoothed Maiya's hair. “But hey, who needs a prince when we have River, huh?”

Tears seeped from Maiya's eyes. “It's not the same. Oh, Mommy, it's not the same.”

Teal pulled her daughter to herself and hugged as tightly as she could over the console.

And she admitted silently to herself that no, it was not the same, not even with River Adams for a stepdad.

Chapter 16

River found Teal on the back patio, aiming the hose at an enormous potted geranium that she had babied for years. He paused in the doorway and feasted his eyes on his wife in shorts and sleeveless top. She was one good-looking woman with feminine curves and, in unguarded moments like this, a vulnerability that made him think she needed him.

Teal moved the hose to a tomato plant and noticed him standing there. “Did you talk to him?”

River smiled and went over to her. “Hello to you, too.”

“Sorry.” She turned off the sprayer and met his kiss. “Hi.”

“Rough day with the caged tiger?”

“I want to go on record as saying that grounding a teenager is ludicrous.” She shook her head. “I had to get out of here, so we went shoe shopping. We ran into a friend of Maiya's who told us that Paul Hinson died in the quake.”

“Oh no. The math teacher?”

“Yeah. One thing led to another and another, and just now I caved in and let her call Amber, after I okayed it with Shauna. I set the timer for twenty minutes. I hate being a prison warden. Did you talk to him?”

“Let's sit down.” They settled onto padded chairs at the round patio table. He tried not to wince at the movement. Driving had been a challenge, but three days away from the school was his limit. Losing immediacy with the boys happened in a heartbeat. In his work, it was not something he could afford.

He saw the strain on Teal's face and stroked her hands clenched atop the table. “Yes, I talked to Jake. He showed up at my office like I asked him to do.”

“And?”

“He apologized profusely, claimed he was in love, but promised not to contact our minor daughter. Teal, what's wrong? You're rattled over more than the Jake business and Maiya straining at the bit.”

She shrugged, but her leg bounced like a jackhammer and then her face crumpled. “Yeah. She was asking about Bio Dad. More than ever. I guess all this trauma triggered something.”

River went silent. Maiya's birth father was a touchy subject between them.

Touchy? It was a major sore spot that usually sparked an argument. The guy's name was not even on Maiya's birth certificate. River's opinion had always been that Maiya should know his name and everything else about him that was age appropriate. Why hide so much from her? And him, for that matter. Keeping Bio Dad a mystery only aggravated Maiya's emotions. It was a miracle she had not acted out more before now.

River pulled at his collar. Heat was definitely growing underneath it.

In the early days he had wanted to adopt Maiya. Shoot, he still did. But that would require Teal to contact Bio Dad and get his permission. She refused. Just absolutely refused. No matter how much she wanted that for River and Maiya, she said it was not possible.

She couldn't find him? No, she could probably find him. Then what? “I know what's best for us, River. Please trust me.” End of discussion.

River could not understand it. Obviously the guy had been a part of Teal's life. Or maybe not. He sometimes wondered if it had been a one-night stand. Maybe he had date-raped her. River privately named him the sperm donor. Whatever the whole truth was, Teal kept it to herself.

She said now, “I finally told her about him being in jail.”

River exhaled the breath he'd been holding. This much he knew. “She's probably old enough to learn that.”

“But I threw it in her face. Worse than the jail thing, I admitted that we didn't love each other, didn't have any feelings for each other. I had to nip her silly romantic notions in the bud. She needs to realize that there was nothing special between us.”

River knew that as well. Maiya had been conceived a short while before Teal graduated from college. It was during her years of dark rage, when she fought tooth and nail to leave her family and make it through the world on her own. She was too busy, too focused to be promiscuous. Working two or three jobs, graduating in the top two percent of her college class. The guy remained an inexplicable blip in her tale of gaining freedom and independence.

Teal leaned forward and rested her face on the back of his hand. “There was nothing even remotely special between us. What is she supposed to do with roots like that, River? How can she feel like anything except worthless?”

“She has you and me to convince her otherwise.”

Teal looked up at him, her eyes too sad. “I don't understand why you're not enough dad for her. We never even could call you ‘stepdad.'”

“Oh, Teal, you know.” He touched her cheek.

Since their second date, they had talked about this. It took her a year to completely entrust him with any semblance of playing the stepfather role in her daughter's life. It took her another six months to accept his marriage proposal and let him actually become part of the family. No way would she have unleashed an Owen Pomeroy on Maiya.

He said, “Ninety percent of the boys I work with don't have a relationship with their dads, and that's exactly what they long for most. We always knew that no matter how good my relationship is with Maiya, I could never fill that hole left by her real father.”

“
Biological
father.” She automatically corrected him, always insistent to never use the term
real
father. “Well, it's asinine.”

“What is?”

“That we have such holes. God should rethink all this heart memory hogwash that He wired into us. Fathers abandon kids all the time. We shouldn't have to forever feel like there's something missing.”

Whoa.
It was the closest she had ever come to admitting that her own father's abandonment affected her. She would only say that she had forgiven him, like it was no big deal.

She wiped her hands across her face as if washing away the day's trouble. “You're the best, hon. You make all the difference in Maiya's life. I am so very grateful that you are her daddy.”

He basked in her words, thankful as well for Maiya being his stepdaughter. “Does that mean I'm forgiven for bringing Jake into our safe place?”

“Yes, I forgive you. Like you didn't know that already.”

He smiled.

She stood. “I should have caught on. I mean, she worked in the yard with the kid for two days straight. When was the last time she hung out in the yard, let alone picked up a shovel?”

“Or cared where we stuck an azalea?” He stood and held out his arms to her.

She stepped into his embrace.

The hug was a good discussion ender. Did he need to add that he did not trust Jake Ford as far as he could throw him?

Nah. He'd keep that tidbit for another time. Or not.