Heartfield Ranch (Communities of Discipline Book 2) (13 page)

She turned, studying Karen’s face earnestly. “So, can I count on you?”

“Of course,” Karen answered without hesitation. “I told you I’d keep your secret.”

“No, not just that,” Ann Marie said, her eyes hopeful. “Can I count on you to go with me? For moral support.”

The question gave Karen pause. She wanted to help her friend, but this early in her relationship, when she was trying so hard to prove to Clay and the others that she could follow the rules – which included abiding by male authority – the request came at a bad time.

“I want to help,” she replied honestly. “But now you’re talking about putting two of us at risk. If the men found out, Ann Marie…” The skin on her bottom crawled at the thought.

“They won’t find out!” Ann Marie insisted. “Look!”

She pulled a flyer from her back pocket. “There’s a soap-making class at the agricultural center on Wednesday. We could say we’re going to that, and it wouldn’t be a lie. During the lunch hour we could go to my parents’ house.”

She searched Karen’s eyes. “Please,” she said. “I need to do this but I don’t want to do it alone.”

Karen didn’t answer right away. Her instinct was to say “no.” She knew it was a simple request, but she worried that her tagging along might just create more tension. Karen remembered how Melissa Fales had looked at her the day of the final showdown. It had not been with kindness. As they resumed walking, she told Ann Marie this, but her friend was insistent.

“If you tell my parents how you came to realize Heartfield was a good place, even though you had doubts at the beginning, it’ll only help,” she argued. “Especially with my dad.”

“I don’t know,” Karen said uncertainly.

“Please!” Ann Marie reached out for her and Karen realized then that the other woman’s eyes were filled with tears. “It would mean so much to me.”

It was a difficult position, but Karen reminded herself that to be fair was to admit that it was the investigation that had made things worse between Ann Marie and her mother. And while she knew that wasn’t her fault, she did like the idea of doing something to make it right.

“Can I tell Clay?” Karen asked.

Ann Marie shook her head. “No,” she said. “Those men tell each other everything. If Clay told Jake, I’d get spanked for sure.” She looked fearfully at Karen. “You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?”

“No,” Karen said. “Of course not.”

“Then you’ll go?” Ann Marie asked.

Karen sighed. “Yes,” she said. “I’ll go. Let’s just pray nothing goes wrong.”

Chapter Seventeen

There was a community dinner that night after chores. Heartfield held them once a week, to give the residents a chance to mingle and the women a break from cooking. Most prepared a frozen covered dish ahead of time and cooked it a couple of hours before dinner.

Lynette Wickham was letting Karen her use their kitchen to prepare a fresh taco casserole for the event.

Lynette and her husband Randy were still playing host to Karen without complaint, and while Karen was grateful for a place to stay, she was eager to settle into Clay’s place and set up housekeeping there as other women did when they got married. She was growing tired of asking permission to use everything, and continued to do so out of habit even though Lynette had told her time and time again that she need not ask.

Karen did not consider herself a manipulative person, but part of her believed if she could just make love to Clay – if he could see how perfect they were together – it may compel him to bend the rules and take her under his roof before they were wed. He was, after all, the leader. He’d made numerous sacrifices for the other Heartfield members. How hard would it be for him to get them to waive this one small requirement?

She smiled, thinking of the lacy black push-up bra and matching panties she wore under the simple dress she had on. Later, when everyone was enjoying desert, she’d lure Clay away and give him something much sweeter. And then….

“Karen?”

“Hmm?” She looked over at Lynette, suddenly embarrassed. Her hostess had obviously been calling her and she’d not even noticed for her own thoughts.

“I was asking if you needed more shredded lettuce.”

“Oh, sorry. Yes.” Karen took the offered lettuce and smiled sheepishly.

“Off in your own world?” Lynette asked kindly.

“A little,” Karen said. “I’m sorry. I know I’m preoccupied. I just get carried away worrying that I’m imposing here.”

“You’re not,” Lynette said. “We’re willing to host you as long as Clay needs us to.”

Her words bothered Karen.
What
, she wondered,
about what I need
? But she knew she couldn’t express that sentiment.

“Thanks,” she said. “Hopefully it won’t be too much longer.”

“When is the wedding again?” asked Lynette.

“Two months,” Karen said with a sigh, remembering how thrilled she’d been when Clay had asked for her hand, and how certain she’d felt she was doing the right thing by accepting his proposal, even though they’d not known each other that long.

“I know it’s hard being apart, but believe me, it’ll pass quickly with all the planning you have to do. Weddings here are simple, but even so, putting it all together takes time.”

“I know,” Karen replied and then glanced over at Lynette. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure!”

“How long were you and Randy engaged? Did you live with someone else until the marriage?”

“No,” Lynette said. “It wasn’t like that for us. We came here married. Personally, I couldn’t have done what you’re doing. I mean, I understand and admire your and Clay’s resolve, but Randy and I lived together in the outside world before we got married. Don’t tell anyone, but I think it made us stronger. We had a chance to see what living with the other person was like. I think that’s important.”

Karen wasn’t sure what to say. Lynette apparently thought that Karen was on board with Clay’s decision to delay cohabitation before marriage. She had to wonder what her hostess would think if she knew Clay wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. It continued to nag at her that he kept her physically at arm’s distance. She’d gleaned from several prior conversations that Clay had enjoyed a number of female partners before reordering his life and starting Heartfield. Karen, too, had been in a number of relationships. It wasn’t like they were both virgins saving themselves for the wedding night. Clay had proposed, she’d accepted and they were making plans to be together forever. So why the wait?

The more she thought about it, the more determined she became to entice Clay away from his strict rule. She was happier at Heartfield than she’d ever been in her life, but until they were truly together, Karen didn’t think she could feel completely secure in her role as Clay’s partner.

***

“She actually said that?” Clay shook his head as he handed another packet of shingles to Jake, who put them down before slicing into them with a razor knife.

“Yep. She said she was going to go whether I liked it or not.”

“I hope you helped her get her head back on straight,” Clay said.

“You better believe I did.” Jake grinned mirthlessly at his friend. “Of course, I had to do it through the other end.”

Clay nodded grimly. “It’s not easy having to punish someone you love, but you did the right thing, Jake. I completely agree that Ann Marie needs to at least put some more time between what happened and trying to make amends with her parents. Did she say why she even wanted to see them? I thought she was ready to write them off.”

Jake shrugged. “She said something about wanting closure. I think deep down it’s always bothered her that her parents – especially her mother – seemed to care more about her image than about her as a person. In some ways, their treatment made it easier for her to rebel and end up joining a place like Heartfield. But at the same time, seeing the closeness of families here – seeing how affirming we are of each other – makes her realize what kind of relationship she could have with her folks if they would just be willing to try.”

Clay shook his head. “Melissa Fales isn’t a Heartfielder. I think Ann Marie is setting her sights way too high.”

“So do I,” Jake said. “That’s  part of the reason I’ve forbidden her from going. Well, that and the risk it poses to the community if things backfire and she winds her mother up again. I’d rather her mother have time to think things through and then – if that ever happens – make her way here so she can see Ann Marie in this environment. I’m concerned if Ann Marie tries too hard to convince her mother and father of how happy she is, it will look like she’s insecure, like she’s not really all that convinced herself.”

“Hmmm.” Clay considered that for a moment as he nailed one of the shingles in place. “Do you think there might be some truth to that? You know how hard it can be for a woman to live like this, to be obedient. Maybe it’s harder for Ann Marie than you realize.”

But Jake was shaking his head vehemently before Clay had even finished his sentence.

“Nah,” he said. “That might describe some of the women here, but not my Ann Marie. She’s completely fine with things. And she’ll be obedient to me on this. I know she will.”

“You look stunning tonight.” Clay smiled down at Karen as he pulled up a chair beside her in the dining hall, his eyes filled with appreciation. She returned his smile warmly, pleased that he had noticed.

The hall was buzzing with conversation as couples and families filed in. Women signed up for rotating serving duty. Once every three months, Karen was told, she would have to assist with the serving. Like everything else at Heartfield, it seemed to be a fair and efficient system of sharing work.

“So how was your day?” Karen asked as they took their plates and headed to the long tables filled with covered dishes.

“Tiring,” he said. “We almost got the roof done on the new tractor shed. My muscles are in knots.”

Karen thought about how nice it would be if she could spend the whole evening unknotting those muscles. Looking into his eyes, she told him so, and Clay looked at her appreciatively before leaning over to kiss her on the forehead.

“In time,” he said. “In time.”

Karen turned her attention to the buffet so Clay wouldn’t see her look of disappointment. She pointed out the taco casserole to him, and it soothed her a bit to see him heap a large helping of it onto his plate.

After they returned to the table, Karen was able to get a better idea of what it would be like being married to a man everyone considered the group leader. Even as they ate, other members came up to speak with Clay about some matter or another. Would he come over and look at their crops and tell them if they needed to add something to the soil? Would he consider adding their daughter’s quilts to the Heartfield craft catalog? Would he serve as godfather to the child they were expecting?

Karen listened to the conversations with pride, but also with a bit of frustration. Did these people not realize that in a few hours he would return her to the Wickham’s cabin? Did they not understand that she’d not seen him all afternoon, and she wanted time to talk to him? They seemed oblivious, and Karen tried not to be too judgmental. The community was used to having ready access to the man who had brought it into existence; who was she to change that?

“You OK?” Clay turned to her now and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah,” she lied. “I’m just listening in.”

“You’ll be doing more than listening in soon enough,” he said. “Before you know it, they’ll be badgering you as much as they badger me, given that you’ll be seen as having a direct line. Think you can handle that?”

Karen wanted to say she’d be glad to if she would really have that direct line, preferably uninterrupted. But instead she just smiled and nodded and then spent the rest of the dinner eyeing the clock and wishing the dinner would move along faster. It seemed like days before dessert came out and like years before Clay had finished the two slices of pecan pie he’d taken from the table.

“You ready?” he asked as he rose from the table.

“Sure, if you are,” Karen said, trying not to look as impatient as she felt. On the way out they were stopped by three more people, forcing her to draw on her reserves of politeness as the wife of the last man who detained them stood making small talk with her by the doorway.

“Finally,” Clay said as they walked out the door, and then he turned to her. “So, what do you want to do now?”

“Go somewhere alone, where I can have you all to myself,” she replied.

Clay smiled understandingly and took Karen’s hand. “What about the tack room at the stable? That should be pretty quiet, and there’s a couch for us to sit on.”

“Sounds perfect,” Karen said.

A few minutes later they were alone in the pine-paneled room surrounded by saddle racks. The pleasant scents of leather and horse sweat hung in the air around them.

“You really do look beautiful tonight, Karen,” Clay said as he sat down on the couch, pulling her down to sit beside him.

“I picked everything I have on with you in mind,” she said, winding her arms around his neck.

“Everything?” he asked.

“Everything,” she said, leaning in to kiss him on the mouth. “Would you like to see?”

“I’ll see soon enough,” he said. “I can hardly wait till our wedding night.”

Karen’s heart was pounding as she stood, certain now of what she must do.

“Who says you have to wait?” she asked, and stepped backwards, pulling the dress over her head and tossing it on the couch where she’d been sitting.

Karen kept fit and knew herself to be one of those rare women who looked as good out of her clothes as she did in them. She knew she cut an impressive figure in her lacy black underwear, with her breasts swelling provocatively from the bra while the skimpy black panties hugged the shapely curves of her hips and bottom.

Clay’s reaction, however, was far less than what she’d hoped for.

Reaching over, he picked up her discarded garment and stood, holding it out to her. “Put your dress back on,” he said quietly.  His voice held no judgment or anger, but it wouldn’t have hurt Karen any more if it did.

She looked at the dress still in his hand, and then up to his face as she forced herself to speak. “Don’t you want me, Clay?” she asked.

He laughed ironically. “Of course I do, Karen. You know that. But not until the proper time.”

Karen snatched the dress from his hand. “And I suppose that’s for you to determine, right?”

He stood silent for a moment. “Yes,” he said. “In accordance with the rules.”

Karen threw up her hands. “Does everything have to be about the community rules, Clay?” she asked. “Can’t couples and individuals make rules for themselves? Or are you so loyal to everyone else that you’re prepared to be disloyal to me?”

“Whoa,” he said, pointing his finger at her. “That’s not fair. This isn’t about loyalty. This is about order, about setting an example.”

“Fuck order, Clay! Fuck example!” Karen could feel herself losing her temper but could not bring herself to stop. “Not everyone here follows the rules. Not everyone had to. Some of them were intimate before marriage. I know because they told me!”

“You discussed our personal life with other members of the community?” he asked incredulously.

“No,” she shot back tearfully, pulling the dress over her head. Suddenly Karen felt embarrassed being unclothed in front of him, as if she’d done something unseemly or dirty. “Someone I was talking to volunteered the information, not that it matters. Who are you, Clay? Are you God that you can’t be discussed?”

“Karen…” His voice was growing impatient, but anger and hurt were driving her now and she couldn’t bring herself to stop.

“Are you so above the other people here that your judgment and decisions aren’t to be questioned? Are you so full of yourself that you actually think people would care if you made love to the woman you claim to care about?”

“It’s not like that,” he said angrily. “You know it’s not.”

“I
don’t
know that,” she said and moved to push past him, but Clay caught her.

“Calm down. I’ll not have you walk out like this.”

“Why?” she shot back, her eyes flashing with anger. “Are you afraid someone will see and realize that maybe you don’t have everything in control?”

“That’s enough.” His voice was heavy with warning, which Karen ignored.

“Don’t tell me what is and isn’t enough,” she said. “There’s morality and then there’s rigidity, Clay, and I won’t be told what to do by a man who believes he’s so special that his every move is being judged by those around him.”

“I don’t believe that!” Clay replied.

“The hell you don’t!” she shot back. “Now let me the fuck go!”

“Don’t use that kind of language with me, young lady,” he said.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she hissed. “Because I’m not just going to blindly obey you, Clay.”

“Obviously,” he said, but while his tone was agreeable, Karen found herself dragged back to the couch. On his way, Clay snatched a riding crop from a nearby wall hook. Karen continued to struggle as he pulled her across his lap, realizing now that she had pushed him too far.

“Clay, no, wait. Please, I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late for that,” he said grimly. “If you want to show your butt, that’s fine with me. Just don’t be surprised when it gets beaten.”

Clay wrapped a strong arm around her waist, and Karen shrieked with fear and anger as she felt him raise the hem of her dress to expose her panty-clad bottom. From the corner of her eye she could see the riding bat in his hand, the thick leather slapper sticking out from the end.

“No, Clay!” she cried, but he ignored her.

“Karen, if you had concerns or issues with how things were or weren’t progressing, you should have talked to me about it. But the way you’ve gone about this was petulant, manipulative and wrong. So in case you’re wondering why you’re being spanked, that’s the reason.”

Karen was prepared to launch into another litany of excuses, but Clay gave her no time. There was also no warning as he began to spank her rapidly with the riding crop, the leather strip snapping against her skin with a painful regularity that soon had her crying and kicking her feet.

“Stop, Clay, stop!” she cried, trying to cover herself with her hand. But Clay wouldn’t let her and restrained her wrists at the small of her back as he concentrated his disciplinary efforts on the exposed skin that peeked out from the high-cut legs of her panties. Half of Karen’s bottom was exposed, and she wailed pitifully as he peppered the bare white skin with welts from the crop.

Karen’s breath was coming in rapid gasps now as she sought to inhale between cries of pain. But still Clay punished her, changing his hold now to grip her back around the waist. He pulled her up a bit, raising her bottom to a terribly vulnerable position and Karen could only sob brokenly as he dropped the crop and delivered the last portion of her spanking with his wide, work-hardened palm. That hand slamming down on the stinging surface of her bottom only added to Karen’s discomfort and her body went limp as she felt herself submit and yield to the pain she knew she could not avoid. Clay was slapping her bottom with determination now, laying a deep red layer of pain over the blotchy welts he’d already created with the now discarded riding crop.

After Clay stopped, he rested a hand on her bottom and looked down. He could feel the heat coming off the skin, and felt the welts rising under his fingers. He knew he’d been hard on Karen, but wanted her to understand that he was not to be manipulated. He hated it that a good evening had been spoiled. But as he’d told Jake earlier, while it wasn’t easy to spank someone you loved it was necessary to keep order.

“Get up now,” he said, and gently helped Karen to her feet. “I love you, Karen,” he said. “And I’m sorry if you think my desire to wait comes from anything other than principle. But from now on, if you want to express yourself, don’t do it through manipulation. It doesn’t work with me, and it will only get you punished. Understood?”

Karen nodded, not knowing what else to do. She was suddenly very tired and turned wordlessly to walk to a small sink in the corner of the room. Silently, she washed and dried her face before turning back to Clay.

He looked down at her as she moved to the door, and took her arm in his.

“Hey,” he said. “I know this isn’t easy. Are you sure you want this lifestyle?”

Karen looked up at him. “I want you, Clay,” she replied. “I want you. I know the lifestyle is part of that, but it isn’t all. My only concern now is that only one of us realizes that.”

***

Karen told Ann Marie what happened the next morning. She knew Clay would not approve, but part of her didn’t care. For while the pain of the spanking had diminished somewhat, the frustration of how he’s shut her down without discussion still hurt. She could better understand now how Ann Marie had felt when Jake had refused to talk further about visiting with her family.

The two women felt an increasing solidarity with each other, and secretly made plans for their trip to visit Ann Marie’s parents on the day of the soap-making workshop at the agricultural center. Only Karen still had reservations, although they had nothing to do with any agreement with the men. As a former police officer, she had a sense for how things could go wrong, and she did share Clay and Jake’s mistrust of Melissa Fales. If they were going to go, someone else needed to be in the loop in case something went wrong.

Karen shared her concerns with Ann Marie, and for some time the two women sat in silence trying to figure out who could be trusted with their secret. It would have to be someone who would be sympathetic, someone who was willing to risk angering her husband should the truth inadvertently come out.

They were sitting at Lynette’s kitchen table discussing it when she walked in, her arms stacked with wash from the line.

“Here, let me help you get that,” Karen said, and she and Ann Marie rushed to assist with the burden. As they did, their eyes met over the stack of laundry; both women were sharing the same thought - that the answer to their problem had just walked in the door.

“Lynette,” Ann Marie began, “We need to talk to you.”