Heart's Desire (8 page)

Bloody hell.
His heart’s desire had been right there, glowing in his palm for Callie to see.

Mortification, along with something that felt very close to panic
,
had him stuffing the damn
ed
mirror back in his pocket.
He didn’t want to see anything else.
And he sure as hell didn’t want Callie seeing any more of his private wishes.

“William
…
did you see what I saw?”

He ordered himself not to look at her, but his eyes disobeyed the command.
And found her regarding him with an expression filled with
…
Christ, he didn’t know what.
Something that severely tested his already tenuous hold on his control.

He raked a less
-
than
-
steady hand through his hair.
“I don’t know.
What did you see?”

“Us.
Standing beneath this tree.
Kissing.”
She stepped forward, erasing the distance he’d put between them.
Reaching out, she settled her palms on his chest.
“Is that what you saw?”

His command of English deserted him the instant she touched him.
Beneath her hands
,
his heart thudded so hard he could hear the echo in his ears.
He couldn’t speak.
Couldn’t breathe.
Could only stand there and absorb the warmth emanating from her palms.

She took another step forward.
Mere inches separated them now.
A breeze rustled through the leaves, blowing a silky tendril across her cheek.
“Is that what you saw, William?” she repeated.

His common sense coughed to life.
Demanded he get the bloody hell out of there.

But he couldn’t have moved away had his life depended on it.
Nor, it seemed, could he lie.

“Yes.
I saw it.”

She released a shaky breath.
“Thank God.
Thank God it wasn’t just me.
William
…
I can’t explain
how
that image happened, but I believe I know
why
it did.”

“Why?”

“Because I want, more than anything, for you to kiss me.”
With her gaze steady on his
,
she slid her hands upward, over his shoulders, then linked her fingers at his nape.

Fire.
He felt as if he stood in a pit of fire.
His jaw tightened, his hands fisted, every muscle in his body straining with the effort to remain still.
To contain the raw need scraping at him.

“Kiss me, William.”
The words whispered warm and seductive across his lips, stealing his breath.
Dissolving his will to resist.
She lifted up on her toes and pressed her soft curves against him.
“Please.”

Please.
One word.
Bloody hell, earlier this evening
,
she’d knocked him off his feet with two words:
H
ello, William.
Now, with only one
,
she disintegrated into ash all the years of restraint he’d adhered to so fiercely.

With a groan that felt ripped from his soul
,
he snatched her against him.
And lowered his head.

The instant his lips touched hers
,
he was lost.
Nothing existed except Callie. In his arms.
Her plush lips parting beneath his.
Her soft curves pressed against him.
Her fingers sifting through the hair at his nape.

More, more
.
The word pounded through him, a mantra he couldn’t ignore now that the floodgates had opened.
He deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring the silky heat of her mouth.
So good.
God, she tasted so damn
ed
good.
Warm and delicious.
Like a feast after an endless famine.
Smelled so good.
Like roses and cool air.
Felt so good.
As if she’d been created to fit perfectly in his arms.

He felt her moan against his mouth, the sweet vibration sizzling through him like a bolt of lightning. She rubbed her tongue against his, obliterating whatever remained of his control.

More, more
.
Had to have more.
Without breaking their kiss
,
he dipped his knees and lifted her straight up.
With her feet dangling a foot above the ground, he strode forward.
Settled his shoulders against the tree trunk.
Spread his legs and pulled her into the vee of his thighs.

Everywhere.
He was desperate to touch her everywhere, a madness he might possibly have been able to temper with at least some modicum of the finesse he’d been stripped of if only she’d remained still.
But instead
,
she squirmed against him.
Ran her hands over his chest
and
into his hair, urging him closer, igniting him further.
He skimmed one impatient hand down her back to the curve of her bottom.
Pressed her tighter against his aching erection.
Rocked his hips against her, cursing the voluminous layers of her clothing between them.
His other hand came forward and cupped her breast.
Even through the heavy brocade of her gown
,
he felt her nipple harden.

More, more.
Again and again
,
he slanted his mouth over hers, his raw need fueled by the sudden unleashing of so many years’ worth of pent-up longing and desire and frustration and love.

Touch her.
Had to touch her.
Now
.
Mindless with the inferno consuming him, he yanked fistfuls of her skirts upward until he could insinuate his hand beneath the layers of material and petticoats.
He hooked his hand under her thigh and raised her leg, anchoring it high on his hip.
Then swept his hand impatiently along the smooth fabric covering the curve of her buttocks.
Lower, unerringly to the slit in her drawers.

Wet.
Bloody hell
,
she was so wet.
And so soft.
And he was so damn
ed
hard and he wanted and loved her so damn
ed
much.
She gasped and her head fell limply back.
He immediately took advantage, trailing his mouth down the fragrant column of her neck while his fingers teased her folds.

“William
… William…
”

The sound of his name whispered into his mind.

“William… please…
”

Please
.
That single word once again struck him, this time penetrating the fog of desire engulfing him.
Reminding him where he was.
What he was doing.
And who
m
he was doing it with.

Reality hit him like a bucket of cold water
,
and with a guttural oath
,
he jerked his hand from beneath her skirt.
Grasped her shoulders.
And gently but firmly set her away from him.

William squeezed his eyes shut as the reality of what he’d done crashed down on him.
Now that he wasn’t touching her, the remainder of the haze clouding his judgment evaporated, leaving behind a wealth of self-disgust and recrimination.

Jesus, he’d lost his mind.
He’d touched her and utterly lost all control.
All mastery over himself.
He’d always feared what might happen if he ever gave in to temptation and kissed her.
Well, now he knew.
Christ, he’d pawed her.
Jerked up her skirts.
He’d practically mauled her.
And if sanity hadn’t returned when it did, he would have completely compromised her.

He sucked in a shaky breath and opened his eyes.
Callie stood in front of him, her hair a tumble of messy curls courtesy of his impatient hands, her lips moist and swollen from the onslaught of his kisses.
Her eyes were huge and filled with unmistakable shock.
And riveted upon him.

Shame and self-loathing filled him.
Of course he’d shocked her.
He’d shocked himself.
Never in his entire life had he lost control in such a manner.
To do so with her was unforgivable.
Christ, the way she was looking at him, as if she’d never seen him before, filled him with a sick sense of loss the likes of which he’d never before experienced.

His first reaction was to reach for her, but he couldn’t trust himself to touch her.
In a matter of mere minutes
,
he’d destroyed a friendship he’d cherished his entire life.
All because he didn’t keep his hands off her.

“Callie.”
His voice faltered and he had to clear his throat before he continued.
“I’m sorry.
So very sorry.
I know how inadequate those words must sound, but please know that I mean them from the bottom of my heart.
What just happened, what I just did was
…
inexcusable.”

When she continued simply
to
stare at him
,
his insides tightened with dread.
“Are you all right?”

She swallowed audibly then moistened her lips.
“Actually, I’m not certain I’ll ever be the same again.”

Another lash of self-reproach flogged him.
“The way I behaved was unforgivable.
It never should have happened.
I should have stopped
—”

“I didn’t ask you to stop.”

“You bloody well should have,” he ground out, his anger at himself spilling over.
“You should have slapped my face.”
He pulled in an unsteady breath and raked his hands through his hair.
“I’m sorry.
This is in no way your fault.
I’m fully to blame.”

She blinked then frowned.
“You most certainly are not.
And I am not looking for an apology.”

“You have one just the same.”

“I don’t want it.
Nor did I want you to stop.”

His heart stuttered at her words.
“Callie, you don’t know what you’re saying
—”

“I know precisely what I’m saying.
If you’ll recall, I asked you to kiss me.”

“I did a hell of a lot more than kiss you.”

“Yes.”
She erased the distance he’d put between them and grasped his hands.
“And it was the most wonderful, magical, extraordinary thing that has ever happened to me.
I never imagined I could feel such passion.
Or that I was capable of inspiring it.”

William froze, an oddity to be sure
,
given the rush of heat that swamped him.
Comprehension dawned, stunning him.
There was no mistaking her meaning or the emotions shining in her eyes.
She cared for him.
The same way he cared for her.
And she wanted him.
Just as he wanted her.

The realization nearly brought him to his knees.
But his elation was cut short by the hard, cold reminder that nothing else had changed.
Their circumstances would forever prevent them from being together.

She squeezed his hands.
“William
, what happened between us was—”

“Wrong.
In every sense of the word.”
He pulled his hands from her grasp and forced himself to step away from her.
While he still could.
“I was wrong to touch you.
In that way.
In any way.
It never should have happened.
I made a mistake.
A terrible mistake.”

“A mistake?
Are you saying you didn’t
…
feel what I felt?”

“I’m saying it never should have happened.
And that what I feel is profound remorse.
That we come from two different worlds and therefore nothing can ever come of any
…
feelings we might possibly have.”

“We don’t come from different worlds, William,” she said quietly.
“I was born right here in Halstead.
Just like you.”