Hearts On Fire (9 page)

Chapter 16

    
“Let’s take a little
break and
warm up with some of that hot chocolate you brought along,” JD
suggested. He saw her gaze drift to the river and saw her hesitate. He also saw
the light of a memory flit through her eyes.

     “You would pick here,”
she grumbled, stopping her horse to dig in the saddle bag for the thermos.

     “We made a lot of
memories here,” he told her.

     “Yes. And that’s just
what they are. Memories. As in, in the past. History.” Her fingers shook a
little as she unscrewed the lid of the thermos. God, they’d made more than a
few memories here. They’d made a child.

     “Lizzie,” he began, “I’m
sorry I hurt you. I never, ever meant to do that.”

     She looked into his eyes
as she handed over the lid of the thermos which served double duty as a cup.
The liquid inside steamed. “What’s done is done, senator.”

     “I know that. Can’t we
leave it in the past?”

     “I have,” she told him,
raising her chin. She hoped she sounded resolute because she sure as hell
didn’t feel it. Anything but. Old feelings were churning in her fast enough to
make her dizzy. “And I will again when Katy is well and I go back home to
Seattle. Don’t confuse my helping you with any feelings I may have for you. I
won’t repeat the past. The seasons may have changed but I won’t have a casual
affair with you. I can’t. I have a son to think of.”
And my own heart to
think of.

     “Who said anything about
repeating the past? Who said anything about casual affairs? Maybe that’s not
what I want either. Maybe I want what we missed out on before.”

     If she could only believe
that.

     “I’m not married this
time, Lizzie.”

     The reminder was like a
slap in the face. God, how stupid she’d been. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” She
took the cup back from him when he handed it across, avoiding his touch again
because she knew it would damn her.

     “It does to me.” How she
did what she did to him he’d never figured out. But he’d get down on his knees
for her if he had to. “I still love you.”

     She jerked and splashed
hot chocolate over her hand, not even feeling the burn. Shocked, her eyes
widened. “That’s ludicrous. We’ve only spent a few hours together. You’re
confusing love and lust again, senator. It’s a bad habit of yours.”

     He let her jab go. “It’s
like time stopped while you were away, Lizzie. I feel just as deeply for you as
I did the day you walked out of my life.”

     “Did you put something in
this when I wasn’t looking?” she asked, lifting the thermos.

     “Tell me you don’t feel
it too,” he pressed, leaning across the space between them. “Go ahead and tell
me you don’t.”

     She bit her lower lip. “I
feel… something,” she admitted slowly, stupidly. “Of course I do. But as I
said, it can never be. What you did to me, I’ll never be able to forgive.”
And
I have a feeling once I tell you what I kept from you you’ll never be able to
forgive me either.
The thought filled her with misery. But it would be for
the best, wouldn’t it? It would end it once and for all.

     His gaze never wavered.
“We fell in love in high school.”

     “We were children. And
you left me to go to college. You dumped me.”

     “For your own good. I
couldn’t tie you to me like that, knowing you were thinking of going to a
different state for your own schooling.”

     She lifted a corner of
her mouth. “How noble of you,” she said dryly, even though after the initial
hurt she’d known he’d been right.

     “When we saw each other
again a few summers later…”

     She waved a hand in the
air and cut him off. “I remember what happened. You’ll only romanticize it.
What happened was you decided to cheat on your wife with me. A wife I had no
idea existed. Do you know what it felt like to find out you were having an
affair with me? That I was the other woman?”

     His jaw hardened. He’d
nearly killed Grady Summers that day for what he’d done.

     She pointed an accusing
finger at him. “I know, I know. You and Darlene were separated. You were
thinking of divorce. Blah, blah, blah. The point is you were still married to
her and you didn’t have the decency to tell me before you seduced me back into
your bed!”

     He let her get it all out.
“Things are different this time.”

     “Yes, they are. I’m not
an infatuated little girl anymore. I have enough sense to stay the hell away
from you!” God, she hoped she did anyway.

     He smiled patiently,
counting on being able to wear her down if he didn’t fight with her. “You
weren’t a little girl, Lizzie. No. Far from it.” His eyes darkened at the
memory of her skin, hot and wild, under his hands. “Would it make any
difference if I told you I left Darlene for good shortly after and that I came
looking for you?”

     She felt her heart thud
in her chest. She wanted to tell him it didn’t matter. But it would be a lie.

     “I followed you to
Seattle a few months later because I just couldn’t stand the thought of being
without you, Lizzie.” He shoved his fingers through his dark hair before he put
his glove back on. “But you were already married to Castellanos.”

     “You came there?” she
asked, nearly breathless. He’d been so close. So close to the truth.

     His mood darkened along
with his eyes. “So I have to ask. Were you seeing him that summer, Lizzie? Were
you cheating on him with me?”

     “I… No. Brian and I
didn’t get together until later.”

     “Not much later,” he
pointed out temperamentally.

     Tears wanted to come as
she remembered the pain she’d felt. “No. I was devastated, JD.”
And pregnant
with your child. The child of another woman’s husband!
She wanted to scream
at him. But it hadn’t been his fault. Not Sean. They’d both made him. And she’d
kept him for herself.

     He looked into her eyes
and saw it there. How badly he’d hurt her. “God, Lizzie, if I could take it all
back, I would. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do.” Still
leaning close to her he put a gloved hand to her face. “I won’t let it happen
again.”

     “No.
I
won’t,” she
corrected carefully, very aware of his touch, even through the soft leather
glove.

     “You think you can push
me away. But you’re wrong, Lizzie. I mean to keep you this time. I knew it the
minute I looked into your eyes at the hospital. I’m not letting you go. I’m not
going through that hell again.”

     She swallowed the lump in
her throat. Fought back the bitter tears. She could see he wanted to kiss her.
And God help her, she wanted him to kiss her. “Oh, you’ll let me go, senator.
When this is over, you’ll want nothing more than to be rid of me.”

     He tilted his head, his
gaze becoming all the more intense. “Never.”

     Now wasn’t the time.
Backing her horse away and out of his touch she shoved the thermos back into
the saddle bag. “It’s time to go back. There’s nothing here.” And she meant to
keep it that way.

Chapter 17

    
Still there had been
no change
in Katy’s condition. Lizzie had spent the better part of the
afternoon sitting by her side and telling her all the things she could not and
would not tell JD. “Like the fact that I’m still madly in love with him,” she’d
confided to her sleeping sister. “And God help me, he loves me too. He told me
so. Can you believe it?” She was still reeling from his words, from his touch.
She’d never doubted JD’s love. But it was a love that was not meant to be. How
many times had she told herself that? “Too many to count,” she told the
darkening living room.

     So far she’d been able to
keep the ghosts of her past at bay. She’d been able to keep the tiny house
she’d grown up in from getting into her head. But no more. JD’s presence was
tearing down all the walls she’d worked so hard to build over the years.
Sipping from a glass of sweet white wine she stared into the fireplace. How
many logs had she and Katy slogged in from the woods while her mother lay drunk
on the couch and Grady swore at them while ordering them to move faster, to
stack better, to quit whining? But the forced labor wasn’t the worst of it.
Hell no it wasn’t.

     “Just quit it,” she
reprimanded herself. “God, maybe I shouldn’t have chased JD off tonight. At
least if he were here I’d have someone to argue with.” She had to chuckle to
herself. Arguing wouldn’t be what they’d be doing if they were alone. She knew
damn well it wouldn’t be. Because he couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself
and she couldn’t seem to make him.

     She let her eyes drift
shut, thinking of Sean. How happy would he be to finally find out who his real
father was? Oh, he’d be ecstatic, she knew. He’d especially love that though JD
was a United States Senator he was a cowboy at heart. He belonged to this land
every bit as much as it belonged to him and his family.

     Her eyes drifted closed
again and in her mind a voice came to her from the past.

     “I saw you two today.
Down by the river.”

     She spun around from the
sink, flinging soap from her fingers. Her nose wrinkled in disgust. Grady was
drunk, quickly catching up to her mother who lay passed out on her bed
upstairs. “Saw who?” she asked. She was home for the summer. This last summer
before college. Katy had begged her to stay and she’d not been able to resist
her. And now she knew, she would be taking her little sister with her when she
left. No way was she going to leave her here with these two.

     He leaned drunkenly on
the doorjamb, his smile a leer. “You and that rich boy from next door. JR… JP…
whatever the fuck his name is.”

     Her heart tripped in her
chest.
He’d seen them?
She shrugged a shoulder at him and turned back to
the sink. “So what?” she asked.

     “No, I mean I
saw
you, little girl.”

     She heard him moving
across the kitchen, his worn out tennis shoes squeaking on the old cracked
linoleum. Something in his voice made her shiver. And it filled her with dread.
Was he baiting her or had he really been out there?

     “I don’t usually get into
watching, but you could be in the movies, the way you rode him.”

     He wasn’t baiting her.
She dropped a glass in the sink where it shattered on the ancient porcelain.
Jerking back a step, she ran right into him.

     “You’re prettier than
your mama and you got nicer tits than your little sister,” he whispered in her
ear as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

     She tried to pull away
from him but he only squeezed tighter. When she struggled more he laughed, his
breath fanning the back of her neck.

     “I’ve been watching you
and I like what I see. I sure do. It was a good thing, you staying home for the
summer to take care of your mamma and sister. You can take care of me too.
Can’t ya, darlin’?” He put his lips to her hair and groaned deep in his throat.

     “Get your hands off me,”
she growled.

     “Or what?” With a
quickness she would not have given him credit for he swung her around and took
both her wrists in his hands then shoved her backward into the counter. “You
could scream your lungs out here and no one would hear you. Little sister’s
gone to work at the diner and mamma’s passed out but good.”

     “Let me go!”

     “When I’ve had my turn at
you. Why should the rich boy have all the fun?”

     When she realized he
really meant it, she froze, her heart thundering in her ears, her knees going
weak. “You better not touch me,” she warned.

     “You better be a good
girl, little Lizzie. Be a good girl for your daddy.” He grinned. “I’ll show you
how a real man takes a woman.” Leaning in he tried to crush his lips to hers
but she turned her head away. He got her neck instead and groaning, feasted
there happily.

     “No. Stop it!” In a panic
she struggled harder.

     Grinning he snatched both
of her wrists into one of his hands behind her back and grinding against her,
groped at her breasts with the other. “You’re gonna love this, baby, trust me.”

     Fear coursed through her.
This animal meant to rape her and there was nothing she could do about it. He
stood too close for her to get a knee in his crotch and with her hands held so
tightly she could not scratch his beady little eyes out. “No!”

     Her screams seemed to
entice him. Panting for breath he grabbed the front of her shirt. “I’ll have
that—”

     His hand was still
clutching her shirt when suddenly he was flung backwards across the tiny
kitchen. He crashed into the table and sent a chair sliding across the floor.

     Unexpectedly released,
Lizzie slumped to the floor, her eyes on JD who stood before her, his wide
chest heaving, his face reddened with rage. “JD,” she breathed.

     His rage only increased
when he saw her ripped shirt and the marks Grady had left on her throat with
his teeth. He turned from her and stalked across the kitchen toward the fallen
man. When he reached him he leaned down and yanked him to his feet only to put
a fist in his face and send him crashing into the refrigerator. “You mother
fucker.”

     Grady put his hands up to
try and ward off another attack. “Hold on there, boy,” he cried, spitting out a
tooth along with some blood.

     “I’ll
kill
you.”
JD picked him up by the shirt again and slammed him into the fridge. “I’ll kill
you.”

     Grady spat blood again.
“You might wanna think long and hard about that one.”

     Shaking in fury, JD
cocked a fist.

     “JD! Don’t!” Lizzie
picked herself up off the floor and scrambled to him, grabbing his arm. “Don’t.
I’m okay now.”

     “He was going to…” His
voice hitched. “I should kill him.”

     “Don’t. He’s not worth
it.”

     JD considered for a
moment then dropped his fist. Letting go of Grady he stepped back but did not
take his eyes off him. “I should at least call the police.”

     Now Grady smiled, blood
running down his chin. “You could do that, sure. But do you really want all
your dirty little secrets aired in public?”

     JD dismissed him. “Call
the sheriff, Lizzie.”

     “How do you think your
wife will take the news, MacGreggor? Think she’ll like finding out you’ve been
fucking the poor girl who lives up the hill from your mommy?”

     JD froze then, his face
draining of all color. “What the hell are you talking about?”

     “I saw the two of you
this afternoon up by the river humping like a couple little bunnies. You think
Mrs. MacGreggor will be okay with that?”

     All the breath left
Lizzie’s lungs at once. She felt like she’d been sucker punched. Because she
didn’t even have to ask JD if it was true or not. She could see it in his eyes.
“Oh, God. You’re married?”

     Now Grady roared with
laughter. “Holy hell! You didn’t know?”

     Forgetting about him, JD
took a step toward Lizzie. “Lizzie, honey…”

     “You’re
married
?”

     “I… we’re separated. I
was going to tell—”

     “You two can make up
later.” Grady swiped at the blood on his chin and spat again. “Since I’m not
one to let an opportunity pass, here’s what we’re going to do.”

     Fists clenched, JD turned
on him again.

     “Whoa, now, hero. You and
I have business to attend to.”

     “Business,” JD repeated
slowly.

     “Yeah. The way I see it,
you don’t want it splashed around that you’re fucking some white trash girl
behind your rich wife’s back, am I right?”

     “What do you want?” JD
asked between clenched teeth.

     “Why money, of course!
Lots of money!”

     Stricken, Lizzie let
herself slide to the floor, where she sat with her knees pulled up to her chin
and her arms wrapped around her legs. Married. He was married. He’d lied to
her. Deceived her. Used her. All those declarations of love he’d made, all the
promises of a future together… Lies. All lies.

     “How much to make you go
away? Far away. For good.”

     And he was going to pay
off Grady Summers. Just like that.

     “Oh, I’m thinking ten
grand ought to get me a ways away. What do you think?”

     JD nodded as though ten
thousand dollars was nothing to him. “Fine. But I think you better never show
your face around here again or I’ll finish rearranging it for you.”

     They spoke more but she
didn’t hear them. Her own sobs blocked out the conversation. When the screen
door slapped shut she didn’t even flinch. But when JD hunkered down next to her
and touched her she did. She jerked away from him as though he’d burned her.
“Don’t you touch me!” she screamed at him.

     “Lizzie, come on. Just
give me a chance to explain.”

     “
Explain?
I have
one question. I want to hear the answer from your lips. Are you married?”

     His shoulders slumped and
he looked at the floor. “Yes,” he whispered miserably.

     “Oh, God.” Scooting away
from him she climbed to her feet. “Get out.”

     “Lizzie, please. It’s
not—”

     “What? It’s not what it
seems? You bastard! Get out of this house! Get out!”

     Getting to his feet, he
tried to reach for her again.

     “Get out! Get out! Get
out! And don’t ever come back! I never want to see you again!”

     He nodded once and
started to leave. Stopping at the door he said, “Grady won’t come back here.”

     She didn’t care. She
didn’t care about anything anymore.