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“Nev- I’m so sorry.”

I looked at him, then away. He was clearly remorseful. But it was too little, too late. Still, I haws having a hard time looking at him. He was making me feel things I didn’t want to.

I forced myself to be casual.

“Yeah, I’m sure it won’t be as convenient for you to get laid. You’ll have to find someone who doesn’t live over your garage.”

He punched the wall, making me jump. But he didn’t move.

“Dammit Nev it’s not like that and you know it.”

I just stared at him. Then I sighed.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I’m going to get you guys an apartment.”

“No, Clay.”

“I am! And I’m going to pay your tuition next year.”

Fuck, my tuition. I hadn’t even thought of that. I shook my head vehemently.

“Clay, you can’t. I have to do this for myself. Besides, I’m not your fucking mistress.”

He stared at me.

“So you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“Nothing.”

He pushed away and rubbed his hands over his face. I followed him, forcing him to look at me.

“Knew what Clay?”

He lifted his head and stared at me. And I realized I did know. I knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“About our parents having an affair.”

I shook my head, trying to deny it.

“No. No, my mom wouldn’t do that.”

“She did Nev. Why do you think Claire was so pissed? It wasn’t you. It was them.”

I felt sick suddenly.

“I can’t do this now Clay. I have to go pack. I need to- get out of here.”

He grabbed me, pulling me into his arms.

“Nothing changes the way I feel about you. You’re mine, Nev.”

I shoved against his chest.

“No, I’m not. Leave me alone. Don’t you think you’ve done enough already?”

He followed me back to the car. It was packed. My mom was already in the driver’s seat.

Her eyes looked so sad as she watched me storm over to the car and climb in.

“Nev!”

I didn’t stop, just slammed the door behind me. I put on my seatbelt, staring straight ahead. I glanced to the side and saw him in the side view mirror. He just stood there, watching us drive away.

I forced myself to look away. I stared straight ahead, barely noticing my surroundings. The familiar tree lined driveway curved gracefully through the property. Everything was lush, green and manicured. It had been a beautiful place to grow up in.

But now I was well and truly grown.

I doubted I’d ever be at Westfield’s estate again. It had been my home for almost ten years. I realized this was it. I would never see it again.

Or Clay.

Chapter Sixteen

Clay

I rang the doorbell of the huge victorian. It had a wrap around porch and was twice the size of the average house. A rich person house to be sure.

But quiet. Weirdly quiet and almost too neat. Almost like a museum.

Each detail of the house was immaculately painted in a different shade of blue. The effect was charming to most people. For some reason though, it made me sad.

Every fucking thing made me sad these days.

It had been four days since I saw Nev. She hadn’t been at the club or in town. She sure as shit wasn’t staying in one of the fancy B&B’s or boutique hotels. That left the no tell motels that every town in the country had.

Dirty, ugly little places that people went to have affairs.

I knew she was at one of them, just not which one.

I was losing my mind, imagining all sorts of horrible things happening to Nev.

Or, worse yet, that she hated me. Which she almost certainly did. I was starting to lose hope, drinking myself into oblivion every night.

And then I’d remembered. To get to Nev, you go through Frannie.

So here I was.

I rang the buzzer again. Finally, I heard footsteps. An elderly maid answered the door.

“Hi. I’m looking for Frannie.”

She stared at me as if I was a mirage. I guess Frannie didn’t have a lot of guys dropping by. For some reason, that thought made me sad too.

The maid nodded and pointed around the side of the house.

“Miss Frannie is in the green house out back.”

I thanked her and took off at a trot.

The landscape was very lush and traditional. Off to the side of the enormous rolling lawn was a greenhouse. I headed for it.

I kept thinking, Nev must have come here a lot growing up.

I wonder if she preferred it to Westfield.

I could see a girl inside the ornate glass structure. Her frizzy brown hair was noticeable even from here. I headed for her, silently opening the door.

“Frannie.”

She looked up from what she was doing. Spritzing a plant it looked like. How many college girls gave a shit about- what was that thing anyway?

I realized suddenly that I knew what it was.

An orchid.

I knew because my mother had loved them.

Her eyes widened when she saw me. I saw her for the first time. Really saw her.

Other than the wild hair and a few extra pounds, she was kind of cute. She looked like a nice girl. Her face was kind. But her eyes were pissed.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“What?”

“Out! I don’t want to yell in front of the plants.”

She talked to plants? No wonder she and Nev were friends. It was kind of adorable to be honest. Though I was not in the mood to be entertained.

I backed out of the greenhouse. Frannie’s eyes were spitting fire. I smiled at her, hoping to mollify her.

Instead she growled.

The girl
growled
at me.

Once we were outside on the lawn she tore into me. I deserved everything she said. Even worse, I agreed with everything she said.

“She’s special! She deserves better than this- better then you! And to think I encouraged her to go for it! I could kick myself. Now she won’t be able to finish school. She could end up waitressing for the rest of her life, do you know that?”

“She won’t. I won’t let that happen.”

“She’s not a pet Clay! She’s a woman!”

I nodded.

“I know. Come on Frannie, do you really think I wanted any of this to happen? Other than- well, you know.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, clearly not sure if she should trust me or not. I smiled at her, trying to charm her into helping me.

“Did you really tell her to- what did you say- go for it?”

She threw up her hands.

“Ugh. You are incorrigible. Come up to the house for some lemonade.”

For the next hour we talked about Nev. About what a mess I’d made of things. About what I was going to do to fix it.

I won her over. But I’m not going to lie. There was begging involved.

Lots of begging.

Nevada

I stared at the neon lights blinking softly outside our window. For some reason we’d lucked out and gotten the room right under the damn sign. The blinking, buzzing, ancient 1950’s neon sign.
 

Sure it looked cool when you drove by. Retro sleaze. But staying here was something else altogether.

I sighed and rolled over on the lumpy bed to look at my mom. She was using my laptop. Hers had been company material.

She was trying to find a job. I still had one but it was a major fucking bike ride from this place. This rat hole. I stared at the television blankly.

Thank God for cable.

Finally I forced myself to get up.

“I’m getting a soda. Want anything?”

She shook her head.

“No thank you, love.”

I wondered how she could be so nice to me when I’d gotten the two of us into this mess. No matter what else had been going on, this was my fault. I was getting really good at beating myself up.

I was basically an expert.

I nodded and grabbed my wallet. Then I shuffled outside. I was wearing bunny slippers but I didn’t care. Nobody was there to see my in my tank top and old PJ shorts.

This place didn’t really get hopping until late anyway. Then it was an adulterers playground. Well, plus lunch.

Lots of people checked in for lunch.

I closed the door behind me and froze.

Clay was outside.

I lurched back against the wall and out of the glow of the neon light. He was down there. He’d found me.

He’d found me
here.

The scummiest hotel in Sonoma.

The humiliation of it all was too much.

I stepped forward slightly, unable to stop myself. He looked unbelievably handsome down there. He was arguing with clerk. They wouldn’t give him our room number from the sound of it.

Clay was trying to bribe the clerk, who shockingly, was not taking the thick wad of cash. He cursed and the clerk went inside. Then he looked up and saw me.

“Nev!”

I panicked, running back toward our hotel room along the open air hallway. Running because I couldn’t see him. Not like this.

Running because I was afraid I would throw myself into his arms and beg his forgiveness.

Not that I had anything to apologize for.

Right?

His hand closed over my shoulder just as I reached the door.

“Nev, please wait.”

I stopped, breathing heavily. Then I turned and looked at him. He looked awful. Gorgeously, achingly awful.

He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Like he was tormented about something. Like he was in hell.

His eyes pleaded with me. I nodded and stepped away from the door. Then I looked around for a place for us to talk and pointed.

Down there, by the scuzzy looking pool. Lounge chairs. How appropriate. My mother didn’t have to ever know.

I saw the curtain twitch.

Scratch that.

Well, at least she didn’t have to worry that I would run off with him. That much I could be certain of.

He followed me down to the pool and watched me sit down on one of the grubby old lounge chairs. I wrapped my arms around my shoulders, suddenly cold.

He stared at me. Not speaking. Just staring at me as if I were water and he was lost in the desert for days.

No. Weeks.

Months.

Years.

“What do you want Clay?”

I forced myself to be tough. To act as though he hadn’t broken my heart. To act as though he still wasn’t breaking it.

“Nevada… why didn’t you answer my texts?”

I tossed my head.
 

“You don’t owe me anything. I’m not your girlfriend. I’m not even your friend.”

“You are. Both of those things. More.”

I looked at him. He meant it. Maybe he was just as fucked up as I was…

“That’s nice Clay but it changes nothing. We’re from different worlds. I don’t belong with you. I can’t deal with this anyway. I need to find a job.”

“You have a job.”

“Yeah well it’s not enough. I need another one. I don’t have time to date.”

“I’m not asking you to date me Nevada. I’m asking you to belong to me.”

A shiver ran through me.

“You already do. Whether you know it or not. Let me take care of you.”

I stood up.

“No. I’m not your plaything. What kind of girl would I be if I let you take care of me?”

He reached out for me but I stepped away.

“You would be human Nev. You would be smart. Why make things harder on yourself and your mom?”

He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and held it out to me. It was thick. I knew there were thousands of dollars in there. If not more.

I stared at the envelope as if it was a snake that might bite me.

“No. I’m not a whore.”

I brushed past him and he grabbed me, spinning me to face him.

“You’re the furthest thing from that I can imagine.”

Then he kissed me. Hard. And he wouldn’t let go. His hands gripped me. I tried to fight him but he held me tight.
 

Finally he lifted his head, his eyes glazed.

“Don’t do this Nev. Don’t shut me out.”

I slipped from his grasp, not looking at him.

“Don’t come here again.”

And then I ran back to our dirty little room.

Chapter Seventeen

Clay

I scanned the crowd, hoping for a glance of Nev. I was in between sets on day three of the tournament. She was here somewhere. Working. Giving me the cold shoulder.

Frigid really.

I hadn’t given up though. I had kept my word and stayed away from the flea bag motel they were staying in. Every night though, as I lay in my big comfy bed, I texted her.

Wish you were here.

Goodnight Kitten.

Come back to me.

So far she hadn’t written back. But I could sense that she was wavering. Especially after earlier. I’d caught her watching me win yet another match. She’d ducked her head and scurried away. But I had seen her. And after that I felt like I could do anything.

Like every fucking super hero ever rolled into one.

I’d won my next three matches without breaking a sweat. I was already in the finals. I was just waiting to see who I would play to become club champ.

I had a strong suspicion it would be Matt.

I could not fucking wait for that.

Especially considering I still wanted to ram my tennis racket down his throat. Just for thinking he could date Nevada.

Of course now she might be dating him now. Or anyone. She wasn’t talking to me so I had no way of knowing.
 

But I didn’t think so.

God, I fucking hoped not.

I would not be able to handle that shit.

I hydrated and stretched while I waited for my match. No surprise there- it was Matt. We grinned at each other as we took the court. But not in a friendly way.

More like sharks bearing their teeth.

Or wild dogs.

Or in his case, a hyena.

I was laughing to myself and I tossed the ball in the air for the first serve. The club was packed today. I could only hope Nev was watching.

I was doing this for her after all.

She might not accept money from me, but there was a cash prize of ten thousand dollars. If I won and gave it to her, or her mom, or Frannie- well, she knew I didn’t need the cash.

Maybe she’d take it.

I fucking hoped so.