Heaven, Texas (31 page)

But she had grown so used to being satisfied with very little. From the day she'd met Bobby Tom, she'd felt lucky to receive whatever small crumbs of affection he'd deigned to toss her way. But that wasn't how it should be. She was worthy of something more than another person's emotional leftovers.

The dance came to an end, and a terrible sadness swept over her. There was nothing wrong with her at all. She was the best person she knew how to be, and she was more than worthy of Bobby Tom Denton's love. But he would never understand that, just as he would never understand the value of what he was throwing away.

Bobby Tom palmed the sex trophies off on a couple of the Phoenix Suns so he could talk to his mother. “I believe you've been saving this dance for me.”

“I'm sure I have it somewhere on my dance card.” Suzy smiled as he took her hand, and they walked out onto the wooden floor together.

They were both good dancers—he'd learned how from her—and for a while they moved without talking in the rhythm of the two-step, but he didn't enjoy it as he normally would have. Gracie hadn't stopped dancing with one man or another since Way Sawyer had kissed her. His jaw clenched at the memory.

Although it was difficult, he forced himself to set aside his own unhappiness for the moment and do what he should have done as soon as he got back from San Antone, what he'd secretly known he had to do last night when he'd seen how his mom and Sawyer had looked at each other at the country club.

“Mom, we've got to talk about what's happening with you, and this time I'm not going to let you put me off with gardening tips and cruise brochures.”

Her spine stiffened under his hand. “There's nothing to talk about.”

“You know, don't you, that I miss him, too.”

“I know. He loved you so much.”

“He was a great father.”

She lifted one eyebrow as she looked up at him. “Do you realize by the time he was your age, he already had a fourteen-year-old son?”

“Uhmm.”

Her forehead creased in a frown. “What happened with you and Gracie? And why did you bring those dreadful women tonight?”

“Nothing happened. You know all that engagement stuff was phony, so don't act as if the fact that we're splitting up is some big tragedy.”

“I got used to thinking of the two of you as a couple. I guess I'd started to believe you really were getting married.”

He gave a snort to cover his discomfort. “Mom, can you honestly see Gracie and me married?”

“Oh, yes, I can see it quite easily. I admit I couldn't at first, but after I got to know Gracie, I thought she was perfect for you, especially when I saw how happy she made you.”

“That wasn't happiness. I was just laughing at her, is all, because half the time she's so ridiculous.”

She looked at him, slowly shook her head, then rested her cheek against his chest for a moment. “I worry about you, sweetie pie. I really do.”

“Well, I worry about you, too, so we're even.” On the other side of the dance floor, he saw Gracie glide by with Dan Calebow. His former coach seemed to be having a wonderful time. Dan's wife Phoebe, in the meantime, was dancing with Luther Baines, who was trying hard to keep his eyes off her bust line. “Mom, we've got to talk about this thing with you and Sawyer.”

“His name is Wayland. And there isn't any 'thing' to talk about.”

“That's not what he tells me.”

Her eyes flashed. “Did he talk to you? He had no right to do that.”

“He wants me to play Cupid and get the two of you together.”

“I can't believe he talked to you.”

“The two of us rub each other wrong, so it wasn't the pleasantest conversation I've ever had. Still, I'm not the one who fell in love with him, so I guess that doesn't matter.”

He waited for her to deny what he'd just said. He prayed her forehead would crinkle and she'd get indignant, but, instead, she turned her head away. “He had no right to involve you.”

His mother loved someone else. As the knowledge hit him, he waited for a rush of anger, but to his surprise, it didn't hurt nearly as much as he'd thought it would.

He tried to pick his words carefully. “What if you were the one who died, Mom? And what if four years after you'd died Dad met somebody he cared a lot about, somebody who'd make him stop being so lonely all the time.” After avoiding this conversation for so long, it somehow finally felt right to be talking about it, and he had the queer sense that Gracie was holding his hand. “And what if he did the same thing you're doing and shoved this person out of his life because of the way he felt about you. What would you want me to say to him?”

“It's not the same thing.”

He heard the agitation in her voice and knew he was upsetting her, but he kept on. “Oh, it's exactly the same thing.”

“You haven't been through this! You don't understand.”

“That's right. I'm just imagining what I'd say to him, is all. I guess you'd want me to tell him to stay lonely for the rest of his life. To do what you're doing and turn his back on this new person he'd grown to care about so he could spend the rest of his life lighting candles to your memory.”

“I don't understand why you're pressing me on this! You don't even like Wayland. You admitted it.”

“No, I don't, but I'll tell you this—I sure as hell respect the sonovabitch.”

“Don't be vulgar,” she said automatically. And then her eyes filled with tears. “Bobby Tom, I can't. Your father and I  .  .  .”

“I know how you felt about each other, Mom. I saw it every day. Maybe that's why I've never had much interest in getting married myself. Because I've always wanted the same thing.”

Gracie danced past in his peripheral vision, and at that exact moment, the fact that he could have the same thing his parents had had all those years hit him so hard he nearly stumbled.
Jesus.
As he held his mother in his arms and felt his father's presence, he knew that same intimacy was right here waiting for him on the other side of the dance floor. He loved her. The knowledge almost knocked him to his knees. He loved his Gracie Snow—funny clothes, bossy manner, and all. She was his entertainment, his conscience, the mirror into his soul. She was his resting place. Why hadn't he understood this weeks ago?

He'd grown so used to thinking of his life a certain way that he'd blinded himself to his real needs. He'd actually compared Gracie with the sex trophies and made Gracie the loser because she didn't have big breasts. He'd ignored the undeniable fact that women who existed only to go to parties and look good had bored him for years. He'd overlooked the way gazing at Gracie's pretty gray eyes and flyaway curls made his mouth water. Why had he clung so tenaciously to the idea that those sex trophies were what he wanted? Gracie was right. At his age, he should have learned something about what he needed from life a long time ago. Instead, he'd continued to judge women on the same artificial scale he'd used when he was a hormone-driven adolescent, and it made him ashamed. Gracie's beauty had pleased his eye from the beginning. It was real and bone deep, fed by her innate goodness. It was the kind of soul-nourished beauty that would still be with her when she was an old lady.

He loved Gracie Snow, and he was going to marry her. He was going to marry her for real, dammit! He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, to fill her belly with his babies and fill their house with his love. Instead of scaring him, the idea of spending the rest of his life with her sent such a rush of joy through him that he felt as if he were rising up off the dance floor. He wanted to pull her out of Dan Calebow's arms that very minute and tell her he loved her. He wanted to see her melt in front of his eyes. But he couldn't do any of that until he'd tried to set things right with his mother.

He looked down at her. His chest felt tight, and his voice didn't sound quite normal. “All this time I've been acting like my aversion to Way was personal, but the fact is, I know that I'd have gone into orbit no matter who you might have taken up with. I think part of me wanted you to lock yourself away and mourn Dad for the rest of your life just because he was my father and I loved him.”

“Oh, sweetheart  .  .  .”

“Mom, listen to me.” He regarded her urgently. “I know one thing as sure as I know my name—Dad would never have wanted me to feel like that, and he wouldn't have wanted you to suffer the way you're suffering, not in a million years. Your love for each other was big and generous, but by turning your back on the future, you're making it seem small.”

He heard the quick intake of her breath. “Is that what you think I'm doing?”

“Yes.”

“I didn't mean to,” she said faintly.

“I know that. Are your feelings for Sawyer going to change the way you felt about Dad?”

“Oh, no. Never.”

“Then don't you think it's about time you found your backbone?”

He could almost see her pulling herself taller. “Yes. Yes, I think it is.” For a moment she didn't do anything, and then she gave him a fierce hug.

He glanced around and shifted their position on the dance floor. She squeezed his shoulder. “You are the most wonderful son any woman could ever have.”

“Let's see if you're still saying that after I embarrass you to death.” Letting go of her hand, he reached out to tap Way Sawyer on the shoulder as he and his partner swung by. The older man came to a stop and regarded him quizzically.

Bobby Tom spoke. “Are you going to monopolize Miz Baines all night, Sawyer? She and I have a few things to talk about, don't we, Miz Baines? How 'bout we switch partners?”

Sawyer looked so dumbfounded that, for a moment, Bobby Tom thought he was going to let this golden opportunity slip by. He quickly recovered, however, and nearly knocked over poor Judy Baines in his eagerness to get his hands on Suzy.

Just before she slipped into his arms, Sawyer's gaze met his own, and Bobby Tom couldn't ever remember seeing so much gratitude in another man's eyes. Suzy, in the meantime, had a combination of excitement and panic in her expression.

Bobby Tom took Mrs. Baines's hand. Realizing he loved Gracie had tossed his whole world upside down, and, to his amazement, he found he was actually enjoying himself. He gave Sawyer his best outlaw's squint. “My mother's a respectable woman with a reputation to uphold in the community, so I'll expect you to do right by her. And don't take too long about it, either, because if I hear of any hanky-panky going on before the ceremony, there's going to be some big-time hell to pay.

Sawyer threw back his head and laughed. At the same time, he looped his arm around Suzy's shoulders and swept her right off the dance floor.

Judy Baines craned her neck to watch as they disappeared. She turned to Bobby Tom and clucked her tongue. “I think he's taking her behind the barn.”

“Hanky-panky, for sure.”

“You gonna do anything about it?”

“Give the bride away, Miz Baines, and hope for the best.”

Way and Suzy couldn't stop kissing each other. He had her backed up against the side of the barn with the shirttail of her prim white blouse pulled out and his hand up underneath it. They were both breathing heavily, and Bobby Tom's silly warning had left them with a giddy sense that they were getting away with something.

“I love you, Suzy. I've been waiting for you all my life.”

“Oh,Way  .  .  .”

“Say it, sweetheart. Tell me. I need to hear the words.”

“I love you, too. You know I do. I've loved you for a long time. And I need you so very much.”

Way kissed her again, then voiced the question that had to be asked. “What about Hoyt? I know how much your marriage meant.”

She brought her hand from the back of his neck to cup his jaw. “I'll always love him, you know that, but Bobby Tom made me understand something tonight that I should have been able to figure out a long time ago. Hoyt would want this for me. He'd want
you
for me. I guess I'll always believe that somehow he gave us his blessing tonight through his son.”

Way stroked her cheek. “This has been hard on Bobby Tom. I know the way he felt about his dad.” For the first time since he'd started kissing her, he looked troubled. “It's no secret your son doesn't like me, Suzy, but I promise you that I'm going to do my best to change that.”

She smiled. “He likes you a lot; he just hasn't figured it out yet. Believe me, the two of you are going to get along fine. He would never have turned me over to you if he hadn't already made up his mind about that.”

He looked relieved, then he began taking tiny nips out of her bottom lip. At the same time, his thumb found her nipple. “Sweetheart, we've got to get out of here.”

She drew back and gave him a mischievous grin. “Bobby Tom said you were supposed to treat me with respect.”

“I am. First I'm going to get you naked, then I'm going to treat you with respect.”

She pretended to think it over. “I don't know if we should. He was awfully intimidating.”

He groaned. “It could take a couple of weeks for us to put a wedding ceremony together, and there's no way I can wait that long to touch you. Your son can just learn right now to respect the needs of his elders.”

“I couldn't agree more.”

Way kissed her once again. When they finally parted, he threw back his head and laughed. The biggest hood at Telarosa High had finally won the heart of the prettiest girl in the sophomore class.

As Bobby Tom leaped up on the platform to recognize the golf tournament winners, he was halfway giddy he felt so good. High on love and the realization that life held more for him than football, he had just decided exactly how he was going to go about letting Gracie know that everything had changed. Making the grand gesture had always appealed to him, and he intended to give his future wife a marriage proposal she'd never forget.

Gracie, in the meantime, was counting the minutes until the agonizing night would be over. She tried to find some sort of peace in accepting the knowledge that she would never again let herself be satisfied with less than she deserved, but nothing could ease her heartbreak.

Terry Jo had refused to handle the drawing for the quilt raffle, so she found herself on the platform, standing as far away from Bobby Tom as she could get. While Luther thanked the athletes for participating, she looked out over the crowd. Willow and the rest of the
Blood Moon
people stood in a group, Elvis had fallen asleep in Natalie's arm, and Buddy and Terry Jo were standing with Jim Biederot, Bobby Tom's old teammate, and the Calebows.