Heavy Hearts (9 page)

I saw the pain shine through in his eyes like he was just told he only had two months to live. He stared into my eyes, brow furrowed, mouth slightly opened, eyes pained, and the silence was killing me. “Well?” I snapped.

He took a step back from me. Resembling a statue, he stood there in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, not moving… only staring. He was gracious enough, after my bewildering scene in the bathroom, to give me an oversized dark green t-shirt to pair with my black shorts since I had gotten my shirt wet when I flew out of the shower. I wiped my tear-stained hands on the shirt while I waited for his response. 

There was a lull in the air for a while as we both silently mulled over our own personal thoughts. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking as he burned a hole right through me with his piercing eyes.

And finally, he spoke.

“So, what you’re telling me is that I shouldn’t tell you right now that I am in love with you…?”

His words hit me hard. A rush of emotion consumed me. I wanted to cry, scream, kiss him, make love to him, and run away all in the same moment and the only way my body knew how to deal with all this intensity was to shut down. Then everything went black.

****

I woke up for the second time that day in Simon’s cozy bed. My head a little fuzzy, but I knew where I was and sat up to remember the events that took place before the darkness. Simon was at my side instantly.

“Lucy! Oh Lucy, are you okay? I was so worried, I was just about to call an ambulance. Love? Are you alright?” His voice was panicked and he pulled me into his arms like this was the last time he was going to get to touch me, and I realized… it probably was. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes tight, holding back my sobs.

I couldn’t even fathom how two people could fall in love so quickly. It could absolutely not have been love… it had to just be fawning or lusting or loneliness. There was no way after a few days we could have been that much in love with each other. Could we? I had only felt love one other time and this sure did feel the same, possibly even more real, but it just couldn’t have been.

He pulled me away from him and held me at arm’s length. “Lucy,” he began. “Listen… I know you’re scared. I know, cause I am too.”

Oh?

“I know spending the summer together is risky, but we both know that at the end we will have to part. I have to finish school here, and you have to begin your life in New York.” His stern words floored me. The way he was able to deliver them with such lack of emotion. He started soft and now was a brick wall trying to reason with me. 

“But… you just told me you were in love with me. I don’t understand where this is coming from.” I pushed for more of an explanation.

“I know, but if my feelings for you are going to make me lose you two months ahead of schedule then I just want to make it clear that I knew what this was going to be right from the start.” I heard the strain in his voice, but he seemed sincere.

“Are you sure?” I asked, still unsure if he knew what he was getting himself into. “Because I have made up my mind, and I’m leaving at the end of the summer no matter what.” I tried to maintain a brave face even though on the inside I was bursting with tears. But I knew that I couldn’t give up my entire future on the chance that a year from that moment we would still feel the way we felt that day. Love fades, and I had to learn that the hard way.

“I am quite positive. I can’t keep you from your dreams, and I wouldn’t expect you to keep me from mine.” He assured me.

“So, we’re in agreement then?
Just a summer of fun… no love?” I reiterated.

He held his hand out looking for a handshake. I placed mine in his and firmly shook on it. “You got it.” He stated with a wink. That glorious wink, and all over again I wanted to ravage him… but I remembered my little incapacitation and I stopped myself; settling by planting only a swe
et peck on his cheek.

Chapter 10

After spending three days cooped up in the hotel room willing my body to stop torturing me I was finally ready to see Simon again. After I left his apartment that day we made our little agreement, I didn’t totally ignore him, I just hadn’t seen him. We talked on the phone for hours and hours each day and night.

He’d call me when he got home from his run, painting a sweaty picture in my mind as he panted. I’d call him during a lavish bubble bath when he would whisper dirty things into the phone and make me blush wildly. He’d call me while watching the newest Sci-Fi flick he bought, describing everything to me in such detail because he had already seen the film in the theater upwards of ten times. It was lovely. Definitely the closest I’d ever felt to someone that I wasn’t technically with. There was something extremely intimate about our phone calls and I loved it. However, I was ready to see him in the flesh again. 

“What time are you picking me up?” I asked on our very last phone call before I would get to plant my lips on his and take all that I had missed in.

“I don’t know. Come open your door and maybe I’ll have an answer.” Subtlety wasn’t his strong suit.

“Simon! Why are you here already? I’m not even dressed.” I scolded him as I happily walked to the door.

“Well then. You’re exactly how I want you.”

I opened the door and hung up the phone. Standing in the doorway he looked utterly delectable while I stood before him with my knotted hair and disheveled
pj’s. It didn’t stop his wide eyed grin as he looked me up and down before dropping his phone into his jean pocket and scooped me up in a forceful hug that lifted my feet right off the ground.

“SIMON!” I squeaked in delight,

“I missed you girl! Are your mates home?” He didn’t waste any time.

“No, they’re out. I told them to go ahead without me since I knew I wanted to spend the day with you today.”

“Awww. Well aren’t you just a doll.” He kissed me before swinging my legs up to hold me in a cradled position. I squealed again.

“Simon really.
I’m all gross I haven’t showered or anything yet. I didn’t want to be all grimy when you got here.”

“No worries. I came over early because I wanted to witness one of these baths you seem to love so much.” His eyebrows danced wildly up and down.

“Oh do you? And who says I’m in the mood for a bath?” I retorted. (Although a bath always sounded lovely) Night baths are delightful, but there was something special about morning baths that I just couldn’t describe.

“I do.” He proclaimed and made his way into the bathroom. Letting me down gently on the marble floor he beckoned for me to disrobe as he started the water in the claw foot tub.

“Now, which of these lovely bubbles would you like this morning?” He asked as his eyeballs scanned my shelf of the various bath foam scents.

“Let’s go citrus. It’ll wake me up!” I reached over him to grab it, brushing my naked body against his shoulder. He turned and nearly stuttered. I was immediately
embarrassed and was ready to get behind the safety of the soon-to-be cloud of zesty scented bubbles.

“You’re a vision. Has anyone ever told you that?” His words offered me reassurance and the way his eyes drank me in made me feel more confident than just a second before. I loved how comfortable I felt around him.

I just smiled and continued on with getting my bath ready.

The water was perfect and the room filled with the invigorating scent of lemongrass. I slipped in and let out a low satisfactory moan. Simon took a seat on the toilet a couple feet away.

“Are you planning on just watching me or are you going to get in on some of this sweet soaking action?” I asked. The tub was plenty big enough for two and what was more romantic than a shared bath?

“You just want to see me naked don’t you?” He joked.

“Maybe,” I joked back.

He did as I asked and stripped down to nothing forcing me to bite my lip and curl my toes in anticipation.

Once he was fully emerged in the hot bubbly water he beckoned me to sit with my back against his chest. What a glorious feeling it was being wrapped in his arms while the two of us were surrounded by the relaxing qualities of an amazing bath. All that was missing was some flickering candles and scattered rose petals.

His hands began to wander around my skin searching for things that they hadn’t touched yet, or at least
not in days. I could suddenly feel every fragment of my skin come to life.

“Your hands are like magic,” I offered as two greedy fingers found the spot they were so rudely interrupted from conquering that day in the shower.
“Case and point.”

He let a low grumble slip between his teeth whispering in my ear “your body is magic.”

****

“I now understand why you love baths so much.” Simon said as he pulled his dark purple shirt back over his head.

“Aren’t they great for tension relief?” A playful smile danced across my face.

“Indeed.”

“So, now can we please go out? I’ve been cooped up in here for three days.” I pushed him toward the door, grabbing my pale pink cardigan to pair with my gray strapless dress.

“Oh what, you didn’t like bath time? Sounded like you enjoyed it! And I’d say since half the water ended up on the floor that your body thought it was brilliant.” He was so smug with himself.

“Of course! Which is why we need to get out of here before I trap you in the bed for three more days.”

“Well now! That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.”

“Let’s go…” I trotted out the door so he had no choice but to follow.

“Alright… alright.
Where to then?” He asked.

“I don’t know. You’re the Brit. Show me the good stuff!” I pleaded.

“Take my hand then,” and I gladly did.

Chapter 11

We spent the rest of the summer doing what we had promised, having fun. The four of us living it up in London being young and carefree until we had to return to that world filled with studying and boring lectures – the real world.

We hit up all the typical tourist attractions like the ever so popular Piccadilly Circus and the elegant Palace of Westminster. As well as some not so touristy sites that Simon showed us like the vibrant Brixton Market and he took us on a peaceful bike ride on the canal from Limehouse Dock to Paddington.

I spent most of my nights with Simon alone. I think I slept in the hotel room a total of ten nights after meeting him. Suzette and Adam didn’t complain. They took a liking to him and became fast friends. It was an overall otherworldly summer, and I was not thrilled to be going home – back
to the big apple – in just two days. 

“I don’t want to leave.” I whined to Suzette while the two of us shared a bottle of Vodka and a box of pricey chocolates from the freshly stocked mini bar. Adam and Simon were out together helping one of Simon’s college buddies move. He promised me he had tried his hardest to get out of it, but he told Kellen he would help him months ago and this was the only night they could do it. Adam graciously offered to lend a hand to get things done quicker. He understood that I only had a couple days left with this glorious man and he wanted to help out where he could.

“Because you’re attached to Simon?! I told you this was going to happen!” She exclaimed slurring her words as she took another sip from the bottle. “Seriously, I told you! Remember what I told you at the beginning of the summer.” Suzette could get a little redundant when under the influence.

She wasn’t necessarily wrong either, I had developed some intense feeling for Simon and I knew that it was going to be difficult to shake them. But we made an agreement and he hadn’t hinted at breaking our promise to each other… so why should I?

“That’s not the only reason, I like it here.” I rationalized stealing the bottle from her hand and taking a long sip. The welcoming sting of alcohol rushed down my throat and settled in my stomach, but in my head was where I felt it. “I like this magical city and all that it has to offer. It’s like New York, but more charming. More inviting.” I took another swig and passed the now almost empty clear glass bottle back to my drunk friend, but she refused it.

“No, I’ve had enough.” She pushed the bottle back towards me, but I was intoxicated enough, so I gingerly placed the bottle on the nightstand and fell back onto the soft bed.

“Listen girl, I know you’ve got it bad for Simon – I can see it in the way you look at him. And I can also see the way he is with you and I know he has the same feelings,” she spouted. “I know that the two of you came to an agreement about the end of the summer, but if this thing between the two of you is as real as I think it is… then you need to do something about this.”

“But…” I tried to interrupt her but she just put her long palm over my mouth and wouldn’t let me speak.

“But nothing. I know school is important and all… but I’m sorry… you my dear are a rich bitch and you don’t even need an education to get by in life. And if you haven’t noticed Simon is pretty loaded and well on his way to a pretty lucrative career.” She wasn’t wrong again. He had a very well-off uncle who died a few years back and he was the sole beneficiary to everything he owned. He grew up in the house that was left to him after his parents passed away when he was thirteen (the real reason he went to live with his aunt in Chicago), so it was too painful for him to stay in the house. He sold it and moved closer to London to go to University. The night he shared all of these intimate details was a very emotional evening, and our love making had been so tender and full of devotion.