Helena Goes to Hollywood: A Helena Morris Mystery (17 page)

“Why would Sonia think that? I’d never be disappointed in her.” Mom shook her head and looked at the bar.

“Want a drink?” I changed the subject.

She nodded.

I mixed her a whiskey and soda, not too strong. “Sonia is an adult and I’m not going to lie to her about me. I know you want to protect her but she’s making all this crap up in her head about Dad because she has no facts. I told her to trust me but she wouldn’t.”

“You want me to tell her the truth?” Mom asked.

“It’s your call. I told her my stuff. When she asked about you I told her that’s your stuff to tell. I was just a kid, I don’t know it all. I heard and saw what I heard and saw. It wasn’t pretty, healthy, or safe for either of us.” No way. No way was she putting that decision on me because I knew she’d call out that blame bomb next year.

Mom stared at me hard as she took a sip. “You didn’t tell her?”

Kids kept secrets from parents. Big shock. “I swear on Grandma Rose’s grave I didn’t tell her anything about you. Can she guess he beat you? Probably, but I’ve spent most of my life trying to block all that crap out. His leaving was the best thing that could’ve happened but she won’t believe it.”

“She always wanted to be a daddy’s little girl.” Mom’s lip quivered as she took another sip.

“Don’t blame yourself. She had Lou around by the time she was in high school.”

“Lou isn’t her father so she lives with the question. I just don’t know if I can admit what a bad choice I made for you girls.”

“Stop it, Mom. Men charm to get what they want and he had you fooled. He had Grandma Rose fooled. I heard those fights too. You couldn’t leave him, you had me.” No guilt there. Grandma Rose couldn’t afford to support us all.

“I should’ve moved home and dealt with the judgment of divorcing him the first time he hit you. Worked three jobs if I had to. It’s my fault but I was scared. I thought you’d be better off with a father around. Even him.”

“It was still the seventies and you didn’t have a career or education. You got pregnant young. I don’t blame you. If Sonia knew the truth she wouldn’t either. She just doesn’t know.”

I sure as hell couldn’t blame Mom when the neighbors called the cops and the cops did nothing. Looking the other way back then was common enough. Maybe that was why Mom never warmed to Todd.

“What if she does blame me? You saw it, but what if she doesn’t believe me? Sonia was always so much more emotional than you. She needed the attention and she missed out on a father. What good does it to dredge it up now and relive the pain? Nothing has changed.”

“Reality is tough to hide. You can’t erase it. If you don’t tell her she can always just hire a PI. His name is on my birth certificate so it’s not like it’d be hard to track him down.”

The one ace in the hole when dealing with parents was that when the kids grew up the parents were no longer the gatekeepers of power and knowledge. For me that happened at ten when Dad left and so did any fear. Then my job was helping my mom and sister while surviving. My sister wondered why I left Todd. When you can’t trust your parents to keep you safe, who can you trust? Yourself—that’s it.

On many levels I did trust Todd, and on some level I loved him. But I’d asked him every year to settle down, pick any place. I felt powerless depending on his job. I found work but it would be shaken up sooner rather than later. After ten years enough was enough. I wasn’t repeating Mom’s patterns in any way.

My mother had limited my sister’s knowledge for so long it amazed me that Sonia hadn’t hired a PI to find Dad. But Sonia lived in a fantasy world and reality might shatter it too harshly.

Maybe she wanted him to be a millionaire who’d turned his life around now. Maybe she wanted him to be an alcoholic so she could blame a disease instead of his need to control and elicit fear. Dad hadn’t been the head of the house, he had been the king. I also had a need for power in me and I did my best to control it. At minimum I needed to feel equal and respected.

“She wouldn’t hire a PI without telling me. You would. You probably know where he is right now.”

“I don’t want to know but I don’t need a PI.”

“But you could know?” she asked.

“Todd would help me find him and I’d know in a day. Why?” I didn’t want to. She didn’t want to know, did she? “I’m not going to find out.”

“No, I’d never ask you to do that. You don’t want to see him.” Mom shook her head.

“Lou would kill him,” I said.

I liked Lou. He was never a father figure to me since I’d moved out before he started dating Mom but he was a good man. And good men defend the people they love. If Dad came near Mom—Lou’s even temper would go up in flames.

“I don’t want to see him and I’m not worried he’ll come back anymore. I always worried about that on your birthdays and holidays when you girls were little. I never wanted the phone to ring or there to be a knock at the door.” She shuddered.

There was a question she wouldn’t ask. “He’s never contacted me.”

“You’re having him watched?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Todd found out as soon as he was in the FBI. He’s kept tabs on him. So we know he’s not crazy, not a felon, and not in jail.”

“What if he came to see Sonia? Wanted money? I always assumed you had someone tailing him.” Mom zigzagged her hand like it was a rat in a maze.

I chuckled. If I had that kind of money I wouldn’t need a job. “Nothing that elaborate, just Todd. If Dad moves he’ll be watched via credit card activity and airline data. His name is on lists. If he were arrested, hospitalized or dead—I’d find out. If he moved to Arizona or California I’d know. It’s hard to be off the grid these days.”

Legally I couldn’t remove him from California or Arizona but the FBI’s powers of intimidation were impressive. If Dad entered Nevada Todd would be right behind him. I’d like to see that since Todd worked out a lot.

“I miss Todd,” Mom smiled. “He’s still in Chicago?”

“Yeah, I actually just talked to him. He’s using some FBI resources to help with Danny and Sonia’s case.” I liked being off the topic of Dad for a little bit; it was relaxing.

As long as we weren’t talking about me, which caused more anxiety, I was happy. I’d never been the center of attention in the family; all my life it was either my parent’s fighting or Sonia. I was good in the background.

“Any thoughts of you moving? Chicago is very nice and you grew up there.” Mom never let up.

“Now? You want to talk about me settling down
now
? Danny is dead and Sonia might be in danger. She might go off and find Dad. I’m not worried about my social life, Mom.”

“You never are, letting a good man go. I think I screwed you up on men.” She finished off her drink and went for more.

She blamed herself for that? Interesting development.
“No, Mom, I like men. I loved Todd. As for not being overly trusting of men, Dad did that. I’m not interested in settling down. It didn’t work with Todd and it won’t work with anyone else. Marriage and family are good for Sonia, but it’s not me. Don’t worry about me. Sonia needs you now.”

Mom nodded. “I know you never needed me. I knew the first time you yelled at your father to stop hitting me. You even tried to pull him off, and I knew then you’d be stronger than me. I just don’t know how to help Sonia through this.”

“Yes, you do. You’ve planned plenty of funerals. Let me worry about the murderer and stalker while you two take care of Danny. Just be sensitive to his parents.” I moved to the bar and gave her a hug.

She rested her head against mine. “What do I tell your sister?”

I took a deep breath and the last swig of rum out of the bottle.

“Helena Nicola Morris.” Mom took the empty bottle and put it in the trash.

I smiled, having broken the tension in my way. “You don’t have to tell her all the ugly details. Just tell her he hit you like he did me and you were scared to leave and scared to stay. Stuck. Having her was the best thing that happened to any of us because he didn’t want to pay for two kids and so he left.” That’s what I’d wanted to tell her but it wasn’t my place.

“That’s a whitewash.” Mom added a splash of whiskey to her glass and drank it straight. “Plus Sonia will still think he wanted you and not her.”

“She might think that but hitting isn’t wanting. Don’t let him make you lie for his sorry ass anymore.”

Indeed, that version glossed over the reality. Beatings more accurately described what Mom endured. Power and anger raged in Dad. Odds were he was abused as a kid; it was not an excuse but my personal guess. After Dad left we never saw his side of the family again. I took my hate for him out in my martial arts.

Most people played the victim because it was easier. Beaten down, lost opportunities, or they just wanted it easier like it seemed others had it...everyone could play the victim. I went the other way—bitch, crazy, or lethal. I’d been called it all—all except a victim.

I saw Lou and Ricky talking through the front window. They were back with the suit. What welcome distractions!

“Now isn’t the time. You’re right, I should focus on Sonia.” Mom went to work.

Denial and guilt were powerful but they got pushed down in favor of reality.

I
t was too sunny out for a funeral. I walked back as they lowered the casket into the ground. Danny’s parents wanted him cremated so they could have some of his ashes but there was no evidence Danny wanted cremation over burial. Another minor conflict in the drama of death. Worse still the tabloid activity ramped up around the house, the set, and even at the soap opera.

My sister remained at the gravesite, watching them lower the coffin. Mom and Lou stood by holding her. I scanned the crowd. Faith was there as well, crying and looking very alone. She’d called the house a few times and Sonia refused to talk to her. I’d explained the situation and declined to let her speak to Sonia. Faith wasn’t pleased to be the other woman but legally she had no recourse.

Thanks to my connections I already knew Danny had no will. Not that my sister scored any big gain money-wise. Danny had little savings and his only asset was the Hummer. To the outside world Sonia gained by not having to pay out on the divorce. Being a widow also got her attention; she was all over television and they constantly mentioned the new show.

Ricky nodded to me and I walked over. Sonia remained the primary suspect so cops were always around.

“I talked to Danny’s parents yesterday.” He pulled out his notebook.

“And?”

“And Danny owed money from gambling. No names, so it’ll take some snooping to get find out.”

“Bad luck all around.” Danny never went too far into one vice. Some drinking, some gambling, and he’d gotten in over his head.

“Pretty much. We’ll see if we can find out who he owed. Once they found out he was off the show and his wife was divorcing him, his credit limit might’ve shrunk.”

“This wasn’t done by gamblers, hit men, or anyone paid to do the job. The MO is all wrong.” I dismissed it.

“I agree but we need to check it out. They’re a lot more likely to order something than your sister so it’s keeping the heat off that theory for now,” Ricky said.

I sighed. “I can’t believe she’s still a viable suspect to them.”

“They think she might’ve requested a vicious attack to cover it up or so he suffered. He basically bled to death fast. Or she snuck off the set and did it.”

“She wouldn’t do that to him. She wouldn’t know how to do that.” I looked over and saw that they’d begun filling in the grave.

“You would.” Ricky told me without telling me I was suspected as an accomplice.

“I can’t help their theories.” I froze when I recognized a man not twenty feet from me. I grabbed Ricky’s elbow.

He moved closer. “What’s wrong?”

“That guy is the same one from the street that day. That’s Brian Conners.” Todd ran his background for me after I had given him the photo from my phone and his tag number. No record but the driver’s license photo matched. “What’s he doing here?”

I marched over to him, my stomach knotting as rage filled me. This could be the killer. But what was his connection with all this?

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Helena Morris. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. My father is buried here as well. I took it as a sign.” Brian set a bouquet of flowers before a headstone.

“A sign? For what?”

Being addressed by my first name by a stranger threw me off for a minute. Sonia told me many times people acted like they owned you when you were famous. They sat down at a table with her or followed her into the bathroom. Lucky for Brian, I felt Ricky walk up behind me.

“Sir, this is a private funeral.”

“I have family here, they said the cemetery was open.” Brian turned to me. “And I knew Danny so I wanted to pay my respects.”

Too many excuses. “Which is it? You’re here for Danny or your father? Or to get pictures?”

“I don’t have a camera. You can search me.” He put his hands in the air. “I don’t want to disturb your funeral.”

“Too late.” I looked at Ricky. “Why didn’t he get stopped?”

“He has family in the cemetery. We can’t take over the entire place,” Ricky shrugged.

Brian took a step closer. “I’m very sorry if I bothered you. I didn’t mean to upset things—I knew Danny too.”

“Why were you watching me in the restaurant last week?” I demanded and made a mental note to check out how Brian knew Danny. Every fan who got an autograph made that claim.

Brian blushed. “I’d seen you on the websites. I couldn’t believe it was you. I’m a fan of your sister and Danny. I don’t mean to stare.”

“Someone is out to hurt my sister—probably the same person who killed Danny. Do you really think skulking around a cemetery during his funeral is smart?” I couldn’t figure out this guy. Did he want to be caught or was it a warning?

Brian turned back to his father’s grave and dusted off the headstone. “I wanted to make sure the mass of people didn’t trample my father’s resting place and to pay my respects to Danny and my father. If you want me to leave I will simply return later. I’m not here to hurt anyone.”