Her Impossible Boss (12 page)

New York would fast become a distant memory. She might nurse some scruples about running away, but how long before she recalled the adverse way in which he had reacted to news of the pregnancy? How long before she started thinking of his insinuations about the financial benefits of having his baby—his implication that she might have engineered an agreeable financial nest egg for herself? Would she take time to step back and consider
his
side of the story? See where
his
perfectly understandable concerns stemmed from?

Not for the first time, Matt wondered why she couldn’t have been one of the scores of willing women who would have been
overjoyed
at a marriage proposal from him and the financial security for life it entailed. But then the thought of Tess falling into line with one of those women was laughable.

She was telling him now about how much it was helping, being back in Ireland.

‘So when exactly do you expect to be back here?’ he cut in. Now that his brain had taken off on another tangent, like a runaway horse, he was alert to that shade of hesitation before she answered, and was composed and understanding when she mumbled something about as soon as she could—though she couldn’t very well leave her mum on her own immediately. Not with Mary and Claire both gone.

He rang off shortly after.

There was a considerable amount of work for him to do. Meetings with important clients, bankers, lawyers. It only took a few phone calls to rearrange that situation.

His next call was to his mother, who would cover for him at home in his absence, ensuring that Samantha had a familiar face when he wasn’t around. She had only just started at her new school and, whilst everything seemed to be progressing with startling ease, he still felt better knowing that she would return to the apartment and someone who actually had a vested interest in whether she did her homework or not.

Then he called Samantha, who had to be fetched out of her class and was breathless when she picked up. Amidst the turmoil, her moment of disappointment when he broke the news that he would be out of town for a couple of nights was a light on the horizon.

His calls completed, Matt informed his secretary to get him on the first flight out to Ireland.

He was thinking on his feet—something he was excellent at. He left his office with instructions for his
flight details to be texted to him within the hour, and then he was heading back to his apartment, packing the minimum of things, fired up by an urgency to
act.

He didn’t know whether Tess would have run away to find her space to think had she not been called on an emergency, but now that she
had
left the country he wasn’t going to hang around to find out whether her return was on the cards.

Tess Kelly was unpredictable in the extreme. There were also hormones rushing through her body. He wasn’t completely clueless about pregnancy. Under the influence of her hormones, she was capable of pretty much
any
rash decision!

As fresh thoughts superimposed themselves on already existing ones, his decision to go to Ireland seemed better and better by the second.

Having checked out the paperwork which she had dutifully filled in at her time of employment, he had easily ascertained her parents’ address. The only question was whether he would show up unannounced on the doorstep, or get to see her via a more roundabout route.

Respecting the situation concerning her father, Matt arrived in Ireland intending to settle himself into a local hotel and then consider his next step forward. His intention was blocked when he discovered that there was no hotel in the village, which was much smaller than he might have expected.

‘Where
is
the nearest hotel?’ He impatiently directed his question to the taxi driver, who seemed quite pleased to have delivered his fare to the middle of nowhere.

‘Depends on what sort of hotel you’re looking for.’

Fed up, Matt decided to take his chances on going directly to her parents’ house, and he handed the driver a slip of paper on which he had scribbled the address. He would deal with whatever problem arose from his decision with his customary aplomb.

It was a matter of fifteen minutes before the taxi was pulling up in front of a Victorian house with a pristine front garden and enough acreage to just about avoid being overlooked by the neighbours.

The flight had been long and tiresome, even in first class, but Matt was raring to go. He felt as though he had spent the past few days sitting on his hands, and that just wasn’t his style. He was confrontational by nature.

He was prepared for anything and anyone as he pressed the doorbell and waited.

Not for a moment did it occur to him that no one would be home, and the sound of hurrying footsteps rewarded him for his confidence.

Tess had been looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet. Claire had left not an hour ago, and shortly after that her mother had gone to the hospital, leaving Tess to tidy up the house, which hadn’t been touched properly since her father had been taken into hospital.

She had no idea who could be at the door. She debated not answering and hoping that the caller would eventually get the message and disappear, but she couldn’t do it.

Pulling open the door, dressed in old clothes which she had worn as a teenager—faded track pants and an old tee shirt that should have been thrown out a long time ago—Tess half wished that she
had
ignored the
bell, although for a few heart-stopping seconds, she didn’t quite believe her eyes.

Matt was larger than life—dramatic against the crisp Irish scenery and the quietness of the rural backdrop.

‘You look surprised to see me.’

He remained on the doorstep and looked at her. Her caramel-coloured hair was pulled up into a scruffy ponytail, and her clothes looked as though they had seen better days, but even so he still found it a strain to keep his hands to himself. He always knew when she wasn’t wearing a bra, and she wasn’t wearing one now. He could make out the slight hang of her breasts, and the tiny peaks where her nipples were jutting against the soft jersey of her tee shirt.

‘Are you here on your own?’ he asked, when she made no attempt to break the silence. ‘I didn’t want to crash land on you, Tess, but I felt that it might be better all round if I came here instead of waiting for you to return to America.’

‘I haven’t told anyone about us!’ she breathed. ‘There’s no one at home now, but it would have been a disaster if you’d come two hours ago!’

‘Oh, I don’t think so,’ Matt drawled, running out of patience. ‘Sooner or later everyone is going to have to know, and ducking and pretending that that time isn’t going to come won’t solve anything. Are you going to invite me in?’ He held out his hand and gave her a duty-free carrier bag from the airport. ‘A book for your father—it’s the latest one by that guy you told me that he likes—and a scarf for your mother.’

Tess stepped aside and watched warily as he entered the hallway. As happened everywhere he went,
he dominated his surroundings and she couldn’t wrest her eyes away from him. The sight of one of his designer holdalls in his hand broke the spell.

‘How long are you planning on staying?’ she asked, dismayed.

‘I’m staying until you’re ready to come back to America with me.’

‘You mean you came all the way here to escort me back to New York? Like a kid who has run away from home?’ Annoyed with herself, because her excitement levels had rocketed the second she had clapped eyes on him, thereby proving that all her hard work over the past few days had been for nothing, Tess was ready to pick a fight. Did he think that he could do just as he pleased? What did that herald for their future? Would she be relegated to being told what to do at a moment’s notice, just because he could? Rich, beautiful Catrina from another powerful family had been able to assert her own terms, even if they had been unfair.
She,
on the other hand, had no such power behind her, so where exactly would she stand?

‘Well, you may be here longer than you think.’ Tess folded her arms. ‘Claire and Mary have both left for London, and someone has to stay with Mum until Dad’s back home. Maybe even longer. Who knows? She’s going to need lots of help.’

‘And you’re going to volunteer for the post without breathing a word to either of them about your condition? I can’t allow that.’

‘You can’t
allow
it?’ Tess looked at him incredulously. ‘Since when do you have a say in what I do and don’t do?’

‘We’ve been over this.’ So he
had
been right to get on a plane and pursue her. She had no intention of hurrying back to New York. ‘And I can’t allow it because you’re in no kind of condition to start doing heavy manual chores around the house. I will ensure that there is someone here to take the strain off your mother—’

‘You’ll do nothing of the kind!’ Tess cried. ‘She won’t even know that you’ve been here!’

‘And how do you figure on keeping me a secret?’ Matt grated. ‘Are you going to lock me away in a room somewhere and feed me scraps of food through a hole in the door? Because I’m telling you right now that’s the only way you’re going to be able to keep me out of sight. I didn’t come here to have a fight with you!’

‘No, you came to cart me away!’
You don’t care about me,
she thought, as furious resentment rose to the surface and threatened to spill over.
You would have happily turned your back and never seen me again, but now here you are, suddenly concerned for my welfare because I happen to be pregnant with your child!

‘If needs be,’ Matt confirmed with implacable steel. ‘In the process, I intend to stay until I meet your parents and tell them what’s going on.’

Tess blanched. ‘You can’t. Dad’s not well.’

‘What do you think will happen if you break the news to him? I’m tired of playing games with you over this, Tess. You’re twenty-three years old. You’re sexually active. You got pregnant. Which bit of that do you imagine would affect them most?’

Tess chewed her lip and looked away.

‘Well?’ Matt pressed. ‘Do you think that they will
collapse on the spot if they find out that you’ve had a relationship.’

‘It wasn’t a relationship.’ She knew exactly where the sticking point was with her parents—her charming, old-fashioned parents, with their old-fashioned ways and gentle moral code. ‘They won’t like the fact that I’m pregnant…they won’t like it that I’m going to be a single mother. Neither of them can deal with that shock right now. You have to trust me.’

‘I’m staying, Tess—and you can always spare them the shock of your being an unmarried mother, can’t you? Think about it. Think about how happy they would be if they knew that their daughter was pregnant but was going to
marry
the father of her child…’

T
ESS
looked at Matt in disbelief. ‘I need to sit down,’ she said shakily. She walked on legs that felt like wood into the comfortable sitting room and sank onto a squashy sofa, tucking her feet under her.

For a few moments Matt strolled through the room, barely noticing the pictures in the frames, the ornaments, all the reminders of a life greatly enhanced by children. His attention was focused on Tess. She looked small and vulnerable, huddled on the sofa, but Matt wasn’t going to allow himself to feel sorry for her.

She had fled to Ireland without bothering to call him, she had ignored every phone call and message he had left for her, and she had as good as admitted that she had no intention of hurrying back to New York.

‘That’s blackmail.’ She raised huge, accusing eyes to his and his mouth tightened.

‘It’s problem-solving. You’re terrified that your parents are going to be disappointed in you, and I’m showing you that there’s no need for that.’

‘I’ve spent ages telling you why it would be a bad idea.’

‘Yes. I heard all the reasons you churned out.’ He sat heavily on the sofa, depressing it with his weight, and
Tess shifted awkwardly to avoid physical contact. ‘You don’t see the need to marry me just because we made a mistake. Life’s too short to be trapped in a marriage for the wrong reasons. You want to spread your wings and find your soul mate.’

‘You’re twisting everything I said.’

‘Tell me which bit you think I’ve got wrong. The trapped bit? The soul mate bit? Were you
ever
going to return to Manhattan? Or did you come back here with good intentions only to decide that you would erase me out of your life?’

‘Of
course
I was going to return to New York! I’m not irresponsible! I want you to have a real bond with this child.’

‘You’re one hundred percent irresponsible!’ Matt snapped. He looked at her with glowering, scowling intensity. ‘You refuse to marry me. You refuse to acknowledge that a child needs both parents. You witnessed first-hand the hell I went through gaining Samantha’s trust—trust that should have been mine by right but was destroyed by a vengeful ex-wife.’

‘I can’t bear to think of you putting up with me for the sake of a child.’ Tess defied the suffocating force of his personality to put across her point of view. She thought of her parents and how they would react to the thought of her living a single, unsupported life in New York. Based on their experience, children should be born into a united home. How would they ever understand that love and marriage didn’t necessarily go together? They were savvy enough when it came to the rest of the world, but she had a sinking feeling that they would be a lot less savvy when it came to their own offspring.
The fact that Claire was excitedly due to be married to the man of her dreams would make it all the harder for them to understand how she, Tess, had managed to become embroiled in the situation that she had.

Matt was offering her a way out, and for a split second she desperately wanted to take it. It wouldn’t be ideal—no one could say that—but it would solve a lot of problems.

She pulled herself up short when she remembered how her cotton-candy daydreams and pointless, optimistic fantasising had landed her where she was now. She had fallen in love with him and dared to hope that time would work it’s magic and miraculously
make
him love her. It hadn’t, and she would be a complete fool to forget that. Marry him, she told herself sternly, and she would witness the slow build-up of his indifference. He would have affairs, even if he kept them under wraps for the sake of maintaining a phoney front, and she would never, ever be able to give herself a chance at finding someone who could care for her.

‘Don’t try and get into my head, Tess.’

‘I know you.’

‘I’m willing to make the sacrifice. Why aren’t you? You were happy with me once,’ he said brusquely. ‘We got along. It’s ridiculous for you to assume that we can’t make a go of it.’

‘If we could have made a go of it—if you had
wanted
to make a go of it—you would have asked me to stay. You would have been prepared to make a go of it then.’

Matt hesitated. ‘This is too big for wounded pride
to come into the equation. Anyway, maybe I made a mistake.’

‘Mistake? What kind of mistake?’ She looked at him suspiciously. She had dared to hope so many times that the prospect of daring to hope again was literally exhausting. ‘Since when does Matt Strickland
ever
make mistakes?’ she muttered, and he gave her a crooked smile that made her heart flip over. ‘I don’t say that as a compliment,’ she qualified quickly, before that smile made her start to lose ground. ‘It’s important to make mistakes. People learn from their mistakes. I made mistakes growing up. I’ve learnt from them.’

‘Did you make a mistake with me?’

Tess flushed. ‘If I could turn back time, I—’

‘That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if you think you made a mistake with me. I don’t want an answer based on hypothesis.’

He was no closer to her now. In fact, he was leaning back, looking at her with brooding, narrowed eyes, and still she felt as though she was being touched.

‘Because I don’t think
I
made a mistake with you. I think the mistake I made was to let you go.’

Suddenly the air seemed close and the room too small. The breath caught in her throat and her skin was on fire.

‘Don’t you dare!’ She stood up, trembling, and walked towards the window. Outside, the scene was peaceful. The carefully tended garden was ablaze with flowers. However, Tess was oblivious to the colourful summer landscape. Her heart was beating so hard that if she held her breath she was sure she would be able to hear it.

When she turned around it was to find him standing so close to her that she pressed herself against the window-ledge. His proximity brought her close to a state of panic. She trusted
him.
She just didn’t trust
herself.

‘Don’t dare…what? Come close to you? Why not?’ He shoved his hands into his pockets. If he didn’t, he knew what he would do. He would reach out and touch her, maybe just tuck that stray strand of hair behind her ear. Hell, her eyes were wide and panicked, and he hated seeing her like this. He clenched his jaw and kept his hands firmly tucked away. ‘Why fight me?’ he muttered, and dark colour slashed his cheekbones. ‘Why fight
this?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I don’t need you to try and undermine me. I know what you’re doing.’

‘Tell me. What
am
I doing?’

‘Everything it takes to get what you want,’ Tess heard herself say with unaccustomed bitterness. ‘You’ve come here so that you can take me back to New York because you don’t trust me. I’m sorry I didn’t phone you, and I’m sorry I didn’t answer your messages, but I’ve needed to take a little time out and I’ve been worried sick with Dad being in hospital. Not that you care. The only thing you care about is making sure that I’m in place, and you’ll do whatever it takes to get me there—even if it means blackmailing me into doing what you want. You know what it could do to my parents in the situation they’re in if you dump this news on them, but you’d go right ahead and do it if you thought it would get you what you want! And you expect me to
want
to commit myself to you? When everything you do just confirms
that you’re arrogant and ruthless and only care about what you want?’ She drew in a deep breath and braced herself to continue. ‘Don’t even think of telling me that you made a mistake throwing away what we had!’ Her voice was shrill and unforgiving. ‘It’s easy to say that now. Do you really think that I’d believe you?’

‘You’re upsetting yourself.’

‘I’m not upsetting myself!
You’re
upsetting me.’

‘I don’t want to do that. I…I never want to do that.’ With an effort, Matt pushed himself away from her and returned to sit on the sofa. Like a slow motion sequence in a film, every mistake he had made with her rose up with reproving clarity.

He had been attracted to her, and without a second thought he had seduced her into his bed. He had accepted the gift of her virginity without bothering to question the devil in the detail, and then, when she had suggested remaining in New York, he had run a mile. Conditioned to identify himself through his work, and accustomed to always ensuring that it was placed at the top of the agenda, he had reacted to her reasonable requests about where their relationship was heading by backing away.

To compound his sins he had greeted news of her pregnancy with suspicion—only to further raise her guard and drive her away by insisting on trying to determine what she should do and what she shouldn’t.

Had he even
once
thought about stepping back and taking stock of how he actually felt?

Not in the habit of doubting his ability to manage situations, Matt was shaken to the core at the realisation that he had blown it. She might tremble the second he
got near her, but a physical response wasn’t enough. It had never been enough. And yet he knew that if he told her that now she wouldn’t believe a word he said, and he couldn’t blame her.

Tess looked at him uneasily. For once his deepening silence didn’t seem to indicate anything ulterior. He wasn’t even looking at her. He was staring into space and his expression was unreadable.

She took a hesitant step away from the window, but it was only when she was standing in front of him that he raised his eyes to hers.

‘I’ve screwed up,’ he said bluntly. He raked his fingers into his hair and lowered his eyes. ‘Of course I’m not going to blackmail you into anything.’

‘You’re not?’

‘Sit. Please? And that’s not a command. It’s a request.’

Tess, caught off guard by this strangely unsettling and subdued side to him, perched primly on the edge of the sofa, ready and willing to take flight at a moment’s notice—although her hands wanted to reach out, and she wanted to lace her fingers through his. Frankly, she had to resist the powerful urge to do anything necessary to bring a smile to his lips, even if that smile was laced with cynicism. This was not a Matt she was accustomed to seeing, and it disconcerted her.

‘You think I’m trying to take advantage of you? I’m not.’ Matt felt as though he was standing on the edge of a precipice, arms outstretched, about to fling himself over the side in the wild hope that he would be caught by a safety net. He also felt very, very calm. ‘I’ve done so many things wrong that I don’t even know where to
begin to try and explain myself, and I fully understand that you probably won’t believe a word I say to you. Frankly, I wouldn’t blame you. I entered into a relationship with you for the sex—pure and simple. I’ve been bitten once, and I’ve lived my life since then making damn sure that I wouldn’t be bitten again. Every woman I’ve ever been with since Catrina has been like Vicky. It was easy never to become involved. My personal relationships were effectively, just extensions of my working life, with sex thrown in.’

Tess, all ears, found that she was holding her breath. With his walls breaking down, this was a vulnerable Matt laying his soul bare. She knew that instinctively, and she wasn’t going to break the spell. Every word wrenched out of him was like manna to her ears. If she wasn’t being hopelessly enthralled, she would be slightly ashamed.

‘I should have questioned what it was I saw in you when you came along, but I didn’t. I’ve always had absolute, unwavering control in my personal life. How could I expect that what I had with you would be any different?’

‘And it was? Really? How different?’ Tess cleared her throat and blushed sheepishly. ‘It’s important, you know—to…um…let it all out.’

‘In that case, it’s very kind of you to let me talk,’ Matt murmured wryly.
‘Very
different, in answer to your question. You made me a very different person. I did things with you that were all firsts—although at the time I hardly recognised it. I stopped work for you. Yes, I went to meetings—I organised deals, I met with the usual lawyers and bankers and hedge fund directors—but for
the first time in my life I couldn’t wait to get back to the apartment. I managed to persuade myself that that was because my relationship with my daughter was finally beginning to take shape. Of course that was part of the reason. You were the other part. You made leaving work behind easy.’

Tess allowed herself a little smile of pure joy, because whatever came out in the wash, nothing would ever erase the warm pleasure that his admission was giving her, and like a kid in a toy shop she didn’t want the experience to end. When would she have the opportunity to visit that place again?

‘When you asked to prolong our relationship, I reacted out of habit and instinct. Both told me to walk away. I didn’t bother to question it, and once it had been done pride entered the equation. But you never left my head. It was as though you had become stuck there. No matter what I did, you followed me everywhere I went—a silent, nagging reminder of what I’d thrown away.’

‘But you would never have said a word if I hadn’t shown up in your office and told you that I was pregnant,’ Tess said ruefully.

‘Wouldn’t I?’ Matt caught her eyes and held her gaze. ‘I’m inclined to think that I would have. I’m inclined to think that I would have been right here, in this place, doing what I’m doing now, even if you hadn’t made life so much easier for me by falling pregnant.’

‘But it was unplanned. You were furious. You
blamed
me!’

‘I’ve never had any lessons in being in love. How was I to know what to say and how to react?’

‘Being in love?’ Her voice trembled, and her hands trembled too as he took them in his.

He stroked her fingers with his thumb. Sincerity blazed from his eyes. ‘If I’d ever known true love,’ he admitted gruffly, ‘I might have recognised the symptoms. But nothing prepared me for you, Tess. Looking back, I can see that Catrina was just an expectation I fulfilled without thinking too hard about it. You were the unexpected. You crash-landed into my life and everything changed overnight. I didn’t come here to take you away against your will, and I’m sorry that that was the impression I ended up giving.’