Her (50 page)

“You won’t fail,” he said to me. He was staring into my eyes. His eyes were warm and his words remained sincere. “You won’t fail, because everything you just said--I know you mean it.”

“You’re not mad at me for having this?” I said, gesturing to the pendant in my pocket.

Dr. Pelchat shook his head. “I’m not mad, Kristen.”

“And for cutting?”

“No. I am disappointed that this happened, but I’m very proud of you for taking that big step. I know that it took a lot for you to talk about it and to admit you were cutting while you were a patient in here.”

“Does that keep me from going on?”

“Not at all. If anything,” he said, “It will help you move forward. I don’t see any reason why you should stay here any longer as an in–patient, or for you to be sent to long-term. Not everything will be solved in one session. It is going to take time, and you know it. You are ready. You’ve been through a lot and you’ve learned a lot. Yes, Kristen, you are ready to go home.” Dr. Pelchat stood up from his chair and made his way around the desk towards me. He stuck out his hand for me to shake.

I reached out my hand with every intention of shaking his hand, but something inside of me pulled me forward and my arms wrapped around him. I caught him off guard, because he didn’t seem to know how to react. After he realized what was happening, I felt him hesitate, but his arms were eventually wrapped around me, too. He gave me a warm and gentle squeeze, and then he released me.

“Remember,” he said, “This is not good bye. I will be seeing you soon.”

“You’re right,” I said. “When?”

“On the sixth,” he assured me.

I smiled and shook my head.

“What?” he asked.

“That’s my eighteenth birthday.”

“Well then, I’ll have to see if we can’t get you a slice of cake or something,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not? You’ll be the birthday girl.”

“That would be cool,” I said.

We made our way to the door, and before Dr. Pelchat opened it, he said, “You’re now officially discharged.”

CHAPTER 53

John’s parents, Jonathan Sr. and Mariah, came to Bent Creek to pick me up. Geoffrey carried all of my bags out to their car for me. The only thing that I was allowed to carry was Janine’s blanket. Jonathan insisted on helping him, but Geoffrey told him it would be his pleasure to carry my bags. I believe Geoffrey used it as an excuse to see me off. Mariah signed my papers for my release, since she and her husband were considered immediate family.

After Geoffrey was gone and we were in the car, Jonathan turned to me and said, “You all set, kiddo?”

I smiled and nodded at him. Mariah didn’t have much to say to me. She looked down at my arms and frowned.

I looked up, still smiling, and I said, “It’s now or never.”

Mariah didn’t seem convinced. I could tell she was uncomfortable because she hardly looked at me, and when she did, her eyes didn't tear away from my arms, even though they were covered by my long sleeves. 

When Jonathan began to back out of the parking spot, it hit me. The warm sun that I hadn’t felt against my face since summer had begun now beamed through the window, and it warmed me through. I closed my eyes so that I couldn’t see Bent Creek grow smaller in the distance. I just wanted to feel the sun and not think about leaving. I was happy to be free of what I’d once considered prison, but it had turned out to be a place of salvation through the kindest peers and the most empathetic and compassionate doctors I had ever met in my life.

My eyes remained closed until I felt it was safe enough to open them again. As I opened my eyes, I remembered the sheet of folded paper that I had found in the book I’d returned to Dr. Pelchat. I reached into my pocket that held it and my butterfly pendant. I pulled out the sheet of paper and unfolded it. When my eyes beheld what was on the paper, the tears that were trying to break free from under my eyelids slid down my cheeks.

The illustration of Daniel’s late girlfriend gazed back at me through her dark, pencil-drawn eyes. Daniel’s kind words of encouragement from his experiences and growth ran through my mind. It made me sad to realize that my time at Bent Creek was over, and there were great people that I was leaving behind, and ones that were moving on. It was harder than I thought it was going to be to leave.

Going into Bent Creek, I’d had so much doubt. I’d carried in the fears and had walked around with nothing but thoughts of hopelessness. I’d been trapped in my condemnation and restlessness of the past. Those memories had drowned me, suffocated me, and fed my soul to what was trying to destroy me--Borderline Personality Disorder.

It made me feel good to have new memories. I had to think of more things that were positive. Bent Creek had given me much to ponder. I let myself shed a few tears with a smile on my face as I said, “see you later,” not “goodbye,” to Bent Creek.

Jonathan broke the silence. “Kristen, you must be feeling pretty good right now. Did they help you at all in there?”

“Yes. I do feel like my time was well spent,” I answered.

Jonathan seemed as if he was the only one out of the two of them who was listening. I didn’t blame Mariah for the way she behaved. She’d never had a child like me to worry about. John was an exceptional person who always made good grades and didn’t seem to give them a real reason to worry. Lexus was always beautiful, happy, and her family was wholesome and unbroken. Lexus was the perfect future daughter-in-law for her.

Jonathan tried to lighten the mood in the car as we rode off by turning on the radio. He pulled out a CD and looked in his rear view mirror. I noticed his eyes were on me.

He said, “How about some music, ladies? Let’s listen to the tunes of...” He took his eyes off the road for a second to glance down at the CD. A puzzled look came over his face as he read aloud the name of the pop/R&B singer who was most popular for his romantic and catchy love tunes.

I knew immediately to whom that CD belonged.

Mariah laughed. She said, “It’s one of the kids’ CDs, honey. John and Lexus must have left it in here when they went up to Helen yesterday.”

Jonathan glanced at me through the mirror. He quickly looked away.

“Yes, they did take the car yesterday. I remember. Well,” he said as he stuck the CD into the player. “If it’s what the kids are listening to today, then Kristen will like it. After all, we are happy to have her back with us. Right, dear?”

She nodded her head while looking out of the window.

“Yes, we are,” she sighed.

She didn’t sound too assuring. I knew that she had always thought that I was a troubled kid. She was right. I didn’t blame her for being guarded and unsure about me. I had a lot of mess to clean up, and I had a lot to prove. One of those messes I needed to clean up was with Lexus. There was no doubt in my mind that she had told John, who may have in turn told his parents, about our recent quarrel.

Jonathan said, “I hope you don’t mind us coming to pick you up. Your mother didn’t get out of work early enough to come get you, but she and the twins should be home by the time we get there.”

“It’s great,” I said. “I’m really happy you came to pick me up. I missed you guys.”

Jonathan smiled, and he nudged his wife playfully. She smiled at him. She began to warm up as John Mayer’s soulful voice poured out of the surround-sound speakers of their SUV. The acoustics played the sounds of romance. Mariah turned to Jonathan and smiled at him.

She said, “I actually kind of like this song.”

Jonathan smiled. He seemed proud of himself. It seemed like he felt he had reached his goal of lightening the mood. His charms definitely worked on his wife. He grabbed her hand and kissed it sweetly as he steered onto the highway. The music was definitely getting to them. I could only imagine what it did for John and Lexus while they were in the romantic and cozy city of Helen, Georgia. I cringed at the terrible and annoying song of romance that blasted from the perfect surround-sound stereo system. I couldn’t wait to get home to see my Nick and Alison.

When we arrived, I could hardly wait for the car to stop moving so that I could get out. Mom’s car was in the driveway. I knew that everyone was home. I quickly grabbed both of my bags before Jonathan could help me, and I ran towards the front door. I almost dropped everything, being in such a hurry, but I was able to make it. Before I could get my keys out of my bag, the front door flew open.

Two bodies lunged at me with full force.  Alison and Nick were both hugging me. I tried my best to hug them back. Jonathan honked the horn at me. Alison and Nick let me go. I turned to the SUV and waved at them. I yelled thank you and goodbye. I started to turn away, but Mariah called out to me. I turned back to them as Alison and Nick grabbed my bags and yelled goodbye to Jonathan. They ran into the house with my bags, calling out for Mom.

Mariah leaned out of the rolled-down window. She yelled, “Tell your mother we’ll call her when we get home. We are sorry we can’t come in to visit, but we’re still planning the engagement party, and we are overdue for the meeting with the party planner. We’ll see you soon.”

Jonathan added, “It’s wonderful to see you home, sweetheart. See you next week!”

When they were gone, I ran into the house. Nick and Alison had left my bags beside the door. I shut the front door and looked into the living room. Alison and Nick were grinning at each other, and then they looked back at me. “What? What’s going on?” I said. I knew they were up to something.

Mom came out of the kitchen and into the living room. The sight of her made me feel warm. She was smiling, and I could tell that she was glad to have me home.

Alison turned to Mom and said, “Can we show her now?”

“Yeah! I’m sure Kristen would like to see it,” Mom said. “Let’s show her.”

“Show me what?” I asked.

“Come on!” Alison squealed with happiness.

Alison grabbed my hand and led me downstairs to the basement hallway. Mom and Nick followed with my bags. My bedroom was down there. I could only imagine what she couldn’t wait to show me. I opened the door to my bedroom and turned on the light. Nothing in my worst nightmares could have prepared me for what I saw. It wasn’t blue, it wasn’t orange, and it wasn’t even white, like the walls of the hospital. It was pink! My whole room had been painted pink. From the ceiling to the new paint on my old wooden bed frame and dressers. Everything was pink. I held onto Janine’s blanket and hugged it, almost scared.

“She likes it!” Alison inaccurately observed.

Nick shook his head when I looked at him. He knew what I was thinking. I looked at Mom, and she was smiling in a way that I wanted to deny.

I made myself walk deeper into that strange room. I looked around. My books were in place. There were new sheets and a new quilt on the bed. My notebooks were as I had left them. Those looked like the only things that were in the right place. Mom turned to Alison and Nick.

She said, “Go upstairs and set the table for dinner. Kristen and I will be up in a minute.”

Alison gave me another hug and Nick kissed my cheek. They ran upstairs in a race to try to beat each other to the kitchen. When we were alone, Mom walked over to my dresser. She put her hand on a silver-toned jewelry box. That jewelry box had not been there before I had gone into Bent Creek. It was bejeweled and dazzling to the eye. It looked too elegant to be mine.

“Do you like it?” she asked me.

“Who does that belong to?” I asked.

Mom laughed. “It belongs to you, silly girl.”

“Really? But it’s so
pretty
.”

“That’s why she brought it here for you,” Mom said.

“Who brought it?”

“Lexus brought it for you when she came over to help us paint your room. Alison picked out the color. I couldn’t very well have you come home with your room the way you had it. The walls were covered in black and your sheets were – well, you know. Lexus had the idea to come over and help me get things ready for your return. Since you are better now, we thought you’d start fresh.”

I carried my bags over to the closet. I opened the door. I looked up, shocked, when I saw that the shelves and walls were completely empty.

“Where are my ninja swords and the daggers? Where are my knives?”

“Don’t you like your jewelry box? Look inside,” she said. “You have earrings, necklaces, rings, and other cute stuff. You don’t need to collect those knives anymore. Why don’t you collect jewelry?”

My head began to ache. “You got rid of them?”

“Don’t be angry, Kristen. You’ll get them back when I see that you are ready to have them. Now, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to have those things in here. Look at this!” She pulled out a gold necklace with a little fairy pendant dangling from the center. The fairy’s wings didn’t look as sharp as my butterfly pendant. I was sure that was her and Lexus’ intentions. Mom came towards me with that necklace. She held it over my head and placed it around my neck.  Then she stood in front of me to admire the necklace.